No Contact Questions???

[rivergirl]

Okay so I've read the no contact rules but here is my question. How many phone calls from them before it's your "turn" to try to call? I mean if they are putting in all the effort isn't there the chance that eventually they'll say hmmm maybe my ex doesn't want to talk to me... Because I wouldn't want to push away. I've done a month of no calling and have received 3 calls. Should I call sometime.... or should I just keep up this no contact.... Any answers appreciated. This was a great relationship and I 'd really love to salvage what I can. Even just a friendship. Although I really truly feel there is more in store for us.

Thanks!!!

[the lonely heart]

quick question -- does the ex leave voice messages? does he ASK for a reply or ask a question which needs a reply? if he is looking for a reply IMO its fine to reply with the answer. Yet, if a guy really wants to talk and has been unsucessful 3 times, I reckon [correct me fellas if i'm wrong] that he will look for a way to get you to reply (e.g. ask a question that needs responding to).

 

The only 2 ex's I've ever done "no contact" with or been interested in salvaging something both did call me. I would answer if i was near the phone but if i missed the call and they left a message i would chose to answer based on the msg. And I know I'm most definitely not one of these awesome posters who have such wisdom on the topic. Hopefully they'll be able to help you out much better than I 8)

 

Just remember -- You don't want to sound too eager to have them call and to talk but again you don't want to be rude by not responding if indeed they gave reason for a response. Only you know best honey... Think it through based on your personal situation and make the choice you won't be able to regret. Regret is something of your choosing.

 

Really its up to you as to what to do. Best of luck & happiness. And if you want to salvage a friendship (no strings attached) - act like a friend.

 

Cheers

[rivergirl]

We've talked all the times he's called. He missed me on Valentine's Day so he called back the next day. I answered the phone the other time and once I actually did return his call. All the conversations have been very lighthearted and pleasent. No emotional talk. He could never handle that. Probably even if he was dieing to say he wanted me back he couldn't say it! I just don't know now if it's time for me to take a little initiative or if it's still up to him...

[the lonely heart]

me either about initiative...crazy you might have noticed my unanswered post cuz it shows how confused/stumped I am. Best of luck to you

 

Cheers

[rich_1517]

it depends on the nature and reasons of the break up i think. why did he leave, were there things he wanted different?

 

IMO you should let a little more tension build before you call, only return his calls when you think you are in control of your own feelings.

 

remember he broke it off, i would say he has to start opening up about that enough that you can get a real read on it before you let him off the hook. lets face it everyone gets lonely after a break up and can call or try to make contact, that is very different from "I want you back".

 

to protect yourself i would wait until you hear some regret about the breakup, or in his case becuase hes uncomfortable with it that you know thats whats hes trying to do. he found the strength to break it off, maybe he can find the strength to come back.

 

That would be my suggestion, if you know you just want to be friends the it doesnt matter, if you want more you may have to hold out. i dont know if this helps but..

[luckystar]

another 30 days of no contact initiated by you and then you can start contacting him....it is OK to reply to his initiated contacts

[Trojanmn2]

I guess I can call her an "ex" now because the time we take apart now has been over a month. I haven't seen here in about 3 1/2 weeks to a month and haven't talked to her in 2 weeks. I think I pressured her into it wanting to work things out too much because now its come to this. But I asked her even about having "no contact". I don't know why I asked that but I did, hopefully to know if thats the best thing to do. I didn't even call her valentines day. I wanted to, but I really wanted her to because she wanted the break. In this case, when they want the break, I'm giving it to her, i'm not even going to call. Unless she leaves a msg that has something that needs an answer or a want or desire to talk, I'll call back. But the last time we talked was when she called, it was short and pleasant, because I didn't want to bring anything emotional. I thought about calling her back maybe to be courteous? i don't know really. Everyday that passes I recollect the mistakes I did, and the frustration and these down feelings are turning into resentment or anger. And we could ask ourselves, WHY are we doing this? If we loved each other like we said we do.....etc, or I guess our love is not worth saving, etc. and you get what I mean. I wouldn't call back or contact unless they wanted to and I wouldnt say anything about the relationship unless he/she hinted at with by bringing it up as regret or hypothetical or whatnot.

[GeeCee]

Hi Rivergirl

I have read some of the replies with interest. Going along with the adage that we should treat others how we wish to be treated, I can't quite rationalise some of the advice you are being given. You see, if someone texts/phones me, out of common courtesy I would do the same and either take the call or respond to the text. Whatever the situation.

You might notice from this site, that I have only recently been dumped by my ex and I am struggling with this issue myself at the moment. However, I ended a relationship last year and so can see both sides of the coin. I called my ex last year, to see how he was doing and took his calls, even though I did not want a relatinoship. He wanted to try at friendship, but I suggested that he needed time before he made this decision. But I always took his calls. I have approached my current ex (he dumped me remember) and have answered his texts. Although I would not continue to do this if it was all a one-way street.

Only you know the pattern of your relationship in terms of who did th erunning, so only you can answer this question.

I would suggest you do what is healthy for you, but keep your dignity.

If I really wanted something, I would fight for it - and ignoring messages and calls would not be a good fight in my book.

Hope this helps.

GeeCee