SapphireNoir10 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Here are my thoughts: Can you truly commit to someone quickly: After a few months can you know they are the one, and truly commit to and love them forever and it can work out. Or is quick commitment purely shallow? Can you emotionally attach quickly? Can you commit to one person for life and be happy? : Can you really marry one person and be happy with them for life without wanting to play the field or feel like you missed out? I've been with my current boyfriend for five months, he oftens says he'd like to engaged around the year mark. I say how can he know that im the one so soon. But he doesnt mind waiting until im ready. So what do you guys thinka bout commitment and quick commitment? And stories to share>? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 i think he's moving too fast and is making you question his want to commit so soon.. Link to comment
littlestar Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 5 months isnt really quick. I've known people who have gotten married quicker than that and are still married 30+ years on, and are very happy together. I dont think it's shallow. Sometimes you just know. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Some people knew right off the bat and get married and stay married. But I don't think that's typical. Most people require longer than a few months and are cautious about it, because there's a lot at stake. I also think it's pretty rare to know that at the age of 19, because people do much growing and changing in their 20s. He may feel like that now, but his feelings may change in the coming months and years. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I knew right off the bat when I first met my fiance that he was the "one" that I wanted to be with and marry and he felt the same towards me. Unfortunately we ended up breaking up because that scared us but we are now back together and ready to live our lives together. I have experienced a lot in my life (even though I am only 21) so yes I do believe I can fully commit to my fiance without any fears of wondering about the what ifs of what is out there. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Well hes twenty three and hes more ready for the commitment. My parents were engaged after three months and that worked out fine and other people engaged to soon or together too soon dont.. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Well hes twenty three and hes more ready for the commitment. My parents were engaged after three months and that worked out fine and other people engaged to soon or together too soon dont.. he may be ready, but the important thing is, you're not. take all the time YOU need Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Im not, not ready so to speak. Its just I got engaged to my ex too soon and that didnt work out. My boyfriend is more than willing to give it longer and see how it goes but he says he easily sees himself with me forever. I love him and as much as I feel the same way somehow I still think 'Is this just infatuation?' How do you ever know? Link to comment
lostnva Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 IMO yes, you can fall in love and commit that soon. However, I have a BIG issue with age. Please dont take this the wrong way, but 19 is way to young to even think about marriage. I am 30, I am soooo thankful I didnt marry any of the guys I thought I loved or did love for that matter. If it were up to me I would pass a law that made the legal age to get married at least 28..lol. But honestly I dont think people should get married before they are 30. We are living a lot longer now. Theres so much that life has to offer, enjoy it. Did you go to college? If you didnt will you someday want to? Its really hard with a family. Also, really think about this...do you really see yourself NEVER being with anyone else. I take marriage seriously, until I know that I feel that way Im not doing it. (I did feel that way with my ex and he left me but thats in all my previous post!) Sorry for the rant! I have been hurt too many times. Good luck! Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 You have had a bad personal experience, you're wise to take things into consideration and wait. My SO did the same thing with his ex. They moved in too quickly into their relationship and it fell apart, and he does not want to repeat that with me, hence us waiting so long and taking our time. In all honesty, what's the harm in waiting? You just invest more time in, make a stronger foundation, and give yourself the comfort of knowing he is the one. I don't see the need for rushing marriage, or an engagement. Put the time in before, not after, where you may find out it doesn't work. I have heard many stories of 'he's the one' only to hear that their relationship ended, they divorced, etc. Some people feel it from the start others don't. And there may be a level of lust and desire from the start, but as long as there's still more left over when that fades then that's what carries it. At 5 months, I'd be waiting till that year rolls around and see how the two of you feel. Putting all your eggs in the basket now and making such statements may certainly change in 6 months from now. Especially at your age. Link to comment
alli Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I think it is possible for it to work out in a short time, if both people present themselves as accurately as possible, (we all like to present ourselves in the best light possible with a new person), neither has their head in the clouds with unrealistic expectations of what life together will be like & if both are committed to making the relationship work. Of course, you can't really know whether or not someone is presenting their true self, but if that happens to be the case you are lucky. And if you talk about all the important stuff early, like if you want kids, how many, what your future plans are & where you want to live, then you know all you need to know. I think a year from first dating to getting engaged is kind of soon but not crazy. My bf's parents got married after a few months & they are still together! I think I'd like to get engaged after a year & a half & get married 6 months later at around 2 years. That might be a little early for my bf so we'll see how it goes. I do agree that 19 is young for getting engaged or thinking about getting engaged. I was engaged when I was 18 and it was a bad idea all around. I didn't even want to get engaged, but when I told him that he just about cried. I know, bad reason to go along with it. I was too young. That wasn't a smart choice but dumping him 3 months into the engagement was. If you are at all hesitant, don't do it. Link to comment
Divine_Malice Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Im not, not ready so to speak. Its just I got engaged to my ex too soon and that didnt work out. My boyfriend is more than willing to give it longer and see how it goes but he says he easily sees himself with me forever. I love him and as much as I feel the same way somehow I still think 'Is this just infatuation?' How do you ever know? Yeah I got engaged to my ex at 19. Way to soon. Only a few months. We didn't get married and although it was an awful way he ended, I am glad he did. We were not ready and would have lead to us breaking up. My now boyfriend and I have been together for seven months and we live together. We often talk about getting married but we both agreed on wait till our one year anniversary and re-think it. If we will be ready then or wait a little bit longer. I do believe he is the one, my ex I felt more like I had to, that i loved him and I didn't want to hurt him by saying no. Though that is not the case with my now boyfriend. I know he'll be the man I stay with the rest of my life so we have plenty of time for marriage, we want to wait until we are mature and ready for all that comes with it. Baby steps so to speak. Take your time he'll be there later if he really wants to be with you he can wait until you feel you are ready. I hope that helped Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I think that sometimes people can rush in and too soon. People tend to get engaged and get married, in the honeymoon period of a relationship, when they are still in 'lust' with one another.....and that eventually fades. People change and what we want now, may not be what we want two, five, ten years down the line. How many times have I heard 'You are the one for me'....'Let's get engaged'....etc, etc.....only for it to end a few months later, because after the initial high wears off, there was nothing left to sustain the relationship and allow it to grow. I think it's complete insanity, to committ to anybody within a few months and certainly in less than a year or two.....but fools will always continue to rush in....and end up in the divorce courts. Link to comment
Divine_Malice Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I think that sometimes people can rush in and too soon. People tend to get engaged and get married, in the honeymoon period of a relationship, when they are still in 'lust' with one another.....and that eventually fades. People change and what we want now, may not be what we want two, five, ten years down the line. How many times have I heard 'You are the one for me'....'Let's get engaged'....etc, etc.....only for it to end a few months later, because after the initial high wears off, there was nothing left to sustain the relationship and allow it to grow. I think it's complete insanity, to committ to anybody within a few months and certainly in less than a year or two.....but fools will always continue to rush in....and end up in the divorce courts. Now I agree that there is an in love feeling, "honeymoon stage" to every relationship and people need to overcome that before moving on to anything bigger. But is it really ok for you to call them fools? I know a large sum of people who got married young and are still happily married and also people who waited and are on there second marriage. I think its totally unfair and very rude of you to say that. It really depends on the relationship and people cause there is no certain answer. Yes, taking it slow really is the best way, but hey to each there own. I have been through it once before. That ended before it was too late you grow up. Me and my boyfriend are taking it slow now, and we still talk about it. We are still good! Link to comment
blue69 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Can you truly commit to someone quickly? Yes. The committment is just as much towards yourself. Meaning I decide that I want to marry this girl. I decide that I can committ. Once I have made my decision then I honor that to myself as much as her. Can you commit to one person for life and be happy? Absolutely. Can you emotionally attach quickly? I have become emotionally attached to many things quickly. The birth of my first child. I didn't realize how that would seriously be. But once he came out, man I just felt this instantaneous, overwhelming emotion. You bet you can attach quickly!! Love doesn't have timelines that must be adhered to. So what do you guys thinka bout commitment and quick commitment? I think each person decides for themselves what they feel and how they want to respond. There is no magic guideline. No magic date that ensures any success. I have known people who dated for years. Then got engaged and quickly broke up. I met my wife (at age 23), I asked her to marry me at our 6 month mark. We got married a year later. Been happily married for over 15 years now. Believe me there were many challenges that I was completely ignorant about, but somehow we made it work. Good luck and enjoy your relationship!! Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I believe if you feel this way after being with him for 5 months that he is probably not the one for you. 5 months is not too fast. Many people marry by then. Actually for most people 5 months is quite early in the relationship. Everyone progresses differently in a relationship. Some attach quickly , others take time. You can't really put a time on it, unless its been like 4-5 years and then you can start worrying. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 .. Not in my life experience of people I have known. I think that's a very broad statement. I know many people who take alot longer than a few months to know if that person is the one. Doesn't mean it won't work out. I was a good year before I started to think he was the one. Just because it doesn't go off in the beginning, doesn't mean they aren't the one. Sometimes it takes a little more than butterflies, or chemistry. And in the first few months, thats all there is and that's all someone really basis their 'conclusion' on. 5 months isn't a long at all. And sure some people marry by then, but do they even KNOW the person. Link to comment
ut_longhorn Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Blueafterglow...says you are 19 on your profile. You say he's 23. 5 months into the relationship he says you're the one? Caution!!!! I do believe people who get married only after a short time of dating can work out...but from what I've seen, that is the minority and not the majority. From what you've written, it doesn't seem like you're that confident that he's the one..at least not yet. Im not trying to be condecsending, but you have much to learn and much to experience. Take it easy. You have 60+ more years to live. Whats a couple years of waiting? If he truly is the one..it will be clearer in time. Good luck. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I am surprised no one but me seems to think that 5 months is long enough. .. To say you can't know someone in 5 months is a very broad statement, as you put it. And to imply that all one can feel in 5 months is chemistry and butterflies is absurd. Many people have fallen in love in that time. Just because it took you a year doesn't mean that others can't fall in love sooner. Very rarely is it true love in those 5 months. That is an extremely short time for most to consider a person the "one". Especially at a young age. What most people feel the first 5 months is those initial feelings of lust which have people blinded and thinking they are in love. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 .. And this is based on your whole 21 years of life experience? I didn't realize my one opinion would have everyone up in arms. It's my opinion, take it or leave it. I was just telling OP my opinion on the matter. I hope everything works out for her no matter what My age is completely irrelevant. It isn't your opinion it is the fact you keep coming up with MOST people are in love after 5 months. So I guess (since i'm guessing you're older than me?) that in your life inexperience you have had the opportunity to meet EVERYONE that has ever been in a relationship and question them? Just because of YOUR experiences where most people are "in love" and marry after 5 months doesn't mean MOST it doesn't work out that way. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I would not marry someone after 5 months, even if I knew I probably wanted to marry them someday Link to comment
cutiepie07 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I don't think 5 months is very long at all. Some people are still in the honeymoon phase at this point. I would still consider a year to not be very long. I dated a guy in college for 2 years, and he was already talking about getting engaged as soon as we were done. That was too much for me. There was still so much I wanted to experience and do. If your boyfriend is willing to wait, take time to make sure. There is no rush. You are only 19, lots of time to figure things out. Link to comment
riley123 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Here are my thoughts: 1. Different blokes, different strokes. There is not a "right" time or some magical 'countdown' clock. Some people say they know right away if a person is right for them, and it can take time for others. But who are we to judge? 2. Personally, looking back I didn't really 'know' my ex until we had been dating for about 3 years. We both (and I think many do) tried to convey a certain image to each other until we realized that there was something deeper. I was drawn to her as a person -- not the image. But it does take time in order to find that person. How much? Like I said -- different for everyone. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I love him. That much I know. I think it'll take me longer than five months to decide if i want to spend my entire life with him, mostly because I commited too quickly to engagement before and regretted it. SO I want to take it slow and be SURE. He is a sweetheart I just doubt he can know that so quickly. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think by doubting whether I'd be ready to commit to him lifetime I am showing maturity and love for him. I take that kind of thing seriously and wouldnt want to commit until i was sure because that just leads to people getting hurt. Link to comment
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