JT4266 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 As a "dumper" who took too long(a year!) to sort out his feelings I have been wanting to maintain contact with my ex. I had let her know how I felt and she let me know that she had moved on and was in a relationship but wanted to be friends. So over the past few months the only contact was to text each other on Thanksgiving which I initiated and I sent a Christmas card wishing her well which she responded by sending a text on Christmas. I have no idea whether or not she is still in a relationship but since New Years I've been wanting to call or email and just ask how she is doing. It would be great to talk and catch up and I don't want NC to shut the door on us forever(she's not the type to initiate). Am I just being selfish here by wanting to stay in touch. Should I assume if she wanted to talk or be in contact she would initiate? Link to comment
Adge Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Depends what you want JT. Do you just want to be in contact with her as a friend or want to reinitiate things with her? Or you don't know yet!? Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I don't think you are necessarily being selfish. She was at one point a big part of your life, and it is natural to want to keep her in your life. That being said, it completely depends on what you want in this situation. If she is still dating someone, I would back off and keep communication to a minimum. The mere presense of an ex can really screw up a relationship, and you don't want to become an issue between them. If she is single, I think your options are a bit more open. Regardless, I think she is going to be suspicious of your intentions, and there will be some mistrust there. Whatever you decide, take eveything super slow. Link to comment
JT4266 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Honestly my goal is to rebuild our relationship and the trust she once had for me. So its not just innocent and being friendly. However I do honestly want her to be happy and would like to know how things are. I guess the problem here is that I don't know if she is still in a relationship. Back in Oct she was but the contact between us has been limited and its not something I could just come out and ask. If she still was dating someone I would want to be respectful of her situation.... Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 You can just ask how she is doing and casually ask how things are with her current bf. I don't think that would be an incredibly prying question. Link to comment
Adge Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 You can just ask how she is doing and casually ask how things are with her current bf. I don't think that would be an incredibly prying question. I think that's a fair comment. No harm in asking. She can either say great or not. At least you'll have an idea! Link to comment
JT4266 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Ok thanks for the input I'll give her a call and see what happens - the worst that happens is that she ignores the call and I'm in the same place I am now Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 You can try sending something, just don't take it personally or offense to it if she chooses to not maintain a friendship. She may choose not to and it is very understandable. Since you are hoping to get back in her good graces and potentially back together, i would totally back off if you find out she is still in a relationship. That is the respectful thing to do. Link to comment
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