Beec Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I am sure it did hurt. Are you still of the same frame of mind you were in the other day? Are you going to go get him? Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Of course she is Beec!!! Do you need to ask? G xx Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 GeeCee is correct. heck yes i am. i never wanted anythng more in my life as i do this. i am feeling better about myself though. i sure am glad that everything is clearer to me than it was before. all is not lost. even though he didn't return a calll yet. didn't expect him to. but thats ok he will. Link to comment
Beec Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Then you need to begin to think about a few things. How are you goign to get some contact with him? How are you going to get him to feel secure? To make sure he does not recognize what you are up to? Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 yes i know i have a lot of thinking to do. becasue i do not know the answers to these questions. i know i am having surgery and i think it would be wise to maybe wait until after. preop is the 7th. then the big day is 22. it isn't that far away. i can call himccc but i would like to see him face to face. i do have some items at his parents house. but i do have to call before i go to get them. then he might not be there. unless i ask his friend to take me the to get the items. i will need a truck and he has one. i need my ladder, lawn chair, radio, and tile cutter. so if i go during the week he might be there. i have to show him that i am doing fantastic. smile and laugh and cut up with his friend like it isn't a thing. i am not sure. gotta think. Link to comment
LostinVan Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 c'mon KathyK! We're pullin' for ya! The book isn't too expensive - I bought my copy on link removed for $7.50 I think, and there's some used copies available too. OR.... have you tried the local library? LostinVan Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 KathyK You're sure about this breast augmentation? I am just curious, honey, who are you doing it for? G xx Link to comment
LostinVan Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 KathyK You're sure about this breast augmentation? I am just curious, honey, who are you doing it for? G xx woah. I missed that earlier on... Wow, breast job. If it's a self-esteem boost, awesome. I've known women who are like night and day after getting one (er, two) - their entire lives have turned around. Confidence exudes. I've also known one or two women who did it because their mates pestered them, and they didn't fare so well.... Food for thought. LostinVan Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 yes i am sure about the augmetation. i wanted it before i met him. i am only going to have a full c. i will not tell anyone what i am now. lol b i also have some medical reasons why i am having the implants put in. they will remove some tissue and this will fill in the tissue and give me an extra cup size. i will definitly like it. i have researched dr and all. only two small cuts and it will be over. Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 i call this vain pain. it will go behind the muscle. it will hurt but only for a few weeks. i sit at a desk all day so i should return to work in three days. i will be fine. and how!!lol Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 well on my way to work i made a left turn and guess who was at top sign. yes he was. late for work i guess. must have came from the bank. i just drove by. my heart is in my throat. so i guess i am not ready because all i want to do is cry. his car is completely finished now. i invested alot of my time on it also. i am almost ready to throw the towel in i can't take anymore. didn't have a good night. didn't sleep very well again. i am trying to eat but i don't want to. why does this have to happen? i am at work and i want to just scream and cry. i do miss him. Link to comment
Michael2 Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Hang in there Kathy. I know it hurts. You WILL MAKE IT! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Damn Kathy - this is just another test - it hurts like ^&%£ - but you will get through this, just like you did the other challenges. Keep looking towards the light Kathy. G xx Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 ok. i just wanted to let you know i am ok. the shock is over. maybe i should look at it at a positive way. he got to see me also. i didn't go after him and try to talk to him. i have called and sent a card. ok now maybe this could be a shock to him.why didn't she stop and say hi to me. excuse me! maybe you should be a man and stop and talk to me. see what you had that you don't have anymore. so we will see. now that the shock is over and i have confirmed my feelings. yes i love him. now i can handle alot more. i have to have faith in myself. i am worth loving and i am a good person. i know he will be the luckiest man alive if he is with me. yes it hurts like %#@$. but i will make it. everyone say a long silent pray cause i know the man upstairs is hering me. i ask him to help me. i cried all night last night couldn't sleep. so maybe he has answered in away. my heart is pounding right now. everyone chin up and have a wonderful day. Link to comment
February Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 KathyK, Good for you. I think it is GREAT that you did not say hello. He knows what a nice person you are and the fact that you did not say hello shows you are playing the game well. He will wodner why you didn't. He could have come to you as you said. I think it shows you are a strong person and have boundaries. And you know he will think about it now as you are. Hang in there. You are doing great!!!! Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 so you think i didn't screw up by not saying anything???? need comments. Link to comment
February Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Kathy, I don't. I think it was fine you didn't. Why should you have-you don't owe him anything anymore? I think either way, he will think about you a bit. If you did then you would have had to have some superficial chit chat that would ahve been even more awkward. Link to comment
Beec Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Kathy, Not saying anything was fine. Your are getting there and getting ready. Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 ouch beec. i guess i didn't pass go and collect money. darn. try again? but i know when i'm not ready to stay away because he would know that i turned to mush being around him. i think now i will be stronger. the shock after not seeing him or his car in almost 8 weeks i did good. i didn't get sick on my stomach or run into him with my car! so i did good.lol just joking. wouldn't have done the latter.?? no really i wouldn't have. Link to comment
Beec Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Exactly, it was like a little test of your reactions, to see how you could handle it. Stressful, sure. But you know you can do it, and you will ahve a goof idea of when you are ready. The good thing is that when you get contact, if you are not ready or start feeling sick, you break it off. Then come back when you get your composure. Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 i am sitting her laughing. beec if you had been in my car with me you would have thought that i saw vin diesel. i can't help in now. how can you let one person have this much affect on you? come on. he is just a man/ all i can think of is the time of year. spring. remember when we were in scool and everyone got spring fever? all i can do is laugh. hey at least i'm not crying. i will do better next time. i'm sure. i thinl i have lost my mind. but that is ok. i feel good about myself. but it all seems so funny right now. i have avoided contact and then i have a chance and i didn't even try. but i was in a hurry to go to work an hour early. what is wrong with me. nothing . i wasn't ready. he must be thinking why did she just go by. she didn't see me. come on how could you miss that babe mobile. lol i am sorry. i thnk it might be a relief that i just don't care what he thinks. whatever. i can't help myself right now. it just seems so silly how i toook seeing the car. couldn't even see his face, what a fool i am to be in love. i am sure i will get him back. i know i can take or leave him at this point. i have made it almost 9 weeks without a word or any physical contact. what the h#%%. life goes on. i couldn't work couldn't sleep couldn't eat that all changes today. have a wonderful night all. say some prayers for all. things do get better. laugher is the best medicine for all. smile. it feels wonderful. Link to comment
kathyk Posted March 24, 2004 Author Share Posted March 24, 2004 i hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Beec Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Life is not easy at times. But you are getting an understanding as to various things, getting yourself on solid footing and you can and will mkae things better. Don't be getting too frustrated. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Thanks for your message Kathy. It really is a roller-coaster of emotions. I keep telling myself that at some point we will be allowed to get off. We have paid our money, had our ride and now I am feeling a little sick and actually, I would like to get off NOW PLEASE. EXCUSE ME!!!! I SAID NOW!!!!! Yes, Kathy, of course, you can have an absolute faith that the two of you are supposed to be together. An instinctive belief. I do too. However, that belief, like most beliefs, shakes every now and then. I think WTF this is not worth it. How much time and effort should we be putting into this. let's face it - it pervades our every waking moment. Have a bath - think about him. Scrub the floors - see his gorgeous face in the reflection. It's all bollocks. But in the end - when we win our loves back - it will be delicious and sweet. And we will laugh, in a bemused way. It would be a relief from this hysterical laughter that I am keeping at bay at the moment. We are strong women and men (Lostinvan, Spatz, Determined, Rich, Hopeful1, Strong1, you and me). It worries me that one person controls so much of our happiness. It really is a frightening thought. But we are equipping ourselves every day. Of course there are days when it is easier than others. But vengeance shall be ours - and we shall be forgiving when it comes!! Our just rewards will be a life spent refining the game and living happily ever after. All of us. G xx P.S. Kathy - life will be better soon enough. P.P.S. Who wants easy?!? Link to comment
strong1 Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I'm having a bad day too. Must be mid-week slump. It'll get better. I just spewed on Hopeful1's post. Now I'm getting centered. Once you 'let it all hang out' here...it feels SOOO much better. Ah, sun is coming out. That makes me feel better too. As did sticking a couple of pics of us as a happy couple down my paper shredder. Hey, sometimes you just have to blow off some steam in a harmless manner. A little wine..a little paper shredding..a night of chick tv without interruptions...it can change your whole outlook. Link to comment
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