sick to my stomach

[kathyk]

i would like to hear the other story. are you telling me once you have split apart you can not get back togehter and make it work? or what?

[Beec]

No kathy, I am not saying that at all. You can mkae it work, it just did nto for me that time. We have different issues the second time around. And, whose is to say it is over forever. We still talk, and did last week.

[GeeCee]

Be careful Kathy. Beec's situation with his ex was not your situation with your ex. Do not read hope into the fact that Beec got back with his ex. He was playing a very different game to you.

 

I want to emphasise, Kathy, you need to work on getting yourself really well. I have read a lot of Beec's posts - he talks about working the game, and taking control of the situation and manouvering it to suit your needs.

 

Now, in order to do that, I think you need to build up your own self-esteem. Make him see you in a different light. Widen your social circle. Go out. Read and explore yourself. But do this for yourself, not in the hope that it will get him back. This will make you a better person.

 

The truth is that simply wishing our exes would come back is not going to make them come back. They have to want it. Beec's ex obviously wanted to come back, and remember, they did not stay together in the long-term.

 

Each situation is different with its own subtle nuances.

 

Good luck - keep reading - and keep growing.

 

G xx

[kathyk]

i do understand i do need my self esteem back. it has been gone for sometime. i do really feel old now. i do want to be loved for being me. not for being something that is made up.

when a man calls you names like b----, or says you are a nuicane(sp).

do they really mean it? of course it was said when he was angry and hurt.

but he does have a past where the women always did for him. he always went back to them but at one point he always got into trouble with the law when he did go back. he makes his parents think he has low self esteem but i don't think he does. i think he knows how to play his parents. you know their poor little boy just has bad luck. what they do not understand is that they are enabling him and so was i by letting him live with me for free like all of them have done. he has only had one apartment that he paid his own rent at. everyone has always footed the bill. maybe he is like a homelss person who doesn't want the everyday responsibilities?

i am very confused. i know i have alot to do for myself at this point. i have alot of issues with my past life. he knows this also. maybe he played them against me to get what he wanted.

well i am going to go to the beach. all i can say is that there are alot of sad people when it comes to relatioships. it seems more sad than happy. it sucks.

[GeeCee]

Kathy - old is a matter of mind. At the moment, your self-esteem has been rocked. You need to build that up - going to the beach is a wonderful thing to do. When a man calls you a b(*&^, at that moment, he probably means it. He might not mean it later, but I guess at that moment he means it.

 

Kathy - like all of us - I think that I love someone - but he is not sure and does not want to commit - you are struggling at the moment. Maybe we will all look back on this and wonder did we love that person. Is part of you loving a man who mistreats you a reflection of your own self-worth. You know, know, know that you are worth more than this. You know, know, know that he has treated you badly. And you still love. To some degree maybe we cannot control who we love. But we have to take control of how we deal with that love. But do you invest your love in this man because he is what you know?

 

You, I think, need to continue what you are doing - going to the beach, reading etc. You need to learn to enjoy yourself - build up your confidence and self-esteem. Armed with that, you will go into your next relationship (and there will be a next relationship), on a more balanced level.

 

Kathy, I am confident and self-assured, but my ex won't commit to me. It hurts, hurts really badly. The injustice of it tears me up. But I will not allow this to shape the remainder of my life. Start to build yourself up. It will get easier, and you will be proud of yourself as a result of your actions.

 

Enjoy your day.

 

G xx

[Beec]

Be careful Kathy. Beec's situation with his ex was not your situation with your ex. Do not read hope into the fact that Beec got back with his ex. He was playing a very different game to you.

 

I want to emphasise, Kathy, you need to work on getting yourself really well. I have read a lot of Beec's posts - he talks about working the game, and taking control of the situation and manouvering it to suit your needs.

 

Now, in order to do that, I think you need to build up your own self-esteem. Make him see you in a different light. Widen your social circle. Go out. Read and explore yourself. But do this for yourself, not in the hope that it will get him back. This will make you a better person.

 

 

Oooh that's good.

 

I was playing a diferent game in the previously mentioned situation, but I've been played too to get back together after a few months. All of our games are different. The best games are those that come out of yourself, i.e. don't require you to act like something you just are not. I mean if you normally have a demeanor like John Wayne, don't go an act like James Cagney. Mostly the game is trying to find out how to push and pushing the right buttons on your intended, while not letting yours get pushed.

 

It does require a lot of self esteem. You cannot be needy when you are trying to play the game. If you are insecure, you will probably be unable to resisit seeking to get them to push your buttons or fulfill your needs. We each have weaknesses, these are the areas or buttons that you want to attack on them and protect on your self.

[PuzzlingItOut]

Kathy,

 

I read a fantastic book recommended by my therapist (yes, I decided to take some serious action to get rid of my sick stomach and started seeing one) called 'Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay' by Mira Kirshenbaum. I think you'd really find it helpful. None of us has actually made the decision to leave if we are here and I think that this book really helps US to understand whether or not we should. It helped me a lot and I gave it to my ex to read. He's also pretty jazzed about the book and is reading it now. Neither one of us is sure about being apart and neither one of wants to be unsure anymore. I gave it to him out of caring about the fact that he too was stuck. I am giving you the name of the book for the same reason.

 

It's given me the strength to see his TRUE faults - not just my sadness. I wish you luck, hon. It's a rough road we are on. But it is a road - to somewhere else. You'll get there.

[kathyk]

well i had a few drinks. happy patricks day. i am not feeling as happy as i was. got another date friday night. olive garden @ 8pm. really don't want to go. i really do miss him. i am so down. trying to pick up my spirits. at lest now i can sleep all night. still feel sick and don't like to eat but have lost about 9 pounds. normally would lose 20lbs. didn't have much to loose this time. i really am stuck and don't know what to do. i ask him to leave but feel as though i was dumped. think i beat him to it. he made me angry and i told him to leave. now maybe he is gonna be with the lady he worked for. just because she has more to offer material wise. i can't do that. i just want him to love me for me. i always wante dsomeone to work with me on a home and fixing it up and spending our life together. can't weem to do that. makes me wonder what is wrong with me. i know things were messed up but i really want him and can't do anything about it. i still haven't contated him. it will be 8 weeks. it really hurts. i haven't even seen him. i know i have to been patient and strong. having a weak moment.

[February]

Hang in there Kathy. I know it is so hard, but please do not think about him or his feeligns right now. Think about yours. I think that those things he called you are unexceptable even when angry, no one should ever say such mean things. Kathy, you deserve better and to be treated better. You are an amazing caring woman you would give love unconditionally. This man sounds conditional. You deserve a person to love you and treat you like a queen. This man has to change his current behavior to really be good for you. So yes it has been 8 weeks, but hopefully he is also working on becoming a better person and will get back in touch when he feels stronger and healthier. But he might not be changing Kathy, and if not, then he does not deserve to be in your life. Hang on. Please try to have fun on your date and enjoy yourself and you own company. You are fun and can have fun, you have to allow yourself too again. Hope youare feeling better today. We are all here for you.

[kathyk]

ok i am ready to play the game. i want my man back and i don't care what i have to do to get him. enough is enough.

sorry for the pity from last night. but you know i called him names to. i guess when people react out of anger they do and say things they regret. we are all guilty of that. so we can not do that anymore no matter what. control.

beec is gonna walk me thur this i hope. we will see if i get him back. yes i want him back. i love him and that is a fact. gotta do something about it.

so let the games begin.

thanks everyone for the support. thank god above for this site. it is a blessing. we'll see what happens in the next few months. i've got time. maight as well use the energy to get what i want instead of crying and being miserable.

[GeeCee]

Wow, KathyK, you're learning fast!!!

 

Good luck.

 

G xx

[Beec]

kathy,

 

I'll try and do what I can. As far as tell you the ideas and concepts and what some manuvers might be, that I can do. But you will ultimately need to make the moves.

 

Don't be afraid to ask some otehrs, such as GeeCee, what she thinks too. GeeCee knows how to play the game. I'm not the only one with a clue. And I will admit to not having had it forever.

 

First thing to do is understand why we fall in love with who we fall in love with. (Although, you seem to be an exception in some ways to this concept. I doubt you are, but I don't know what you guy gives you. He has given you something, that's for sure or you would not feel the way you do.)

 

We fall in love with those people who give us emotional fulfillment. Who give us a feeling inside that feeds us where we need to be fed. For some, it can be a feeling that the other person needs you, for tohers a feeling that they take care of your needs. What did you to for or twoards him that gave him the great feelings. Examine the history of the relationship for those moments. What did you do that brought them on?

[kathyk]

i met him one morning while at work. he ask me out and he was nervous when he did. i didn't pay him much mind when we first starting dating. he had alot of problems and so did i financially and other wide. i didn't hold that against him. we didn't date either. we jumped because we were both very lonesome. but he worked out of town alot. he would phone me every once in a while but we would see each every weekend. then he would be at my house every night until he moved in. i know he made me feel so wonderful about myself. he couldn't believe that i would do things for him like bring him aplate, laundry, work on trucks and cars with him. yes i even laid in oil and transmission fluid with him. i would sit up late at night when he was out of town and write him love letters. tell him how he was the light in my life and he was my soulmate. compliment him over and over. which i stopped doing in the last 6 months. because of so much strees in the relationship. he needs alot of private time. i couldn't handle that. he always wanted to go to his friends for weekends and never wanted me to go. then he took me to meet all his friends. he introduced me to everyone. like he was proud of me. then he didn't want me around anymore. he wanted to go alone wihout me. like he didn't want me with him. hiding something i figured. then i let that play in my mind. my previous screwed around on me so ifigured he was also. so i stopped caring as much. starting nagging. so i need to build him back up like i used to.see how his work is. tell him i know he can get a good job with that company or any company he puts his mind to. he is the man. how proud i am of him coming as far as he has. be a hard road for both of us. even though the break was needed and may need to be permanent.

not sure though. is this what i should tell him when i call on his bd? someone help me out. or should i just say was thinking of you and wanted to wish you a happy bd. will not buy anything because i don't think it can be delivered at work unless i send to parents house and they might not tell him who they are from.

 

mom just called and she said he had already left me in his mind and i might as well hang it up. she said he isn't comng back beause he couldn't stnd to be around me because he was trying to leave and he wanted to gradually get rid of me. thanks mom. so negative. i hope.

[hopeful1]

Was this your mom who said this? Whoa!

 

Does she not like the guy?

[kathyk]

yes my mom said this. i am used to hearing things like this from my mom. she is a very unhappy person. her 2nd marriage is horrible. and she stayed with him no matter what. but she thinks we ladies should leave men alone. she is sad. and yes this weighs heavy on me. she has always made me feel less for myself. but i am over most of it. have had a hard road. but i survived with a few scars. i am learning i am not alone. i can do whatever i set my mind to do, mainly love who i choose. no she does not like him. she calls him a bum. but that is her opinion.

[Beec]

 

1. tell him i know he can get a good job with that company or any company he puts his mind to. he is the man. how proud i am of him coming as far as he has.

 

2. be a hard road for both of us. even though the break was needed and may need to be permanent.

 

 

Forget what Mom says. Frankly, I would think your Mom sees his flaws and thinks you can get a better man. Maybe you can, but he is the one you want so go get him.

 

Paragraphs numbered for a reason. No. 1, Yes, Yes and more yes from what I know of your guy, I think this would be great. You can't throw it all in at once, but this stuff I would bet would get to him.

 

NO. 2, do not say this. No hint of a relationship until you get a little more contact than a hello bd call. You may need to create it, but you can do that.

 

After you set yourself right, you can go instruct Mom how to get her man infatuated with her, so she can be happy too.

[hopeful1]

KathyK,

 

I didn't have any more replies on my thread so decided to read yours through. Beec had said your guy was like mine. Did I read -- been reading and still kind of sleepy.. but that yesterday was his birthday and you were going to call him? Also, that you had a date yesterday. How did all of that go? Did you call him?

Do you still feel sick to your stomach or did that go away? That is how I feel today even though I am not expecting any contact since my x is out of town visiting his family so don't anticipate contact. Actually if you have been keeping up on my thread I have decided I will never initiate contact again. (Must keep away from the phone when I am drinking my wine). But, since he knows how I feel now.. which I do feel better about now, he would have to make the next move. I guess he finally realized that I wasn't going to do it this time. That call from him is what actually gives me hope. The fact that he made the move. Now he is being stubborn.

Our stories were similar also that we broke up during a fight... then no contact. That makes it awful because there is no closure and also not sure what the other person wants. (So, all that time I believed that he was missing me and wishing we were back together like he always had-but now after telling him that I am not sure). I know my guy says things in anger he doesn't mean but then for some reason, stubbornness or control, will not make the first move. (He even told his x-wife in anger when they were fighting that he wanted a divorce but didn't really mean it and let the divorce happen. Wow. That says a lot about how he handles things, doesn't it). (I think that still bothers him.) You said you always have to make the first move. It has always been that way for me too. But, this time mine did finally make that first call but it took a long time. Way longer than I have ever waited in the past.

I take it your guy must be controlling also. I read the beginning and ending posts on this thread and now gonna work my way to the middle.

[kathyk]

well the date was nice and i got out of house. but i haven't gotten my ex out of my head. so that means i din't want to be there after we wnt to the show. he was a gentleman. no doubt but not who i wanted to be with.

 

i haven't put everything out for everyone to read. some to beec in confidence. yes i called and left a vm on the cell. he didn't pick up because as soon as i got up at 6am i called. i wanted to be the first to say hb.must have been. he didn't call me back. neither did i expect him to. like yours he is very hardheaded. its been 8 weeks. thats 56 days. i dodn't feel as bad as i did. but now i hurt a little and then alot. i have prayed alot and am trying to not give up.

 

how long again since your ex waited to call? everyone around me sayd to hang it up. that mine just doesn't want me. my mom got to me today. i had to take my ten yr old cat to pound today. i was very upset over my cat. she then went on to say your ex still doesn't want you. get over it. start living your life and don't think of him ever again. well maybe she is trying to jolt me so i will go find another man. maybe in her way she doesn't want me to hurt. but i can't seem to get over this one. i will not let myself go further. i don't know why. i do love him but i know i can't waste my life on him.i am going to give it until may 15 and then i will go on without him. i have to put my time limit on or i will be the one that looses a goood life. not him.

have cried all day over him and the cat. the cat he loved very much also. the only cat that would have anything to do with him. i am trying to not cry and i have done well today considering.

 

i guess if you understand some about my realtionship and see some of the same things happening in yours then you might suggest so things for me. i am afraid to go after him because i do not want to be rejected. i am afraid to have hope because i don't ever want to hurt again. life sucks right now but i know in time all will be forgoten. time does heal just not fast enough. i do miss him so badly.but i will not beg him ever again.

[hopeful1]

I had just wondered if you had called him. I think it is good. I did nothing for my x's birthday, Christmas and Valentine's Day.. All those days we think about them and want to do something. I even thought of doing anonymous gifts but held back.

It took him 19 weeks and 2 days before he called.

(on another post though I tell about what happened after 8 weeks.. I was driving down a street and saw him in his work truck... we made eye contact and I drove and turned around.. like I was on auto-pilot- couldn't find him so called his cell and asked if I could see him for a minute.. I drove to where he was asked how he was... we hugged... I grabbed his face in my hands and gave him a small kiss and told him how good it was to see him. Then started to leave.. asked if he had a girlfriend yet.. he said no... asked if he wanted a new one.. he said no... "the b----s are too much trouble" with a laugh.. I said I treated you pretty well.. got in my car and waved good-bye. Now that was crazy..) (So he knew I still loved him)

 

It was about the time I really started thinking about him a lot that he called. Around Valentine's day and it was raining here also. I live in Nevada and it doesn't rain much. We both loved the rain and always celebrated and shared our happiness when we had a storm. I really think he was thinking heavily about me then also. But, I did take into consideration that maybe I was losing it. We always had a psyhic tie, I guess you could call it that so I wasn't sure.

 

When I heard his voice on my voice mail that many weeks later I could barely believe it. I had given up that I would hear from him. But, like I said I think he waited for me to make the move and when I didn't -he did. About 20 minutes after the voice mail message that he left me I also had a hang up call with the same background noises. And also the next day another hang up call with the same. I didn't call him back for 4 days and I think it was getting to him. That wasn't a game to me.. I really didn't know what to say and I was scared to call him. I ended up leaving a message on his home phone voice mail when he was at work. He told me later that by me waiting and also calling when he wasn't home he figured I didn't want to talk and so didn't call again. (or I beat him to it-but I waited 3 weeks from my return call.)

 

Your Mom probably just wants you to quit hurting but she isn't really too delicate about how she presents it. She doesn't like him?

 

Sorry about your cat. I know how it is loving pets. That unconditional love they give us.

 

I had the fear of rejection this time that kept me from calling, also. But usually I just take the chance. I would rather know than wonder. But, I am learning to hold back. It is actually harder but I think works better.

[kathyk]

no mom doesn't like any guy i am with because she thinks i pick out below my standards and they can't give me really what i want. she could be right. but i really fell in love with this one. it really has hurt but i am stronger now that i know ther are other people out there feeling as i do.thank god for this ssite. i am going to hold out as long as i can. but i have to go on also.live has already flown by. 20 yrs went really fast.

wel i went on my date last night and when we were going to the show a young girl about 17 looks at me and says yes you are pretty and smiled. i didn't know what she meant!! i din't say anything. my date said yes you are pretty. i have very low self esteem. when i look in the mirro i am like and anerexick(sp)lol. i see ugly and no beauty.i guess when you have redhair you get picked on alot in school and stuff. i have no freckles, 5'7", weigh about 126. have strawberry red hair, green eyes. since i have been on this sight i am starting to see myself in a different light. i am finding i am attrcccctive but i have very negative energy around me. so that brings the ugly out. i am going for breast augmentation april 22. i know it will hurt but i've wanted to do this for awhile. since 1990. now i can do what i want to improve my looks and not have anyone to have to answer to. i have my own money and i don't have to buy 488.00 in groceries amonth to feed him. i have gone to tanning bed(yes i also tan)mom has cherokee in her. i have to get off this site to do my exercising to firm up these muscles. haven't done for a few days. cant run where i live. but i have invested in some machines to help me. i don't look bad for 43 and having a 20 yr old son. should feel good cause i was also told by my date that i didn't look 43 at all. he was 36 and he looked older than me. i am starting to be thankful for wht i have and not for what i don't have. thats his loss. can't wait for him to see me. i even got my hair cut. that will make him mad though. hair was down to waist. too long now its up to shoulders. i love it. eat your heart out ex......

[LostinVan]

Hi KathyK. Jumping in here so I can give you a former "hardheaded" male response to things. Also, today was a massive day of reflection for me (yesterday, another bomb was dropped on me, found out my ex has been using online dating service websites before we broke up). But strangely, today I've been upbeat, and generally positive. The wonders of the human mind.

 

First, some geniune positive reinforcement Kathy... I read your posts, and you're this amazing, wonderful woman with so much to give, so much care and love. NEVER forget that. I can read it in your words. I almost came to tears reading your downtime, self-deprecating posts a couple of pages back. It's okay to get that way at times, but you have to have a game plan for yourself - pick yourself back up.

 

Second - your Mom. She's your Mom, and you love her unconditionally (something I just relearned recently, and not too late ), but lissen up KathyK...

 

Your Mom is oldschool, and oldschool don't fly any longer!!!! Stop listening to your Mom when it comes to your relationship. That also means stop using her as your shoulder to cry on. If she starts, politely ask her to stop. Nuff said. There's a new way to deal with these problems (and no, I'm not an advocate any longer of no-contact, except in dire circumstances).

 

Third, you gave some really frank and honest information about how you met your ex, how you two were when you first started. You talked about how much pride you had in him and how he picked up his situation when he was down. There's so much love and care in there. It's not gone, it's just put aside for now. You asked if you should tell your ex all this.

 

The answer: NO. Don't say it KathyK.

 

To borrow from Nike... Just Do It.

 

When you have interactions with your ex, think back to when things were good with you and him, and how you acted. DO IT. Be understanding. Be nice. Go with the flow. If he gets cranky, think starry eyes and think happy thoughts, and just agree with him. If he comes down on you for something, just LISTEN, take it with a smile no matter how hard it may be, and thank him for telling you it, as you need to understand, from his viewpoint, what the problems were.

 

DON'T tell him on a whim how proud you were of him for past things. Find the opportunity to TELL HIM AGAIN how proud you are of him for something current he may tell you.

 

Get back into what worked with you and him. You know the things that will push his buttons, right? Make him angry? Make him clam up? Make his hardhead get harder and harder?

 

But I also bet you know the things that make him open up. Make him smile. Make him happy for a brief moment. Make him feel like "da man".

 

DO IT.

 

What you don't want to do at this point is pursue. Let the contact happen... if he calls or visits, PAY ATTENTION to what's going on. DO NOT say what's on your mind, but say the things in reaction to what he says or does that you think will lead to tiny positive outcomes. The goal here isn't to have him say "I love you, I want you back" (that may come)... the goal here is to positive reinforce that you're this wickedcool, loving, caring, thinking person who doesn't necessarily bring him joy, but gives him his own chance to find joy within himself.

 

I would highly recommend you read the books I've been reading (thanks to some rec's from people on this board): Divorce Remedy and DivorceBusting. Divorce Remedy is the newer one, and it really gets you thinking about positive reinforcement, and gets you doing things with your mind besides lamenting and feeling sorry for yourself. DivorceBusting is an older book, but I feel it gives you additional tools just to be happy with yourself again... I seriously recommend getting both and following them.

 

From a former hardhead... I want to tell you, hardheads can change too. I'm the dumpee in my situation, and I've had rough times of it lately, but I also realise that not only can I change my own ways, but I already have... today, I should be a seething, bluthering idiot, angry at the world about my ex and her decision to use dating board before our breakup and currently even.

 

Now, I just feel sad about it. Not sad for me. Sad for her in a way because while I'm on the path to finding an inner happiness, she's still needing to get it from third parties saying nice things to her. But I also understand she needs a massive self-esteem boost, so I'm cooling my jets about even bringing the subject up. She needs this stage to heal. (I just hope it doesn't last for too long

 

LostinVan

[kathyk]

thank you so much for your words. they really have touched my heart. i have had a rough go of thing. so many things have gone thur my mind in the past three years. when i lost everything in 2001 i wanted to die. i was supporting my dad, my son, and half a boyfriend. dog, 5 cts, 3 lizards. i let everyone down when i lost my home. no place to go. but he ws there for me. i never felt so much in my life for a person as i do him.

i know my mom is sometimes a very cruel person. she is bvery unhappy and has been since 1970. so you are right. i will not talk to her anymore.

i was learning how to really live and i guess i have let him down. i will not contact him again until he contacts me. i can only pray he really loves me and will do just that. it is the waiting that hurts. "tom Petty song".

 

i will do my best to get the things i want in life. i am sure everyone has seen the titanic. remember how she lived and did all she would have done with him even though he wasn't there physically. well maybe we should all look at her life. what a wonderful thing to do. she was a wonderful woman. you can love in your heart and still go on with your life.

 

i will go back and read your posts. but i do thank you for all. and yes i do love this man more than i probably should. say a pray for me. i will and do say one for all everynight. have a wonderful day.

[LostinVan]

when i lost everything in 2001 i wanted to die. i was supporting my dad, my son, and half a boyfriend. dog, 5 cts, 3 lizards. i let everyone down when i lost my home.

 

Here's a big problem, KathyK.

 

You didn't let everyone down! You were having a life. In life, good and bad things happen!!!!!! As long as you carry the baggage of "letting everyone down", you can't move on from that episode, and it's clouding your emotions and reactions today.

 

A couple of notes. First, three cheers to how the ex came through for you. That's good. In a partnership, that's what should happen - your spouse or partner is the *one* person you should be able to turn to in your darkest moments (outside of a breakup, of course) for solace and help. Man is not an island, nor is a woman!

 

Second, feeling guilt and remorse for a bad situation that you may or may not have had a direct hand is is natural and should be done. So no harm there. The problem is, how you're handling it some three years later... it's like it happened yesterday! Put a positive spin on it, if you can. Think about how you could possibly prevent, via your own present and future actions, anything like the loss of a house again. In other words, "live and learn", don't "live with constant regret".

 

Re your Mom. I don't perceive your Mom as a cruel person. I'm pretty positive she loves you more than life itself, but she's had a hard life, and like I said earlier, she's old school. She's doing what she thinks is best for you to hear, and it's unfortunate that her advice is akin to poison, but I don't personally think (at least from what I've read) that she's doing it out of cruelty.

 

In the Divorce Remedy book, there's a segment on "Well Meaning Friends and Family... in part,

 

The Biased Shoulder

When you share your unhappiness with loved ones, what they hear is your side of the story, and your side only. Even though your feelings about your spouse and marriage are valid, they are, nonetheless, biased. Needless to say, if your spouse were in on the conversation, the story about your marriage would take a not-so-slight different turn. But the people who love you don't care about objectivity; they want you to feel better. Although this makes perfect sense, the end result is that the people in whom you are confiding, offer potentially life-changing advice without a complete set of facts. If you follow that advice, you may create an even bigger rift in your marriage.

 

This is from the first chapter, which can be seen here:

 

link removed

 

Good advice!

 

Keep your chin up, KathyK!

 

LostinVan

[kathyk]

ok now youve got me hooked on another book. i can't afford to buy another one right now because i have surgery in april. all monies are tied up in surgery. what are the 7 steps. help me understand what i am suppose to do next. i really liked how positive that section was. makes you feel good and gives alot of hope. i see why you are so positive now. good good good. you sure sound alot better now thatn before. i am proud of you. thanks for telling me all you have. isn't this a woderful site. we all have so much in cmmon. its too baad we all don't live closer to each other we good all go out and all be friends. lol

[kathyk]

beec

i saw your post to geecee and you were a hockey player? so was my ex. he was on a team that he could have made the big time. something bad happened with the coach and the team didn't get to go to some place that they were gonna watch him. that had to hurt.