Am I overreacting?

[PsychGirly]

So my bf (yes, it's official is amazing. Everything's going great, so far...but I noticed one small problem lately.

 

We'll talk a few times during the day & all, but he doesn't call me before he goes to sleep (doesn't happen every night, just about every other day lol). I find it so odd because on the contrary, I can't sleep comfortably until I've said goodnight to my SO.

 

I'm not the naggy type, so I don't wanna bother him unless I feel like I have a legit reason to be upset. It just annoys me that he can go to bed & not text or call to just say goodnight.

 

I've let him know once before by asking, "What happened to you last night?" & he said, "I just knocked out", & I asked him to please call/text me before he goes to bed to just say goodnight...cuz I worry about him when I don't hear from him all night (especially if he's out). I trust him, & I don't wanna make it seem like I'm suspicious or that I'm asking for too much.

 

What do you guys think?

[waveseer]

I think you are too dependent. However, I am very independent so consider the source.

[PsychGirly]

It's not that I'm dependant, & he's even mentioned how he appreciates how I give him his space & don't nag about pointless things. I'm not needy or attached, either...I know how it feels to be with someone like that.

[DN]

If you are talking to him during the day it seems communication is just fine. But if you put him under an obligation to call at night before bed, that is what it becomes an obligation which will very soon become tedious and annoying for him. I think you should let this one go.

[waveseer]

Maybe I wasn't clear enough, he is more independent than you are. Either that is okay with you or it isn't. He won't change so if it's going to work out you will have to change.

[PsychGirly]

Yea I think I will let it go. That's why I wanted to ask you guys about it first. I don't wanna be annoying or bring up pointless issues.

[Batya33]

I agree with DN.

[auburnslp]

I think you really need to tread lightly here...we are all very different-and really, the fact that you can't sleep well without a call from the SO, well, what if he is the opposite? What if he needs a little more space, at least at first when you are just now starting things serious? I would offer the advice to definitely not press the issue...guys are funny this way-sometimes we feel a little constricted if the girl we like starts making it clear that we are expected to do things a certain way. At least certainly at the start of a relationship. I would just let things develop, and then later on maybe, casually reinforce those goodnight calls by telling him how wonderful it is to hear his voice right before you fall asleep...yeah, it's somewhat of a game. But that's life in a way. But always better to make him want to do something, rather than have him feel it is an expectation...just my thoughts.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

If you talk a few times during the day and still expect him to call you before going to bed, that is a bit dependent.

 

If the nightime calls are really important to you, why not quit calling him the rest of the day unless you have an important reason to talk. Save the chit chat for right before bed, and he might be more inclined to call you if you actually give him a chance to miss you and he feels like he still has something left to say about his day.

[PsychGirly]

If you talk a few times during the day and still expect him to call you before going to bed, that is a bit dependent.

 

If the nightime calls are really important to you, why not quit calling him the rest of the day unless you have an important reason to talk. Save the chit chat for right before bed, and he might be more inclined to call you if you actually give him a chance to miss you and he feels like he still has something left to say about his day.

 

We talk on the phone about once during the day...the rest is mainly texting (if we have something important to say). He initiates most of the calling/texting, because he works all day, so I leave it up to him to contact me when he's free.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Many men are more action oriented... they don't like talking a lot on the phone unless they feel there is something to say or be discussed. So if he calls you earlier in the day, he may feel he's already said whatever he has to say for the day.

 

Perhaps you could tell him you really like to talk to him in the evening rather than during the day, when you're relaxed and at home in bed. Perhaps if he only calls you once a day, but when you prefer it, he'd be more willing to do that.

[h.long]

Make a vow to call each other every night before you go to bed. Let him know you want to do this because you "can't sleep, unless you know he is OK".

 

I know where you're coming from. If you're not living together, the least he can do is say his goodnights over the phone.

[definitely_maybe]

If you are talking to him during the day it seems communication is just fine. But if you put him under an obligation to call at night before bed, that is what it becomes an obligation which will very soon become tedious and annoying for him. I think you should let this one go.

 

I agree .

[Lady Bugg2]

OMG..I know how you feel about this. I also like a call, text or message before bed too.

I dont think this is a "dependant" behavior at all. I think it's sweet. ..and definetely NOT

too much to ask for from someone you are dating exclusively. Especially if you are not living together. I realize some guys just are not 'phone" people.....especially when they are tired or distracted. So a text is ok too.

 

Ask your b/f to at least text you before bedtime at night so you know he is ok...if he

isn't up to calling. I think when a guy feels 'boxed in" to doing something he tends to

rebel too. So..as long as he touches base...

[servedcold]

Lots of guys have gotten turned off to the "night night" call when it turns into a long relationship affirmation session or quiz, often causing the guy to feel pressure and not sleep well. If he gets comfortable with the thought that you just want to say good night, over time, he will likely not mind it, and likely wants to make you feel safe and secure. Here's what to avoid (with some comic embellishment):

 

Him: Hi just called to tell my sweetie good night.

Her: I'm glad you called, wish you were here!

Him: I wish I was too.

Her: Why aren't you then?

Him: ...

Her: So you don't want to come over?

Him: Well I'm in bed and was just about to go to sleep. We spent last night together.

Her: It's ok if you don't want to see me.

Him

Him: We have only been dating X weeks/months, I don't think it's healthy for us to spend every waking moment together. We will see each other on _ night, I can't wait!

Her: X n Y have been dating for as long as we have, and they spend every night together.

Him: Good for them, sweetie, that's their choice.

Her: But not yours...

Him: ...

Her: It's OK honey, night night, sweet dreams, love you.

Him: Love you too.

 

She falls instantly asleep, he lays awake wondering if something is wrong

[auburnslp]

servedcold...yeah-been there, done that-how many times now? Seriously have lost count

 

But really, overall, you just have to judge the girl (from a guy's point of view) If it is gonna be a really brief goodnight, or a quick recap of the day, then "well sweet, I'm really tired-love you-I'll talk to you tomorrow", and if that is ok and works out most of the time, then I have absolutely no problem with calling every night. But served is right-in my experience at least, those calls can drag on and really, there are times when I really just need to get to sleep...I guess it really just depends on the girl...