Is it bad that I feel under pressure to move?

[La Carioca]

I live in London, and am in love with someone who lives in the north of England (where I'm from - about 200 miles away). I've agreed that I will move up there, to a place we decided on by compromise. The trouble is, I have moved 17 times in 8 years, and I'm feeling terribly unsettled. I've just had to move in with a friend and her partner, because my flatmate of 3 months was perpetually harassing me, and I couldn't cope with the hostile environment. For the two weeks since I moved, I have been snappy, aggressive and cry at the slightest thing, and I am not being very nice to my partner, who is very supportive.

 

The truth is, I just can't face moving again at the moment, but I also feel sad all the time because I just want a home of my own, and to feel settled. I'm also worried because it's hard to judge our relationship on 'normal' terms; obviously when we see each other it's just us, but this Christmas has made me realise that we're not used to 'sharing' each other with other people, and I've felt more insecure. He can't move down to me (he's studying up there), so it's down to me, because I find the long distance really hard. Can anyone suggest anything that might help?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Are you going to be moving in with your partner or on your own? How long have the two of you been going out? What about your job? Can you find a good job where he is? Before you move make sure you have a future secure up there just in case things don't work out with your partner.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Where is the source of your emotional support? Is it the place where you are now, or is it with your boyfriend?

 

People are most comfortable living where they feel loved... Perhaps if you have moved so much you feel 'rootless' and you really need to put your roots down somewhere. If you think your future is with your boyfriend, i would move to be with him, but if you think he is temporary, then i wouldn't move. The people are more important than the place.

[D_Lish]

The only way I'd move and especially a long distance, is if I had been with this guy for a long time and the relationship was a fully committed one and headed somewhere, ie: marriage. I wouldn't rush in and leave all I know behind me otherwise!! Saying that, even if you are in a committed relationship and move to be with someone, it can still fail. I've been burned that way before....and now I'm all alone in a town I hardly know, miles away from any family and true friends and after the ex left...

He'd wanted to move here through his work, I followed him and I was 'dumped' here and now feel all alone. However I didn't move a distance of 200 miles!! More like 50 miles in my case....but still far enough.

 

We can't predict what is gonna happen in the future however, everything is a risk and it is whether we are prepared to take risks. Sometimes it pays off, other times it doesn't.

 

I'm unsure what you mean by feeling insecure, having to 'share' him with others???? Worst thing you can in a relationship, is to live inside each others pockets.

 

incidentally I am from the North of England...it aint that bad ooop here, lol

[shaded77]

I was on the other end of the deal a few months ago. I was going out with this girl and she had promised to move to the city where I live. She was really stressed as the moving date came close and was acting the same way you are describing, being snappy and not being very nice to me. Most of the times when we would hang up she would immediately text me saying “I’m sorry I was mean, I’ll make it up to you when I go there”.

A few days before she was to move she disappeared without a word and I haven’t heard from her since… its been two and a half months, and I really wish I hadn’t put any pressure on her.

 

My advice to you is be honest with your partner and DO NOT MOVE if its not what you want for yourself. If you do it for somebody else you will start to hate him for it (and its probably happening already). Please dont go MIA.