Being called "gay" by strangers when your straight

[Ratae]

Why do people call people "gay" when they don't know that person / never had a conversation with them?

 

I'm a straight male and get it equally from females and males. I try not it let get to me, but because I'm single - and have been for a long long time, straight / fancy women, and lonely through being iced-out when I'm trying to join in / socialize, it really sparks a fuse, but i remain cool on the outside. Rumors quickly circulate and make you appear a bad egg in the community egg box, leaving you the only option but to move on in life or face this * * * * off people. None of these people know I'm single (not that being single means your gay), they know nothing about me.

 

I mean, who wouldn't feel angry being labeled something they're not? I find as a straight guy that's called gay highly offensive. How would a 45-year-old man that lived alone feel if rumors circulated that he 'might' be a peadophile simply because he didn't have a wife and his house faced a school play area?

 

An example of what I've been through: I was working in a warehouse and this attractive women said "he's so gay" when I walked through the warehouse. She was with another guy at the time and said it in a forceful, degrading manner... just loud enough for me to of heard it. I don't know her, never talked to her before, never been rude to her or gave her the eye or anything else to encourage name calling. She wasn't authority figure or anything, she was about 19 and on the same level of work as me. What did she mean? Is it pecking orders? f.e: I don't want to be on the same level as that guy because of how he looks, she might think. Or was she trying to get my attention: hoping for a reaction from me?

 

What do they hope to achieve?

 

Is there a gay physical type regardless of sexual orientation? A certain gay look? I'm not very manly looking for 30, I look late teens and have small features and slender build which I've always been a bit conscious about, but not to the point it effects body language (I walk confident and don't dress effeminate, showy), but I know I might appear 'weak' to some peoples standards of masculinity.

 

When guys call other guys gay, and spread malicious rumors, are they jealous of their looks? What if you don't feel your good looking enough to cause intra-male jealousy?

 

Do people just use it to describe somebody whom they feel is inferior or worthless to them in some way? Bullying - that's what It feels like to me. What response should i show, I feel I need one as this thing happens all to often leaving me miserable. It happened more in my early 20s and I had the strength to walked away from it / ignore it them but my life is the no better 10-years later.

[veneratio]

Your last paragraph is usually how people mean it.

[Ratae]

So they think I'm a poor quality male specimen? Why would they say anything at all if that was the case. Just as "warning sign" to not even bother trying to fit in?

[veneratio]

It's like saying, you're lame or you're a loser or you're weak, etc. Why they feel the need to say it aloud? Cause they're insecure. Maybe. Don't let that get to you, though. Easier said than done, definitely. They're looking for a reaction, don't satisfy that.

[Ratae]

It's like saying, you're lame or you're a loser or you're weak, etc. Why they feel the need to say it aloud? Cause they're insecure. Maybe. Don't let that get to you, though. Easier said than done, definitely. They're looking for a reaction, don't satisfy that.

 

 

But how are they to know one is a loser, weak, lame etc? Thus it's a visual physical assessment in your opinion; a word to describe guys that don't fit societal ideals on the outer crust; cf. ugly. This preaches sexual harassment in the workplace and should be dealt with / reported.

[jengh]

Honestly, I don't think it's because they think you're lame/weak/a loser/etc.... Maybe they're just quick to make assumptions. Gay men often have a "stereotype" of what they're supposed to look like. It's the young looking, slender, some-what feminine and 'weak' look. (Note: this is the general stereotype and I'm going to put it out there that I hate stigmas/stereotypes and believe them to be very false)

 

I think the people who are calling you gay are simply uninformed and jumping to (untrue) conclusions. I don't think they're meaning to be mean/hurt feelings/whatever.

 

It's just like people saying that because a female has short hair, plays softball and dresses like a tomboy is a lesbian.

 

People generalize.

[cruzer]

i realize this place is for this exact thing, for u to come here and get help, advice, opinons, but honestly who cares what they say or think? you said yourself your straight so why be bothered?

 

i can see why ur mad, frustrated, confused but they dont know you, even if u were gay, it does not make the situation/people saying it right.

[agent1607307371]

People use "gay" because it's seen as a bad thing. The truth of the matter doesn't matter.

[KarateKate]

I don't know how much help this will be, but my boyfriend and his friends often label men as gay or women as lesbians because they're so uncomfortable with homosexuality. I think it's a need to separate themselves from any bit of homosexuality, and I also think they do it to make themselves seem less homosexual because they're so terrified of having that label. I hope I'm explaining this in a way that's understandable. Someone who isn't uncomfortable with homosexuality probably wouldn't use the term in order to disrespect someone, and they probably wouldn't use it with someone they didn't know.

 

People who don't fit the stereotype of what is "good" will always face this kind of treatment. Society is very cruel.

[savignon]

Insecure and weak people need to put someone else 'below' them to make themselves feel good. If this is at work, report it. It's unacceptable. I hate adult bullies...it's like they're 13 in an adult body. This is the thing that is so wrong about intolerance in general...if you were gay, who cares? What's it to them? They're just trying to feel better about themselves. Don't let it have you second guessing the way you walk/talk/dress or anything else. They're mean. It has nothing to do with you....next time look them right in the eye and say "what is your problem? You must be really unhappy if taunting other people is the only thing that makes you smile!" and then walk away.

[abitbroken]

Well...if someone says you are gay, why not correct them in an offhand way. "did you see on the discovery channel that the smaller males get the female fish because the big strong guys are too busy scaring eachother off?" or "Oh, women who i don't think are pretty say that a lot. They think because I am not attracted to them I must be gay." or "i like chicks, just not you."

 

Or just ignore them.

[Luke Skywalker]

Use your legal options. However, while using them, also consider the following advice:

 

Maybe it would be a good idea to go into karate or mixed-martial arts school or learn to tackle down and fight people. Go to the gym and build muscles.

 

Sooner or later you are going to need to make an example out of someone (you cant pick on a woman though) out of someone who is calling you gay by standing up for yourself and challenging them to a fight and winning and people will learn not to mess with you or make those comments. The next one to make such a comment will know what they will potentially get. While beating up someone out of line is a risky proposition (especially if they have weapons or if you lose), in this particular case it seems like a solution because it asserts your masculinity or machoism.

 

LIke the Marty McFly in Back to the Future, sometimes you need to give that bully a square punch in the face and knock him unconscious.

[mattmallone]

dont even waste your time thinking about it. if you are witty, then find somthing about them to shut them up, unfortunately the only language most thick people understand is a fist, seriously mate, some people are just cruel, some are bored, some are insecure themselves and want to distract from themselves. whatever the reasoning dont waste any sleep over it.

 

if i had of been in the situation with the girl i would have said, i'm not gay, but i'll do you up the bum, ( if she was fit)

i also would have confroted her and asked her why she said that, and why she felt the need to say that, i would have made her feel akward and made her feel like the c**t she is.

people arent so smart when you stand up to them!

[Shyguy24]

Hey you should sue her for slander and defamation ..get some real payback

 

Dont mention it , your friendly lawyer friend on ENA