ErikT Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 What about emotional abuse? Non-suppoort? And how can abuse be proven? In many cases there isn't a great deal of evidence. Funny thing is, I purposely left that out because it is so hard to quantify. Can't any disagreement in turn be regarded as mental abuse? For example, if my wife doesn't want me to buy a new car, but I do it anyway can she not say that I did it to purposely get mad at me, thus I am messing/abusing her emotions? Emotional abuse is very tough to quantify, and personally, I don't know how to accept emotional abuse as a cause for divorce... I know what I am trying to say isn't coming out correctly, so I will have to think about this a tad bit longer.... Erik Link to comment
Mutley Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Funnt thing is, I always liked Candid Camera. Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I would not call it lying. It is just that some people cannot keep a commitment. They will probably make more in their life, but if they break one they can break any other. Getting married before one can keep a commitment is fraud. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 It's sad that people just run these days. Marriage should be taken more seriously. And I agree that there should be strict consequences for people that end marriages in divorce. Link to comment
StretchGee Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Yep....it was the standard terminology. She also said she lost her love for me. I guess what they call around here the "walk away wife syndrome." "I don't love you anymore" - another excuse. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 It's sad that people just run these days. Marriage should be taken more seriously. And I agree that there should be strict consequences for people that end marriages in divorce. it used to be alimony........ Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Getting married before one can keep a commitment is fraud. I have enjoyed reading all your thoughts and points on this ready2heal! Great ones! I can't give you rep at the moment bec I must spread around first.... Link to comment
Mutley Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 "I don't love you anymore" - another excuse. Yep...it was a rough time of my life. That's for sure. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 "I don't love you anymore" - another excuse. I'm gonna have to stop reading this thread! lol I'll never be able to get married...... I have heard that "nothing is guaranteed" so many times in my life. Thought it many times as well. But BOO! I refuse to believe it! Marriage SHOULD be guaranteed! Yep...it was a rough time of my life. That's for sure. Mutley - I didn't know...... I can imagine it must have been quite difficult! Sorry Man!! Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I have enjoyed reading all your thoughts and points on this ready2heal! Great ones! I can't give you rep at the moment bec I must spread around first.... Thanks. If experience is the best teacher and negative experience causes one to really wise up, then I have good reasons to be on top of this topic. Link to comment
StretchGee Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Getting married before one can keep a commitment is fraud. What if they leave after 40 years? As someone said, when the commitment was made it wasn't a lie, it may even have been absolutely heartfelt. However there may be a flaw in their character that they will break their commitments. Some people, to varying degrees, are unreliable. I don't believe this makes them frauds, but they may not understand themselves. Some folks ought to use the wedding vows of Ming the Merciless: Do you take this man/woman, to be your spouse of the hour? Do you promise to use him/her as you will? Not to blast him/her into space, until you grow weary of him/her? Link to comment
allypally Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Marriage is a commitment to love, support, respect, and most of all an HONOUR. Some people think its something you do to show that you've grown up. "honey, lets get married! buy ourselves a house, have some kids" etc. These are short term plans. What about when times get tough, someone loses their job, or gets ill or a relative gets ill and they are distraught for months on end? Maybe I take the whole thing way too seriously, I just can't contemplate doing something that I felt wasn't being honoured by both people 100%. Link to comment
StretchGee Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 But BOO! I refuse to believe it! Marriage SHOULD be guaranteed! What if "'til death do you part" was enforced by law? I'm sure a lot of wedding vows would be watered down with that in effect! Link to comment
alli Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 What if "'til death do you part" was enforced by law? I'm sure a lot of wedding vows would be watered down with that in effect! I wonder how the law would enforce it? "If you're going to try to part before death, we will make the death occur at the time of parting!" Then you really would be fulfilling your commitment! Just a thought; I'm not serious about stoning people when they want to divorce. Link to comment
ErikT Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 "I don't love you anymore" - another excuse. That's the point. As a society we have accepted excuses as reasons and allow people to get divorced on a whim... I've changed You've changed I don't love you any more You don't make me happy We fight all of the time You'd be better off without me I'd be happier alone I need to find myself We got married too young Plus a million of other excuses....Not one of them a reason or cause... Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Hahah Alli! Well..... maybe people should have to take serious classes before getting married - in comparison to the ones held by churches. (let's not make this religious - just comparing.) Chances are a couple who is not serious will not go through say 6 months of weekly classes to get married. Link to comment
alli Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Hahah Alli! Well..... maybe people should have to take serious classes before getting married - in comparison to the ones held by churches. (let's not make this religious - just comparing.) Chances are a couple who is not serious will not go through say 6 months of weekly classes to get married. That is a good idea. I think I will suggest this to my bf if/when we decide to get engaged. Our relationship is great, but always being on here & seeing posts about people who date for years & then things all the sudden go downhill & they break up a couple months later.. it makes me sick to think about it! I really don't want that to happen to us. Same thing with people getting divorced. It's not like anything is written in stone. Link to comment
Botched Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Let's not avoid divorce. Let's focuss on what it means for you to marry. Can you commit to acting with dignity even if the marriage fails? This puts us all on the spot. So I was I cheated on. Did I play some roll. Is my rule of never accepting cheating honoring a real life situation with causes and effects? Can I honor you even if you dishonor me? In marriage, I think the answer is yes. That doesn't mean marraige doesn't end. It means I respect the person I know my spouse to be and pay tribute to that, even if she is gone. This is big people, bigger than penalties of law. What do you commit to? Link to comment
Mutley Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Mutley - I didn't know...... I can imagine it must have been quite difficult! Sorry Man!! Thanks. Yes it was difficult. I wouldn't want to go through that again. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Not sure if this is along the right lines . . . . but ultimately, I'd like to think that I will never walk away from a marriage. No matter what happens due to cause and effect, etc. But then again, maybe I'll just always be single because getting married is such a commitment that I know I'd never willingly break. Hm. Link to comment
ErikT Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Hahah Alli! Well..... maybe people should have to take serious classes before getting married - in comparison to the ones held by churches. (let's not make this religious - just comparing.) Chances are a couple who is not serious will not go through say 6 months of weekly classes to get married. Like someone once said: You have to take a test or two to get a drivers license, but you don't need any training to get married (or to have kids.) Kinda backwards! WHen my wife and I got married, a friend recommended a Pastor to perform the ceremony. We had to meet with him 5 or 6 times for counseling before he agreed to marry us. He didn't push religion or preach to us in any way. He just asked questions of both of us that made us both really think and ponder if we were ready to get married. Obviously, we both decided we were and during some of the more difficult times in our relationship that I looked back on those sessions.. Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 What if they leave after 40 years? As someone said, when the commitment was made it wasn't a lie, it may even have been absolutely heartfelt. However there may be a flaw in their character that they will break their commitments. Some people, to varying degrees, are unreliable. I don't believe this makes them frauds, but they may not understand themselves. Some folks ought to use the wedding vows of Ming the Merciless: Do you take this man/woman, to be your spouse of the hour? Do you promise to use him/her as you will? Not to blast him/her into space, until you grow weary of him/her? Getting married before one understands themself fully is fraud. Link to comment
allypally Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I would want to know that me and my SO have gotten through tough times together and resolved issues together as a roadtest before getting married. Getting married when things have always been great is not a good indicator of whether the relationship is strong and ever lasting. I think you need to have been through some s**t together first before making such a major commitment. Link to comment
john4321 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 i am divorced and do not want to be, but sometimes we have no choice. i will not get into my story but i believe marraige is for life and should be that way. it is too easy in society to throw it away, we no longer take love or marraige serious. it is never a complete work, but something you work on for life,and with your partner can withstand anything. you have to believe. there will be good and bad but i believe no matter what you can make it through together. i know many people do not believe this and will not agree and that is ok. this is my belief. Link to comment
sidehop Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 The function of marriage is to bind two people together forever. By paper? If people truly love each other & be loyal, why can't they stay together as a couple? I always wonder about this...and my g/f feels the same way. Don't take me wrong in any way, sometimes I wonder why people get married and when many end up divorcing. On the other hand yes I want to marry my g/f for many reasons. I just feel there's this dillusional idea that marriage is everything in a relationship... Link to comment
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