I can't understand my friend with Asperger's Syndrome

[ulgirl]

A couple months ago I met this guy with Asperger's Syndrome, and we became close friends. For about a month we saw each other everyday, and he would send me random texts often. I developed a crush on him, and he always seemed interested in me too. It was never the struggle that it is now. Out of nowhere he stopped responding to text messages for about a week, and he seemed distant in person. We went from going out almost everyday to not going out at all, and the only time I ever saw him was in the cafeteria. (We both live at a small university). When I first talked to him about it, he said that sometimes he just disappears, that he has issues, and that it's not something I should take personally. He also said things will be back to normal from that point forward, though he couldn't promise it would never happen again. I found his words so hard to believe, and I was still so confused, so I couldn't really hide that his behavior was upsetting me.

 

Well, things never actually went back to normal. He'd respond to a text every once in a great while, and he still greeted me politely when he saw me in public, though he never stayed around long. At the time I didn't know he actually had Asperger's Syndrome (I only recently began learning about this). So I just decided to be patient with him. Recently I tried no contact, which lasted for a week, then I tried to get in touch again, and he just ignored it. I finally confronted him the other day, asking why he just ignores me when I try to get in touch with him. He actually told me that it is "too much effort" for him to text me, that he is still "shocked and amazed" that I got upset with him the first time (a month ago!). He said that I've obviously moved on, and that he hasn't, and his "ego is deflated." He also said that I ignored him in public one time, but I only did that because I was getting tired of him ignoring my efforts to stay connected, and I wanted to move on.

 

By the end of the conversation we were joking around like we used to before any of this happened, but we have since left for break and have not been in contact.

 

I'm just really confused by this guy. It's not like I can just accept that we aren't friends anymore, because he does approach me whenever he sees me, and always says that we are still friends. If I indicate that we shouldn't consider it friends anymore, he says I'm blowing it out of proportion. However, we never talk anymore unless we happen to run into each other. I'm not sure what he wants, and it all seems so silly (on both our parts, I admit). Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

[greywolf]

Maybe he's afraid of relationships? He might be afraid of getting hurt. Honestly, I don't know much about asperger syndrome.

[CaptainPlanet]

That is not AS, that is just a person who is not very considerate.

 

AS is more social awkwardness. If he is not making contact at all then that is not typical behavior. Typical AS would be to take you out on a date. Wait a week and then call you again out of the blue and appear rather abrupt about it.

[tylercdurden2004]

Aspergers is inthe same branch as autism. Autistics typically have difficutly havig close relationships. It actually hurts them.

 

A good book on this is Nobody Nowhere by Donna somebody. It gives you some insight into someone who had or has autism. She was able to overome some of the debilitating aspects of it.

 

My guess is he was comfortable when things were a bit more distant. When you got closer he started to pull away.

[Siriana]

I would run away.

It sounds like it asks for way to much emotional turmoil, patience, effort without getting anything in return except empty words of excuses and countless requests for understanding.

[DaBladeRoden]

Looks like he's lost interest in you, but doesn't want to let you go completely or officially. So he'll show a sign of interest whenever it looks like you're ready to leave.