What a "dumper" feels

[Thorshammer]

I don't know if i am right here,but i have a brother 3 years older,and a few male friends.And according to them,yes the look is very important.But the best look on earth wont save a woman if she has bad reputation(many partners,cheap you know).She is not "wife material" period.So i guess behavior is also important..not just looks?

 

 

and yes,women think look is very important,its the first thing we notice,looks....a guy can be handsome but with an unattractive behavior and then he is not as attractive anymore

 

Yeah, her being easy is a negative like I said earlier in my post about women being around a lot of men. Some behavior is general, we do worry about our health, and an easy chick is an unhealthy chick. But guys would tend to go for that more than a woman.

[Thorshammer]

I have seen beautiful women with guys way below their league in physical attraction all the time. I dont see that same number in men with females. Women chase after rich men (with in a way sets off the protector role of a man, he has resources that can accommodate the ultimate protector for a female), firefighters, and police, and they all have this stereotype based on these traits of strength and power.

 

I did mention in an old post about one female who "gamed" me with attraction. She wasnt that good-looking, but she had serious game, game that now I am learning to perfect (actually, no.. not really, i bombed last time, i am still a bit rusty). She was my mentor, even though she used me, lol.

 

These are general attraction tactics

 

Push and Pull; I like you, then i dont pay you mind- girls hate it, but you can tell which girls love it real fast

Mixed signals: ties in with above

Negative: telling her something wrong about them, this is to bring the girls value down- i dont do this, but i understand it somewhat, people do this with someone who is extremely attractive

confidence: sexy always

humor: good time sets off good chemicals in the brain

 

Maverick had a huge list earlier one page back. Like he said, create the challenge. I push and pull like crazy, and I mix silly arrogance with teasing her (girls like to laugh at themselves, like i made fun of my ex's nose, when she laughs it wiggled). Works like a charm, but sometimes girls are stubborn and have low insecurity, no matter how pretty they are, and this might bomb. I also dont like being teased too much. I try to tease with cute things though, usually behavior, "hey you flinch everytime i enter the room, like an old lady (make sure they are not really old, lol)"- it also shows i am observant about them and their behavior. Also, a "me and you" mentality works, sort of like a bond. This is hard to pull off, sort of like if you figure out her pet peeve, you join in on that.

 

The king of attraction for women, and men too to a point, is interests. Guide the conversation to an interest that you know about that they like, and start a conversation. Its far more powerful when someone you met tells you you are interesting because you like =blank= and he knows about it too. Combine that with physical attraction, and you beat out the majority of guys that just try to impress with their looks and whos only game is too tell them they look pretty (typical of many men, you need to stand out).

 

A night where someone keeps you laughing, teases you playfully, gives you mix signals so you dont think hes throwing himself at you and it hints he might have other options so his time is valuable until he pulls you riiiiiiiiiiiiight back in with a hug, and you spend most of the time learning that he like that you love painting and boating, and that many women hes met dont really show much creativity.

 

As opposed to a guy whos cute, but is all over you telling you you are hot. Some girls do go for these guys though. Some girls automatically feel threatened with this type of behavior, "being hot" isnt new to a hot girl, they heard it last night walking pass a store. Being cute but not getting to them deeply might signal the man is just interested in physical, and that is an unhealthy look if she feels like a number. There is no "comfortable" experience or bond there, nothing to talk about past the date except he was cute.

[lanaa]

I have seen beautiful women with guys way below their league in physical attraction all the time. I dont see that same number in men with females. Women chase after rich men (with in a way sets off the protector role of a man, he has resources that can accommodate the ultimate protector for a female), firefighters, and police, and they all have this stereotype based on these traits of strength and power.

 

 

well then some very attractive guys end up with not that good looking women because all the good looking women are after very rich guys?

[Maverick1984]

haha,nice

 

well what makes a woman attractive?(girlfriend material)?

 

Someone who can see through the superficial game playing and see a person for who they are. Along with having character, a sense of humour, values and a good personality.

[Thorshammer]

well then some very attractive guys end up with not that good looking women because all the good looking women are after very rich guys?

 

Lol, no, rich guys arent the majority out there. Its not so much about being rich, its what being rich represents, and that can be stimulated by men up to a point.

[raton44]

I always end up with poor guys lol. It's probably because I go based soley upon attraction and compatibility. The downside is they usually end up not having money! haha

[Maverick1984]

I always end up with poor guys lol. It's probably because I go based soley upon attraction and compatibility. The downside is they usually end up not having money! haha

 

Lol, A girl judging a guy's value on his money is the same as a guy judging a girl on her boob size - Very superficial and immature if you ask me.

 

A person's true value should never be defined by how fat their wallet is or how big their boob size is. All of that goes with age anyway.

What you'll be left with is your own core character and personality.

 

Ever wondered why some hot girls end up single and alone in their late 30's - early 40's?

 

That's the reason why.

[raton44]

Maverick, I totally agree with you. I have never minded that my guys didn't have boat loads of $. All I cared about was them and how they made me feel.

[Thorshammer]

I was in college most of the time with all these girls, I only worked part-time. I never had a lot of cash, but was with women that would milk a man for everything hes got if hes not strong enough. Money represents status, power and resources that a provider/protector would provide, thats attraction, if you can push these traits without having material wealth, then you can get these type of women. As for the gold-diggers that look for material wealth just for the sake of having it, they are the first ones that these wealthy fools play out and throw away anyway (i have rarely met a successful man that doesnt cheat on his wife).

 

I try not to pay for the first date, why? Because I dont want to be the provider role in 2011. Women make their own money. So unless shes going to clean after me after I pay, i wont play the old male role since she wont play the old female role, especially since I just met her and dont know or owe her anything.

[Liraele]

Even the hottest guy can be unattractive if he's a jerk or a total wuss!

 

Or a doormat. Though for some reason, a lot of women seem to LOOK for a doormat. Why would you want someone with no opinions and no spine?

[raton44]

Or a doormat. Though for some reason, a lot of women seem to LOOK for a doormat. Why would you want someone with no opinions and no spine?

Ugh! I can't stand a door mat. But there has to be a happy medium!

[Maverick1984]

Ugh! I can't stand a door mat. But there has to be a happy medium!

 

Bingo!

 

It's very rare to find a guy who is a 'happy medium'.

That's why for 'security' and forming a stable marriage, women tend to fall for 'the nice guy' not because it's what they prefer, but because it's rare to find a guy who's a happy medium.

 

It also explains female infidelity.

They did a scientific study recently on their reproductive cycle, and it seems women tend to go for more masculine/alpha male qualities when they're close to their period.

 

They've also found that a good proportion of men are bringing up children that are not of their own.

This is very scary! - If you're a nice guy or a 'door mat', there is a chance for this to happen.

 

So i think it should be in every guy's interest to learn and understand what causes attraction in a woman and to make it part of who they are.

 

I'm not a nice guy, or an a'hole - But a nice guy with a spine

 

It's taken me a while, but i'm glad i've got there.

[Thorshammer]

Or a doormat. Though for some reason, a lot of women seem to LOOK for a doormat. Why would you want someone with no opinions and no spine?

 

Because a doormat is easy and they treat you nice due to the fear of you leaving. These women cant handle, or get tired, of dealing with strong willed men that dont fall for "tests" that some women play. I was with my ex for 3 years, 2 years I didnt take any BS from her, and I told her, "well babe, you settled for a man, a giant, I dont back down, just like if someone tries something with you I will eat them up." That was sexy, though I know stressful for us both, but what I became due to outside factors and just sympathy with my ex, was not sexy, I lost all of that and I lost her.

 

Some women want to "test" the strength of their man. They nag, nag, nag, say things like, "you dont like me because you stay up late", "why wont you come with me to blah blah"- and once the man gives away his independence, baaam, like a mac-truck to the face. They dont want their man around them all the time, but they push for it, women want the freedom to go out and party, but they get upset when the men do it, its all tests. Men are guilty of this too, but it should not be a male trait, we shouldnt test the women for their love, strength and dependence, we shouldnt test anything.

[lanaa]

I always end up with poor guys lol. It's probably because I go based soley upon attraction and compatibility. The downside is they usually end up not having money! haha

 

 

yeah me too

[lanaa]

Lol, A girl judging a guy's value on his money is the same as a guy judging a girl on her boob size - Very superficial and immature if you ask me.

 

A person's true value should never be defined by how fat their wallet is or how big their boob size is. All of that goes with age anyway.

What you'll be left with is your own core character and personality.

 

Ever wondered why some hot girls end up single and alone in their late 30's - early 40's?

 

That's the reason why.

 

 

But then again,,how many guys don't judge the girl on her boob size or looks?

[raton44]

But then again,,how many guys don't judge the girl on her boob size or looks?

BUT, that alone won't make them come back. I have lost around 15-20 lbs since my ex dumped me. The last 2 times we saw eachother I have caught him hard core staring at me. lol. However, he ain't come back yet, so boobs/ body obviously aren't the end all be all. Although, I don't have big boobs, so maybe that's the problem! Ha!

[Liraele]

Some women want to "test" the strength of their man. They nag, nag, nag, say things like, "you dont like me because you stay up late", "why wont you come with me to blah blah"- and once the man gives away his independence, baaam, like a mac-truck to the face. They dont want their man around them all the time, but they push for it, women want the freedom to go out and party, but they get upset when the men do it, its all tests. Men are guilty of this too, but it should not be a male trait, we shouldnt test the women for their love, strength and dependence, we shouldnt test anything.

 

No, we shouldn't test, per se. I do think there are little "tests" throughout a relationship, though, that show the character of a person. You don't necessarily consciously treat it as a test, but when you look back on it and the person didn't do what you considered the respectful, thoughtful, or "right" thing... it comes accross that way. Does that make sense? I think it's these little things that show our compatibilities and incompatibilities - they don't always have to line up, but if enough of them are opposite reactions, you may have bigger issues. It's not the same as goading someone into something and expecting x answer... but it's the little things where they should take you or your feelings into consideration and they don't, or they act in some way in a situation that leaves you feeling like you don't even really know what the heck they were thinking or HOW they could have done something, etc etc.

 

I have a lot more respect for someone that can go toe to toe with me, than that will roll over and play dead just because he wants to keep me around. I don't expect to never fight... most healthy relationships do... but I don't expect to fight about everything. Sometimes I'll give in, sometimes he will. Not quite sure why that is so difficult for some. I pick my battles, I expect my partner to do the same. Don't let me walk all over you, or... quite honestly, I will. Maybe that's *****y, but ... it's at least honest. Then again, if someone lets me walk all over them, I won't stick around either. I don't like taking advantage of people any more than I like being taken advantage of.

 

I don't know, I'm thinking "out loud" via text, here.

[Thorshammer]

I meant MEN shouldnt test, its not a male trait.

 

And that... is a test, explained exactly as I understand it. Females dont do it to test, its by instinct, its natural to them. Imagine a man who's willpower is vicious, no man can change his mind, and he puts his social dominance on anything that dares oppose him. Thats sexy for females. Ok, hes your boyfriend. You are attracted to his strength of character, you will subconsiously test him, try to break though his will, the same way a lions mate will provoke lions that arent the alpha-mate, the alpha-mate will tear up the opposing male lion and again show off to his women that hes what they expect of him.

 

I used to collapse with women after a few weeks, especially if they were hot. They walked over me and spat me out. It made me cold for the next woman, and I learned, before reading all these books, that you cant have a woman walk over you, you need to be strong. Before these books I read, I didnt understand why telling a girl, "stop complaining or I am just going to hang up", even being a jerk was better than being a doormat (I dont condone being a jerk though).

 

But if you push it too much, the guy will get tired and will lose attraction, because, its annoying. Same thing with the guy being stubborn and imposing.

[DylanNotorious]

I know you mean well with your book advice and all, but if you get dumped you have to work out a way to get over it.

 

You don't sit there for two months waiting for your ex to "wake up and come back".

 

These books are just giving you a perspective on different things. These books should just be used to gain extra knowledge. They are a tool to help you, and give you a few new answers to ponder on.

 

They are not meant to be treated as gossipal that your ex is coming back.

[Thorshammer]

I know you mean well with your book advice and all, but if you get dumped you have to work out a way to get over it.

 

You don't sit there for two months waiting for your ex to "wake up and come back".

 

These books are just giving you a perspective on different things. These books should just be used to gain extra knowledge. They are a tool to help you, and give you a few new answers to ponder on.

 

They are not meant to be treated as gossipal that your ex is coming back.

 

What are you talking about?

 

If you are referring to me on this post we have been talking about attraction, not so much about ex's. All that evolution stuff came from the books, but most here are talking about real world experience, same with me.

 

If you are referring to all my posts were I quote books and my own knowledge, I always tell them to heal and move on first. All books do as well.

[EgoJoe]

To follow up on Liraele's tangent. AMEN! That is one thing I'm proud of. I never laid down and died to bull * * * * . I never rolled over and I stuck to the facts. I also never lashed out with insults. I liked to "fight" with character and approach things objectively. I even learned about regaining objectivity as things were going downhill in order to do this better.

 

Younger women and men don't get this. They don't understand the sheer effort of coming to a consensus despite disagreements. I blame hollywood!

[DylanNotorious]

What are you talking about?

 

If you are referring to me on this post we have been talking about attraction, not so much about ex's. All that evolution stuff came from the books, but most here are talking about real world experience, same with me.

 

If you are referring to all my posts were I quote books and my own knowledge, I always tell them to heal and move on first. All books do as well.

 

No why? I was referring to the OP.

[Liraele]

Mm, I only see it as a test if you're posing it with a desired outcome - not necessarily something that happens naturally, on its own. It's not exclusive to women - men do it too. The way she is with his friends, etc... they are all "tests" if you want to get right down to it. Everything that winds up in the yes or no bin at the end of the day could technically be a test. There's more to relationships than just raw chemistry, and it's these little things, the answers to these "tests" that determine whether or not you are actually compatible...the tests of life, I guess you could call it.

 

Most women don't want a big, bad protector or a doormat... they want someone in between. The man who can protect her when it's needed, but isn't overly so. Who is a little jealous but not insanely jealous (if a guy flirts with her, she wants you to notice, but she doesn't want you to beat him to a bloody pulp). Trustworthy... most don't care about innocent flirting, so long as it never crosses a certain line (and never in front of her). The list goes on and on. Basically we all want a decent guy, who is a little rough around the edges, with a good moral compass and nice to look at. That's not asking for the moon, right? (LOL)

[raton44]

Well said!

[Thorshammer]

Mm, I only see it as a test if you're posing it with a desired outcome - not necessarily something that happens naturally, on its own. It's not exclusive to women - men do it too.

 

I never said men dont, i said men shouldnt.

 

The way she is with his friends, etc... they are all "tests" if you want to get right down to it. Everything that winds up in the yes or no bin at the end of the day could technically be a test. There's more to relationships than just raw chemistry, and it's these little things, the answers to these "tests" that determine whether or not you are actually compatible...the tests of life, I guess you could call it.

 

And I guess you can call it what you want, but to many, its called, "playing games". I dont want to start a fight because i am too tired from work and I dont want to see some exhibit. I dont want to hear how I dont care abotu you because I planned a trip that cost xxxx (which means you think i like my friends more now), but now your parents show up and I have to cancel, or how I didnt show i cared to your perfections when you were sick because I was late for my cousins bachelor party (which means i am going to cheat on you with a stripper). I hate these little questions asked when you know i love you and care for you, the rest isnt needed, its a headache. A confident girl doesnt have to test me.

 

Note, there is a difference from tests, and what a partner is expected to do. Walking away from me because you learned someone died, and i chase after you trying to comfort you, thats expected, fighting with me and walking off from when you started the fight, then complaining i didnt chase after you... is a test, and is retarded. This might not be you, but women do do this, everyone from the sweethearts to the real fools, from my experience and others, the books I have read just help explain it some-what.

 

Most women don't want a big, bad protector or a doormat... they want someone in between. The man who can protect her when it's needed, but isn't overly so. Who is a little jealous but not insanely jealous (if a guy flirts with her, she wants you to notice, but she doesn't want you to beat him to a bloody pulp). Trustworthy... most don't care about innocent flirting, so long as it never crosses a certain line (and never in front of her). The list goes on and on. Basically we all want a decent guy, who is a little rough around the edges, with a good moral compass and nice to look at. That's not asking for the moon, right? (LOL)

 

I dont think anyone advocated anyone going to any extreme side. A man who acts hard all the time fighting would have more problems than attracting a female, he should be worried about unattracting person inmates instead. And I dont think anyone is advocating going to any extremes on this post.

 

And I can bet all the money I have, that girls I went out with, and any I will go out with, will think me getting jealous of them as "cute", but me not caring and laughing it off would be "sexy"- because i am threatened by no dead or living man on earth, my confidence is iron, and I show no break in my armor, and no threat to me. When girls flirted with me, and my ex got mad, i saw weakness, but trust me it was cute and i wanted to kiss her, but when she didnt care, I looked at my gf like she knew that girl couldnt hold a candle to her.