Do I have a bad personality?

[xxNPxx]

I was thinking about who I really am and the type of girl I'm interested to, and everything seemed to be going fine until I was in my Human Sexuality class. We took a love styles quiz to figure out how people love.

 

Turns out I'm extremely focused on their hobbies and life style, while also being selfless and looking for a friendship. My professor had told the class that in the USA, men who were selfless tended to be valued a lot less. And since being selfless is a pretty big part of my personality, I'm really starting to worry.

 

I'm not afraid to make scarifies, and when it comes to people I love, I often make pretty big sacrifices to make them happy. I don't have any problem with doing so, that way I'm happy too But from what I hear people talk about, they might see me as wimpy. Which is really not the case, because it takes such a strong person to voluntarily make such sacrifices to see other people be happy. And, I just don't sacrifice everything I can, if I can gain something much greater then they can, then I will make it more then clear that they cannot have what they want.

 

I probably should be worried about women seeing me as a doormat nice guy but, I feel so strong about being selfless. It's a real virtue to me that I have lived my life on. Unfortunately it would seem most people hate guys like this. I hear many people talk about others who have the same trait but end up getting no where fast. Often times they are called wimps, wussies, or doormats, even by other men.

 

It seems like the whole world is against me

[ProtestTheHero]

Do you have a hard time attracting women? If you do, you're probably a textbook case of one of those guys who seem great for marriage but iffy when it comes to having fun.

 

Being selfless can be a bad thing when it causes you to totally neglect some aspects of yourself. For example, it would be selfless of you to remain a woman's friend when you are attracted to her rather than putting her in the uncomfortable position of asking her out. That's not necessarily a positive thing.

 

It's better to maintain a balance.

[xxNPxx]

Tyler, I'm all about balance. If there is an opportunity I can take. I'm selfless and that's a large part of my thinking, but reason and rationality wins over it each time. I take priority over attempting to go out and get a girlfriend over being friends.

 

Yes, I am the marriage type. I'd so rather sit down and write a novel then go hang out with friends.

[ProtestTheHero]

Ok, that's understandable. I'm not much of a partier or a club person myself. I am naturally very introspective and sometimes I'll get so lost in thought when I am around friends that someone will snap their fingers or something to bring me back to reality.

 

However, I set up situations and go to places with the intention of meeting women and getting numbers sometimes.

 

I think your personality is fine, but your preferences will isolate you if you don't take the time to go out and meet people.

[laisla]

don't believe all those love quizzes and tests...

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

You sound like the perfect type of guy to me. I wish more of you guys existed to be honest.

[ProtestTheHero]

You sound like the perfect type of guy to me. I wish more of you guys existed to be honest.

 

You would be surprised at how many of these guys exist. The problem is they're the guys you rarely notice because they're not about stealing the spotlight. I know what that's like.

 

As long as you're willing to put yourself out there and risk rejection, you'll be ok NP.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Trust me, im not the sorta who looks over nice guys. I know they do exist but they are rare. Many of them are bitter from rejection as well. I understand why don't get me wrong. Just saying theres not so many in my area.

[xxNPxx]

I would say that my biggest problem is simply meeting women. Nearly all of my hobbies are anti social in nature. I always am trying to be around more ladies, but no talking ever goes on. I'm not good enough at socializing with people in general to simply ask a girl out. Especially at college, nobody seems to acknowledge others even exists. Class is a little easier but I end up never finding a girl interesting enough to even talk to.

 

Broken, guys like me do not get much of a chance at dating and usually change themselves to blend in with the crowd. Being born a nice + shy guy is like being in a wheel chair when it comes dating. Especially during youth, as not all girls are looking for Mr. Right.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Well it was just a personal opinion really. I know that i would much prefer a nice guy then a jerk.

 

Perhaps you could join some sort of club or something. Are you working? If not perhaps apply in places where you meet people. Get to know the people in your classes as friends. They have friends too, maybe you would find their friends more dateable material?

[cruzer]

My professor had told the class that in the USA, men who were selfless tended to be valued a lot less.

 

Sadly i would have to agree, not because i have experience in this but i see it happen. Someone in my life does so much for everyone and not only do they not get stuff in return, they get screwed by the same person they just helped a week before...

 

However i believe if a mature, intelligent woman meets u, and gives u the time of day, will realize how much u care about her when u are willing to do something for her.

[trincitee]

I agree that being selfless is a virtue. But I often think that "good personality" means only a few things - being funny, lively, confident and outgoing. that's it. If people generally value kind characters, then why do jerks get girls? It just doesn't seem logical, IMO, to say that.

 

I think as human beings, we naturally respond better to persons who are more engaging and personable. I'd think that there is some of kind positive relationship between a lively personality and more dates.