guy acquaintaince talking to ex - how to handle it?

[studbaker99]

Background:

so, me and the ex's been 'on a break' been about a month and a half, but for all intents and purposes, we're pretty much broken up...except, we still hang out a lot and have sex too. We realized (after 3 years) that there was something lacking in the relationship, and (we're both 30) we'd like to give each other space to meet that someone else, so we're not getting any younger, and best to end it now than to drag it along 9at least officially...) . we hardly fight and we're not too jealous of each other either. We try to not hang out as much, but it's hard - as i said, we didn't break up in bad terms, we have a lot of common friends, and our work/homes are close to each other, so it's easy and comfortable to get together for dinner, or watch a movie and generally hang out.

 

Situation:

a few weeks ago, my ex (we'll call her M) went out with a couple girlfriends to a concert, and she brought these two guys who me and M had met through a girlfriend of M's. I had previously met Guy X when the 4 of us went to the beach once:

 

Me M M's gf Guy X (friend of M's gf)

 

Anyway, with the alcohol and smoking, Guy X ended up making out with M. His move. I found about this because M told me about it. I didn't think much out of it. I'm not the (too much) jealous type, and we're not together anyway, and I appreciated the gesture.

 

Fast forward, M's bday is coming up in Jan. We had plans to go meet up some friends for NYE and then take a road trip of our own. Then last week, M goes, "I've been talking to Guy X, and I invited him and his friends to come along on the road trip, the more people the merrier". The way she said "I've been talking to guy X" had a certain ..tone to it, that made me think there was something more. I was trying to handle it, and eventually I asked her "hey, you kissed the guy, he's a pretty darn good looking dude, and he digs 'older' women (he's 25), and now you're inviting him along, I just wanna make sure I'm not gonna be played for a fool and stuff going on behind my back". She assured me it was all on a 'the more the merrier' angle, but she also said she was trying to meet people and she wouldn't mind knowing him better. I left it at that.

 

I later found out (ok, I peeked at her chat history) that M wouldn't mind getting it on with Guy X and in fact, had blatantly chatted with him about it. She's told me that if I were to sleep with someone else it wouldn't bother her. In any case ...

 

Here's my dilemma - prior to all this, Guy X added me to his facebook, and to Gchat. We kinda struck a (small) common hobby of working out (P90X program off TV).

 

Then I found out about M's chat.

 

So now, I'm talking to the guy who is potentially having sex with my ex (probably not just yet - see below). Which, I should stress, it should be fine (I'm trying to move on as well) but, c'mon, I don't need to be reminded of what may or not be going on behind my back.

 

To top things off, the guy's been asking me about what are some good places to rent a room out, cuz his current place doesn't really allow for overnight guests. So, obviously, one of the overnight guests might be my ex, since she's already declared availability for the deed.

 

I'm pretty sure there isn't anything romantic about this (to some degree, this doesn't really matter). Truth be told, he's actually seems like a good fun guy, except he knows he's good looking and wants to get it on with whatever has a skirt. He's been in the US for a year, so hey, I'm fresh off the boat too so I can sympathize with the guy. I don't even really hate him, in fact, because he doesn't have that macho * * * * * * * attitude, and hey, I wanna bang everything out there with a skirt too...so I can't fault a guy for having desires.

 

The bottom line tho is, I'm talking in somewhat friendly terms(mostly through his initiative) to the guy who's potentially going to be having sex with my ex. I don't care that he'd do this, but I care about knowing who this person is. What are my options?

 

1) be polite but cold towards whenever he talks to me, and forget building a friendship with him

 

2) suck it up and talk to him and get over your ex.

 

3) ..."confront" him , hey i know what *might* be going on, why da heck are you talking to me?

 

dunno? perspectives?

[kadvati79]

Option 4. Stop putting yourself in situations where you have to deal with this. Avoid situations where you spend time with her, or hang out with her. Don't contact her. Don't read her chat logs. And don't message her. Don't allow her to message or chat to you. There is nothing positive that is coming from any of this.

[studbaker99]

and the dude? do that too with him?

[kadvati79]

and the dude? do that too with him?

Yeah. You just need some time, to get your own things sorted. This has GOT to be hurting you. It's one thing to know something might be going on... it's quite apart to have it going on right in front of you.

 

I wouldn't even say why you're doing it. Just drop off the face of the earth. And if accidentally they do somehow get hold of you, be ambiguous. Go off and have a good time somewhere else. Eventually, with enough time and space, you might able to be friends.

[HeartGoesOn]

You broke up with her.

 

Either you're together, or you're not, and you're only hurting yourself by hanging out, and having sex with her.

[blackgnat]

Option # 2.

 

What kind of a say do you have in your ex's life anyway? None, I'd say!

 

Plus, why'd you say you're not jealous of each other? You seem TOTALLY jealous of her feelings towards this other guy.

 

You are EX bf and gf!!!