PLEASE need some advice on how to regain control of my life

[jester5536]

Ok, so I've been rather down lately. Since about the last two weeks I seem to have lost all control of my emotions, it's like a constant shift, one moment I'll be just outragously happy, the next I'll be sitting here thinking about ways I could kill myself. It's wild.

 

Here is the whole story, any advice would be appreciated, probobly sounds a bit "schizo" from my other posts recently, but I seeing as I've lost control, what do you expect.....

 

This started a while back, I don't usually have a lot of luck with women but this really cute girl actually started flitting with me in one of my classes, being the horribly niave person that I am I was rather overjoyed. Anyway, as usual, I didn't know how to react and she took my shyness as lack of interest and moved on (as she probobly should have). Since then I've been a wreck........ It's one thing to live in a world without hope, to believe that you will never have anyone care about you. That was an easy world to live in, no worries about the future, no ties to bind. I could always have killed myself, no one would have cared. Somehow that was very comforting. I was in control. But that world was shattered in just a few weeks, to think that I actually meant something to someone, it tore my world apart, turned everything upside down...... but it's gone now, so where do I go? How do I go on from here. There is no up, no down, just limbo inbetween two worlds.

 

Since then I've been drinking alot...... for someone who was never drunk in their life to someone who blacks out nightly in just under 2 weeks is a bit of a shift.

 

The misery is killing me........ I don't really have any friends here at school who I can turn to. If there was just a place I could go to be with friendly people it would help. I feel like I'm the only one of something, what's the point of going on.

[Athena]

Jester,

I felt a couple different things while I was reading your note. First thing was that my heart hurt for you and the pain you are feeling, I'm so sorry. The second things was, can we look at this this way, if it happen once, why then is it not possible for it to happen again? Have you spoke to her? If she liked you enough to flirt with you, then why not approach her and tell her you were a bit overwhelmed at first but are really interested in getting to know her.

 

I'm going to through this out there just because I am a bit pragmatic. I believe that you should make sure you understand that the worst possible thing that can happen has a likelyhood of happening, but if it does, try to deal with it in as optimisticly as possible. So, if you do decide to talk with her, prepare yourself that she may not be interested (that would be the worst case scenario). Should that be the case. Take with you the fact that when the next woman flirts with you, you will be more prepared. This is not the only or the last opportunity that you will have.

 

-A

[jester5536]

Thanks for the post, I appreciate the sentiement. I'm in a bit better controll now. The depression is still hitting me, but it is further and further in between. I was way out of control there for a while.

 

I doubt I'll bother talking to her about this, I may be an awfull person for saying this but I knew it at the time that it was a poor match between us. I suppose I was just overjoyed that someone would actually be attracted to me in that way. I probobly would have followed her to the end of the earth, just because she would have been the only person to ask it of me. I guese I have low self esteme or something.

 

Thankfully my best friend was able to drive up from Austin to help me get it togeather.

 

Anyway, I suppose I'll just go back to living from day to day. I've racked my brain for hours and hours and I can think of no other solution until I graduate and can leave this place forever.