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Online dating - first meeting


Ammy

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Hi guys,

 

So I met a guy I have been emailing for 2 weeks today (for all those who have been following my posts, this is not that other guy I was concerned about).

 

So we met for coffee, which we had from about 10.30 - 12.30, and then he asked me for lunch at another cafe and said, would you like to? I think the conversation is good (or something to that effect). We spent about 3.5 hours together in total and the conversation was good. He paid for lunch - I offered but he gave my money back. He said at about 2pm that he should make a move now as he wanted to get to the gym before dinner, so we left, he dropped me back at my car and gave me a hug and said, we should do something again. I said, yeah give me a call / text.

 

BUT no particular time/date suggestion.... Is that okay? Do you think it went okay? I wish guys just said there and then, let's meet up next weekend or something, you know, it would cut out the worry. Is it normal for them to follow up with a call rather than suggesting another meeting there and then? Or is this just a lack of interest and just keeping me hanging?

 

Ammy

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I think that it was a good sign that he extended the date to lunch. Based on my experience, online dating is tricky - or, rather, it is hard to gauge the true intentions of anyone you meet for the first time, as they are basically a stranger. It seemed like it went well, but there is no guarantee that he will call. I have had similar first dates/meetings that lasted 3-4 hours, seemed to have gone well and ended with the guy saying that we should get together again soon - only the guy disappeared instead. So, I would say don't get invested so soon. He may call, or he may not. Don't contact him - let him make that move.

 

Edit: I hope that you hear from him soon.

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Sounds like it went really well and good that he extended the meet and expressed interest in seeing you again. Best to take nothing for granted though, and I personally would wait for him to contact you even though it's frustrating.

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Thanks guys, I am just stressing because of the past experience I had earlier this year. I do like this guy, I mean I know it's early days, so I can't be 100% but he seems like real potential. I just hope that for once there can be reciprocated feelings - I always seem to like the ones that don't like me and vice versa...

 

Anyway, I'll keep you posted.

 

Ammy

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Well I guess I will be the 'doom bringer' and say that nine times out of ten, every guy I ever met, arranged the next time we met there and then. I didnt and never had to hang about, 'second guessing' as to whether or not he wanted to see me again....

 

The times where a second meeting wasn't arranged....well I never saw them again.

 

May not apply in this case though and you do date differently over there.....as well as have a tendency to keep people 'second guessing' and applying 'should I wait two hours ior a week to call'.....lol

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Thanks D'Lish, I hear what you're saying. I'm starting to wonder if he will now too. I mean how hard would it have been for him to say - so are you free next weekend?

 

I'm thinking I will give it till Tuesday (4 days), if nothing I will send a brief email / text re: going the gym - we had a bit of a joke that I keep delaying going to the gym.. and if there is no reply, then I will write it off as another experience to learn from. I wouldn't usually contact but because I am a little "cool" on first meetings (shyness, etc) I think it will give me the peace of mind that I showed I was interested and that him doubting my interest wasn't the reason he didn't get back to me.

 

Is that an okay plan???

 

Ammy

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I said in a previous reply that I would wait for him to contact you, but if you think he may have some doubt as to whether you were interested then I think you could do a casual txt or whatever if you want.

My thinking lately is that it's more to do with the personality style of the person involved, regarding whether they respond well to certain things, rather than hard and fast rules that are strictly gender based, such as you must never contact the guy (early on) or whatever; still don't really know about that one.

 

Also I have had guys contact me again after not locking down another date, so it can happen.

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I think I am going to resign myself to the fact he won't contact me and stop thinking about it.

 

He logged onto the dating site this morning.. That tells me I wasn't exactly what he was looking for - not that I expect people to date exclusively after 1 meeting, but in my mind, if he was as keen as I was, then he wouldn't have logged in the day after.

 

Ammy

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Completely disagree- he may have wanted to look at your photo, he may have another date planned that he planned before he met you and he may be interested in seeing you again - very interested - despite being smart in my opinion and not wanting to close off all options. I logged on the day after great first meets because we weren't yet exclusive and it would have been foolish for me to put all eggs in one basket.

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Yeah I know Batya, I shouldn't overreact, I know I do this all the time. I took my profile off anyway before I met him because I want to give online dating a break if this one doesn't work out.. I wonder what he would think if he tried to look at mine... hmm..

 

Anyway I am going to stop analysing and go out now and have a good day and if he contacts me he does, but otherwise I just have to get over it and hope that eventually I'll find someone who I am compatible enough to have more than 2 dates with.... Seems impossible right now!

 

 

Ammy

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Quick Coffee and Breakfast On Our 5th Anniversary at The Chali Beach Resort

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