Is he lying, or is she looking for drama?

[tattoobunnie]

So I have a new question. My recent ex and I are working things out, taking it very slow, spending some time together. His cousin's girlfriend though, while we were never really friends before, contacted right after the break-up, telling me to not trust him, and that he was a liar, and a scumbag...but she has no real proof. A few weeks later, while the ex and I have been asking outwardly if he was seeing other people, and we both say we are not, this girl has instant messaged me that the ex had a date/or someone over that was a girl last weekend, and once this week...yet she didn't know any details, and didn't know what really happened.

 

I asked the ex again if there were others that he had been dating, which he said absolutely not, and questioned her considering that the cousin's girlfriend and I had never just chatted on our own before. And it's strange since she keeps trying to bring up drama when I wish to just talk about "the weather" with her. And I do question the validity behind her, since my ex kept asking me all week, and for all weekend to see me, when he would be open to taking another woman out. I also asked her if the other woman was me, since my ex and I are secretly dating. She said, no, then she says she's not sure. Then she says, "I just don't trust him." And then, she doesn't know. And she hasn't gotten much information from the cousin because he doesn't know that we talk, just tid-bits. And that she also hasn't spoken to my ex about what has been going on, nor did he know I had been in contact with her until now when I was asking him if he has been honest with me. The cousin had done something to really make her not trust him, so I wonder if she's going all crazy in my business because she's still hurt by the cousin...

 

So what you all think...should I take the scattered truth of a drama queen, or look the ex straight into his eyes and gage things that way? Maybe I'm being naive...I'm trying to stay on the side of the person I'm trying to work things out with. I'm not concerned that he's dating, if he is, since I'm talking to some people to keep myself a little distracted and level-headed...I'm more concerned about him lying about it.

 

And when I did ask him about it...he didn't give me the impression he was lying, like asking for details about what she said, or trying to turn it around on me, or try to make me feel guilty...he flat out said, "no." And when asked if he was being honest to me, and I could trust him, he flat out said, "yes."

 

Cuz if any of this is true...it really means he's flat out pure evil.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would say to take his word for it for now. If he is lying, you'll find out on your own eventually.

 

Why are the two of you secretly dating?

[tattoobunnie]

Oh...I told him to keep it a secret for now, since my friends are in protective mode, and good friends always just want a punch the dude who broke up with you in the balls, no matter what happened. So, I'm protecting his balls for the moment.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It sounds like you don't have enough information yet to determine what is going on. If the woman can't give you any more details about who/when he is dating, or she can't tell you the source of the information so that you can verify it, you don't really have enough evidence to think he is lying to you.

 

But since you are just barely getting back together, keep your eyes and ears open in case what she is saying might be true. If he is seeing someone else, it will become evident in other ways eventually.

 

Some people who are not sure which person they want, or are hedging their bets in case getting back together fails, will indeed date more than one person until they are sure and cover that up. So it may or may not be true.

[Lothario]

From what you describe, it seems that you have no reason to mistrust him. Trust is very fragile and it should not be splintered without valid proof (or highly suspicious behavior).

[makingup]

The truth will come out sooner than later and you will know if he is lying or not.

[COtuner]

Weird thought - think this chick has at some time in the past wanted to date your guy? or did? That could lead to weird drama queen behavior on her part like this

[tattoobunnie]

Well, I do know she's been getting these pains in her stomach for about 7 years or so now, yet no one has figured out why. They seem to be temporary though...and my ex and I think they're "hysterical" pains....the kind the mind makes up, but feels real to the person. I think she may be carrying heavy resentment against her boyfriend, the ex's cousin, and is trying to get me to join her "hate club".

 

Thanks for your comments. I'm gonna stand by my man on this one. And even before both of us today, agreeing that we're aiming to work things out, I decided to trust him. If I couldn't...then what's the point of even trying.