Question about contact from ex

[spion_kop]

yea, when we initially broke up she was unsure about it. But to me, if u are unsure, then that in itself is an answer. So i told her that.

 

I realized a lot about myself today and i'm glad knowing that i followed my gut.

I'm happy about where i stand. Being patient does pay off

[Nearwater]

My question is so similar, i am putting it here. My ex, involved now with a married man, has a very nc.lc thing with me, i emailed her to tell her about an injury with a pet, she emails back, so sorry, but I can't talk to you or see you if you come to town.

 

I don't respond, then I get and email at 3 am her time a few days later, all concerned about the pet asking for a response. i have a few drafts, but not sent anything.

 

Her trip witht he married guy is getting weird, he has 3 kids and not yet divorced, I think she is starting to see how bad she blew it... not reading too much into it, but stating I will never see or talk to you then asking direct questions?

[spion_kop]

she maybe doesnt want to see u so that her old feelings may not come up again. She may be trying really hard to get over you and sometimes it doesnt work.

[Mayday11]

Glad to hear it.

 

Wish I got a similar response from my ex. She emailed me last Friday asking if I wanted to go grab a drink with her. I politely declined telling her I really wasn't interested in a friendship and wished her the best.

 

Well, she completely flipped out on me. At first she was angry and kind of mean, saying she'd never talk to me ever again and I was acting childish. When that didn't work, she went into "woe is me" phase and tried to make me feel sorry for her because the breakup was really difficult for her, too. When I still didn't budge, she changed her approach once again. She then started telling me that the 10 years she's known be have been the best ever and I'll always have a huge place in her heart until the day she dies. I still didn't give in.

 

Her final email equated to the breakup equivalent of a middle finger, basically going on about how she's the happiest she's been in a long time and she loves her life and she loves her boyfriend and her new friends, etc (actually came off as sounding a bit insecure). Then she ends it with "I know one day we'll be best friends again, so when you're ready to get that drink, just give me a call."

 

It really almost struck me like she was going through the stages of grieving the death of our relationship just now, six months after the fact. She's still in complete denial that I'm not going to be friends with her.

 

But, the best part is, the whole exchange (which finally ended yesterday) didn't bother me in the least. Sure, I was a little irked that I felt like I was talking to a brick wall, but that's about it. Life went on. I was proud of the fact that I didn't crumble to her request and was able to stick to my guns under the pressure.

[spion_kop]

Mayday, with you wishing for a similar response, it makes me a lot happier since you're a very wise man. They are so eager to put a label on things so that it could suit them but I'm glad that you and I were both strong to decline

 

My ex said that we could be one of those people who talk every once in a while and again i said that it's best that we dont label anything. I think what caught my ex off guard was how positive and optimistic i was. She asked if i was being sarcastic when i said i was happy for her and her bf. I told her that i always wanted what was best for her and that isnt gonna change. I told her that i wanted what was best for all the people that i care about, even if it isnt reciprocated.

 

It's funny isnt it knowing that you're the one who's suppose to go through the greiving process but yet they are, while you're upbeat and positive?

 

May i ask if this was similar with your previous exes for those who came back or completely different?

[spion_kop]

So i'd like to post a lil update. The ex and i are in extremely lowww LC. It's mostly NC in between contact. When she does msg me it's about ridiculous things and at times, i'm surprised that she does have the audacity to msg me. I know for a fact that she has friends who she can ask these questions to but yet she'll still ask me. Keep in mind that she also has a boyfriend from the time of the breakup.

 

So today she leaves on her trip to the same place that i'm going but for different reasons. This is what she said texted me on my cell

 

"hey, i'm leaving now. Just wanted to wish you a safe trip and a merry christmas. Hope you have a good trip!"

 

8 months post break up, she's still contacting me. Plus this message is doing my head in compared to her other text because why in the world would she contact me!?

I dont think her bf would appreciate her msging me because it shows that she is thinking about me..

 

Any advice and opinions? The way i've done things so far has been strictly NC up until i contacted her one day to see where i was. I'm in complete acceptance of the breakup and am over her. That doesnt mean i dont love her anymore cause i do, but i'm moving on to newer pastures.

[spion_kop]

anyone.....?

[GoldenHillGuy]

I dunno man. My ex writes me emails every other week. I guess I just don't care any more. My ex knows how I feel, and want her back. And frankly I'm tired of getting stupid emails. I'm not interested in being friends. I honestly think it's a guilt thing with them man. They want us to be friendly with them. That way they can ease their guilt.

[spion_kop]

Yea but even after 8+ months, they still feel guilty. I mean one would think they would stop by now. It's not like i'm sitting in the corner waiting for her to give me her hand. I think i'm gonna go back to ignoring everything she writes to me from now on.

[GoldenHillGuy]

Yea but even after 8+ months, they still feel guilty. I mean one would think they would stop by now. It's not like i'm sitting in the corner waiting for her to give me her hand. I think i'm gonna go back to ignoring everything she writes to me from now on.

 

That's kinda where I am. I do respond. But very short, and only if she asks a question. It's so stupid. Especially after I told her VERY DIRECTLY I'm not interested in 'friendship', and if that's all you want, I'd rather not speak to you. But, now, I really don't care so much and it doesn't torture me like it used to.

[spion_kop]

Yea, I just try to keep things short and sweet whenever she asks me questions that i think are relevant. Otherwise, i just ignore her messages, not in a rude way but because it's not in my best interest

[GoldenHillGuy]

Yea, I just try to keep things short and sweet whenever she asks me questions that i think are relevant. Otherwise, i just ignore her messages, not in a rude way but because it's not in my best interest

 

Exactly. It used to be really tough. But now I'm kind of indifferent to her stupid emails. I used to hang on every word in the emails. I'd read into it, analyze everything. Over time, I see them for what they really are. Emails that she would send to a friend. It stung at first to realize that, but it really helped in my healing. She's just not interested in anything more than being friends. That's fine, but I'm not interested in even that. But, since I've already told her I didn't want to be friends, and she convinced me to 'be friends' by dangling the carrot of reconciliation in front of my face, I'd look like a weak fool if I asked for NC again. I'll just let my actions speak louder than my words.