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Not a pleasant feeling...


nightcomeson

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To cut a long story short - girlfriend of a few months has been offered a job some distance away. She has been unemployed for a while and it's a cool job so I'm really proud of her, but I've never thought that distance things are something that would work for me so I think it would be the end of things should she decide to move.

 

She isn't sure whether to take the job or not (she has a few reasons for staying, and likewise obvious reasons for seriously considering going) and probably won't be making a decision for a few days. I hate waiting around not knowing what's going to happen. Quite possibly one of the most unpleasant feelings I can remember in a long time.

 

Doesn't help that she found out when I'm away on business for a few days. It's hard for me to think of anything other than the situation, especially when I try hard not to think about it. All I want to do is hold her and tell her it will all be ok and whatever she decides she'll have my blessing but the selfish part of me wants her desperately to remain here and keep looking for jobs less far away as she has been doing for a while without much luck. Does that make me a bad person?

 

Help.

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Long distance relationships can be done but ultimately at some point there has to be the commitment for people to eventually live in the same city. If she can't find a job where she is then she will have no choice but to move..but that doesn't mean the move will be forever...once she gets more experience and gets back on her feet she might eventually try her luck for a new job back in the city she is currently in. You never know. If you care enough about her then you will not dump her simply because she is moving away...if you dump her then you need to think about how much you really care or is it that you just want someone who is conveniently located and if out of sight then out of mind. Why exactly are you upset about her leaving...is it because you will miss HER or is it because you will miss having "a girlfriend".

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If you care enough about her then you will not dump her simply because she is moving away...if you dump her then you need to think about how much you really care or is it that you just want someone who is conveniently located and if out of sight then out of mind. Why exactly are you upset about her leaving...is it because you will miss HER or is it because you will miss having "a girlfriend".

 

That isn't the case. I care about her an awful lot, but I've seen distance things fail so many times before when people have had the best intentions to start off with. The worst thing I can imagine is for whatever's there to slowly disappear until it's gone.

 

I also know what I'm like as a person, and I'd feel the complete opposite to the out of sight out of mind thing you described, initially anyway. I can't predict what I'd feel in future as I've never been involved in anything like it before. I guess I just don't believe in the concept of distance things and from my point of view, more often than not they're prone to failing miserably.

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There are plenty of people who have had LDRs work out successfully. My brother had a LDR for many years. She eventually moved to where he was living and now they have been married for about 16 years. If you go in with a negative attitude then it will definitely not work...it takes commitment to make it work and commitment means having a positive attitude about it.

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