Superfreak Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I don't really think their's a way to universally ensure that you'll never be called or thought of as a $lut, unless the only time you have sex is in a long term committed relationship. Otherwise alot of people just use it as an all purpose insult against any woman that's ever been physically intimate with any man, ever. The best advice is to have sex with as many people as you feel is right, keep it reasonably discrete, and don't let it bother you if someone calls you one because if it wasn't for the fact that our society is so screwed up, it wouldn't even be that much of an insult. Link to comment
Casanova Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Ahh, College, the good 'ol days. Well, you're on the same page as everyone else in college. Nobody wants to be in a comitted relationship in college, especially as a freshman (well, most) and so having a fling or friends with benefits shouldn't difficult. In fact, you don't even need to talk about it. As long as it's just physical, you will both understand. If he texts you too often don't respond and create some space. Respond whenever you want. I don't agree with that one poster who said rumors fly around in the locker room. Of course it depends on what college you go to (I went to UCSB) but college is ENTIRELY different than high school. College is huge. You will continue to meet new people all the way through the very last day of your senior year! I'm not kidding. So rumors will not fly around like in H.S., there's just too many people and frankly people don't care as much since it's college. Even if you tried, it wouldn't go anywhere! lol College is a liberating ecxperience. Gone are the days of clicks, rumors, popular crowds, geeky crowds, jocks, etc. Usually it's a time of trying new things, new drinking habits lol, new friends, and finding out a lot about yourself. And it's hard to have such an experience if your in a comitted relationship. So I think your making a good decision. So basically, most people in college are thinking like you so it shouldn't be akward. Like you said you can talk about it, but if I prefer not doing that because you may bruise the guy's ego. Just keep things casual, nothing too heavy, no serious dates, and have a great time! Link to comment
John Bendix Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Superfreak, Well said. Link to comment
KiCkiT Posted August 27, 2008 Author Share Posted August 27, 2008 Sry for the confusion, Jcrisph. it was my bad anyways....sometimes internet talking gets confusing and Superfreak, I completely agree. I'm torn because I really feel that having safe sex outside of a relationship is perfectly fine. I never really feel guilty. I just hate the label that goes along with girls who have a casual attitude towards sex. But you're right. I just need to do what is right for me and try not to let other people's opinions affect me as much as they do. Stupid society =( and thnx for the response Casanova. I go to a university similar to UCSB (big, lots of parties, etc) and I agree that its a lotttt different from high school. But rumors and information about people still seems to get spread around here so I'm trying to be careful... Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 The only thing that you can do to avoid being known as a woman of loose morals is to avoid random hook ups. You are going to have very little if any control over what people are going to say about you. Choose your partners wisely and develop a thick skin. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Well i will try to answer best i can.... i went to ASU.. big party school.. ran with a crowd and we all got lots and lots of girls... partied and dated with all type of girls.. good girls, party girls and * * * * ty girls... theres nothing wrong with having a big sexual apptiite.. we all have it. well most... but from my experince the * * * * ty girls.. were the girls that went out 3-4 nights a week... and hooked up with different guys nightly or at least few times a week... to fulfill there sexual apptitie... then there were the good girls.. i dated one of these girl... stuck to one guy.. but had crazy sex drive.. and we would do it 4-6times.. daily before and after class whenever... yes someties it got old... but if you had crazy chemistry and the guy know what he was doing it would never get boring... also another type of girls were the ones that never had bf.. but were friends with guys.. on a cool level.. and they would be eachother FWB... this was okay with the girl because she only saw herself going with one or two guys... but typically the guy would be sleeping with many other women.. and typicaly end quicly beause felling would be hurt or she couldnt take it anymore... like i said i dated and partied with all types... yes the occisanal one night stand was fun.. bu it felt empty.. sex wasnt even that good or cant remember beause we were to drunk... my advice would be find a guy you are crazy attracted to.. treats you well.. but isnt looking for the whole bf-gf rel... but still respects you.. and have fun... those were the best rel i had.. wasnt lots of baggage atteched to it... Link to comment
meepmeep20 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Go on dating websites. You get the idea. Link to comment
KiCkiT Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Choose your partners wisely and develop a thick skin. For sure. I definitely need to work on those two Well i will try to answer best i can.... i went to ASU.. big party school.. ran with a crowd and we all got lots and lots of girls... partied and dated with all type of girls.. good girls, party girls and * * * * ty girls... theres nothing wrong with having a big sexual apptiite.. we all have it. well most... but from my experince the * * * * ty girls.. were the girls that went out 3-4 nights a week... and hooked up with different guys nightly or at least few times a week... to fulfill there sexual apptitie... then there were the good girls.. i dated one of these girl... stuck to one guy.. but had crazy sex drive.. and we would do it 4-6times.. daily before and after class whenever... yes someties it got old... but if you had crazy chemistry and the guy know what he was doing it would never get boring... also another type of girls were the ones that never had bf.. but were friends with guys.. on a cool level.. and they would be eachother FWB... this was okay with the girl because she only saw herself going with one or two guys... but typically the guy would be sleeping with many other women.. and typicaly end quicly beause felling would be hurt or she couldnt take it anymore... like i said i dated and partied with all types... yes the occisanal one night stand was fun.. bu it felt empty.. sex wasnt even that good or cant remember beause we were to drunk... my advice would be find a guy you are crazy attracted to.. treats you well.. but isnt looking for the whole bf-gf rel... but still respects you.. and have fun... those were the best rel i had.. wasnt lots of baggage atteched to it... The thing is, I don't really find myself fitting perfectly in one of those categories. I only go out on the weekends. And I don't hook up with tons of people, but I guess more than most of my friends, as they are usually girl #2. And you're right, one night stands when drunk are stupid because it's pretty empty and hard to remember. In the moment, its hard to say no, though have to work on that. I like your last bit of advice. I'm gonna try to find someone like that. Thanks for the response...It reinforces the fact that after college, I don't want to be thought of as girl #1. Go on dating websites. You get the idea. Haha I've done that before....All I got was hit on and stalked by ugly 50year olds (no offense to any older guys on this site...everyone on here is pretty awesome) ...plus I'm in college. I feel like I should be taking advantage of that and meeting people face to face Link to comment
Penny_Lane Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Be confident and comfortable with yourself. If you wanna have a good time and get laid, the do it, but remember to do it because YOU want it, don't do it to please anyone else. There's nothing wrong with hooking up with people and having sex. Just make sure its safe, consensual, you have your head on right and your priorities straight. Set your standards, don't let anyone treat you like sh!t and don't let anyone use you. If anyone tries to judge you tell them to go f*** themselves. That's my 2 cents. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Find one dude and stick with him. If you dont want a relationship make that clear up front. Girls get labeled when we all know where your birthmarks are and what you like to be called during sex. You said it. I agree. Pretty much any woman can sleep with a bunch of guys if that is her aim and goal but most want to have a higher standard. And if she chooses not to that is her right but we all know that people have biases and you will get a reputation, especially in college. It is what it is. It is a choice you make. Link to comment
ManAbout Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 So I'm in college, and I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now....I also must say that I have quite the sexual appetite. I personally think that there's nothing wrong with having sex outside of a relationship as long as you always use a condom and are safe about it. At the same time, I don't want to be thought of as a $lut. So I guess what I'm asking is... How do I go about feeding my sexual appetite without getting a reputation? You say you are not looking for a "serious relationship". I don't think most relationships in college are really serious relationships. You are with someone for a few weeks, a month, a semester what ever. I think very few college age guys are looking for a committed relationship anyway. As long as both of you understand that things are fluid and casual and you get lots of sex, that should fulfill your requirements. Unless your requirement is that you want to have lots of sex with lots of DIFFERENT men all the time? In that case you have your work cut out for you. And to keep rumours from spreading having partners off-campus is your best option. Don't hook up with guys at your college parties, at least not on a regular basis. Frequent off campus bars and clubs where there are a mix of people not just those in your school or course. You must have this issue right now anyway. How are you handling it at the moment? Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 Do what you want....just always wrap it up....Make sure you're on some form of birth control just in case....Realize that condoms break, so pick your partners carefully.....F what anyone else says. As long as you're ok with it, who cares. I have no regrets from my younger adulthood. I only regret things I didn't do when I had the chance. Link to comment
Barry Allen Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 I think it's hugely important to know the guy(s) you're sleeping with before you make any sudden moves. Try to get a feel for his personality, and make sure he's not the type of guy who'd go off and blab to everyone about it. And not only that, you'll have to make sure he's emotionally strong to deal with sex without a relationship, because believe it or not, there are some guys who would really like to get laid AND maintain a relationship. The last thing you want is to sleep with someone who ends up becoming needy and clingy and desperate for your constant attention. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Meet men from off campus(i.e. older, different colleges, local but neighboring town...you get the idea) this way no one on campus knows your biz... Link to comment
KiCkiT Posted September 6, 2008 Author Share Posted September 6, 2008 Do what you want....just always wrap it up....Make sure you're on some form of birth control just in case....Realize that condoms break, so pick your partners carefully.....F what anyone else says. As long as you're ok with it, who cares. I have no regrets from my younger adulthood. I only regret things I didn't do when I had the chance. k thanks for the advice =) ...Right now I'm taking a hiatus from the random hookups and just trying to meet people to find a great FWB. I think that will be safer and really be the best of both worlds I think it's hugely important to know the guy(s) you're sleeping with before you make any sudden moves. Try to get a feel for his personality, and make sure he's not the type of guy who'd go off and blab to everyone about it. yeah, it seems the ones I choose like to tell everyyyyone. I guess thats better than not wanting anyone to know, but its kind of immature if you ask me =( ...And getting a feel for the personality is definitely a good idea, too. I can separate my emotions from sex really well a.k.a. I can just be attracted to someone and sleep with them without being attached at all, just feeling satisfied. I guess it comes down to the fact that I need to take things slow and get to know them a little first, even if its not going to turn into a relationship. Meet men from off campus(i.e. older, different colleges, local but neighboring town...you get the idea) this way no one on campus knows your biz... Unfortunately, there arent any other schools around me within about 2 hours. and I find myself more attracted to guys that have major things in common with me (same age, going to the same school, etc)...Its just so much easier to meet people I like on campus...esspecially since I dont have a car Link to comment
Jeremiah Johnson Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Be careful with that. Some things look better just passing through... Link to comment
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