Fun Girl vs. $lut ....where is the line drawn?

[KiCkiT]

So I'm in college, and I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now....I also must say that I have quite the sexual appetite. I personally think that there's nothing wrong with having sex outside of a relationship as long as you always use a condom and are safe about it.

 

At the same time, I don't want to be thought of as a $lut. So I guess what I'm asking is...

 

How do I go about feeding my sexual appetite without getting a reputation?

 

How far is too far to go the first time I hook up with a guy I like? The second time? The third time?

 

 

Guys, I basically just want to know what guys generally think distinguishes a fun girl from a trashy girl. I'm on a scholarship, I get straight A's, I'm involved in many athletic clubs, and am a nice girl, but I just really really like sex! I want people to see the other qualities I have and not just the fact that I'm a sexual person. I don't want to be thought less of because I hook up with guys outside of relationships...ughh. Help! I want a guys opinion...

 

 

I know some people might say "Its college! no one cares!" but the truth is that guys talk a lot and I hang out with a lot of the same guys on a regular basis....and I know its lame, but I really do care what people think of me.

 

Thanks in advance to anyone that responds...

[redhearts]

I think you should get to know a guy or what not, but maybe a friends with benefit situation is good for you. I mean sleeping with so many different guys the way I see it is trashy, but if you stick it out with just one friend with benefit that may not be bad.

 

But I know ya wanted a guys opinion, but I thought I say that! Hope ya don't mind!

[Shudder]

I'm thinking that a sex friend would probably be the best for you too. To me being * * * * ty is if you had someone new every weekend..

[Lionel Hutz]

Find one dude and stick with him. If you dont want a relationship make that clear up front. Girls get labeled when we all know where your birthmarks are and what you like to be called during sex.

[ghost69]

meet other guys outside your circle of friends.

[Steve 7745]

I think you should get to know a guy or what not, but maybe a friends with benefit situation is good for you. I mean sleeping with so many different guys the way I see it is trashy, but if you stick it out with just one friend with benefit that may not be bad.

 

But I know ya wanted a guys opinion, but I thought I say that! Hope ya don't mind!

 

I concur. This is a very safe method to protect your reputation. It's also beneficial because "practice" with one partner improves your skills, feeds your need, protects your reputation, and if you pick your partner wisely, reduces the chance of STDs or drama and keeps your "number" down without lying (a huge plus if you decide you want something serious later).

 

If you meet someone who heads that way, sit down with him and tell him you don't want anything serious. You can ask for exclusivity but not commitment (which means that you two alone can have sex, but if he wants to get together with some other girl, it's okay with you). And if you feel yourself getting attached, tell him and pull away.

[Clementine orange]

Look for guys who are more mature, one's that have a good sense of themselves and their self esteem and sense of fair play is in tact. ie: guys who can be discrete and don't feel the need to broadcast thier "conquests" to everyone around them.

 

Look before you leap and be communicative with the guy you are doing this with.

 

As someone else mentioned a FWB situation might be a solution. Though that does have it's dangers too.

[lostandhurt]

I think it mostly should matter to you. After you leave college and settle down will you regret the choices you have made? Will they come back to haunt you? These are for you to answer, no one else.

I certainly don't think you mean you want to hook up with a guy at a party every night but you might find peoples perception of you will change. Rumors and jealousy often come along with all this. It is really to bad there is a double standard for men and women but the reality is that is does. I think as you start your life at college you will find a balance. Be good to yourself and be safe.

 

lost

[babysunshine]

I agree with the FWB situation. That way you get your sexual needs met, plus some extra's. and... as a woman deep down we are conditioned to feel bad or guilty if we have many sexual partners. Even though you make think you are immune ot those feelings they may haunt you later. Plus the safety issue. Even with condoms you can still get all sorts of STD's. It's not worth it.

[KiCkiT]

Thanks for all of the responses. I definitely see now how a friends with benefits situation would be ideal. but like....how do you even establish that with someone? It'd have to be stated before stuff happened between us right?? I feel like it'd be awkward to just say "Sooo....you're hot. I'm horny. Lets be friends with benefits!" (obviously I'm exaggerating but you see my point)

 

 

And I see now how it would be a lot smarter to have this happen with someone outside of my circle of friends. Its just hard to find a random person that you never really hang out with and party with, you know? Maybe once classes start that will be easier.

 

 

Thanks to the girls for responding, too! Its always welcome even when I ask for a guys opinion

[jcrisph]

If that is you in the pic, you seem like a nice and outgoing person, i doubt you will have problems finding new friends.

[Shudder]

Thanks for all of the responses. I definitely see now how a friends with benefits situation would be ideal. but like....how do you even establish that with someone? It'd have to be stated before stuff happened between us right?? I feel like it'd be awkward to just say "Sooo....you're hot. I'm horny. Lets be friends with benefits!" (obviously I'm exaggerating but you see my point)

 

 

 

this is an interesting question, cause I'd like to know too..

[Lionel Hutz]

I'm horny. Lets be friends with benefits!

 

HAHAHA,With the right tone of voice and in the right environment that phrase is all you need. Most guys are pretty basic on the sexual level. We wanna do it and with a hot girl. HAHAHAHA. I could see if you were a guy how tough it would be to say that.

 

Edit: There is some unsuspecting dude out there now that has got his work cut out for him. LOL! Imagine.

[Steve 7745]

If you have sex with a guy, and he seems interested in coming back for more, sit him down and explain it to him. You like him, he's attractive (or else I'd imagine you wouldn't be sleeping with him), and you definitely want to see him more often. But you don't want anything serious as this is college. You would like exclusivity but not a committed relationship.

 

I've little doubt you'll meet a guy who can agree to these terms. It may seem embarrassing, but you must communicate your interests early to avoid confusion.

[riley123]

Guys, I basically just want to know what guys generally think distinguishes a fun girl from a trashy girl.

 

I think its fine to 'have some fun' as long as your up front, honest, and responsible with the guy.

 

That being said, I would not advise you to hook-up at will if you're looking to avoid labels and a less than stellar reputation. Example: Hook up with one player on the football team, not the football team.

[ghost69]

invite the person over, hook up, etc. then call them and ask what they are doing. ask them over again or if you can go over there. and pretty much just do the physical. don't get emotionally involved further.

[jcrisph]

I think its fine to 'have some fun' as long as your up front, honest, and responsible with the guy.

 

That being said, I would not advise you to hook-up at will if you're looking to avoid labels and a less than stellar reputation. Example: Hook up with one player on the football team, not the football team.

very true...you hook up with mutiple sports players...the label is going to start to come out. Locker room talk gets passed around quick

[KiCkiT]

If that is you in the pic, you seem like a nice and outgoing person, i doubt you will have problems finding new friends.

 

haha, well thanks! I'm glad my picture makes me seem like a nice person

 

If you have sex with a guy, and he seems interested in coming back for more, sit him down and explain it to him. You like him, he's attractive (or else I'd imagine you wouldn't be sleeping with him), and you definitely want to see him more often. But you don't want anything serious as this is college. You would like exclusivity but not a committed relationship.

 

I've little doubt you'll meet a guy who can agree to these terms. It may seem embarrassing, but you must communicate your interests early to avoid confusion.

 

Yeah. I think that sitting down and explaining it is a calm and mature way to go about that. And I like the idea of saying it after hooking up with someone once, as opposed to right in the beginning.

 

the only thing is... Isn't it unreasonable to not be in a committed relationship, but then turn around and ask them for exclusivity?

[Steve 7745]

the only thing is... Isn't it unreasonable to not be in a committed relationship, but then turn around and ask them for exclusivity?

 

There are several ways you can go about this. You can ask him to let you know if he's seeing someone else, so you can control your jealousy. I'm not a big fan, however, of people holding down multiple sexual relationships- someone usually gets hurt and since you're young, dealing with these emotions can surprise and shock you. If you don't care if he's sleeping with other women, do what you want.

 

If you ask for exclusivity and he agrees, be accepting if he hangs out with other women, and feel free to meet other men. You are not committed to him, and he is not committed to you. If at anytime however, you feel he is lying to you about being exclusive to you, it would be best to break it off to protect yourself.

 

Also, if he suddenly starts exhibiting signs of jealousy, poor behavior or lying to you, end it. The downside to your situation is that not only must you safe guard against potential harm to yourself, you must also defend both you AND him from getting attached. Attachment means it has become serious.

 

On the average, two weeks is roughly the period of time you can have intense sex with someone before attachment starts to set in, or you can space it out a few days a month over a long period of time without attachment. My observation from FWB I've had in the past.

[jcrisph]

haha, well thanks! I'm glad my picture makes me seem like a nice person

lol i didnt say your pic makes u seem like a nice person.

[KiCkiT]

If that is you in the pic, you seem like a nice and outgoing person

 

lol i didnt say your pic makes u seem like a nice person.

 

 

[jcrisph]

i combined sentences......its 2 comments in one...from your previous posts..you seem like a nice out going person +1 combined with your looks += you should have no problems meeting new people

[ghost69]

i combined sentences......its 2 comments in one...from your previous posts..you seem like a nice out going person +1 combined with your looks += you should have no problems meeting new people

 

nice save.

[jcrisph]

it wasnt a save its really what i ment to say

[Steve 7745]

It's okay, we have a forum dedicated to flirting if you need assistance...