too argumentative?

[Realitybites]

hi,

i have a question that i have been thinking about lately, and i hope someone can give me some good advice on how to adress it.

 

i can get very irritated by offensive opinions (racist, sexist, blanket statements, one-sided, unfair), mainly due to my job as a journalist - what can i say, professional hazard... unfortunately i can come off as too argumentative around friends. when others let the issue slide by, i usually don't.

 

is that wrong?

 

Are there ways not to get triggered when obviously wrong information is being passed around in a social context?

 

let's say i was a doctor, and the topic being discussed with friends is drugs, and obviously wrong info is being brought up, should i just shut up or correct them?

 

and just for the record, i don't have a need to win, and i am not combative. i calmly question the opinion and give my argument as to why i am questioning it. this usually becomes an issue when a friend of mine is around. he's opinionated and dominating, and unfortunately often has wrong info to boot. it makes for awkward situations when others are around. what should i do?

[Frodo Baggins]

Honestly, if the discussion doesn't get hostile, I don't really see a problem. You stand up and say something when you feel there's misinformation being spread or if there is something you don't agree. Personally, I think those are virtues, though they may result in some faux pax. There is no real way to stop taking offense to somethings without a major change in ideology and philosophy as well as personality. For the most part, all you can do is bite your tongue when you see it would be inappropriate to step in.

 

For the most part, I think your quality is admirable and I respect you for it.

[mr_ripley]

I'm pretty much the same as you. I'm very opinionated and absolutely despise ignorance and missinformation. I've had a lot of the same problems as you, with people telling me that I'm somewhat argumentative.

 

Recently I've been trying to calm myself down before speaking by counting to five before commenting. It works, well sometimes.

[just_smile]

hey

i dont think there is anything wrong with standing up for what you believe in, i think your friends should just accept it as part of your personality and the way you are.

i think that you should correct them in certain situations, but if it becomes a regular thing then they may feel as if they cant have an opinion when your around.

maybe you should try and not bring your work home with you (or into your social group)

hope this helps

LJ =;

[Gratsy]

I depends on how you do it. I correct people, nicely.

[Lana0120]

I think, as the other posters are saying, it depends on how you do it and whether or not it gets heated. Also, whether it is something that is important or not. Also, how often you do it. If it is all the time, that would be irritating and I'd suggest bowing out at times.

[Abby]

I'm learning to deal with a friend who has very strong (and sometimes offensive, be it racist, sizist, sexist) opinions on a wide range of subjects.

 

When I mistakenly confided with her in a medical matter recently, instead of being a supportive listener which I assumed she'd be, she gave me her opinion which was both aggressive and arrogant. It was not appreciated.

 

I believe there was a way she could have worded it so that she expressed her opinion and also learnt something new in the process (just because she disagreed with what I'm experiencing medically, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist or cannot happen).

 

What I suggest is that you don't actually correct people but acknowledge what they've said then offer your opinion. How about something like this which sounds kinder...

 

"Wow, I didn't realise that. I always thought blah, blah, blah. But that's really interesting. Tell me more..."

 

That way if their information is incorrect, you're learning a bit more about what they think and why and at the same time, you're giving the correct information. It won't feel so much like a debate.

 

Hope this helps

[Gath]

Well, before you jump in, answer the following two questions:

 

1. Do I really know as much about this as I think I do?

 

2. Can I actually change their minds about it?

 

If the answer is no to either one, keep your mouth closed. It's not worth it.

[Celadon]

You are not wrong for wanting to set the record straight. It may be an occupational hazard, but it is a noble one. You must continue to speak out for the poor and oppressed. But I think the real challenge is in figuring out how to do that in a socially acceptable manner. Sometimes, adopting a more lighthearted attitude is better than adopting a ferocious one. Sometimes I laugh to myself because something sounds so ridiculous, then when I go in to correct someone, it almost comes off like I'm amused. Sure, I may be deriding them a bit, but it's better than me coming off all hotheaded.

 

What I suggest is that you don't actually correct people but acknowledge what they've said then offer your opinion. How about something like this which sounds kinder...

 

"Wow, I didn't realise that. I always thought blah, blah, blah. But that's really interesting. Tell me more..."

 

That way if their information is incorrect, you're learning a bit more about what they think and why and at the same time, you're giving the correct information. It won't feel so much like a debate.

Yeah, I agree with Abby. people feel like you're arguing with them when you don't acknowledge what they've said. it's basic (and hard to remember, that's one of my challenges ). Other people will get MORE argumentative when you put them down.

 

Believe me, people know your friend is racist, or whatever, by what he says. So what you really want to do is provide correct information, not put him down. Besides, if *he's* argumentative and tries to win the argument, he's a loser. I work with a guy like that, and it's all pride and arrogance. You deserve to make your point, put the correct info out there.

 

I might even suggest not solely addressing the guy with the wrong info, but addressing the group. You won't change his mind, but you could change the minds of anyone who is listening, know what I mean? The real battle is to win over everyone else, not the people who are too racist, sexist or otherwise prejudiced to recognize reality.