My brother just called me .. his wife wants to leave

[n83]

Hey everyone,

 

I don't know where to begin.. My brother and I have never been close, but in the last few years we've gotten a bit closer. He used to be a HUGE a-you know what to me.. but since his daughter was born, he's become more family oriented, and has gotten much less mean in general. He's changed quite a bit.

 

Anyways, tonight I got a call from him that completely shocked me. He was sobbing and crying, I've never heard that before. He told me that his wife has said she wants to leave him and she is refusing to go to counseling or consider staying. He thinks it's over between them.

 

He said that she was upset because he never quit smoking like he said he would, and she apparently told him that he's mean and disrespectful to everyone.

 

I begged him to go to counseling even without his wife. They have a beautiful 2 year old together. My brother was sobbing uncontrollably when he was talking about her, saying he doesn't want her growing up like this, only being able to visit her once a week.... He said that there's no way he'll get custody, considering the state they live in.

 

He asked me not to tell our parents what's going on. I was crying on the phone too. My heart is broken for them. He said he is going to go set up an appointment w/ his Dr. tomorrow and he will try to set up an appointment w/ a counselor too.

 

I don't know what to do or what to say.. please help I feel so bad for him and the way he was crying, ... I've never, ever heard my brother cry in my life and I just don't know what to do or say

[redhearts]

Well no offense, I don't want to jump to conclusions, and its not always this. Those are two very small factors to just tell someone to F off basically. Her refusing to go to couseling and not wanting to work it out, its out of the blue she must have someone else lined up.

[n83]

I asked him that, he said he didn't know if she was seeing someone else..

 

I know how mean my brother can be at times, he does have the tendency to talk down to people sometimes. But honestly in the last few years, I noticed that he had changed a LOT.. and I know he loves his wife. I know he loves his daughter more than anything else.

 

Ultimately it makes no difference Red. The outcome is still the same.

[annie24]

i'd encourage your brother to get individual counseling, even if his wife won't go with him. yes, i am also wondering if she has someone else lined up.... hang in there, just listen to him. i'd recommend he talk to a lawyer about securing his parenting rights.

[Seraphim]

It sounds like he needs concelling regardless how his marriage turns out. She sounds like she really wants to go and he maybe too late. He maybe sad now cause he realises life comes with consequences and he does not want to face them so he thinks crying will make her sorry for him and stay.

[lostandhurt]

Your brother needs to tell your parents and rally a support system around him right away. He also needs to see a therapist so he can start to deal with his life situation as it is now and learn from this to better himself for himself.

What you can do is listen and be supportive and look out for him as he is in a very dark place right now and probably not thinking to clearly. His health will suffer through this time and he won't eat or sleep well so make sure your family stays close. For what ever reason his world has come crashing down around him and I know his tears and sadness are real as it gets. This is not a game to get her back.

I know you have been on this site for some time but maybe you could suggest he join some forum to seek advice from others. We all know how much it can help.

Ultimately he needs to want to change for himself, whether it be quitting smoking or learning why he does the things that causes' his loved ones to think badly of him.

Love him and help protect him........

 

lost