I need help

[Mustang]

So last night I went out on another "date" with a girl that I've been out with a couple of times already. It wasn't really a date as there were a load of her friends there too but I was only there to see her.

 

Anyway, we were out drinking and bowling. When I drink I tend to come out my shell and be really confident and outgoing. I guess you could say I get really flirty too. It's not deliberate. The girl I was with got annoyed with me because she said that I was flirting with her friend and that I had embarrassed her. There was no intent at all. Another friend of hers suggested that I was being really flirty and she took her friends word and refused to listen to anything I said.

 

She text me last night and said that I'm too flirty and she doesn't need to be with someone who "flirts with everyone to boost his own ego".

 

I really like this girl and I've ruined it by obviously not giving her enough attention. I upset her because she probably felt like I was giving her friends more attention. It's annoying because I know that if you win the approval of a girl's friends then you're halfway there.

 

I text her last night to tell her that I'm not a "ladies man" or a "womaniser" at all. She has the wrong impression of me completely and it's annoying. What else was I supposed to do? Cling to her all night and not talk to her friends?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

If you get overly flirty when drinking the answer is simple. Don't drink so much when you're on a date.

 

You might try to save this by telling her what you said here... and tell her you didn't intend disrespect at all. Try to turn it into a learning experience. Ask her which comments/things in particular she saw as over flirty, then don't do them again (and tell her you won't).

[Mustang]

I tried to explain myself last night and she wasn't interested. She said that she didn't care about me enough to care about what I had to say to explain myself.

[Mutley]

The biggest mistake here is that you went on a "group" date. Only date them ALONE at the beginning. It's hard enough to read them....let alone when they're preoccupied with their friends.

[Mustang]

I agree but at the same time, I wanted to see her. She's obviously going to believe what her friends say about me over anything I say. She seems to think that I'm a player and what not and there's nothing I can say or do now.

 

Maybe she'll calm down and contact me again but I can't see it happening.

[Mutley]

Yea, leave it in her court.

 

But, I must say, if that was the ONLY way of "seeing" her...then you were dead in the water to begin with.

[flyingSolo]

I understand how you feel. You were only trying to win approval of her friends. I have done this as well, but not necessarily being flirty. She obviously read you wrong and thats a problem. I mean, seriously, like you were there to pick up her friends. Girls are very confusing at times. I won't even go into my B.S. with them.

 

I would say let her cool down and then give her a call in several days. Then thats it, the rest will be up to her. Good Luck!!

[itsallgrand]

Well, we all know how what we seem to think is going on while we are drinking, and how other people see it are usually two completely different things.

 

I think the biggest problem was drinking early on. That can leave a bad impression no matter what else you do.

 

You may FEEL charming and confident while drinking, but in reality, you may be behaving in less than grand tone.

 

Next time, just be your sober self. For better or worse - at least then if problems arise, it'll be based on your clear headed normal self.

 

The drinking brings in problems of its own beyond being flirty with friends. The wondering of how you might behave next time you get a drink or two in ya.

[jenny_mcs]

Well, it sounds like from your other thread that you weren't being very proactive about this girl- you were letting her invite you places, never asking her out on a real date, etc- something that would clearly show your interest. And then you get drunk and flirt w/ her friends? Yeah, i can see why this girl is done.

 

Sorry. But next time, if you like a girl, ask her out on a date, don't drink a lot, and don't flirt w/ other women.

[Mustang]

I was worried so much about not appearing too keen that I ended up going the other way. I was just trying to fit in with everyone. OK, maybe I took it too far and that's where the alcohol is to blame. It was me, the girl and six of her friends.

 

But why on earth would I go out with her and her friends and try and get with her friends? I tried to explain that to her last night but she wasn't having any of it. She has labelled me as a "womaniser" and there's nothing I can say or do. But I'm far from that. I mean, if I was, then surely I'd not be on this website. I suppose I lack a bit of self confidence and drown it. That's not to say I have a drink problem or anything. Drinking is fun and last night was fun. It was only at the end of the night that things went sour.

 

I've made peace with my ex now but maybe I'm just not ready to go back into the dating game yet.

 

Hard to know what to do really, if I push and push and try to convince her that I'm sorry it'll just push her away. I've deleted her number so I can't contact her. I'll just have to leave it to her but I am not holding my breath by any means.

 

It's not a big deal really. We only went out a few times. Better to happen now then say in six months time. It is just so annoying.

[Mustang]

Well, it sounds like from your other thread that you weren't being very proactive about this girl- you were letting her invite you places, never asking her out on a real date, etc- something that would clearly show your interest. And then you get drunk and flirt w/ her friends? Yeah, i can see why this girl is done.

 

Sorry. But next time, if you like a girl, ask her out on a date, don't drink a lot, and don't flirt w/ other women.

 

I did ask her out on our first date and I asked her last night if she wanted to meet up on Sunday afternoon. She kind of said it would depend on how heavy tonight is (she's going out for a belated birthday celebration). And I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink somewhere before going out last night and she brushed it off and said "maybe another time".

 

I can accept I should have maybe paid her more attention last night but it wasn't as if she was all over me and I was brushing her off. I would have looked stupid if I threw myself at her. I wasn't going to go in all guns blazing early on in case it would freak her out. It's not an easy thing to balance. To be honest, she didn't seem THAT interested in me anyway. I was just going with the flow.

 

I wasn't deliberately flirting either. I have never used tactics or anything like that. I don't have the skill. I am not a PUA.

 

Nothing left to say or do. Just learn the lesson and take it on the chin. I very much doubt she'll speak to me again.

[Mutley]

I did ask her out on our first date and I asked her last night if she wanted to meet up on Sunday afternoon. She kind of said it would depend on how heavy tonight is (she's going out for a belated birthday celebration). And I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink somewhere before going out last night and she brushed it off and said "maybe another time".

 

Dude, this woman was giving you a big red stop sign from the beginning. This "womanizer" thing is just an excuse.

 

Move on. Don't drink on dates. Don't go on group dates.

 

Nuff said.

[Mustang]

Dude, this woman was giving you a big red stop sign from the beginning. This "womanizer" thing is just an excuse.

 

Move on. Don't drink on dates. Don't go on group dates.

 

Nuff said.

 

I could kind of sense that too. I was just playing it cool because that's what felt like the right thing to do. Throwing myself at her anymore than I did wouldn't have been suited to the situation. Clearly this isn't the right girl for me, it shouldn't be this hard in the early stages.

 

She just sent me a text to ask if I made it home OK last night...

[Mutley]

Clearly this isn't the right girl for me, it shouldn't be this hard in the early stages.

 

You are correct!!!

 

Don't let her suck you back in. Stress your "friendship" with her.

[Mustang]

She just invited me out tonight (with her friends). I didn't expect that!

 

I don't know if I should go or not. I'm feeling so embarrassed about everything. All of her friends were there last night too and it'll be so so so awkward. I don't think I'll feel very comfortable. Nice of her to offer though right?

 

I don't want to seem rude by saying no when she's willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. Argh.

[Mutley]

Oh yes....she's all heart....I think you should go.

 

So we can read your post tomorrow about how she screwed with your head again.

 

Have some respect for yourself, man. It's either a one on one date....or don't bother.

[Mustang]

Oh yes....she's all heart....I think you should go.

 

So we can read your post tomorrow about how she screwed with your head again.

 

Have some respect for yourself, man. It's either a one on one date....or don't bother.

 

I'm not going to go. I told her thanks for the offer and offered to make up for my idiotic ways some other time but felt that tonight would be super awkward. Plus I'm a little bit embarrassed. I'd be spending all night worrying about what all of her friends think of me and all that.

[Mustang]

Her response to me not coming: "That's cool! I don't think we're going now. We're all feeling too lazy!"

 

No response to my suggestion of meeting up some other time.

 

Next!

[Divine_Malice]

yes, Its nice when a guy is like by the women's girl friends, but You don't want to spend all your attention on them. You don't have to cling and you can talk with her other friends. Its called balancing. By the sound of it you probably shouldn't drink so much and that you were probably hanging around her friends more than your actual date.

 

I would apologize and tell her that you were not trying to come off as flirty but instead that you really do truly like her and was trying to make a good impression with her and her friends, but it just back fired. Tell her you would like to try it again only this time with just the two of you.

[rokston]

^^I agree with that. You probably got the balance wrong on the date. You didnt want to seem to keen and wanted to fit it, which made you pay her too little attention. But you've already explained yourself so no need to appologise.

 

To be honest, I would have gone for the second date if she was really nice and I was very interested. Sure, one2one dates are much more real, however, maybe she is a little insecure or something and needs her friends around.

 

Anyways, it seems like she's at least partly interested and has forgiven you (even though it wasnt a big deal to begin with). Give it another try if you wish... but this girls does sounds little high maintenance

[starlight40]

Hey Mustang, i think a one to one date is in order if your going to continue seeing this girl. I think it was a bit harsh of her to label you a womaniser just because you were 'flirting' with her friends when all you were truing to do was make an effort with them x

[Divine_Malice]

Yeah, I agree. She did just kinda label you quick.

[Mustang]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I've decided not to do anything more with this girl. It just seems like too much work.

[starlight40]

Thinking maybe thats for the best for you at this time, youve been through alot and you really dont need all that drama. I think she was way too presumptuous about you and sounds rather immature. Onwards and upwards Mustang!

[Mustang]

Just sent her a text to say that I could take the hint from her elusiveness and wished her all the best. She responded by asking if the message was for her!

 

Maybe one day I'll meet someone and not ruin things!