what if love never comes?

[Caterina]

I have a friend who is severely disabled...if she falls in love with someone and they fall in love with her...they'll have to take care of her and she won't have to financially pay for someone to take care of her...she's depending, somewhat, on this day...and gets very sad when reality is a disappointing presense. It made me think of all of us...what if these illusions that we think will save us never come?

 

Its like me: I am alone, I've been alone for four years. Everyone told me I'd find someone and they saw years past and I didn't. Then they started to say that I needed to settle...I wanted to settle...but then there wasn't even anyone worth even settling for.

 

I am alone and no one loves me: but does that really matter all that much?

 

What if we stay in our problems forever?

 

Are we allowed to do that? Are we human beings who have lived a "worthy" life if we can't ever change it no matter how hard we try?

 

What if solutions aren't possible...were our lives worth it?

[chopperboy]

I've been thinking about this same question myself... I've had love in my life, but it didn't stay. Will I feel it again? I don't know...

 

I think that nature wired us to seek love. We are wired to be unhappy alone, because if we were happy loners then the species would not go on. We are unhappy alone so that we seek out the next mate. That's what I think our need for love is.

 

That said, is a life without love insignificant? After all is said and done, a death that ends a meaningful life is a good one. I like to think that there are other ways to make a life significant other than finding true love. But, I don't know... What do others here think?

[redhearts]

When you want it the most, its when it won't come. When you just aren't even looking thats when it comes.

 

Other ways to make life significant, hmm,how about living your life and being happy with what you have or do what you want to do? Maybe travel?

 

Faith hope and love, the greatest one of all is love.=]

 

Ever seen that movie crazy for love?

[thejigsup]

The secret to being truly happy is to be satisfied with whatever your life holds. Love is wonderful, but I am very happy when I am alone, also. Contentment within yourself is true happiness. Anything else is temporary.

[lostandhurt]

My son is disabled and I know of just what you speak for your friend. He is only 8 now but someday it will fill his mind as it fills yours. His disability does not define him as your love life should not define you. In fact his personality from his challenges in life is the best I have ever seen and it draws people to him like moths to a flame. I strive to learn for myself to be happy within myself so I can better teach my son this valuable life skill.

I believe compromising is a better word than settle for what you are looking for. No one is perfect and to expect perfection or anything remotely close is dooming you to failure. Physical appearance is important but only a small portion of who someone is and only some of that is by their own choice (being fit and healty) and the rest is just genetics.

Be happy with yourself and others of the same vein will migrate towards you and one day you may very well meet some one you seek as they seek you also.

 

lost

[Caterina]

I've been thinking about this same question myself... I've had love in my life, but it didn't stay. Will I feel it again? I don't know...

 

I think that nature wired us to seek love. We are wired to be unhappy alone, because if we were happy loners then the species would not go on. We are unhappy alone so that we seek out the next mate. That's what I think our need for love is.

 

That said, is a life without love insignificant? After all is said and done, a death that ends a meaningful life is a good one. I like to think that there are other ways to make a life significant other than finding true love. But, I don't know... What do others here think?

 

I think that there is something to that. I mean, I've seen people become very happy after meeting the person they love.

But then, there are people who have chosen the life of solitude and who knows why...were they happy? People like saints, ascetics, nuns, monks, priests, etc

 

When you want it the most, its when it won't come. When you just aren't even looking thats when it comes.

 

Other ways to make life significant, hmm,how about living your life and being happy with what you have or do what you want to do? Maybe travel?

 

Faith hope and love, the greatest one of all is love.=]

 

I'm not sure about the "not even looking" thing. I mean, how can I do that? If I want something, I do I make myself not seek it? ITs like I'm trying to trick myself if I follow that mantra. I can't afford to travel, but I know what you mean...a flower on the road can brighten my day.

Ever seen that movie crazy for love?

 

The secret to being truly happy is to be satisfied with whatever your life holds. Love is wonderful, but I am very happy when I am alone, also. Contentment within yourself is true happiness. Anything else is temporary.

 

But what about the utter happiness I've seen in people when they fall in love? I haven't seen anything equalling it.

[chopperboy]

I think that there is something to that. I mean, I've seen people become very happy after meeting the person they love.

But then, there are people who have chosen the life of solitude and who knows why...were they happy? People like saints, ascetics, nuns, monks, priests, etc

 

But what about the utter happiness I've seen in people when they fall in love? I haven't seen anything equalling it.

 

Hmmm... I think it's important to define the term "happy" here. I think that love is a high - perhaps the greatest high that we humans can experience. That said, can we be happy without being high on love? I like to think that we can. I think people that choose to keep love at bay are probably happy. They forgo the high of love, but they also don't feel the lows that come with having it end. Those people are probably more emotionally steady - fewer highs and lows. But some will say that a life without those highs and lows is flat, and thereforee uninteresting. Who's to say what's right? I think the answer differs from person to person.

[redhearts]

Everyone feels a different sort of happiness when they fall in love. No one is the same in this world, no love is the same. Every persons love is different and unique. I don't want to get all religious on you, but God may be trying to work on your life first before he has you meet the person of your dreams. Its all in timing that God has planned, so you just have to be who you are and live your own life for now. That person your meant to be with will come when the time is right whether your looking or your not. =] Keep open eyes.

[redhearts]

I know nearly every love song there is, lol. Seems like it, but this one kind of reminded me in a way of what most people must feel like..

 

I had all but given up

On finding the one that I could fall into

On the day before you

I was ready to settle for

Less than love and not much more

There was no such thing as a dream come true

Oh, but that was on the day before you

 

It makes me wish that my life never knew

The day before you

Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you

Were shapin' my heart for the day that I found you

You're the reason for all that I've been through

Then I'm thankful for the day before you

 

So maybe all the years your alone are shaping your heart for the day you do find the one. =]

[jettison]

This whole way of thinking just isn't conducive to your happiness. You have to let things happen. They are there, ready to happen to you, but you must let them be so. Love doesn't come to you from the outside. Love is something that you find within you that you are able to offer to those around you. And the more you give love, the more you receive in return. It's just a by-product though.

 

Those that have a lot of love in their life have tapped something inside themselves. It's never about "What can this person do for me", or "Why won't this person love me?" If that is your state of mind then love is likely always to evade you. It's really about finding someone who lets you love them. Anything you may get in return is just gravy. And it's also not about "that one true love", or "someone worthy", or "settling", or any of that nonsense.

 

There are so many smart, brilliant, funny, awesome people in this world, and all are more then deserving of your love. It could be your mom, your dad, your sis, the florist, the Greek grocer, the internet friend, the waiter, someone you just met. It doesn't matter who. When you practice giving and showing love to people then that vibe starts to envelop you. You become what you seek. And the closer you get to actualizing this concept, the less you will require love from outside. It will already be there.

 

If you aren't thirsty, do you go looking for water? Of course not. And sure enough, it's when you're no longer thirsty that you'll find yourself in the lake. That's how love works. So, what's some practical advice to start on such a seemingly quixotic journey?

 

When is the last time you hand wrote a letter, drew a picture, and set if off in an envelope to a friend?

 

When is the last time you complimented a stranger on their clothes?

 

When is the last time you bought a stranger a drink at a bar?

 

When is the last time you called your mom just to say, "I love you".

 

When is the last time you called up someone just to say, "I like you. You mean a lot to me. You're a very special person."

 

When is the last time you bought flowers and then handed them out to strangers on the street?

 

When is the last time you went to Amazon and purchased books and shipped them, anonymously, to your three closest friends?

 

 

If you can't answer these questions then you aren't making yourself a vessel for the love you seek. You are simply looking for others to step up and lessen your burden, to offer you what you aren't willing or capable of offering them.

[Caterina]

I do all of those things, but I don't have the safe kind of love I'm talking about...I don't have someone I could depend on, someone who gives an actual * * * * about me...someone who'd talk to me even if I was deppressed...I do all of those things and have people do them for me, but I want a romantic, lasting love.

[jettison]

I do all of those things, but I don't have the safe kind of love I'm talking about...I don't have someone I could depend on, someone who gives an actual * * * * about me...someone who'd talk to me even if I was deppressed...I do all of those things and have people do them for me, but I want a romantic, lasting love.

 

Then I think this harkens back to the first part of my post. Letting it in... I say that because I happen to know a lot of single, smart, attractive women who seem to stay that way despite their best efforts. And then when I see how they approach dating, how they think about men, the way they conduct their "search", it just seem unsurprising that they are still single.

 

I have one friend in particular who seems to give so little rope to every new potential suitor. If he hasn't called or texted at the appropriate time? 86'd. Wrong gift? 86'd. When I hear about some of the "deal breakers" that these men have committed, I'm left scratching my head. How could any man ever adhere to so many little, unwritten nuances? It seems impossible.

 

There are a lot of men out there who would want want you're offering, and also who would want you want. They are everywhere. Even this board is prove. Countless internet dating sites are proof. But it takes courage to last beyond the first misunderstanding, inconvenience, or level of anxiety/discomfort before anything could work out. I'm not sayin that that's you. I'm just saying that it's certainly the case for many, many people out there. Really, they choose to be single even if they're not seeing it that way.

[redhearts]

You just want someone to be co-dependent on. You need to depend on yourself first, not rely soley on others.

[Alabama]

I want to believe there is another way to have a good life, without love. Yes I have received love from family and friends, but not yet from that significant other. It does't help when you say your single, people automatically assume you are sad. Not necessarily true. So where else do we look for to find the "completeness" in our life? I think it is through actions (volunteering, career, hobbies, etc.) over time that can make you love life. But it's hard to find that right now...maybe later.