This girl at work just confuses me

[Chitownguy]

This might be a bit long but thanks to those that read this and explain.(FYI I found this forum via google search)

 

There is this girl at my work. She is a flirty person. In the past early on I took this as her trying to come onto me(sitting on my desk talking to me, touching me, punching my arm etc); however, every now and then she would bring up her boyfriend. So it took a little bit but I realized she was just being my buddy. Actually this is good because I didn't really want to get into a work relationship and her flirting made me a little worried about what it could lead to.

 

Ok, so we get to the point where we are actually pretty good buddies now. Or at least I think. We goof with each other, email back and forth(she like to send cute lol cat pictures to me) I go by her desk and talk when I get the chance. One day her boss yelled at her and so she come to my desk and crys a little. Once I was on a business trip and the office couldn't get a hold of me she started crying thinking something bad had happened to me (FYI I had just forgot my cell phone in the hotel room). Long story short we care about each other or so it seems. Throughout this every now and then she brings up her boyfriend, that they are thinking of buying a house, what vacation they might go on etc. She has started saying that I'm like a brother to her. Specifically I remind her of her brother who sadly is long since deceased. You know what? I'm good with this. This is a case of I like having her as a close friend.

 

So back in May she had a birthday. I bought her a present. Just spent 12 bucks on a Calvin and Hobbs book. I know she likes Garfield so I say she would like this too. She says thanks and gives me a huge etc.

 

Anyway, flash forward to just last week when my birthday is coming up. Everyone in the office knows it is coming up(cause our office is like the dumb one from Office space where they demand we have a cake and everyone gets together and sings).

 

What happens? She gets me nothing. Which is really weird. In fact when she sees me on my birthday and we have our normal conversation I have to cue her and say, "you know its' my birthdays." She says, "Yeah I know and gives me a big huge. The day goes on and I get no present.

 

Now that alone seems a little odd but what makes it weirder is that just two days before I was there when she gave a female coworker an ankle bracelet as a gift. (cause that co-worker sometimes buys her coffee). So it isn't like she is against buying people gifts.

 

Is she trying to send some goofy message by not getting me anything for my birthday?

 

What is even more weird is that she is back towards acting towards me like she normally does. Now I'll admit my feelings were hurt a bit and I was confused she didn't give me anything or even out right say, happy birth day to me without being cued. So I've kind of been ignoring her. Well, not so much ignoring her as just not going to her desk to talk. If I see her in the hall I say hi and if she comes back to my desk we can have a rather normal conversation. She knows something is up cause she says, "Where have you been I've hardly seen you all day." She is still physical with me, slaps me on the back etc.

 

So what is the deal with no presents for me but presents for co-workers? Initially I would take such actions to mean she is trying to tell me she doesn't really want to be a close of friends, but her actions over the past few days (coming back to my desk, asking where I have been, if she hears me in the break room she calls from her desk and asks me to come over and talk to her) indicate she very much wants to remain close friends.

 

In my mind I've kind of demoted her from close friend to friend/co-worker.

 

I don't know. She just confuses me. At one point I thought she was trying to get to be my girlfriend and now I see her as just a co-worker. At least for now.

 

This is just weird. Comments? Thanks.

[lisa1126]

ummmm....

 

It is confusling as you say. I wish I can give you some insight...

 

Just on the surface, not reading into anything, she appears to someone who is just really shallow, likes to talk to you, but that's IT! In her mind, you are not even significant enough for a small birthday present!

 

You are just there to talk to? joke around?

 

Is this too harsh of a judgement?

 

Maybe others have some insight into this behavior.

 

Sorry, I couldn't be of big help.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

As long as you have no romantic feelings for her you can just let it slide.In any case she has a boyfriend.Anyhow they say we must give and not expect anything in return even though you're disappointed.

[big greg]

There could be a myriad of reasons as to why she never got you a birthday present, but you will never know.

 

Are you guys friends outside of work? If you guys are only friends in work situations, then she could just view you as a colleague and is just nice in general towards you (which alot of times gets misinterpreted by many people as being overly nice). I have lots of female friends who are overly nice like that, and it's easy to misinterpret the niceness.

 

The one real girlfriend I've ever had did the same thing with me.. I got her xmas and birthday presents, and she got me Zilch without even an acknowledgment of what day it was. It's crushing, no doubt, so i feel your pain, but honestly don't let it demote her down off of your friends list because you guys can still be friends.

[Chitownguy]

Should I just ask her straight up what the deal is?

 

I feel that is what I should do. Just get the answer.

[lisa1126]

I think that's okay too. Just express what you are thinking and feeling honestly and sincerely and get her feedback.

[Im waiting]

If you just want to be buddies why do you care so much about a gift? Maybe she didn't know what to buy for you. I personally hate to give a gift if it means nothing. Forget small things like gifts, she doesn't have to give you a gift even if you got her one before.