My story and my question

[sadcomposer]

I did reply, she said that she would give me the number of a good psychiatrist. So I just answered thanks, I figured it was the polite thing to do. I don't need a psychiatrist, I need an addiction counselor. She did not like the last one I had, she thought she was incompetent. I think she was just jealous of me sharing intimate things with a woman. I made an appointment with this counselor for tomorrow morning, because I feel my determination to stay sober wavering. I really feel like sending my ex this email.

 

"Hi, don't bother with the psychiatrist, I have made other arrangements. I never want anymore contact with you, even indirectly.

 

Adios"

 

We are both french canadian and the only word that translates well in english, so you can understand, is adios. In french it's "adieu". Basically means bye forever. Something you say to a dead person before they are buried. Thanks

[Karmageddon]

Just hang on to that thought b/c really, you can say goodbye anytime. This is where being the "better person' comes into play. And while it sucks & feels sh*tty, you will be thankful that you did down the line. You will know in your heart that you threw no more fuel on the fire of a potential break up or hurting situation. At least you will know you did your best & have no regrets.

[sadcomposer]

You're right Kar,

 

It's better to simply stick to NC. I know that she will try contact again, so there is plenty of time for me to let go. Thanks

[sadcomposer]

I decided to send the email. If she wanted to give me the number, she could of already. I think she is holding on because she knows it's the last reason that she can have contact with me. I did not add the adios though. All I wrote is this:

 

Hi, don't bother with the psychiatrist, I have made other arrangements.

 

xxx

 

She hasn't answered yet. When she does I wont respond. I was tired of waiting for her email. Now I took control. It's my closure. I saw my addiction counselor today and I feel better. Let's hope it continues. Thanks

[sadcomposer]

She still has not replied. I admit I'm a bit surprised. Maybe she got the message that I don't want anymore contact. It's hard, but I must tell myself to let her go, it would never work. Relationships can't be built on ultimatums. I'm sad but I'll be ok.

[Karmageddon]

It's hard enough to try and focus on helping your self without being worried about someone elses drama either. So hopefully she will respect your wishes until she has something positive to provide you.

[sadcomposer]

I think I played a stupid game with myself by sending that email. My initial reasoning was that I did not want to see a psychiatrist and I did not want her to have that reason to contact me. But now I am so surprised that she has not replied. I don't know if it's because I did not say "thanks anyways" and the tone of my message is curt. Maybe she is mad, or thinks I am. Maybe she did not go to work yesterday and today. Maybe she just respects my wish to have NC. I don't feel any better now and can't get her out of my mind. Bummer. just venting.

[Clabs]

Hey fella

 

I cannot give you much advice except be pacient - pacient - pacient. I know it is tough - you want anwers NOW. Give this time mate - I don't think this is over.

 

Mark

[sadcomposer]

Thanks Clabs, my resolve to stay sober is really weakening today. I can't help but think that she said she might come back if I stop drinking so I would not drown my sorrows, but her decision is made never to come back. But you're right, I have to be patient and work on myself. Thanks for reading me.

[Clabs]

Try and stay sober fella - do it for you. I know it is so easy to type these words and so hard to\follow through with. My prayers are with you mate.

 

Mark

[Karmageddon]

It's sad for me to think that you might ultimately start drinking again b/c of your feelings for her

[sadcomposer]

I won't start drinking again. It's difficult but I know it's the best thing for ME. I know that as time goes by and I start to let her go, it will become easier. I must stay positive. I don't need more stress in my life, and this is what this relationship was doing to me. She is way too controlling. She should of stuck by me. Her loss.

[sadcomposer]

You know, if I had quit drinking the last time I was dumped by my ex, ex, I would of gotten over it a lot faster. She still lives right around the corner from my house, with the guy she started going out with 3 months after she left me. I'm really happy for her, he really is more her type. I see her every once in a while at the cornerstore, and it doesn't bother me one bit.

 

I really feel that I'm moving on much faster with this latest ex, even though I feel that we were a much better match. Unfortunately, her insecurity and emotional fragility and her lack of effort to admit and deal with them was our demise. I sincerely wish that she addresses these issues with herself and her shrink. If she does, she might be happy in a relationship in the future. Probably not with me, because I will have moved on. It's going to take her that long to fix all the bugs.

 

There are actually times now when I feel genuinely happy and free. I did my best and know it. I tried to help her as much as I could, but she has to help herself, the same as I am helping myself. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. She was taking the love I had for myself away. I could not be the person that I want to be and I could not be the person she wanted me to be. She had to complicate things so she could run away.

 

The last time she left me, I went on another site for breakups, I was so angry. I tried so hard to find all of her faults and even exagerating them. Made lists of them. She ended up reading all of my threads there, and incredibly, that's what got us back together. It was all a mistake. I remember having all these conditions for her return. Well, they all went out the door, because I had to apologize for all the mean things that I had written about her. I was once again the doormat, trying to please. Well, I'm done with that now. She promised me many times in the last six months that she would never go on that site again. I believed her at the time. I'm not sure if she will have the willpower needed not to go in the future, but I don't care. I have written there how I feel and there is no shame in that. Some days I am sad, other days I'm doing really well. I wish her the same.

 

I keep this site for my whining. lol

[Karmageddon]

LOL!! Don't we all? But the whining becomes less and less for me, which is nice.

[sadcomposer]

I must say I am surprised that she has not even acknowledged my last email. You would think that would be the polite thing to do. To let the sender know the message has been read. It's true that my message was blunt, I guess I could of added "thanks anyways". The other thing I'm thinking is that she will send me the info anyways pretending that she did not receive my email. It's just strange and not like her at all not to reply. I want her to because there are things I now wish to tell her about her issues. But I asked for NC so I have no choice but to stick to it. I'm still pretty sure she will make contact eventually. Anyways, just whining and venting again.

[sadcomposer]

It's taking all of my willpower not to contact. I miss her so much. But I'm also more and more sure that this relationship was doomed right from the start. She just is not willing to compromise, she must have control. I wish she would change, and maybe she will. But it's going to take a long time. Hopefully I will have moved on by then. Just venting.

[sadcomposer]

It has been about 18 days since my last contact with her. She never answered my last email where I refused her help concerning the psychiatrist. Last night she sent me an email. Her sister who has cancer is at her place for the weekend. My ex and I had given her an iPod so she could listen to her music during her treatments. Now, it seems that they tried to program it and ended up erasing all of the contents. She is asking for my help. I can't believe how inconsiderate she is. I don't want to help her, I don't want anything to do with her until she says the right words. Her having made a mistake etc.... willing to work on our relationship. I have decided to ignore her email but am wondering if I should just answer telling her I refuse and not to contact me. I was really going better at forgetting about her and moving on, now she throws this at me. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.

[sadcomposer]

I did not answer her email and I won't. I'm sure she will try some kind of other tactic to try and get a reaction out of me. Until she says she is sorry, has made a mistake and is willing to admit and work on her issues, she will not hear of me at all. That is what NC is about. Venting again, but doing better.

[Karmageddon]

I know its tough. You may want to start a new thread now?! Maybe? One about your no contact efforts. You may get more responses since the original post and this one have evolved into something new. Just a thought, I think you will get more responses and thereforee more out of it.