Mumblings...

[Weeblie]

Just had a rather awkward conversation with my younger sister about the drama I had recently with those 2 guys. It made me realize that I'm not really bothered so much by the age difference, so much as I'm bothered by the negative reactions from other people. That's not to say that I want dorky guy. No. Liars of any age are to be avoided. But if a nice guy came along that was a few years younger than me, yeah. I'd want to give it a shot. But eh. Reactions like that of my sister make me feel bad.

 

Also, I really can't talk to her about R at all. I'm not sure how I feel about R. I can't even say that I would want him back if he ever decided to come back. But if he were to come back, genuinely apologetic, while actually making an effort to make things work...yeah I'd cautiously and slowly give it a try too. Maybe. I'm not sure. I just don't want to hear, "the first time shame on him, the second time shame on you". I just want to be like, come on now! Can you give me some freaking credit? Actually, no. Can you just please assume the best about me and that I'm perfectly capable of making the right decision if the situation came up? Sheesh. It's funny because I've made some crazy stupid sounding decisions in the past and they worked out fine if not better than expected. You'd think that she'd take that in consideration.

 

But whatever. I guess I need to look elsewhere to vent or get advice about things like that.

[Weeblie]

Today's my birthday. I just turned 31. I don't really celebrate my birthdays and I don't tell anyone about it, in order to avoid the disappointment of people forgetting it. The only people who said anything today were my half sister in NY who also asked if I was almost finished with school. I graduated 8 years ago, so yes, I'm finished. My younger sister called too. She called last night and she sent a text this morning. I haven't heard from my other sister yet and I have a feeling I won't. This will be the 3rd time she's forgotten.

 

I realize on some level it's sort of stupid to be this aware of things like that. I also realize that I shouldn't have any expectations for a day like this. I mean, who cares? It's not like I want to be reminded that I'm another year older and still single. But yeah. I'm bothered. Doesn't help that I'm alone in this city and haven't really made any close friends yet. There are people who I've started hanging out with so there's progress there and this isn't as awful as it feels right now.

 

R is also on the brain again. He hasn't remembered my birthday since 2007. Actually, I'm starting to think he just hasn't acknowledged it since 2007. Last year he sent a letter the day before my birthday and this year he posted a picture of a present 2 days ago. I suppose last year he didn't want to show that he cared and this year he's screwing with me. I don't get him. I wanted a relationship to happen. I was the one rejected. So why is he acting like such a butt head? But I guess that doesn't matter either.

 

If I ever meet a guy who remembers my birthday and makes a big deal about doing something special for it, I'll probably marry him.

 

Anyway, the one thing I do like to do whenever a birthday passes is sort of review where I'm at and compare it to where I was at. I haven't done that in the past few years because well...not much has changed. But this year is different because I've got my own apartment and I'm living on my own and *gasp* I have a full-time job. I had thought I would've reached these milestones years ago, but whatever. Reached them. Next is to be self-employed, paid off all my debts and travel a lot with the future spouse. Hopefully before 40, especially the not being single part. I know I should be happy being single and blah blah blah. But meh. It's so much more fun being around someone you like.

[Ellie2006]

Happy Birthday, Weeblie!

I totally understand what you're saying about the hesitance to celebrate your b-day, but ...

I do hope you enjoy your special day and that you have a wonderful week ahead

[Weeblie]

Thanks Ellie!

[Weeblie]

About that full-time job...it's this one I mentioned awhile back.

 

They contacted me again and I figured what the heck? Actually it was more about the money as it's double what I used to make. So I'm now the merchandiser for a fancy boutique in Beverly Hills. The good thing about it, is that it's not corporate and I've got full creative freedom. The bad thing about it, is that it's not corporate and it sort of feels like a hot chaotic mess. I suppose the positive spin would be...we're trailblazers.

 

Yeah...

 

It's just tiring. I think the hour and a half commute back and forth is rough, especially now that it's gotten hotter. Plus, I always feel like they expect so much from me. I get paid a little more than one of the full-time sales girls (who mostly just stands around doing nothing), but I get the feeling that they think I'm slacking. I guess they expect the store to change every week. New mannequin outfits and refreshed clothing arrangements. I get that the reason for that is so that things look new and fresh. But it makes it harder to sell things when you don't know where they are. I suppose another reason I hate constantly changing things is because it reminds me of that Greek myth where that guy is forever rolling a rock uphill. I mean, I get it. Change is inevitable. But can we slow it down a bit?

 

Ugh and it doesn't help that this one girl is always making suggestions as if I'm not doing things right. I try not to take it personally, but come on. She's complaining about mannequins as I'm changing them and they were only up for 6 days. Then she's telling me to go to Barney's to check out their denim bar because it's so amazing and well...I go and check them out and they suck. Not only that, but I don't even have enough denim to do something like that even if I wanted to.

 

Blah. I just keep telling myself, do whatever the heck you want to. Just tune them out and do your own thing. You can't please everyone. That sort of helps. I also tell myself that I need to pay attention to the way people with a ton of money function. I mean, I'm working with people with huge businesses and celebrities who are making a ton of money. They must be doing something right to be as rich as they are, right?

 

But it kind of feels like they just half-bake things and charge a whole lot for it. I suppose that's the lesson I need to learn? I need to value myself more and work less?

 

Heh.

 

Whatever.

I think it's clear that I need to take this opportunity and use it to get my finances in order and move on to something that pays better and is less stressful.

[Weeblie]

Wow.

 

So I was about to write some long rambling rant about work and they surprised me by giving me the day off tomorrow. Weird huh? I'm not complaining though. I really need the day off, I just really wanted it to be today so I could go to the LACMA for free. But whatever.

 

Still think I need to start saving again.

 

I went into Club Monaco today for merchandising inspiration. The merchandise is totally different from what we have, but I figured since they were corporate and had a TON of merchandise like we do, I'd get ideas. But instead of feeling inspired, I felt kind of depressed. They've got tables and cute display fixtures and proper racks and shelving. We've got a ton of mirrors and heavy glass I can barely lift.

 

*sigh*

 

There was also moss!!!!!!

 

The whole place was just warm and bright and beautiful like some english fairy tale. My store is like...I don't know.

 

I guess it's comparing oranges to apples. I still feel kind of lame though. Like I should have something way more awesome than I have. Oh well. Guess I need to do more brainstorming or something.

[Weeblie]

Hah. I never thought I'd say that. But yeah. My job is too creative...sort of.

I think the problem is that it's challenging in so many different ways. Like the merchandising part is challenging because the buyers just buy crazy stuff. I come up with color stories, but it's like...sometimes there's just this one random piece in this one random color that doesn't really fit in anywhere else. Like neon yellow in the middle of fall colors. Where do you put that? Then I've got to freshen things up regularly, but I get crap from everyone about moving things around and it's like...who the heck do I listen to?

 

The other challenge is communication/getting along with co-workers. Usually I get along with everyone, I get positive feedback and everything is awesome. Here I get sporadic feedback and sometimes if I make major changes it doesn't even get noticed. Oh and I've got this one old weird lady who seems out to get me and has an opinion on everything and then there was this one kid who I pissed off without meaning too and blehhhhhhhh. Which whatever. I've been working on getting along better with the kid and I'm just going to not listen to that crazy old lady. But I am getting really annoyed by the last minute announcements about important things happening that involve me. Like telling me right as I'm about to leave my shift that there's going to be filming going on the next morning. Or telling me a day before we're about to have an event that you want to move major things. OR moving things the night before and then when I show up for work, NOT leaving a message explaining what the heck happened. It's been getting better though. Like today they told me that there was going to be a small fashion show on Saturday. Which fine whatever. That's cool I guess. I don't think I really need to be around for that. I think. That's another problem...what the heck do they want from me in regards to that event? Also, what do they want in regards to Thursday's event? Do I have to be there Thursday night? Ugh. I think I might have to be there to set up. YUCK.

 

Wow. I mean, I think I'm always disgruntled about working, but this is kind of intense. Where are the positives?

 

Well I get paid better. My paycheck is extremely regular. I can leave early if there isn't anything to do (except there's always something to do and they're all giving me looks when I leave early even though they just stand around doing nothing). I'm kind of my own boss. No not really.

 

*sigh*

 

Hung out with S my former visual manager...he said I'm welcome to come back. If I change my mind about this place, they might be able to find me a better position than my old one and pay more than what I used to make there, so...yeah. That's the other problem. I really do miss the structure of my old job. I miss the connections I had there too. So it's really tempting to quit.

 

But then...it's like, I was disgruntled back then too. But I think that was more about pay than anything else. It sucked to work so hard and only have enough to cover part of the rent. But if I go back what happens then? Will I need to take on more responsibility all over again? Because if that's the case...is it really worth going back? Like do I really want to deal with sales goals and babysitting employees? At least with this job, I just focus on one thing...sort of. I don't have to babysit employees all the time and I don't have to worry about sales.

 

I don't know. It's hard to compare when you don't really know what you're comparing.

 

Anyway, I think working on my side business is probably the best thing to do right now. If I had that up and running, then I could say screw this and go back to my old job. Perhaps ask for more pay, but still remain part-time? I don't know, but I feel like that would be so nice. I miss having 3-4 days off in a week and being able to take off random days.

[Weeblie]

Yesterday I got a lecture from BL about how I'm making things harder for myself and that I need to start the week off with an email to my bosses telling them what I'm doing, give them projects and have them help me with things. She's been telling me this for awhile now and I haven't done it. She also told this to my bosses and meh. I'm not sure what she said, but it must've come out badly because when they spoke with me, I just felt all negative afterwards. They made it seem like I was surprising them and I needed to communicate more. *sigh* I'm so tired of this communication theme going on in my life. I mean, she makes sense. It's just frustrating because I thought I was communicating with them.

 

Anyway, this morning there was some more drama. I spoke with BL again and she gave me the go ahead to mark a large amount of items on sale. So I started separating the items and when my boss showed up, I let her know what was going on. She was skeptical about what I was doing and questioned a few of the items I pulled. Then when I was in the back setting up the sale section, this other guy that works there (who I have no freaking clue what his job is), starts moving things around. I don't think he was trying to be rude, but he was pretty snotty about why he was moving things around and when I told him to stop it, he kept arguing with me. So finally, I just told him to pull the stuff off the floor, which he started to do, but then didn't finish. He also made some other changes and left giant empty spaces behind.

 

I think that's what's so frustrating about this job. I've got BL telling me how to do things, which isn't helpful because I don't work the same way she does. Actually, I probably could do everything on my own and leave early every day, I don't find the labor part of the job hard. Also, communication from my end isn't the problem. I tell them what I'm doing verbally every day and if I do anything major, I usually tell them the day before. But having her be up my butt about that, makes me look bad and puts me in a bad place with my bosses. Then, the people I work with are constantly challenging me. I tell my boss that BL approved something, but yet she questions me. I tell her we're sold out of an item and she has to check the inventory report to make sure. Then I've got that kid always changing things and leaving hardware and crap all over the place. Today was particularly annoying because hello...I was right there. If you want to make a change, TALK TO ME.

 

No. I communicate just fine, thank you. The problem is that I'm being treated like a substitute teacher...one that's just started teaching. It's funny, I think that's part of the reason I miss my old job so much. Even though I had a lower position, I had authority. If I were to tell someone to do something, they wouldn't question it. Here, if I tell someone to do something, they do something else.

 

I'm not sure what to think of all this. My default reaction is to quit and go elsewhere. But there's a part of me that thinks maybe I should stick it out and learn how to deal with it. I suppose it's a good life skill to have or something. But then this place is a hot mess at it's core. I think when a company is that messed up in the really high places, it doesn't really give me much hope.

 

But I don't know. Change yourself, change your world? Hah. Anyway, trying a new strategy this week, we'll see how that goes.

[Weeblie]

So I've been trying really hard to get along with this job. I make an effort to go to the parties, I socialize and I try to dress nicer. I've even tried to help them increase their sales. But then yesterday and today happened and I'm kind of upset again. I don't really understand why I'm upset though.

 

Yesterday they went and bought a ton of decorations, redid the windows and that one kid that annoys me...was quite rude to me. In the end, he ended up doing the windows all by himself, which was nice. Today, they took all of the decorations I had made last week and moved them into the center of the store. So now the center looks amazing, but the rest of the store looks bare and sad. I suppose I could've filled in those gaps, but I was too annoyed to do so.

 

I think part of me was upset because my pride was a little injured. I almost felt like they were saying that the decorations I had made sucked. But at the same time, it's like...I worked with what I had. If I had an unlimited budget, I would've handled things differently, you know?

 

I think another part of me is upset because I feel like all that energy and time was wasted. Like a part of me feels like their priorities are messed up. I mean, how can you yell at sales people for not selling, if you had them wrapping presents that entire time? I'm also annoyed because they don't seem to see the store. It's like, they're focused on one small area, but not looking at the entire store as a whole. They see a pretty center piece and fun windows, but they don't see how junky everything else looks as a result. But I guess that's why I'm there, to fix up that junky stuff.

 

I think there's some sort of lesson to be learned there. What that is, I'm not really sure. I mean, they say the things that really annoy you, are usually things that you don't like with yourself or need to work on or something. Maybe I'm in this situation because I'm a lot like these people? Don't know if I like that.

[Weeblie]

So today was kind of cruddy. I still can't quite explain why I'm feeling so upset. I do know that I want to punch that annoying kid in the face. He's condescending and ignorant. He has no idea how the business is doing, what customers have been asking for or even why they've been coming into the store. He thinks because he's "privileged" and a brand slore, that he knows what's in. Oh and since he's in with one of the buyers and helps with the buying, he thinks he's the expert on what's hot. Except quite a few of the things he picked out, still haven't sold even though they've been put on mannequins and in prime locations. The mannequins I dressed? They've been stripped and a bunch of the stuff has sold out.

 

Anyway, today we had a merchandising meeting where his obnoxious behind said that we need to be open to ideas and that we shouldn't dismiss things before trying them. Which I guess was a dig at me for the whole decoration thing. Then he said that I shouldn't dress the mannequins and that he and my assistant should. THEN he asked me what I thought because I was so quiet. I just said I was taking it all in, but really, I just wanted to punch him.

 

I think I'm irritated because again, I feel like I'm having to prove myself all over again. Like I'm having to prove my taste and fashion sense to people. Like I feel like an idiot when they say that I shouldn't dress mannequins. Which is stupid, because all the hideous mannequins were created by them.

 

I think another reason I'm irritated is because I'm out of the loop. It's not fair to give me a hard time about decorations when no one gave me any feedback to begin with. No one said I could spend $500 instead of $200. No one said, let's go for this theme instead of that theme. So to have him talk down to me because of that...isn't right. It's his own fault for not communicating these things.

[Weeblie]

So I got laid off today. Kind of saw it coming, just thought it would've been handled differently. Like, at least be given until the end of the month or given some sort of severance pay. Heck, even being offered part-time hours would've been nice. But nope.

 

Anyway, I had been wanting to quit, so it's not like this is a horrible thing. Just sucks that I'm not prepared for it and well...it sort of feels like being dumped. I'm tired of that feeling.

 

I suppose the silver lining is that the company is failing and a bunch of other people were let go.

[Weeblie]

I heard it was a good thing to do, so...

 

Today:

 

Found a tutorial for some DIY project and wanted to know where they got the parts and when I checked it turns out the author had linked to a store that hasn't yet launched. Perhaps the store owner was the creator of the tutorial?

 

Found a neat DIY project this morning and wanted to know where they got the parts. When I clicked the link, it led to a store that hasn't yet launched, which was a bit odd, but I'm guessing that the store owner was the creator of the tutorial?

 

I decided to investigate and discovered that this company has been in the works for months now. Since February. Supposedly they were supposed to open last month, but clearly they still haven't. Latest update was a few days ago on Instagram where they were buying stuff for some mystery collaboration.

 

Of course, my first thought was: I bet I could open up a similar shop before they do. So I did some research and well, it doesn't look worthwhile. They have less than 35 followers on twitter, less than 300 on facebook and a little over 300 on instagram. Search results for related keywords are also pretty low. So it seems like sales for something like that would kind of suck.

 

I think the main problem is that people who are looking for DIY solutions, are looking for ways to do things without spending money. Still it could work out pretty well if the target audience was different. I think. I'm not sure.

 

It's still a pretty neat idea and I could definitely see how it could work. I sort of wish I had the income to pursue something like that.

[Weeblie]

So I got to work with dorky guy tonight. I figured this would eventually happen since I've been getting more hours. I just didn't think I'd be in a situation where I'd have to be stuck in the same zone with him.

 

He acted like nothing ever happened and was extremely friendly and chatty. I went with the flow, but felt a little uncomfortable about the whole thing. I'm not good at pretending that I like a person when I don't and he's someone I'm not particularly fond of. Though...there were moments that I found myself attracted to him again. He's still easy to talk to and awkwardly cute. It's such a bummer that he's such a douche bag.

 

He also made a weird comment about me being crazy because of something I said. Saying that I should've asked what was going on instead of making assumptions. It reminded me of how he said I assumed things and I should've asked him first about his girlfriend before getting upset. It also reminded me of R and A. Like how they'd try to make it seem like I was in the wrong, when in reality they were. I'm so over that kind of mind screwing.

 

Yeah...I'm pretty glad things with Dorky guy blew up the way they did. It just would've been another rehash of everything I went through with R and A.

[Weeblie]

Had a minor complaint against me today. There was a woman who was looking at the company iPad, so I went over and asked if she needed help. After some chitchat about the case, she handed it over. Awhile later, a co-worker shared that the lady felt insulted that I had treated her as if she was a thief.

 

Now, my thinking at the time was that I needed to move the iPad somewhere safe because it has confidential information on it and duh, someone might steal it. So I felt like the situation needed to be dealt with immediately.

 

Looking back, a more professional way to have handled the situation would've been to watch from afar and once she put it down, then put it somewhere safe. That way she wouldn't have felt like she did something wrong...even though she kind of did.

 

The funny thing is, the confrontation had a ripple effect. At first, she felt slightly embarrassed for being caught. Her daughter who witnessed the whole thing, was mortified and made it obvious to her mom. Which led to her mom feeling even more embarrassed. They then felt uncomfortable because they felt like they were being watched over. Which led to the mother complaining about me to another employee. Meanwhile, I had completely forgotten about what happened after I put the iPad away.

 

Sometimes I forget how delicate one has to be in a job like this. Actions that you'd take with a shoplifter, such as offering them help as they're stuffing a pile of jeans into a bag, doesn't seem as aggressive because both parties know what's going on. But I guess for someone who's just mindlessly picking stuff up, it can feel like an attack? I don't know. It's a silly situation, but in the future, I'll be more cautious about approaching someone. That just seems like the less stressful thing to do.

[Weeblie]

This past year started off with a kick in the gut, then a punch to the face and ended with me laying flat on my back contemplating things. I'm not really angry or sad about what happened (well maybe a tiny bit sad) as I feel like they were important learning experiences. In an odd way, I feel like I'm finally growing up.

 

One of the major themes/lessons for this year was communication. I got a lot of flack for not communicating enough, so I thought I needed to talk more. That led to spilling my guts to a guy, being strung along and hurt. It also led to some major arguments and drama at work and probably was one of the reasons I was laid off.

 

What I learned from that, was that it's more important to consider your audience. Like with my former job, my managers just wanted to feel important and included. So even though I'd follow their suggestions, they still felt like I wasn't listening to them because I put up a lot of resistance before following through. It was sort of the same thing with the guy. His actions made it clear that he didn't want a relationship, but I kept pushing for one. So while it was great that I said what I wanted, it was a failure because I wasn't paying attention to who I was talking to; the poor woman's John Mayer.

 

Which leads to the other lesson: accepting reality. Something I kept trying to do was squeeze orange juice out of apples, like expecting a relationship from a guy who didn't want one and trying to transform my place of employment into something classy when at heart it was Ed Hardy. It just doesn't work and even if you manage to morph it into what you want, it never feels quite right. It's better to leave and find a job or relationship that you like or just go with the flow until you can leave.

 

Anyway, overall it wasn't such a horrible year. I've got awesome legs at the moment because of my previous commute to work (lots of running up and down escalators). I'm not so freaked out by leading a group of people. I finally registered my business so I'm not afraid of taxes anymore. I'm also way more comfortable with being uncomfortable. So I'm feeling kind of optimistic about this year. Like ok, I'll be alright whatever happens.

[Weeblie]

It's only been 2 months into the PT job and already, I'm feeling antsy. There hasn't been any talk about training, open positions and what needs to happen in order to "next level". Also, most of my shifts have been morning shifts where I do grunt work that's unrelated to merchandising. Not that I have a problem with that, it's mindless and low stress. I'm just concerned that this isn't giving me a chance to demonstrate my skills and is a poor reflection of my value to the company.

 

I'm also concerned after a conversation I had with a friend (who works at the same company), as he mentioned how his store was trying to recruit back a manager from a competitor. He said that he could ask her if she'll set me up with her position with the competitor when she leaves. It's a sweet offer because it's a management/merchandising position and it's at a store in a high profile location. But I feel somewhat uneasy about it. Mainly because I don't understand why they're recruiting this woman when hello, I'm available. Also, why is he even making this suggestion?

 

Anyway, these questions are sort of unimportant. What I really should be asking is whether or not I want to continue with this company or even this path. If yes, then I need to push management harder about it. Also, there are a few positions listed online and I could talk to my manager about applying for them. Interviewing for the other position would be a good idea too.

 

If no, then I need to look into what my alternatives are. Where would I like to work and what do I want to earn. I'm not getting any younger, so now is probably the best time to make a career move (hah, more like create a career).

 

I'm sort of leaning towards the second choice. I mean, all I've done for the past few years is complain about retail. Part of me wonders if I'm even cut out for this line of work. Also, the path to a creative corporate job, just seems super long and complicated. But then, I've been doing this for so long, it seems like a waste of experience to drop this and do something new.

 

Heh. That last sentence sort of reminds me of one of the reasons I stuck it out in an unsatisfying non-relationship for years. There was so much invested in that non-relationship, that I needed it to work. It didn't matter that I was miserable a majority of the time and we were incompatible in so many ways. It HAD to work or I would've had to accept that I was wrong about him and had wasted my time.

 

Oh well. It seems like I've got a lot to think about.

[Weeblie]

Dressed up for work this morning and put on a pencil skirt and a fancy necklace. I ended up having to take out the trash before the store opened and then spent the rest of my shift in the back room processing shipment. I wouldn't say I was raging mad that I had to do those things. I wouldn't even say I was fuming when I discovered that I was scheduled for less hours the following week and I wasn't going to be around for the corporate visit. (The CEO is coming! Who doesn't want to see that?) Nope. I think the feeling was more like panic.

 

I kept thinking, what am I supposed to do now? Should I have a talk with my manager? Should I go for that job my friend was talking about? How about school? Maybe I need to network on Linkedin and find a way to make friends with corporate types? Am I not presentable to the public?!?!?

 

So I practiced breathing and reminded myself to keep my attitude in check. That's something I've been working on improving. When your head gets too big, that's when things start to spiral. At my last job, when I started to get upset, I'd talk trash about the owners with other employees. I'd slack off and instead of coming up with more projects, I'd leave early. It was really stupid and I should've been more cautious or at least chosen to vent to people who weren't involved in that mess. But I thought I was indispensable and soon discovered that I wasn't. Anyway, I can't say that I felt 100% better at the end of my shift. I was proud that I did more than expected, but I was ready to go home and research some new options.

 

Well, before I left my manager had a short chat with me and said they're putting me in charge of a small section and if that goes well, I'll get to be in charge of a larger section. It's kind of slow motion and I wish they'd just give me a pt manager position, but whatevs. It's a move in the right direction.

[Weeblie]

This morning was the store meeting where I was supposed to talk about a tiny little section. But since they ran out of time, I didn't get to talk at all. I hate public speaking so I'm glad that I didn't have to present. But I worry if that was a missed opportunity or something. Like that was my chance to demonstrate some sort of leadership quality or whatever. Oh well. I'm totally envious of the other managers skills though. I'd like to be totally relaxed about having to talk about a ton of stuff like that.

 

Anyway, some awesome news....my sister gave birth today! I've got another nephew! It's a total bummer that I won't be able to meet him for awhile, but I will be pestering my sister for photos.

[Weeblie]

Currently waiting for the Phillip Lim collection for Target to show up online and just discovered a reason to use Twitter: live updates on links to this collection.

[Weeblie]

All I really wanted was the mini black satchel. It looked like it'd be the perfect everyday and some nights bag. But by 12am, the collection still wasn't available on the west coast unless you got around it by finding a link on twitter or facebook or if you're like me, misspelling Phillip in Target's search bar. Unfortunately by then the black one was sold out. So I ordered the taupe one, which I'm hoping gets shipped.

 

6:00am I let my sister on the east coast know about the craziness and she rushed to the store and snagged the last black mini satchel there.

 

7am I started walking to my store. There was a strong smell of smoke, and a couple of fire trucks at the end of my sidewalk. Some time that night, the bicycle shop a few houses down and behind my street had caught on fire and burnt down the empty store and hair salon next to it. The streets were foaming with the runoff from the stuff used to put out the fire. No one was there at the time and thankfully the fire didn't spread to the apartment buildings next to it.

 

7:30am I showed up at my store and there was already a line of 15-20 people. A quarter till 8 and the line extended towards the sidewalk. An older lady tried to cut in line by claiming she got their early, but was sitting on the bench because of her knees. In reality her daughter was standing in front of me in line. They didn't cut her any slack.

 

8:00am they opened the doors. Two guys basically grabbed most of the bags and ran to check out. A few women managed to grab the one they wanted while everyone kept asking target employees where the bags were. One Target employee shouted to the others to bring out the rest of the stock, while another said to not bring it out until everyone (the customers) calmed down and behaved. They ended up creating a purse line to keep things in order and only allowed people to purchase one bag. Again this line got as long as the one waiting to get in. I was lucky and was the 4th person in line. Another older lady claimed she lost her spot in line when everyone was asked to move to the side and stood next to me the entire time. I didn't make room for her to get in front of me. I got my bag and when I went to pay, the managers were telling all the cashiers to only allow people to purchase one bag from now on.

 

It was kind of crazy. I'm not sure what to think of all of it. I didn't like how the older ladies were acting all shady, but then I guess that was their only advantage over everyone else. I also wanted to punch those guys that grabbed all those bags because I know they're going to try to profit off of that on ebay. But then...seeing as I have two black bags and a taupe one, I'm wondering if I should do the same and sell the ones I don't want. But eh, it might not be worth the effort as there's already 150 listings (and still growing) on ebay and only 4 sales so far. Plus a few sellers are already listing it at ridiculously low prices.

[Ellie2006]

Congrats on the birth of your nephew!

Hope all's well with you, Weeblie~

[Weeblie]

Thanks Ellie! Thankfully everything went smoothly and he's healthy.

I'm doing well, hope you're doing well too.

[Weeblie]

Last night C shared how his pay was reduced because of an exploited loophole and how the same thing happened to another co-worker. It was a depressing reminder that companies are only looking out for their best interests. It also made me wonder about my place at my company.

 

I'm in charge of a small department, but I don't feel like I'm being set up for success. I'm scheduled awkward hours, haven't received formal training and I'm sort of kept out of the loop. This month's floor change is sort of an example of that.

 

Technically, my merch manager should've mapped it out with me. Then throughout the week, small changes would be made to prep for the night of the big move. On the night of the big move, I, with the assistance of one other person (perhaps for only a few hours) would complete the move and do some fine tuning. That didn't happen. Instead, I mapped it out by myself, then executed all the changes alone on the night of the big move. There was no prep work because I wasn't scheduled for most of the week and I wasn't given any extra help because they were short a person. On top of that, the next morning, we were visited by some important decision makers. Thankfully I managed to pull off most of the move and the visit went well, but it had the potential to be awful.

 

I don't really understand why this was setup so poorly, my gut feeling is that it's related to my merch manager. I don't think it's intentionally malicious. But I do think that on some level we haven't been connecting that well. Maybe it's the way that I was brought in to the store? There was a lot of hype and during the first few weeks I don't think I quite lived up to it.

 

Maybe it's the contrast of my personality (serious, intense and quiet) to his previous assistant (outgoing, funny and relaxed) and he'd rather work with others? I do find myself working alone a majority of the time and when I'm sent to help him, I get sent elsewhere.

 

Anyway, things do seem a little better since the visit. I kind of hope that by doing a good job, it'll make him look good and he'll feel more favorably towards me.

[Weeblie]

Monday morning, I returned my second Phillip Lim for Target bag (I returned the first one a week prior). So I now own ZERO Phillip Lim bags. It was a bummer considering what I went through to get it, but I feel really good about this decision. I decided to put that money towards my credit card debt and this morning I paid off a second card and threw an extra $62.00 at a third card.

 

I still have 1 card with a small balance, 2 cards with large balances and a really large family loan to deal with. But this is progress and when the 3rd small balance card is paid off, I should be able to create a decent snowball. According to the calculators it should all be paid off within 3 years. It could be sooner, but that all depends on how I handle my spending. Oh and I've got student loans to tackle, so it'd be great to get the CC debt over with sooner.

 

I probably said this before, but this year has really forced me to grow up. It blows my mind that I used to make so much money and couldn't make ends meet, but here I am making a lot less and finding extra money here and there.

[Weeblie]

So S was telling me about a girl he was training at his store. He put her in charge of a small department and asked her to come in on her day off to get things prepped to take pictures. The day of, she said she wasn't coming in. Another time he followed up on her and asked how things were coming along and she gave him the cold shoulder all day. The following day she was back to normal, but at the time, S was upset about it.

 

From an outsider's perspective it's totally obvious that she's screwing up there. I mean, he's doing her a favor by giving her opportunities to stand out, but she was totally blowing them.

 

But then, when your on the other side it's kind of hard to see that you're blowing an opportunity. Like the other day my manager asked me if I could stay late. I declined because I had to come in the next morning at 5am, which would've meant that I'd have only had 5 hours of sleep and I'm useless without sleep. But looking back, I should've just blindly said yes. She needed a favor from me and I totally failed to deliver. Yeah my reason was justified, but helping out would've meant a lot and really losing a couple hours of sleep wouldn't have been a big deal.

 

Was talking about this with my sister and she quoted Denzel Washington, "Do what you gotta do so you can do what you wanna do." Gah! Losing some sleep would've been totally worth it to thank my manager for helping me out and also to show that I'm a team player. But I was thinking short term and totally blew an opportunity.

 

Anyway, in the future I know what to do and there really isn't much use in being too upset about it.I've got a history of bending over backwards to help out, so hopefully this doesn't stand out too much and is just a tiny blip in the grand scheme of things.