Was I Raped?

[Gracelove]

You were raped, you said "no" and he continued. If you were deathly afraid that he would pummel you, I can see why you wouldn't push him away.

 

I wish you would have pushed him away though. He had no right to do that to you, I think it would have been worth the fight.

 

But you've got to trust your gut instinct, if something within was telling you it's something you shouldn't do...then you are absolutely right for following your gut.

 

Have you seen or talked to him since then?

 

He's 4 years older than you isn't he? He definitely knows right from wrong.

 

What do you know about him? Sometimes knowing your rapist can help you with the closure part.

 

I talked to my rapist 4 days after he raped me, and it helped a lot.

 

He just rammbled (sp?) on and on.

I learned that he wasn't sorry for raping me, he actually got a laugh out of it. I was drugged and raped, so I have vivid memories of the actually rape (because it was so horrible). I also having other memories of things before the rape. However I couldn't remember whether or not I told my rapist, "no".

 

Listening to my rapist talk, I learned the I did tell him, "no", but he just didn't care to stop.

 

Now I'm not suggesting you call your rapist and chat it up/ have a heart to heart. But any info. about him can help you with the healing process.

 

Anywho, therapy can help you out an awful lot.

You take your fresh memories there.

You don't have to say things in order, just let it all out. And the therapist will piece together the puzzle for you.

 

And a therapist will be able to help you deal with it, explain the psychology of a predator (to a certain degree).

 

Honestly I think you'll have an awful time dealing with this if you don't seek professional help.

 

You need it. You need someone who has counseled a lot of rape victims/survivors. You need someone who can guide you. You need a safe place. You can't get through this and be half-way "okay" on your own.

 

*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*

 

My heart goes out to you, you're dealing with so much at such a young age.

 

It'll be okay though, things will eventually get better.

[CallingAllAngels]

Jessica - did you call your Godfather hon?

[littlelady]

Hi, i don't know if this will help at all as i live in the UK and things might be different for you over there but when it happened to me,i tortured myself for four months before i did anything.the first thing i did was go to the doctors,even if you go just to talk,they have to listen and they won't judge you ,they are there to help you.get yourself tested like others have said,i had to go for hiv tests etc it wasn't pleasant but it has to be done and you will be proud of yourself for doing it.I too went through depression,self harm and i was totally lost.i felt like a zombie but PLEASE do not beat yourself up over this...YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME and you did not bring it on yourself.people who do this are not right in the head and whatever you knew about him,it is not your fault it happened.he should not have done this to you.please do not torture yourself,tell your parents,i know its hard but you need the support,get tested,go to the police,do what feels right to you and do it for you.you need to make yourself better and i promise you,it may take a while and seem impossible right now but you will start to like yourself again and you will one day see that not everyone is out to hurt you.if you ever want to talk just message me.Keep your chin up,you are strong just for coming on here and telling your story.well done,i'm proud of you.xxx

[jessica_girl]

I havent yet talked to my god father, because I havent been able to get ahold of him. Me and my parents arent on a good level right now and I havent really been home. I have been to a friends house 4 times just this week. My birthday is coming up soon, ill be fourteen on the third. My dad isnt takling to me, and my mom, she doesnt pay attention. Im trying to get ahold of my dad for a week now. No answer to my calls. But as I am trying it seems like family and friends dont care. Thank you everyone...

 

 

oh and thank yo Gracelove and allie2064 for your lots of help

[CallingAllAngels]

I havent yet talked to my god father, because I havent been able to get ahold of him. Me and my parents arent on a good level right now and I havent really been home. I have been to a friends house 4 times just this week. My birthday is coming up soon, ill be fourteen on the third. My dad isnt takling to me, and my mom, she doesnt pay attention. Im trying to get ahold of my dad for a week now. No answer to my calls. But as I am trying it seems like family and friends dont care. Thank you everyone...

 

 

oh and thank yo Gracelove and allie2064 for your lots of help

 

Honey - you are more than welcome. You keep on talkin' to us. Keep on posting. It's important that you talk about what happened to you. I'm glad that you can put on a happy face, but you do need to tell someone.

 

Keep on trying to get a hold of your Godfather, okay?

 

And why is your dad not talking to you?

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Jessica, at the very least it is statatury rape. He knew that you were and still are, under age. He shouldn't have even kissed you. I suggest you tell your partents immediately.

[jessica_girl]

Me and my dad dont have a very close relationship. My birthday is soon...but he probably wont even give me a call. I thank all of you so much for being here for me. I keep trying to get ahold of my godfather, but his phone is broke. Ill keep trying...and trying to get ahold of my dad...

[Stella Sleepwalks]

What about a teacher or a friend's parent or older sibling?

[jessica_girl]

Well, school starts back soon. Im guessing that I could go talk to one of them. My only older sister isnt really around. She graduated from highschool this year, and since then isnt really home much. Plus she hates me. I dont really know any of my friends parents and the one I do know doesnt really like me because me and her daughter got into a fight. I know it seems like every solution yall give me, something is wrong. Im sorry for that but I really do appreciate every bid of help yall have givin me. School starts on the 18th, Im guessing I could try to wait. But it is tough.

[CallingAllAngels]

You have nothing to be sorry for. We are trying to help, and it sounds like you are just stuck in a nightmare sweetie. The 18th probably seems like a very long time a way, but it's not. It's almost August 1st.

 

You keep on trying to get a hold of your Godfather until then, because he seems like your best bet. IF that doesn't work, then when you get back in school, you tell a close teacher, or, at the very least, you go tell the school nurse. Or your guidance counselor. They HAVE to take this seriously. You just tell then plain and simple that you were raped. They will take it from there.

 

Hugs to you hon. You keep on talkin' to us until then, okay?

 

My best to you...

 

Allie

[AtMyWitsEnd]

You were raped. You said no, period. I was raped as a virgin at the age of 13. I could have fought harder, I could have screamed--but I was frozen. It lasted an hour and a half and was on the floor of my best friend's bedroom while she slept in the bed above. It was her older brother.

 

Talk to someone. You CAN tell the police or law enforcement but I don't know that you could get anything done to him now. But definitely talk to someone about it.

You can talk to me ANYTIME. I was only 13 when it happened...and that seriously affected who I became as a teenager and an adult and who I am today.

If you want someone to call, PM me and I will give you my cell number. We are here for you.

 

Even if you are in a situation where you have allowed your guard down with a friend and the behavior is flirty, that IN NO WAY MAKES YOU RESPONSIBLE. IN NO WAY.

[AtMyWitsEnd]

Girl, you ARE me. I didn't tell anyone but my close friends. No authority or parent. I told my mom three years later at age 16. I tried to OD by taking an entire bottle of aspirin after getting caught sneaking out at age 15. Spent Easter morning in the backseat of my parents' car at the church, head hanging out the door, pajama-clad, vomiting up the 60 aspirin I had taken.

I, too, started cutting myself. At age 15. I also went through a lot of drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. I became promiscuous to find love and heal myself.

 

IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT. I was raped four times by three different guys the year after my 21st birthday. Did I deserve that because I got drunk? A lot of people get drunk. Not all of them are then drugged via their drinks and raped multiple times. So besides the theft of my virginity at age 13, I was raped four more times in my life. I am 29 this August and you NEED to talk to someone about this. It shows STRENGTH to be willing to seek help.

 

We are here for you.

[ipconfig]

Yes this was definitely rape.

 

You tried to restrain him, and he still continued. It doesn't matter if you physically said the word "No", you didn't give him consent ie you didn't want to have sex with him, but you were pressured into doing so (and for that matter you CAN'T give him consent since you're under 16, only your parents can, which I'd doubt they'd do)

 

Do yourself and other girls justice and go down to the police station and report him ASAP. Good luck.

[jessica_girl]

Thanks everyone for your recent posts. I wish I could go and report him but its to late and its my word against his. Ive tried to talk to my dad but he doesnt listen, its all about him. My mom, I cant tell her. Im to affraid to tell her. Things recently havent been so good. I dont know why, I just feel bad way to much. I dont want to be seen, and im staying in my room alot. My mom or anyone doestn realize anything is wrong. I have tryed to talk to my dad about a month ago, but he just put it off as normal teenage stuff, and said that kids today have to much access to internet. I want help, Need help. I dont know how to get it without telling my parents evey detail. I dont want them to know but it seems like the only way for me to get help it to tell them. Please anything would help right now...please.

[CallingAllAngels]

Honey - what about your Godfather? Is there a help-line you can call for teenagers? Anything like that in your area?

 

Did you look in the phonebook for a rape crisis center? You can call them and remain anonymous. You can talk to them. They don't need you to "prove" that you were raped. They WILL believe you. They are there to listen and care.

 

Would you look in the phone book for that number and call them. Then post and let us know how you made out? Please?

[jessica_girl]

My god father isnt ansering his phone, I think he its broke and stuff. I looked up in the phone book, but didnt find and help line. It seems like answers are running out. Theres three days till my birthday, ill be 14, and im not even in the least bit excited. Recently I have realized that im changing little by little. I dont want to change but it seems like I have to to fit who I have become. And now my boyfriend of a month, who I havent seen the whole time, because its long distance, is saying I love you. The last time I said I love you and meant it was to my X-bf. I need serious help and I dont know where to turn. Things seemed like they were looking up and then all this weight it being put on my shoulders. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!

[Seraphim]

Darling I was raped as well at 13. I did not tell anyone either. I was raped over and over for 7 months. It is VERY important for you to tell an adult and get some therapy. If your family is no help to you, can you call the KIDS HELP PHONE? Can you call Social Services, I am telling you it is VERY important. It needs to be reported. He needs to face what he did and the consequences and you DO need help.

[CallingAllAngels]

Darling I was raped as well at 13. I did not tell anyone either. I was raped over and over for 7 months. It is VERY important for you to tell an adult and get some therapy. If your family is no help to you, can you call the KIDS HELP PHONE? Can you call Social Services, I am telling you it is VERY important. It needs to be reported. He needs to face what he did and the consequences and you DO need help.

 

Jessica - how about it hon? How about calling a Kids Help Line or Social Services?

 

ALL IS NOT LOST!!!!!!!

 

PM me if you feel it is and we will figure something out.

 

~Allie

[stella74]

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I was sexually assaulted when I was 13 1/2 and it affected me deeply for a very long time. I thought it was my fault. It took a lot of professional counseling to accept that it wasn't.

 

I urge to you to reach out and get help. There's a hotline you can call that is very helpful for rape and sexual assualt survivors. I've called them many times when I've needed extra support. It's free and you can call any time. It's anonymous, which means you don't have to tell them your name if you don't want to.

 

The hotline is Bay Area Women Against Rape. I called them to make sure you could call since you're in Arkansas and they said yes. They get calls from all over the country.

 

The number is 1-510-845-7273. Please call today! I realize it's a long distance number for you. Call and ask them if there's a toll-free number or local number you can call.

 

PM me if you have any questions.

[CallingAllAngels]

Jessica luv - here is your answer! PLEASE CALL THEM! THEY MUST HAVE AN 800 OR LOCAL NUMBER!

 

~Allie

[headunderwater]

Jessica,

Do you have a regular family doctor? Do you have their number? Call them and tell them you are in crisis and need to speak to a nurse. Tell them you are a patient and you need some help. If you don't want to tell them your name, don't. I don't think they can tell your parents, but ask them. Or just ask them for a referral to an agency that can help you. Look in the blue pages of your telephone book under hotlines and helplines, under domestic abuse etc. If you find a women's abuse shelter, call there and ask them to help you find the right place to call. They can help.

 

I would like you to think about one thing though. Things aren't good with your parents now. How were there BEFORE you were raped ? It might help for your parents to know this and to help you. If your parents are neglectful, then just stick with the plan above, there is ALWAYS someone to help you.

 

Please keep talking here and try to get in touch with someone in your area. If you choose, you can PM one of us your zip code and we can help you search out places that can help.

[headunderwater]

Call collect and see if they accept your call.

[jessica_girl]

Hey everyone. Sorry its been a while since i have posted. My birthday was really good, and then tuesday me and my X boyfriend got back together. For some reason it seemslike any time I talk to him my life cant get any better. I havent gotten to call the number yet, I havent had a moment to myself, and I just got it yesterday. I will call. Just for now I think that my life is going so well and I dont think it can get much better. Yes I know, in my case my mind changes very easily. Thanks everyone.

 

 

 

*And for these few small moments, life cant get much better*

[CallingAllAngels]

Jessica honey, I"m glad to hear you have some joy in your life. I do think it's important that you address the rape, but do enjoy the happiness that you have found.

 

(BIG HUGS)

 

~Allie

[plumbdamaged]

yes. this is rape. you told him no, and once you say no they need to stop. i had pretty much the same thing happen to me in highschool and i found every reason to blame myself for it, but in the end- it was his fault. once you say no thats all that matters. people get scared, when someone doesnt take no as an answer, sometimes they freeze up, its just what happens. fear does that to people. you will need to talk to someone even though it will be uncomfortable. maybe you can sit down and talk to your mom. Mothers may be upset about what happened but they are not upset with you, only the person who did it. when i told about what happened to me i had a hard time and i sat in a room with the person i told, with the lights off and facing away from them, cuz other than that i woulsnt have been able to say it. and trust me- the person will understand if you tell them you need to do something weird like that. things like this are hard to talk about. also if you have a hard time bringing yourself to do that then write a note and leave it somewhere that you know will by found only by the person you want to tell. that way you will not have to see their reaction and you will not have to deal with a bunch of questions that you are not yet comfortable with. most likely they will say they need to talk to you and then you can prepare for it and if you are not comfortable with talking ask them to just leave a note. they may try to push for you to talk but just tell them you cant say it out loud yet. they will understand.

 

good luck hun. and im so sorry this happened to you.