Iloved her to death...until i found out her real identity....

[EmeraldDragon]

Look on the bright side. At least she wasn't a man

[Excalibur]

Look, here's the thing - unless there is regular personal interaction, what you have is not a relationship..it's an association.

 

You're in love with the idea of being in loved, being loved, having a life and lifestyle you think isn't possible unless you're in couplehood.

 

So you started an on-line correspondence with someone in another country, because you both lack social skills, self-esteem and self-confidence for interpersonal interaction.

 

You both wanted to present an image of what you're not - more together, more successful, more cool.....becuase in reality nobody that wanted the relationship involvement personally - would go out and meet and settle for on-line involvement only. If someone really wants a relationship - they don't want it on the internet.

 

She's finally told you that she's not in physical apperance what youo think. She's done that before you show up and find it out in person - and she experience personal rejection. Which is smart.

 

In reality, if you'd been thinking logically - if she were that beutiful, commnicative, intelligent, and together - what would she be doing settling for on-line and phone contact - when there are men in the UK? At some level - you had to know that the presentation of her image in some manner was "off" or else she'd have been flocked with admirers, in person attention and offers where she was.

 

Same with you.

 

You're absoluteyl right that physical attraction is important. That's why most on-line first "meetings" are not dates...they're meetings. On line - you can't know if there is phyical attraction and chemistry in the mix. You can know you hope there is...but you can't know there will be without "meeting".

 

So most people raelly seeking to involve with someone in real-time, choose to internet contact people close enough to them to make meeting possibly very quickly, and make regular contact easy and cost efficient.

 

You were really both hoping for the same thing...that the image I present of being more witty, humorous, charming, amusing, amazing, and successful on line which is not what or who I am in full - at least not yet - is going to overcome the reality of me, when we meet.

 

So to get them to fall in love with the "act" - you must constantly present the act- to get someone to believe it is a fact.

 

You weren't in love with her - and if she's not your physical type you shouldn't feel guilt for not wanting to be with her.

 

But you will get over this if you actually realize what it is you were in - which was not a userous, negative relatioonship - but simply an on-line only association.

 

Realizing everybody has different priorities, standards, and definitions - you can easily realize that "on-line" is never giong to present you with an accurate image until you meet. And if when meeting there is spark and attraction, then you can discuss dating, etc.

 

But neither of you have a life that you've personaly invested time, talent, energy, and effort into to create a great, successful secure life that you love to live. You weren't making an offer/promise to "share my life with you" - you were both extending the message "with you, my life will be more full and optioned" - which tells you there is very little "life" either of you have and together you'd be quite disappointed.

[2nd Best]

I wouldn't make a blanket statement like that. Actually you can indeed fall in love with someone you have regular interactions with over an extended period of time but have not yet had a chance to meet. People have indeed gone on to successful relationships having first fallen in love through long distance. The OP's situation is different, however, since it appears like it was the photograph of her and her beauty which seems to have trumped everything.

 

I totally agree.

[bijoux27]

Excalibur's post might be a little hard to accept but I believe she is correct.

[RetroDude]

Honestly...Excaliber is 100% correct. If she was this beautiful gorgeous smart woman why did she need to engage in an internet fling?..The majority of people who engage in those relationships anyway are desperate or have insecurities..OR in an area where there arent alot of men or women to choose from..like say alaska?? And im pretty sure there were more than 1 or 2 little red flags during your relationship that you chose to ignore as well...

 

Having said that..what she did was INEXCUSABLE and were I you I would just be happy that she finally decided to tell me the truth before I spent all that money traveling to the UK for nothing.

 

As far as finding this other woman..why??? I mean what do you hope to accomplish by doing that? You werent talking to the "hot" friend..she quite possibly knows nothin about you and would probably be weirded out if you did approach her..Look dude you should put this entire suitation behind you and out of your mind. The fewer reminders of it the better.

[D_Lish]

 

The majority of people who engage in those relationships anyway are desperate or have insecurities.

 

 

NO THEY ARENT!!! I've been caught up in an online relationship, that I didnt go looking for, but that just happened and Im far from being *desperate* and I dont have *insecurities* either!!

 

So Jaymee, if this wasn't her *real* picture, have you seen a photo of what she really looks like?

[Zepp]

Online relationships, while also legit relationships, have to be handled differently.

Trust should not come as easily in these kinds of relationships. People should also do everything they can to prove to you that this person in the picture is who they are. This is when webcams come in very handy. You can see them for who they really look like... If they refuse to use one, refuse to get up to show their body, or refuse to show their face, then those are real warning signs.

When I first started my LDR I bought a webcam, as did he, so we'd know we weren't lying. They're not expensive, say $30 for a decent one, so that's not an excuse.

[Zepp]

Honestly...Excaliber is 100% correct. If she was this beautiful gorgeous smart woman why did she need to engage in an internet fling?..The majority of people who engage in those relationships anyway are desperate or have insecurities..

 

Oh please.

The same can be said for any relationship, online, LDR, or in person. Anyone can be desperate or insecure.

I happen to be neither. I'm attractive, smart, and have an active social/party life... I just happened to become friends with someone via internet, and things progressed from there. It's not like I LOOKED for a LDR.