Iloved her to death...until i found out her real identity....

[jaymee]

Please.. need help...

 

I'v been heartbroken and i feel i will never be happy ever again...this feeling made me feel like a person i'v never been and i just want to give up on everything

 

ok i met a girl online over a year ago and we've been talking ever since, we fell in love through a long distance relationship about a month ago and got so close..this was the first time i ever fell in love..and i really can't see myself doing it ever again..im 23 years old....she was seriously my soul mate forever...we even got engaged..were going to have a baby..talked on the phone every night like 8 hours a day even more sometimes. I live in Canada and she lived in the U.K and i was going to go be with her when i got enough money saved up...

 

Here's when she told me her darkest secret that totally broke me into pieces...and changed the way i feel inside forever..it hurts so much i can't even explain in words..

 

Basically she told me over the phone last night she has lied to me about her identity because she was afraid i would have not fell in love with her if she showed me how she really looked...She had been going my the name ...my fiancee...and her pics well she was beautiful inside and out...but all these pictures i were lead to believe was my girl were actually her pictures of her ex-friend..as this is what she told me. Also her best friend online had known this secret and played along with it too. I can't believe someone could do such a cruel sick thing...she knew sooner or later it was going to break my heart totally..i wish she would have just been honest from the beginning because after a year and a half of being in love with this girl ...and believing in my mind she was the beautiful girl i knew...just totally messed my feeling in a way i could never repair honestly..i don't know what to do..i cry constantly...

 

they say looks don't matter it's about the person deep down inside..well im going to be honest and tell you i don't believe that's true at all because your personality don't shine on your forehead and it's just human nature that the opposite sex are attracted by physical appearance and it is such a big impact. This is what kills me most...all the pictures i have of her...this beautiful girl i thought was the girl who loved me was not even her just kills me so much...it's a permanent indent inside my head that will never leave...i'll be honest i was seriously obsessed with her physical appearance as i was also with her personality too but all the moments we shared...i think now that this being long distance just makes it the hardest thing in the world because when you can't be with your love in person..they are always on your mind...looking at her pictures...hearing her voice and just imagining her in your arms..and im imagining the girl in the pictures...basically it's just never going to work out and it's going to kill me for the rest of my life..i feel so empty and foolish for being played like this...all i wanted was that girl that she said she was from day 1...

 

i feel right now that there is something i do not know, more lies that i have not been told...there is one thing i really want to do and i feel i need to do it and this is where i need even more help..or advice please...i want to somehow find this ...and tell her everything...i believe she needs to know what happened..its only right but i dont know how to find her. They told me they aren't her friend anymore but i cant believe it...all they said was bad things about her and i know it's not true at all, a picture tells a thousand words and seriously, i fell so in love with this girl..her image will be indented in my heart and mind forever, i just hope there is a way i can find her, she lives in the u.k as well. Thank you for reading this and please help if you can, thank you

 

Jaymee

[DN]

Moderator Note: Hi Jaymee, I am sorry for what you have been going through but this forum is not a place to search for this woman - thereforee I am editing your post to remove her name.

 

I will leave the rest of the post so that people will perhaps be able to offer you words of sympathy and encouragement.

[kaoticbaby]

i'm sorry that this happened to you, but let this be a lesson learned.

this girl wasn't trying to hurt you, and it sounds like she cares about you. so maybe it's worth looking past if you feel that you really care about her as a person. HOWEVER, this was still very wrong of her, and she should have known how hurt you would be, even if that was not her intention.

 

but on the other hand, this is why internet dating doesn't work unless you meet the person fairly soon (within a month or two).. before you get too caught up in feelings. especially if she lives so far away. i hope i'm not being tactless by saying this, but i feel like if you are going to talk to somebody who lives so far away, it should be as a friends-only basis until you can meet them in person. it is always easier to find somebody closer to you, who you can see and touch and hug.

 

this is only my opinion though, so i hope whatever you do, it works out for the best.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would stay far away from this...for all you know, this other woman was in on the joke as well. That really is sick and twisted. I also think you should learn a lesson about how far online romances can go..getting engaged to someone you haven't even met yet is not the wisest thing to do. Also, looks is not everything, character counts for a lot as well. I would really just walk away from this and don't bother contacting anyone. Just put it behind you as a lesson learned and be more cautious next time.

[Snoopy24]

Okay, I'll be honest with you. You probably won't agree with me, and that is fine, but you CAN"T fall in love with someone you never met. You just can't.

 

You REALLY don't know a person until you can interact with them in person.

 

I'm sorry that you were deceived. This happens all the time on the internet. You're lucky it really wasn't some 50 year old guy.

 

Your story does remind me of that movie "Cat's and Dog's" Rent it if you haven't seen it.

 

You're still very young, and you will find someone else. If you want to do the internet dating thing, try and look for people close by, so you can meet them in person, so you don't have to invest so much of your time into something like this situation.

 

And some other advise..marriage is a VERY serious thing. It's asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you. And although you may have thought you loved this girl, like I said you really don't know someone until you can spend one on one time with them. And a lot of that. Because often people don't show their true colors early on in relationships. And also you need to know if you have chemistry. You can't tell that without meeting them first.

 

Sorry again, and good luck. Don't be too hard on yourself, just take this as a lesson learned.

[agent1607307371]

So you weren't actually in love with this girl, you were just obsessed with her looks. (Lets be honest, do you really want to tell her about this, or do you want to find her and have her fall in love with you?)

 

I think you've both had a lucky escape.

 

Chalk it up to the nature of the internet and human insecurity, learn from it and make an effort to move on.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Honey, lots of people fall in love with pictures of supermodels too... but the real person behind the photo is something totally different.

 

So you want to find the girl in the picture, but she is just an image, and not the girl you have talked to for a year. The girl in the picture could be married, dead, 20 years older than her picture, totally uninterested in you etc. You are just extremely disappointed becuase you feel in love with the photo plus the girl you talked to on the phone, but that means you were infatuated with someone who didn't really exist because they were two different people.

 

What you learn from this is not to go a year in an internet relationship wiht someone you haven't met. There are so many people who waste a long time and get their hopes way high up and are crushed when they meet the real person who turns out to not be what they expected. So what you learned is that you need to not get so involved when you haven't met the person and had a REAL relationship with them.

 

You need to spend a lot of time with someone before you marry them or you will most likely be divorced before too long. A long distance fantasy is not a real relationship.

 

This is hard for you now but you need to let go. Find a local girl who is real. You will find someone else you can love, if you look for a REAL girl that you can meet and get to know in person.

[jaymee]

Thank You everyone for your opionions and i very much agree on everyone's...i did jump into this too fast i will cope with it and learn from this and be cautious if i ever meet anyone else again..this was actually my first real relationship actually and it wasn't even real on that note and it was long distance online, i should of thought it through more and did some research but now i'm going to just move forward and life...thanks a lot everyone..you've helped a great deal and that's what i needed most right now.

[bijoux27]

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine, he found out that her pictures weren't of the actual girl until 7 months into their online relationship. Funny thing is, he didn't leave her, but she cheated on him soon after.

 

If they can deceive you like this, they can in other ways. Be careful.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Okay, I'll be honest with you. You probably won't agree with me, and that is fine, but you CAN"T fall in love with someone you never met. You just can't.

 

I wouldn't make a blanket statement like that. Actually you can indeed fall in love with someone you have regular interactions with over an extended period of time but have not yet had a chance to meet. People have indeed gone on to successful relationships having first fallen in love through long distance. The OP's situation is different, however, since it appears like it was the photograph of her and her beauty which seems to have trumped everything.

[Snoopy24]

I wouldn't make a blanket statement like that. Actually you can indeed fall in love with someone you have regular interactions with over an extended period of time but have not yet had a chance to meet. People have indeed gone on to successful relationships having first fallen in love through long distance. The OP's situation is different, however, since it appears like it was the photograph of her and her beauty which seems to have trumped everything.

 

 

Yes, there are many relationships that have worked from long distance and online. I never said that it couldn't work. But IMO you can't fall in love with someone UNTIL you meet them and get to know them in person.

 

 

 

I'll agree to disagree.

[Jeen]

It is like my avi at this stage it is not me, words yes they do say a lot about someone but the real test for a relationship to work or last is in human contact, not through words and photos.

 

I am sorry this happened to you. If you look around you, you may just find that angel you are looking for only living a block or two away from you.

 

Never belief the internet. Every story has three sides. "One of the golden rules."

[Snoopy24]

There was a guy from the UK I talked with online a few years back.

 

we talked on the phone 8 hours a day, Im'ed, cammed, sent each other stuff in the mail.

 

He was EVERYTHING I would want in a guy.

 

I absolutely adored him.

 

but even though I knew SO much about him. I never spent physical time with him. So I would never know what annoying quirks he had in person, or cute little quirks that would make me laugh.

 

I could have met him, and we could have kissed and I could have felt absolutely NOTHING. Chemistry is something that is there or it's not. And you will never know until you meet. And if there is no chemistry, I don't see how someone could have a romantic relationship.

[Portage]

There was a guy from the UK I talked with online a few years back.

 

we talked on the phone 8 hours a day, Im'ed, cammed, sent each other stuff in the mail.

 

He was EVERYTHING I would want in a guy.

 

I absolutely adored him.

 

but even know I knew SO much about him. I never spent physical time with him. So I would never know what annoying quirks he had in person, or cute little quirks that would make me laugh.

 

I could have met him, and we could have kissed and I could have felt absolutely NOTHING. Chemistry is something that is there or it's not. And you will never know until you meet. And if there is no chemistry, I don't see how someone could have a romantic relationship.

 

I agree with Snoopy, i believe you need to meet in person. You can build a connection, a repoire, but to confirm a love connection you MUST have a 3D meeting. Without this, it is all escapism and fantasy based.

[Jeen]

There was a guy from the UK I talked with online a few years back.

 

we talked on the phone 8 hours a day, Im'ed, cammed, sent each other stuff in the mail.

 

He was EVERYTHING I would want in a guy.

 

I absolutely adored him.

 

but even know I knew SO much about him. I never spent physical time with him. So I would never know what annoying quirks he had in person, or cute little quirks that would make me laugh.

 

I could have met him, and we could have kissed and I could have felt absolutely NOTHING. Chemistry is something that is there or it's not. And you will never know until you meet. And if there is no chemistry, I don't see how someone could have a romantic relationship.

 

I do agree. lol

I remember a few times in my life where someone would be great and good on the phone but as soon as you go on a date there is the little things that starts to show, it will not work, the way he speaks to people how he handle himself in public etc.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have seen far too many posts on here which have people declaring love for someone they have met in person and spent every single day with for the period of a month. So yes, they spent time together in person and thereforee feel justified to call it love...yet they really have only known each other for 5 minutes. So I think it is misleading to say that you can only fall in love with someone you have met...it is the time factor which actually really determines falling in love, and how you communicate with them. Going out on Saturday night dates and having sex with them every time you meet often leads to the illusion of love which is really just lust and infatuation.

 

While ultimately you do have to meet the person to see if you can mesh as a couple, it is no different than two people who have gone through the infatuation period and sex like bunnies into the real world of relationships and making it work. The difference with online relationships is that you get to bond with the person mentally and spiritually before the physical aspects cloud the judgement. While the internet relationships can result in deception...so can face-face relationships. Look how many cheaters don't tell their partner they are cheating. There are many people who have been deceived in face-to-face relationships..."oops I forgot to tell you I was married", "oops, I didn't tell you that I used to frequent hookers", "oops, I didn't tell you that I am an alcoholic"...the list goes on. Deception is just as likely to happen on the internet as in face to face dating.

[jaymee]

i agree snoopy most definitely..she's lucky i actually just didn't cut her off but she is totally obsessed, i actually heard like her breath being taken away..over the phone.. from things i felt from my heart at that time to tell her, towards her, unless that's just another act of her's but i told her i do not feel the same about her and never will but if you still want to be friends then that's ok as for HER friend, this guy, i met him through her! she did the same thing to him she did to me accept they were friends, he actually met her just before i did and pulled off the same heist, i told him today, and he let her know, his last words to her were that "this gal done to you but you hv no rite on taking someones id,thats just wrong but hei who r you really (name) or whateva you r be wise and be urself,im off nw but damm gal i was really your friend,familiar with the term killing two birds with one stone you just done that and theres someone for everyone out there so Please dnt make the same mistake again cuz my sense of betrail its so hight i cant believe it yet you can delete me nw but you will leav with this guilt the rest of ur life"

 

so true, she just lost two solid good people, im not going to hate her that's why ill still just me a friend...but i'm keeping my distance, him on the other hand lol but everyone is different

[Portage]

CAD, but chemistry is only felt in person.

 

You can't know chemistry without physical contact. You may THINK you have chemistry but the proof is in the meeting. It doesn't mean a connection in the real world will ultimately work out, however, you can confirm butterflies or no butterflies only in the flesh. This is a number one component in my book.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have no idea why you would want to even be friends with this person. She needs some serious help.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

CAD, but chemistry is only felt in person.

 

You can't know chemistry without physical contact. You may THINK you have chemistry but the proof is in the meeting. It doesn't mean a connection in the real world will ultimately work out, however, you can confirm butterflies or no butterflies only in the flesh. This is a number one component in my book.

 

Sure, there is chemistry...but often chemistry builds if you develop an intense rapport with someone. That is the beauty of communicating at length before meeting...you get a chance to really really learn about someone, how they think etc without the physical aspects getting in the way. There are a lot of relationships that never blossom because the two people don't know each other and meet...and if there is no instant sparks, that's the end of that. However, if two people develop a firm friendship and fall in love with who the person is..often the physical attraction will follow suit. The problem is that everyone wants the physical lust feelings first before they even entertain the notion of getting to know someone's mind so people are now conditioned into believing that getting to know someone's mind first before their body, is just unthinkable.

[Snoopy24]

Okay, the way I see it is, you can most defiantly START to fall in love with someone without meeting them. But it can't be confirmed until you spend time with that person. It just can't.

 

For example, someone can be very blunt and outgoing online, and the phone, but in person, they can be the shyest person you ever met- visa versa. there are soo many other things you just don't know until you meet.

 

Of course people can be deceived in person as well, but you can still see their character and how they act and communicate, with you as well as others. While over a phone or screen you can't tell.

[Portage]

Sure, there is chemistry...but often chemistry builds if you develop an intense rapport with someone. That is the beauty of communicating at length before meeting...you get a chance to really really learn about someone, how they think etc without the physical aspects getting in the way. There are a lot of relationships that never blossom because the two people don't know each other and meet...and if there is no instant sparks, that's the end of that. However, if two people develop a firm friendship and fall in love with who the person is..often the physical attraction will follow suit. The problem is that everyone wants the physical lust feelings first before they even entertain the notion of getting to know someone's mind so people are now conditioned into believing that getting to know someone's mind first before their body, is just unthinkable.

 

Sure you get to learn what the person shows you. There is comfort from afar. People are much more relaxed when not face to face with this potential 'love'. I know i am. Without getting personal, people can be much much different in person. Just their gestures or mannerisms in person can be a turn-off. It may seem trivial but it is what makes that individual a whole 3d meeting. If the physical meeting is disappointing, no meeting of the minds is going to replace a well rounded relationship. It is impossible.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sure you get to learn what the person shows you. There is comfort from afar. People are much more relaxed when not face to face with this potential 'love'. I know i am. Without getting personal, people can be much much different in person. Just their gestures or mannerisms in person can be a turn-off. It may seem trivial but it is what makes that individual a whole 3d meeting. If the physical meeting is disappointing, no meeting of the minds is going to replace a well rounded relationship. It is impossible.

 

 

There is a big difference between falling in love and having a relationship work out. Of course relationships have to be well-rounded...but that is true for face-to-face ones as well...you can have great physical chemistry but everything else stinks..as seems to happen a lot when relationships start off with bells and whistles and can't keep your hands off each other. Be it starting off via the internet, or starting off face-to-face, there are many milestones...it is just that the order of those milestones are reversed and the importance one places on which milestone needs to come first, differs. You can't discount either method or say that one is better than the other..they are just different methods of arriving at the same ultimate destination. It depends on what a person values more.

[Portage]

There is a big difference between falling in love and having a relationship work out. Of course relationships have to be well-rounded...but that is true for face-to-face ones as well...you can have great physical chemistry but everything else stinks..as seems to happen a lot when relationships start off with bells and whistles and can't keep your hands off each other. Be it starting off via the internet, or starting off face-to-face, there are many milestones...it is just that the order of those milestones are reversed and the importance one places on which milestone needs to come first, differs. You can't discount either method or say that one is better than the other..they are just different methods of arriving at the same ultimate destination. It depends on what a person values more.

 

online meetings allow individuals to misrepresent themselves and not necessarily intentionally. It is always easier to show your good side and take your time with responses when facing non face-to-face encounters.

 

And falling 'in love' online to me isn't falling in love. It is getting to know that person and what they wish you to see. It is much easier to hide from the truth when typing than when in the physical presense of the other.

 

Anyways, we will have to agree to disagree. On line to me is a pen pal you wish to meet possibly in the real world because you've built a connection. Not a love match.

[jaymee]

deff true..its proof that just happened to me... on your second last paragraph, thats exactly what she did to me and now she will live with that the rest of her life, i tried to be friends and couldn't at all and i just totally let her go all together..it's the best way thing to do i can't ever forgive her for doing what she did period.