sushi_pompom Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I just recently started officially dating a man who is ten years older. We've known each other a year and seven months and were instantly attracted to one another the moment we met, but we were both getting out of pretty bad relationships (I was with someone who turned out to be gay and his wife cheated on him.). We took our time and saw each other every few months due to mutual friend gatherings and such, nothing formal or romantically planned...nothing official. We would flirt, talk and touch at these events, we would just have great time. Well at a gathering in May he finally decided he was ready to date, that he wanted to see me outside such events and asked for my address so he could come see me (he lives 77 miles from me.) He started calling me on a regular basis which he never used to do and we made plans for him to come down. Well we spent the last two Saturdays together which have been wonderful but very sexually filled. We have yet to have sex but we are like two horny teenagers when we're together...we can't keep our hands off each other. He's actually told me he's never been so "excited" by a woman in his life and from they day he first laid eyes upon me he has had "thoughts" and has fantasized about me. It's all very flattering and makes me feel incredibly sexy but I'm scared that that's the only reason he is interested in me. On other levels we get along great. We laugh and talk...he says he feels comfortable with me, like he can just be himself. Our personalities and mannerisms seem to be very similar...we just seem to have a good time together whether fooling around or just hanging out. And I have said some things that would probably scare a guy off if he just wanted sex. I told him that I really liked him and that he made me very happy. He didn't freak out, he reciprocated and told me that I too make him happy. Plus I inquired about who knew about me...he told his mother. Good sign, maybe?? I don't know... What are signs that a guy just wants sex?? How do you know he wants more then to get in your pants?? Link to comment
Edak Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 On other levels we get along great. We laugh and talk...he says he feels comfortable with me, like he can just be himself. Our personalities and mannerisms seem to be very similar...we just seem to have a good time together whether fooling around or just hanging out. And I have said some things that would probably scare a guy off if he just wanted sex. I told him that I really liked him and that he made me very happy. He didn't freak out, he reciprocated and told me that I too make him happy. Plus I inquired about who knew about me...he told his mother. Good sign, maybe?? I don't know... I'd say for the most part, he seems genuine, you answered it yourself.. I'm a guy, so judge me off that..lol...but I've been really into girls just to get into their pants, and I'd never tell my mom about them..ever.. I had it planned to have fun one or twice and then break things off, how would that work out with my mom when she asks about her 3 weeks later? I looked at these girls as friend's with benefits, and when they tried to go further (as in start telling me about their problems and asking my advice) I ended it right there. Friends with benefits..girls are uncappable.. even when it's their idea. If you really want to be sure for yourself, stop giving him what he "wants" ( I say that in quotes because we don't know if he's here just for the sex ) and the next few times you see each other, just tell him you want to just cuddle, not make out, or you just want to talk, not touch. If he really is genuine, he won't put up too much of a fight ( He probably will not be happy with it, but he will get over it quickly IF he is genuine ) But personally, he sounds like a keeper. Good luck with it! ~Kade Link to comment
richmonder80 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 As a guy, I know that $ex is something on our mind constant. A simple touch or look can ignite our desire for a woman. I want to give you my two cents on this matter. Take it for what you think it is worth. Does he want you $exually? That is a obvious yes. The question you are asking is, is that all he want...the answer is two part and depends on your actions. 1. If you accept his advances and flirt back, it signals to him that your feelings for him in that way ($ex) is mutual. Of course, for you it could be just strictly flirting but men do not see it as only innocent flirting. So he is assuming that you want it since you have flirted back. And you could also be wanting as well but just not sure if he will stick around after it. 2. If you give it up too early, the relationship will end as what it is and was...a simple fling. This sounds common sense but rarely do women follow: Wait! make him wait! No wrong comes from this. If you really do want to see a future with this guy then wait. There is no need to rush in. And for a guy that was cheated on (as that is what he said happened)...he doesn't exhibit any scars which is something I am suspect of. Trust me, when a man gets cheated on...he doesnt trust a woman that quick so that leads me to believe that he is looking for nookie only, but I could be wrong here. There is a direct corrolation btwn making him wait and him respecting you and sticking around for a relationship Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I'm getting the impression that he's genuine and looking for more than just sex. However, if you are worried about that, don't rush into sleeping with him and continue to develop the relationship with him without sex for awhile before taking that next step. Most guys I know don't tell their mother about a FWB. Good luck! Link to comment
KAT MOMMY Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I think he is just into it for the sex only because you feel uncomfortable. If it was a mutual attraction then he wouldn't tell you the things he has. As far as telling his mom about you-don't believe it until you actually see and meet her. He can pretty much tell you anything. The thing about you being the only female he feels attracted to the way he does is also a game-he is excitied indeed but I think it's more of the age=he maybe hasn't been with anyone as young as you or younger and it's a major turn on for him. Me being 27 and have dealt with a friend 10 years older than me and guess what all he ever wants is sex. Have you two ever been on a formal date? Has he given you flowers or the mushy things given from a guy to a gal? I think it's the novelty of you being young, sexy and pretty. For older guys its different and they tend to cloud our judgement because they are much older and experienced then we are. Just beware and keep your guard up Link to comment
sushi_pompom Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 Thank you everyone for your input! To answer your question Kat Mommy, yes he has taken me out on a formal date. He was a total gentleman, opening doors for me and paying for everything. And it's not that I am uncomfortable being physical with him, in fact I enjoy it very much, it's the fact that I fear he's only wanting that...I am very attracted to him and developing feelings and I just want to make sure that I am investing time and emotions on something that is going somewhere. I've never been so attracted to someone in my life... Although I am guarded even though I have asked him about his intentions and he claimed that he wasn't just after sex. What really kinda stirred me up is when he explained to me that during his divorce he told himself that he would never be in a relationship again, that he would just use women for sex and then be on his way. Whoa! How am I suppose to feel okay with being physical with him when he says something like that. Although he reassured me he was not going to do that with me, that he liked me and that I am far too sweet to do that to. "I wouldn't do that to you." He said while looking me right in my eyes. But yet I am still uneasy and very cautious. Also when he touched on this subject he mentioned that our relationship would be slow moving, not that he didn't want one with me, just that it may take sometime to get there. At least that's what I keep telling myself...Oh I'm hopeless aren't I? Link to comment
KAT MOMMY Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 No I don't think that you are hopeless-you're focused. Sounds like you got it under control though-good luck and enjoy the "grown man' aspect-it's cool though-I can not tell a lie--LOL Link to comment
LE DHUY NHUT Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 We always want to get into your pants....eventually. Link to comment
sushi_pompom Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 We always want to get into your pants....eventually. haha! Very true... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 We always want to get into your pants....eventually. I think the concern is if that is ALL that you want! Link to comment
stayhappy Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 For me I have a very simple filtering system to weed out the serious ones from the ones wanting a shag. It's not particularly clever but has worked for me up till now and that is to withold sex from the person you're seeing. If they are genuinely interested in you for who you are then they will be prepared to wait as long as it takes to get to sleep with you. If they're not prepared to hang around long enough to find out then you know what they're probably after one thing To take this further, which I have done myself, I'd actually be happy to sleep in the same bed with that person, cuddle and the rest but still not have sex. It's a better way to start out a relationship and takes sex out of the equation which I think is pretty healthy and shows you thatthe perso actually cares about you and not your body. Like I said, not particulalry ingenius stuff! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Just keep getting to know him and spend some time with him. No need to have sex yet, even if you find him extremely attractive. Sooner or later you will be able to figure out if you should be with him. Considering how long you've known him, I would think that he does indeed like you and that he is taking his time with you. The fact that he said he would use women does not mean that he will use you. Many people say things in anger to help them get over a divorce. I don't think that comment has anything to do with you. Link to comment
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