Love Letters

[DenialTwist]

Well a couple of weeks have gone by since my last post, and quite a weird couple of weeks they have been.

 

Turns out it was a full moon the night before we met up in the car park at work. She had gone out of her way at the weekend to get me some weed so this was just a quick pick up. As I walked away from her I was left with an imprint of her aura and by the time I got back to my desk it was still with me so I wrote it down in an email and sent it to her.

 

She wrote back telling me she was intrigued...and asking what more I could tell. Just then I got another image. I teased her and asked her what she wanted to know, but soon after I started writing down what I saw and I was honest with what I wrote. Especially as I saw the colour pink and that I never see that colour in people (well I had seen it in her about a year earlier when she first let me read her aura). I googled it as I wanted to check my own interpretation. Turns out pink is quite a rare colour on earth, a frequency that is only temporary but that not surprisingly symbolises love. So I told her that if it was for me or not I did not know, but that I saw love. I then added a couple of things and sent the email.

 

A couple of days later we started emailing each other again. Usual chit chat, well nice chit chat but always initiated by her, infact I haven't initiated contact in weeks. By the end of the week there are emails in my inbox telling me she was thinking of me while I was off.

 

So...all that brings up to this week.

 

I met her in the car park at lunch time, well she met me. She must have been quite far ahead when she saw me, cause she stopped and waited for me. She asked me if I wanted to go down to hers for lunch and I thought why not...this would have been the first time in her flat since the infamous love bomb. Just a coincidence that this would happen on the first day of autumn?

 

On the way to her place she seemed to drop in the conversation that she was single, amongst many other things cause she was talking at a million miles an hour, which I actually really like. Lunch was great though...had a joint, a cup of tea and walked the dog and it felt amazing. Whenever I am around her I feel a warmth that I have never felt before. We seem to be on the same wavelength.

 

An hour went by so quickly and we made our way back to work. We were lost in conversation when we got to the door and once more I noticed her behaviour change. There was a time she would have gone to speak to people, but instead we just carried on in our conversation and walked into the building together and reached our crossroads. We stole a minute and carried on chatting and as we said goodbye I could feel a glow over me.

 

By the time tuesday came she asked me if she I wanted to have lunch again, so we did. Walked the dog, had a joint and a cup of tea and a really good time.

 

Wednesday she was supposed to be on an earlier lunch, but I got an email minutes before my lunch telling me she had been held up and was just about to start her lunch and was wondering if I wanted to go down to hers for lunch. I said yes and told her I would meet her outside. When she walked out and saw me she started smiling and I had to ask her why. She said she was always happy on her lunch, but I knew she was lying. She was happy to see me.

 

All week she has dropped hints that she is playing a gig on friday and eventually asking me if I am going to go.

 

The weirdest moment of it all was the last thing she told me when last saw each other. Out of the blue she told me what the first name she had chosen for her dog. I'm half scottish and the name she first picked would be my clan, and it's an old scottish obscure one. She settled for a different name in the end but it felt like a spiritual calling card, as if she has been calling out for me.

 

Anyway...that was a sidestory. Now I am "stuck" with Friday. I guess I am duty bound to go. Am I just putting my feelings out to be crushed again?

[bostonbruins24]

It sounds good but there is a need for speed!! That is ,it's time to move in for a kiss and see how she reacts.I wouldn't want to waste a lot of time on someone who may or may not have feelings for me.You obviously like her but does she return those romantic feelings?

[LE DHUY NHUT]

Will you please ask her out on a proper date,hold her hand or kiss her on that day?If she says no to a real date will you stop wasting time or at least put her way down on your list?Will you stop always being so at her beck and call and start being a bit more assertive?Are there other things going on in your life that you care passionately about?

[Dating Coach]

I read the first post only and don't know the latest news, but based upon this first post it is a classic case of a guy who is FRIENDZONED. Let's look at it:

 

I'm feeling like a bit of an idiot at the moment because 5 days ago I sent this girl I've know for over a year a love letter and I haven't heard back from her. I would love for her to say she feels the same way about me, and I could cope with a no, but the silent treatment is far worse.

 

As I just got done telling another guy about his crush, about the worst thing you can do is spill your guts and confess your feelings for the friend. About the only way you will get away with this is if she is majorly crushing on you already. Having read your post completely I saw no signs that this was the case so you took a HUGE gamble and paid for it.

 

You want her to at least tell you no rather than the silent treatment but think about it from her perspective. You just unloaded how much you are in love with her, calling yourselves "twin flames" and all of that. From her perspective telling a friend she likes "no" when he is madly in love with her isn't going to be a simple thing. She's going to have to deal with DRAMA. Even if you actually think that you'd just nod your head and say, "ok", she's not going to believe it to be that easy. Not only that, but she's not going to be able to goback to "just friends" very easily again will she? So you changed the entire situation by dropping a HUGE bomb on her. Even if she suspected it (and I am sure she did), it's still a lot to deal with, and the easiest way in her mind to handle it is to create distance and stay away, hoping the situation will dissolve or weaken over time.

 

Confessing your feelings like that isn't romantic. It only is in the movies (unless she's majorly crushing on you back). Why? Because in the real world it's completely unattractive to throw yourself at someone who is a friend. You just put a TON of pressure on her. What if she only saw you as a "friend"? How in the world can she go out with you after that letter? Her feelings would just be coming off of the "friend level" and you're already at "I'm in love and want to be with your forever". She's WAY behind her and now you're putting so much pressure on her to catch up. You may not intend that nor expect it, but by throwing yourself at her like this and telling her exactly how much you love her this is what you did. You unloaded all of that baggage right on her shoulders and she did the only thing she could. Run.

 

I've got quite alot of mixed signals from her. The first time we hooked up she took me around the places she grew up and hadn't been there for a while as if to welcome me in her life.

 

What do you mean by "hooked up"? Hung out? I am assuming that because there is no mention of kissing, sex, etc. What you did here with her was PURELY PLATONIC FRIEND STUFF. There is not one single "mixed signal" so I don't know where you are getting this idea that she was possibly hinting there was something more. She hung out with a friend going to childhood places. That's it. I think you created something more in your own mind because it meant more to YOU that she took you there.

 

At times I've been the first person she has called when she had stuff on her mind and I always listened to her.

 

Being the shoulder to cry on is a situation that pretty much all guys who are friendzoned find themselves in. Nothing here says she is interested in more that just friends. She needed to vent, knew that like always you would be happy to listen, so she vented. That's it.

 

At times we would get very close but then she always seemed to push me away and I wouldn't hear from her for a while.

 

Maybe she was just tired of hanging out or more likely she suspected your attraction and thought you might try to make the move on her. Thus she pulled back hoping you would take a hint, back off, and give up. If you did then she could go back to having that guy who does everything for her as a friend again.

 

To deal with her insecurity (go figure gorgeous & talented) she took a performing arts course and invited me to it. At the end she asked me back to her flat, I thought there would have been quite a few friends of hers, but it was just the two of us. Well until a random appearance by her brother and cousin.

 

Friends hang out. Nothing here either. Unless you are going to tell me that she kissed you, took off your pants, etc. No? Then nothing here is a mixed signal either.

 

When we met up we would talk for ages about everything and anything. We have so much in common it's unreal.

 

This does not say she's interested. Friends talk for ages. Girls talk to other girls all day long on the phones sometimes. Now she's got a guy to get a male's perspective on. Why not talk to you when you're so willing?

 

But everytime that we got close she would pull away again. Who knows maybe she was waiting for me to make a move.

 

Or maybe she knew you were thinking about making a move so she pulled away in hopes of detering you. Her latest action of pulling away after the love letter supports this.

 

I've never been sure about the signals I would get. We could go from emailing each other at work all day to suddenly just getting quick messages like "sorry, been busy can't really talk" and not hearing from her for weeks.

 

Then all of sudden it would start up again, she would invite me over or come and see me and the closeness we had was well...quite something.

 

Again, these are not signals of interest. Nothing here is a signal of interest unless she's emailing you to let you know she's going to be home alone and naked Friday night. THAT would be a sign of interest. Just chatting with you all day is NOT a sign of interest.

 

In the last few months I've had the feeling that maybe, just maybe, she did feel the same way about me and was waiting for me to make a move.

 

I think your feelings were wrong... clearly since she fled when you confessed loving her.

 

She would come round to see me and we would go for a walk with the dog by the river . When she left I realised I had fallen in love with her but then as usual nothing for a couple of weeks.

 

Sounds to me like you're a convienient friend. She uses you as a friend when she needs to and then disappears when she doesn't. Yet like always you're happy to take her right back and do things for her when she reappears.

 

Look at this, you are her shoulder to cry on, her free chat buddy when she's bored, you give her rides, hang out, almost certainly buy her gifts on holidays and birthdays, etc. You do all of this because you are in love with her. Don't say that you don't, because I bet anything you're not doing half as much for your other friends as you do for her. Yet what do you get in return? Any special benefits for your time and effort? NO. You just get to fill the role of male girlfriend and wish you had more. How fair is that to you? It's not at all, and the fact that you so eagerly do it shows that you're placing her on a pedastle above you. Your actions tell her that she's the catch and that you're beneath her. This is a huge turn off because why would someone want to be with another person who is "beneath them"? You're not really beneath her but that's what your actions say because you suck up. You do. Your actions show that you place her above you in all things. You sacrifice your time, effort, plans, etc and do all of it for HER while not getting close to what you want from her. This shows that you are beneath her in your own priorities. She's not going to date a guy beneath her because that would be like "settling for less". She's going to go for a guy who DOESN'T place her on a pedastle, because then they would be more like equals.

 

I am not saying this to rip on you or hurt your feelings. I am telling you this because it's true. You need to know.

 

Then all of a sudden she invited me over to hers, we went for a drive and then she invited me to her gig on friday. As I got to the venue she shouted me over from accross the street while she was with her friends. I thought that was quite promising During her set she would turn around at me when she could. I could tell she was looking for me but didn't want to make it too obvious.

 

That was not "promising", that was her getting a friends attention so that friend could join the group. Nothing there screams: "I'm interested in you romantically".

 

Then at the end of the night she grabbed me as I was leaving. She sneaked out and left her friends and band behind to sit in the car with me and reallly started flirting. Lifting her skirt and telling me how soft her legs were and so on and for the first time in my life I didn't know what to do. I fell in love with her and was afraid that she didn't feel the same way.

 

That is the closest thing you've had to a "sign" but it's still not one. She's being playful and flirty. That in itself does not mean interest, a lot of girls do it because it's fun to flirt and they like the attention. She was playing, nothing more.

 

So I spent last weekend writing her a letter. Went as far as telling her that we are twin flames and she totally rocks my world, and then silence...not a single word.

 

Because she's not interested. Sorry bud.

[Dating Coach]

So far she hasn't said no and until she does I am not going to move on.

 

Not responding IS a no. No girl who is interested in a romantic relationship with you is going to ignore the attempt to get together and blow you off like this. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. She doesn't have to say it. Her actions tell the story. No interest.

 

She's been back to acting like "just friends" slowly but surely. There is no attempt on her part to get to anything more... although she knows she could if she wanted to. She knows you'd do it. So what's the reason for her not doing it? She's not interested.

[bostonbruins24]

Not responding IS a no. No girl who is interested in a romantic relationship with you is going to ignore the attempt to get together and blow you off like this. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. She doesn't have to say it. Her actions tell the story. No interest.

 

She's been back to acting like "just friends" slowly but surely. There is no attempt on her part to get to anything more... although she knows she could if she wanted to. She knows you'd do it. So what's the reason for her not doing it? She's not interested.

I agree ,Diggity,but for the OP's peace of mind,I still think he should make a legitimite attempt[maybe directly ask her if she has feelings for him]and then move on.

[Dating Coach]

I agree ,Diggity,but for the OP's peace of mind,I still think he should make a legitimite attempt[maybe directly ask her if she has feelings for him]and then move on.

 

I would only agree because the OP seems to be in denial of the situation. He very well may need to push it to the point where he forces the blunt rejection from her before he lets it go.

[DenialTwist]

I agree ,Diggity,but for the OP's peace of mind,I still think he should make a legitimite attempt[maybe directly ask her if she has feelings for him]and then move on.

 

I couldn't agree more.

 

Coach...I read your post a few days ago and they got me thinking.

 

Having read your post completely I saw no signs that this was the case so you took a HUGE gamble and paid for it.

 

I wouldn't say this was a HUGE gamble or that I am paying for it either. If I didn't write the letter I would be here writing about "I have fallen in love with this girl and I just don't know how to tell her".

 

Truth is I couldn't tell her that I had fallen in love with her without telling her that we were twin flames and I did that because I respect her, because I see her as my equal.

 

I understand that what I talk about must sound alien to some folk and if someone told me 3 years ago I would be writing all this...well...

 

So this is not the real world? These things only happen in the movies? Actually they happen all the time, it's just that you don't read about them.

 

My concept about twin flames is not one based upon images from the silver screen. Rather from experiences of both love lived and lost. From spiritual encounters that have unfolded in my life.

 

I understand why she pulled back when I told her all that. It was deep!!

I remember how I felt when I realised she was my twin flame. I thought "what??? I'm gonna have kids with her???". I didn't go as far as telling her that in the letter, but those were my feelings so I can understand hers. I can understand if she needs time.

 

That was about 3 months ago and I have to admit that I have been moving on. When I pulled out of her life, she grabbed me back in.

 

Then this weekend I thought I should finally move on and then I read your post and it got me thinking. One line in particular:

 

Yet what do you get in return? Any special benefits for your time and effort? NO.

 

Yes. Whenever I am around her I feel this most amazing warmth. Love is about giving, not what you get back.

[Dating Coach]

Yes. Whenever I am around her I feel this most amazing warmth. Love is about giving, not what you get back.

 

True love (at least the kind you are seeking with her) is a two way street. If you are finding yourself doing all the things a man does for his love and are getting nothing in return then that should tell you something. It should tell you there is an imbalance.

 

It's been a week since I last read this thread but from what I recall you filled the role of catering to this girl unlike a way you would cater to someone who was purely a platonic friend. I think it's fair to say you aren't doing for everyone what you do for her. Only you never were with her. Not in the boyfriend/girlfriend romantic sense. Yet you still did all of these things as if you were.

 

What you don't understand is that when you do all of these things without expecting equal treatment then you lower your value as an attractive romantic partner. To appear as attractive as your potential you have to treat yourself with as much respect as you treat others.

 

The real world I referred to isn't a fairy tail-Man throws himself at the feet of a woman and upon seeing how much he loves her she too falls in love. In the movies they make it out to be as if this is how it works in the real world. But it doesn't. Okay.... I suppose it happens SOMETIMES but not 99% of the time. The vast majority of the time a woman is going to feel that attraction for a man who attracts. You cannot attract those to you very successfully when you make your life about pleasing a particular person while forgetting yourself because you lose that value you have. Your own actions are then saying that you aren't even that important to you, because of how you put someone else so much in front of yourself.

 

You never got anything back for your efforts yet continued to flatter her, give all of your effort, time, and attention, etc but yet she never gave you anything that suggested she wanted what you want. But you continued on. This lowers how attractive a partner you can be because it's all about her. This creates an imbalance between you when it should be equal.

 

That, IMO, is the main reason this failed.

[DenialTwist]

The winds of change are in the air. I've been feeling them for a while now. The seasons are changing and life is adapting to it and with it I realise how much this journey has changed me as a person.

 

I came with questions and I finally found my answer.

 

If you are finding yourself doing all the things a man does for his love and are getting nothing in return then that should tell you something. It should tell you there is an imbalance.

 

I can't tell you how wrong that sentence is. You seem to confuse love and sex and quantify that love accordingly.

 

The more I look around the more I see people in wrong relationships whose definition of love is a reflection of sex. Want to test that love? Go without sex for 28 days and see how much a relationship changes.

 

The point is not a moral crusade on sex rather a way to show that there isn't an imbalance. I've been there for her when she needed someone because I care about her and wanted to see her better and when I needed someone there for me she was. Why? I don't know, I'm glad she was.

 

They say that most people, before uniting with their twin flames, will go through an emotional and spiritual cleansing because the heart needs to be strong and it's only through understanding pain and loss will they be ready for the intensity of such a relationship.

 

I can only but hope that if she is my twin flame that she is also spiritually and emotionally ready for a such a relationship. If not, I can only but respect her wishes, wish her happiness and hope that one day, in another life, we may unite and hope that I may meet a soulmate for a healthy although rather less intense relationship.

 

Whatever lesson life has it that I must learn from this experience I think I will find out soon.

 

Her behaviour has changed quite a bit just as has mine...

 

We never had the chance to speak much at the gig. Between preshow nerves and post show fans, yes fans. Her friends knew who i was and were wanting to meet me. When I chatted to her brother it felt like I was getting sussed out. I got a hug when I said good night (not from her brother) and I couldn't help but think friendzoned...

 

Then during the drive home I started thinking. Her friends coming over, her brother, that hug and that last sentence..."I really want to spend some time with you but I am on lates all week".

 

...

 

Next week she was on lates so the first email came on thursday more or less telling me that she really wanted to spend some time with me but that she was working saturday and helping her mum move on sunday.

 

Mmm....

 

Come yesterday and the email conversations started up again (we work in the same building). Again telling me that she really wants to catch up with me and that she was free monday and friday. That I could go over to hers or she could come over to mine, that she is having car problems but she'll borrow her cousins car.

 

I suggested I would go through monday and she could come to mine on friday. She was on lunch when I did, and by the time she got back she managed to arrange for her cousin to fix her car after work but she would text me and let me know if she managed to get everything done at a reasonable hour as it is a 40 mile round trip on treacherous scottish highland roads...

 

She text me at 8:30 telling me she just got home. It's kinda late for a school night and a commute for either of us so we both knew nothing was gonna happen. I text her back saying it's a grim night and that she must be glad to finally be home and that we'll see what happens.

 

The answer...I'll see you tomorrow outside work for a cigarette.

 

Ok...given that I will jump through hula hoops for this girl, I have really tried to keep a safe emotional distance from her.

 

I can understand how the love bomb would have left her speechless. It was a gift of love. Honest and genuine. If someone sees that as a weakness, then all you have to do is look around and see how much this world is in need of love to see that it's a strength. In a society where we speed date, where we seem to be more concerned to being with someone rather than being happy and chasing our dreams, and where we so often confuse sex for love then the love bomb is the rock n'roll of dating. Going against what society defines.

 

Despite the romanticism, she must know that what I said was deep and that there must still be feelings lingering.

 

And now this. A friday evening, and she wants to drive to mine. Generally it has been the other way round (not surprisingly some may say). She's booking herself in as of monday. I suggest we watch Heroes, she declines as she says then we won't talk, and she wants to talk and suggests we do that another time...

 

She text me at lunchtime asking if I could grab her a pint of milk. I brought it to her desk and there was something in her voice. She said my name louder than the rest of the sentence...as if she was claiming me. Weird & very nice.

 

So...I guess I have ended lining myself up for this again.

 

Surprisingly friday would be 10/10/2008. Numerology 2008 = 2 + 0 + 0 + 8 = 10, making friday 10/10/10 = 1/1/1 and finally 1+1+1 = 3.

 

3 there is that number again...

[bostonbruins24]

If she's so interested then what is she waiting for?She already knows you like her but she is still on the fence,it seems.

[Dating Coach]

I can't tell you how wrong that sentence is. You seem to confuse love and sex and quantify that love accordingly.

 

I think it is you who are confused. Let's review the facts shall we? You are not with this girl. You have a major crush and perhaps have fallen in love with this girl, and as such you've been filling the role of a boyfriend for her (minus the physical aspect and the mutual affection) yet she has not filled a girlfriend role to you. It is a one way street.

She is not your girlfriend. She has not responded in any way to suggest she is interested in you this way. In fact, when you confessed your feelings towards her, she distanced herself from you for a time. Her actions tell you EVERYTHING. Yet here you are still going on about this.

This is not how a real romantic relationship works. If she were interested in you she would be with you. She knows you want it, thus all she needs to do if she wanted what you want is make it happen. She hasn't.

 

It's time to face the music. This is not your girlfriend and by continuing to try to fill this role you put yourself in where you dote on her every chance you get in order to show her how much you care is not only ignoring the fact that she's choosing to avoid a relationship with you, but you're disrespecting yourself because you DO deserve to find the relationship you're looking for. Since it's clearly not this one (because she isn't returning your affections) then you need to focus your attentions elsewhere. You need to start devoting your time to pursuing such a relationship with a partner who actually may want to be with you.

 

It has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with actions. Her having sex with you would at least give some credibility of interest in you since she'd be willing to offer herself. However there are no actions from her indicating she shares your feelings, sex included. In fact, her actions suggest the complete opposite of romantic interest. Her actions are to distance herself (until she needs something) and to ignore that you confessed being in love with her. The only role she has reciprocated to you is the FRIEND role, and even then she's done a questionable job since she's ignored you and distanced herself from you at times. She hasn't even offered you the respect to inform you verbally of her disinterest in anything romantic with you (although that shouldn't be necessary as actions speak louder than words anyway)

 

It's time to let it go. How much time do you intend to pursue something that is clearly a dead end in terms of providing you with the romantic relationship you desire? Somewhere out there is a woman who will fill that role, but you aren't out looking for it because you're still treading down this lonely road.

 

The more I look around the more I see people in wrong relationships whose definition of love is a reflection of sex. Want to test that love? Go without sex for 28 days and see how much a relationship changes.

 

Try 100 days. I just did it. But this is not the point and you're clearly focusing on the wrong things here. No one suggests that sex=love. The only point about sex is that it is an action that would suggest some interest on her part towards you. It doesn't even have to be sex. It could be a open mouthed kiss towards you. It could be her sending you a love letter back. It could be her agreeing to going out on a romantic date with you. It could be her introducing you to others as her "boyfriend". No actions from her suggest anything romantic. She is interested in only filling a friend role. That's it. If she were recipricating in some romantic way, then perhaps there would be some interest on her part, but there's not. Not only have there been no actions from her displaying romantic interest in you, all of her actions have been suggesting NO romantic interest. That should be more than enough for you to move on.

 

The point is not a moral crusade on sex rather a way to show that there isn't an imbalance. I've been there for her when she needed someone because I care about her and wanted to see her better and when I needed someone there for me she was. Why? I don't know, I'm glad she was.

 

The imbalance is that you have taken actions displaying romantic interest in her. She has shown you NONE.

 

They say that most people, before uniting with their twin flames, will go through an emotional and spiritual cleansing because the heart needs to be strong and it's only through understanding pain and loss will they be ready for the intensity of such a relationship.

 

A) Who are "they"?

 

B) Sometimes two people don't work out.

 

This girl isn't your "twin flame". You are crushing on her, she is not crushing on you. It's that simple. If she were your "twin flame" then she'd almost certainly share some romantic interest but she HAS NONE. Her actions show this over and over again.

 

You want good advice? Actions speak louder than words. Those are words of wisdom right there. And what makes it even more important to this situation is that she hasn't even offered words to suggest interest for her actions to act in counter to. So in this, both her lack of romantic words and her lack of romantic action ALL agree that she is not interested.

 

You don't appear able to recognize these obvious signs. Instead you keep grasping for things that aren't there when the answer you need is and has been right in front of your face.

[Dating Coach]

Please don't take this as if I am attacking you or trying to insult you. I would be very pleased if this situation had worked out in your favor. However I am merely trying to be honest with you. I would rather you face the hard truth than continue to ram your head into a wall.

[DenialTwist]

Hey man, thanks for looking out for me.

 

At the end of the day only I know if she is or is not my twin flame and I know in my heart that she is.

 

I could go over the hundreds of little moments we shared, the smallest of things we talked about but all I would be doing is reaching the same conclusion...

 

See, small things and coincidences are the most important things in life. I read a quote, possibly from some samurai code, that goes down the lines of "give little time to big decisions, and alot of time to small ones".

 

I found this site just recently. It's a bit of a read though.

 

link removed

 

I know this sounds far fetched to you, it used to sound far fetched to me. Then life throws a few surprises...

 

Harmony, 3, it all comes together this friday.

[bostonbruins24]

Hey man, thanks for looking out for me.

 

At the end of the day only I know if she is or is not my twin flame and I know in my heart that she is.

 

I could go over the hundreds of little moments we shared, the smallest of things we talked about but all I would be doing is reaching the same conclusion...

 

See, small things and coincidences are the most important things in life. I read a quote, possibly from some samurai code, that goes down the lines of "give little time to big decisions, and alot of time to small ones".

 

I found this site just recently. It's a bit of a read though.

 

link removed

 

I know this sounds far fetched to you, it used to sound far fetched to me. Then life throws a few surprises...

 

Harmony, 3, it all comes together this friday.

I hope you are right ,but next time you see her ,make a move! You at least seem to have the opportunity .You are spending time with a woman [in a 1-1 setting],she already knows that you like her ,so move in for a kiss the next time you are together.Most single guys are likely wishing they at least had a prospect ,you seem to ,but the longer the kind of behaviour you describe goes on,the less chance there is for it to get off the ground.

[Dating Coach]

I hope it works out for you, but you aren't looking at this right. It's not up to YOU to decide that you are "twin flames". She has a say in this. If you believe it with all of your heart and she does not then that's it. Situation over.

 

Look, if she see's you like this then find out that answer. Make a move, say something face to face. GET AN ANSWER. It's WAY past time for you to find out what is going on. Do you plan on waiting 10 weeks? 10 months? 10 years? She already knows whether or not she will be with you right now. She knows who you are, she knows if she is interested. So find out. Do this ASAP.

[DenialTwist]

Well...it's been a while since I updated this...and now for the first time I really do not know what to do...

 

"Nothing" happened when we were due to meet up. Car problems for both of us. She said she was gonna text and let me know if she was gonna make it or not, but she never did. I knew that anyway.

 

She emails me first thing monday morning. Sorry my brother came up and we started talking and it got late while saturday and sunday she was helping her mum move house. Thing is I knew we weren't gonna meet up, and it didn't really bother me, until she apologised for not texting me. At that point, well, something clicked.

 

I wrote back and teasingly said that it was in character, I wasn't really surprised and that I had an excellent weekend. Won $200 playing online poker on friday, got quite drunk on saturday and played my first game of squash in 11 months after tearing my ligaments...I had a great weekend.

 

She says she has 2 gigs coming up, and I quickly make my excuses saying that I am going to be busy both the coming friday and saturday. Simply not interested.

 

Over the coming days I get more emails, texts and voicemails than I ever had. It seems that any excuse was good for her to contact me. It included one big favour, but I was happy to help cause it wasn't anything major to me, and she usually gets me weed anyway.

 

Thing is, I'm sure she could have sorted it out without asking me. Just an excuse to see me?

 

Turns out we are both on holiday this week. So I get an email on thursday (she was off friday). She was expecting me to have left the office by then, but she says she is going to be busy at the weekend still helping her mum and that she wanted to meet up and that she would be free as of tuesday.

 

Anyway...I ended up going to her gig on Saturday. They were opening for one of my other friends band, and this is where things got a little weird.

 

She was singing "these boots were made for waking" and pointed at me while singing "walk all over you". About 60 people saw it. Their home coming gig with friends and family there...mmm...

 

She came over to talk to me, and stood there twidling her hair...flirting?

 

Two of her friends suddenly offered me lifts for the next gigs. Going 40 miles out of their way to pick me up...

 

So now I am left wondering if she is being friendly or flirtatious. That moment on stage pointing at me...very provocative. The flirting, her friends offering me lifts.

 

So she said she would be free as of tomorrow. Do I really want to ask her to meet up?

 

I can only set myself up for this so many times.

[bostonbruins24]

''Walk all over you'' as in I am going to continue to keep you guessing. You guys were supposed to meet up and she didn't even call/email to tell you she couldn't make it.If she was interested she would have called or she would have showed up .I don't buy the excuse that she was helping her Mom move.I don't think anyone would blow off someone that they were interested in like that.Twidling her hair could have meant anything ,could it have been flirting ? Yes,but it could have been other things,it is too vague of a sign to be putting any stock in.I am only going by what you tell me but I think I would be looking for someone else.

[Dating Coach]

Well...it's been a while since I updated this...and now for the first time I really do not know what to do...

 

Are you sure? Deep down are you really sure you don't know what to do? Let's look at it.

 

"Nothing" happened when we were due to meet up. Car problems for both of us. She said she was gonna text and let me know if she was gonna make it or not, but she never did. I knew that anyway.

 

So she lied. She said she'd text you about if she was going to make it but she didn't even have the courtesy to stick to her word. She left you hanging. How rude. I HOPE you called her out on this.

 

She emails me first thing monday morning. Sorry my brother came up and we started talking and it got late while saturday and sunday she was helping her mum move house. Thing is I knew we weren't gonna meet up, and it didn't really bother me, until she apologised for not texting me. At that point, well, something clicked.

 

I wrote back and teasingly said that it was in character, I wasn't really surprised and that I had an excellent weekend. Won $200 playing online poker on friday, got quite drunk on saturday and played my first game of squash in 11 months after tearing my ligaments...I had a great weekend.

 

So you let her rude behavior slide?! ](*,)

 

She says she has 2 gigs coming up, and I quickly make my excuses saying that I am going to be busy both the coming friday and saturday. Simply not interested.

 

Ah, there may be hope for you yet!

 

Over the coming days I get more emails, texts and voicemails than I ever had. It seems that any excuse was good for her to contact me.

 

She got the hint that you might be upset with her so she was testing to see if she could get you back to being cool with her. apparently it didn't take much work...

 

It included one big favour, but I was happy to help cause it wasn't anything major to me, and she usually gets me weed anyway.

 

She was rude to you, blew you off, disrespected you, and you're back to doing her favors. *sigh*

 

Thing is, I'm sure she could have sorted it out without asking me. Just an excuse to see me?

 

You did her a favor. You saved her the effort. She says "jump" and you say "how high". She was seeing if she could get you back to the old you after she got the hint that maybe you were upset. She succeeded. That's all.

 

It seems you keep looking for excuses to suggest she likes you but you are in complete DENIAL about everything she does that makes it apparant that she's NOT INTERESTED.

 

Turns out we are both on holiday this week. So I get an email on thursday (she was off friday). She was expecting me to have left the office by then, but she says she is going to be busy at the weekend still helping her mum and that she wanted to meet up and that she would be free as of tuesday.

 

Anyway...I ended up going to her gig on Saturday. They were opening for one of my other friends band, and this is where things got a little weird.

 

I thought you told her you were busy Saturday and wouldn't make the gig? apparently all she has to do is show you a little attention and you forget about all of that...

 

She was singing "these boots were made for waking" and pointed at me while singing "walk all over you". About 60 people saw it. Their home coming gig with friends and family there...mmm...

 

Who knows. But from the way things have been going it almost sounds like she is acknowledging that she can walk all over you. Which is true.

 

She came over to talk to me, and stood there twidling her hair...flirting?

 

She's not interested.

 

Two of her friends suddenly offered me lifts for the next gigs. Going 40 miles out of their way to pick me up...

 

That was nice of them.

 

So now I am left wondering if she is being friendly or flirtatious. That moment on stage pointing at me...very provocative. The flirting, her friends offering me lifts.

 

You're living in your own fantasy world. She could flat out say you disgust her and the next day she could call you and say she was joking and ask if you want to hang out and you'd do it. Seriously man, why are you ignoring all the things she did that show that she's not interested, yet jump on the tiniest little things thinking it means she is?

 

So she said she would be free as of tomorrow. Do I really want to ask her to meet up?

 

Tell her you have a date. And then go out and actually get one.

 

I can only set myself up for this so many times.

 

I don't know about that. You keep doing it over and over. You clearly will continue to do this over and over until she finally does something that makes it clear.

 

Why don't you just go for it so you can finally get her answer. Go ask her out on a date, a REAL DATE and not just two friends hanging out. The kind of date that says, "Hey, we are going out together now". Go try to set that up ASAP. Seriously man, you NEED to get an answer.

[cassiana]

I have to say I have just been reading your story and I do not think she is interested in you.

My advice to you is to stop doing her favours.

A true test would be to see how many favours she would do for you and she doesn't even extend you the basic good manners of calling you when she says.

If I thought a guy was interested and I wasn't I wouldn't string him along but then alot of girls like the ego massage. I remember an episode of Family ties along those lines.

The guide books say the trick is to be around alot and then to suddenly be unavailable.

You have done the first part, now do the second.

She will contact you when she realises you are pulling ack but don't go running if she throws you a crumb. Don't go running at all.

If she comes running well great but if she doesn't then face it, she never was or will be interested in you no matter when she smokes or has her lunch or points at you.