Love Letters

[DenialTwist]

Dhuy,

 

There was more to that email than small talk. It was breaking a period of no-contact and it was her who made the contact. Recently it has been me who has been doing all the prompting so I think it's nice that she is thinking of me and initiating the contact. Surely there must be something there for her to iniate contact. What I said could easily verge on the obsessive compulsive. Twin flames, wishes on the back of shooting stars, mediums and matching numbers. The girl could easily have said that I am nuts and easily left it at that. Instead she decides to make contact. There must be something.

 

Now, I am more than happy to be friends and to respect that boundry but if she thinks that we can be friends without addressing what happened, then I'm afraid I can not do that. Surely she must know that.

 

I've been feeling pretty good lately. A big weight has been lifted, if we are destined to be together then so be it, or if she is someone that came into my life to open a deeper spiritual awareness then again so be it.

 

I think making contact would have been quite a big step for her. I think there is something there. Hopefully she is not playing with me...

[DenialTwist]

There is something in the air today...

 

I haven't seen Nic at work for a couple of weeks and today she was outside having a smoke at a time she knows I always go for my lunch. Coincidence? Maybe. After yesterdays emails it feels like a little more than coincidence that she went for a smoke at the same time I usually do. It feels like she is making herself "available".

 

Anway, she had her back towards me (and was standing in my usual spot) when I saw her so I went over to my friends, had a quick laugh and headed towards my car. I get the feeling she saw me...

 

I emailed her in the afternoon to see how her blood donation went, couple of emails later and her last words to me were... "You are my master

 

Interesting choice of words don't you think?

[LE DHUY NHUT]

Wow! I'm glad that my ex is thousands of miles away so I don't have all this analysis to make like you.The only things you have is that she's not with you and that you still contact her...that's all ....really.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

...oh wait you never kissed this girl or went on a date with her,I forgot it's not an ex so you don't have intimate history to go on even.I know you have your beliefs and I hope it works out for you.But you have to move on from this one.

[DenialTwist]

...oh wait you never kissed this girl or went on a date with her,I forgot it's not an ex so you don't have intimate history to go on even.I know you have your beliefs and I hope it works out for you.But you have to move on from this one.

 

Wow...we really do see things in different dimensions.

 

So far she hasn't said no and until she does I am not going to move on. Why? Because I would hate to be 60 one day and look back and wonder what would have happened with that girl that rocked my world if I had just waited around for her answer, if in a world that goes at a million miles an hour there is still time for handwritten love letters sealed in wax, if in this age of wanting everything now and throwing things away without regard for our environment there is still time for true love, faith, romance and respecting the fact that maybe she needed time to take in everything I said. So you see, until she says no I can not move on.

 

You seem to diminuish our relationship because we haven't "even" kissed, instead I value the fact that we haven't kissed yet because a kiss, the right one, is more than "just" a kiss. If our first kiss had happened in a club when we first met, it would have been a kiss with someone I fancied but not loved. Had our first kiss happened after the "2nd date", then it would have been a kiss with someone I fancied and would like to get to know better. If that first kiss instead lingers for so long that I get to know someone so deeply, that I fall in love with her "flaws" as much as her many strengths while at the same time discovering a spiritual awakening, then that kiss is worth a million kisses and it's worth waiting for.

 

I take it that by saying we haven't been on a date you mean we haven't been on a "conventional" date so dinner & movie, or a pub. Actually, I am glad we haven't gone down that route because that is quite scripted..."hey third date gotta get laid here". Instead we went at our own pace and hung out just the two of us (same principle as dating, hanging out in two). We would get stoned and talk about everything. We talked about what made us happy or sad, our hopes, dreams, fears, and deep moments that had affected us and had shaped our lives. We would go for long walks by the river with her dog. Maybe that could be classed as a "alternative-trendy-activity" date? Walking in the countryside? Actually there was this one time (at band camp) when went to see KT Tunstall just the two of us, does that class as a date or just bad taste?

 

I find it odd that again you seem to diminuish my feelings because she "is not even an ex". Why would I want to pour my heart out to an ex? She either dumped me and I am begging her to get back together, or I dumped her and I'm begging her to take me back. Neither scenario fits.

 

I can understand why she never answered me immediately. I said alot and I know she would have thought about it. She's been hurt in the past so if she needs time to think and separate the buyers from the spyers in her life, then so be it.

 

I think it's promising that she broke no-contact and even though it's small talk at the moment, it's her way of testing the waters. Going for a smoke at work and standing in my spot at a time I always go for a smoke is quite unusual for her...i'll take that as a positive.

 

So I get the feeling that in the coming weeks, when the time is right we will talk, so until she says yes or no, i'm afraid you are stuck with my cryptic analytical messages.

 

"You are my Master" (she used proper syntax) had a sexual innuendo and surprisingly was part of that wish on the back of a shooting star.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

Yeah I understand now,I think.But sometimes no answer is the answer.But while waiting around I suggest you get busy with other areas of your life.What time frame are you looking at before you get your answer?Remember no answer after a while can also mean 'no'.BTW handwritten letters are cool but best for when you have been dating for a while.

[bostonbruins24]

Personally I think she had ''friendzoned'' you long ago,with the exception of the last paragraph where you describe her flirting,I can't really see where she expressed romantic interest in you.Sending the letter may not have been the right thing to do but at least it was honest.I think I would have looked for more clues that told me she was interested before doing it but I think you should just move on.

[DenialTwist]

Cheers for "getting it". Quite often people will only listen to what they want to hear, so hopefully I am not falling into the delusional category. How long will I wait for? I don't really know...no more than 3 months anyway...I guess that brings it up to around the 5th of November, Guy Fawkes night and by then I'll take no answer as a no.

 

Tuesday morning I got an email from her saying goodmorning and asking me how I was and a funny video to go with it. She was off monday so one of the first thing she does as soon as she gets into work is make contact. Not even a case of forwarding an email, she added a note. I sent a quick email back but never heard from her for the rest of the day...

 

Today I bumped into her and spoke face to face with her for the first time since sending the letter. Thing is of all days to bump into her, this was the wrong day, I was totally fuming from a bad morning at work. She smiled as soon as she saw me walk down the stairs, and we walked towards our cars together. She sensed I was having a bad day and invited me down to hers for lunch...but I decided to pass.

 

Then I bumped into her again once I was coming back from lunch. This time she saw me and waited for me so we could walk in together. I was smoking and thought she was too, so I stopped for the last couple of draws and she decided to stand there with me even though she was not smoking. Quite unusual for her as she is usually in a rush to get signed back on time.

 

Finally she mentioned that friday night she was going to take the car and go for a drive with the dog and made enquiries if my mum was still staying with me (lost my dad a few months ago and my mum has just come to stay for a couple of weeks).

 

So who knows...maybe it really has gone in one ear and come out the other one.

[bostonbruins24]

Why do you want to wait 3 months for her to make up her mind?I'd be looking for someone who was interested in me now.I'd give it a couple of weeks ,max.

[DenialTwist]

Why do you want to wait 3 months for her to make up her mind?I'd be looking for someone who was interested in me now.I'd give it a couple of weeks ,max.

 

The thing is I have found a few girls who are interested in me. One even went as far as saying that she would worship me. The thing is I have no feelings for them, something always seems to be missing. So I would rather be single than be in a relationship that I know would go nowhere. I mean if I'm in a pointless relationship then I may be missing out on the right person coming into my life.

 

Why 3 months? Well, I like the number 3. Sure I could have gone for 3 weeks instead of 3 months, but 3 months is the length of a season. Also, I think the body tends to go through certain natural rhythms, and 3 months will be a good length for her to know if she does have feelings for me.

 

3 months means I will see a solar eclipse and a lunar one as well. 8/8/8 is approaching and with that an end to 7/7/7 which was quite a spiritual time. It will see summer lead into autumn, and it's a season I like. It's a good time to settle into a relationship. It means that halloween will come and I quite like halloween and then, on the 5th of November, a date that has spiritual meaning to me, if the feelings have not been reciprocated then I will move on.

 

Until she says no, then I guess I am being a martyr for my love, but then somethings are worth waiting for.

[bostonbruins24]

I see your point.I too would rather be single than to be involved with someone that I had no feelings for .I was recently pursued by two women at work but I knew I just would be incompatible with them.I still think you should keep your options open and not exclude all other women .I too am currently highly interested in one woman but I just don't know if it is going to happen.Obviously I hope it does but I try to have some other prospects also.

[kuhl282000]

LOVE BOMB ........should be a song

[DenialTwist]

LOVE BOMB ........should be a song

 

Hehe...couldn't agree more. Tom Jones re-mix!

 

It feels like a lifetime ago that I sent that letter and I can not believe the enormous weight it has taken off my shoulders. It felt like I could breathe again.

 

They say that there is a thin line between love and obsessive compulsive disorder and I've asked myself many times if I it was the fantasy I had fallen in love with. In the end though I realised that I have discovered a spiritual side to me that I honestly never thought I had and that I still find quite trippy to say the least.

 

She has been working lates this past week so emails at work have been mostly forwarding of funny jokes. On friday I realised it was 8/8/8 so I sent her some info about the meaning of 8-8-8. A time of mass awakening.

 

She answered late in the afternoon. Told me she was working saturday and was then off for the week. She knows I am doing my kitchen up at the moment so she said she would come and help me if I had a day off, or come through in the evening and give me a hand.

 

Now...that makes it twice now that she has more than hinted at coming over.

[DenialTwist]

I'm confused...

 

1. Love bomb!

2. Nothing for about a week.

3. Bump into each other at work. She says "I'll phone you".

4. I email her the following day and apologise for dropping the bomb.

5. She says it was lovely, must have taken a lot of courage, has a lot of respect for me but would rather talk. Says she is busy for a couple of days so hints that she will phone thursday.

6. Thursday arrives and no call.

7. Friday emails and apologises for not phoning. She has trouble with her neighbor and had to get the police involved. In the end it was too late. She says she is quite busy over the weekend but will call when she is free.

8. I email back saying not to worry about the phone call and that i finally got it.

9. No contact for about a week.

10. She emails me and asks me how I am. We make idle chit chat.

11. Couple of days later we bump into each other in the car park. First time we see each other since the "love bomb" (is there a copyright on this?). I am "raging" from work. She is surprised cause usually I am calm and she is the one raging. She invites me to her flat for a joint. I make my excuses and decline.

12. Bump into her an hour later coming back from my lunch. She sees me first and waits for me. I stop at the front door to finish my cigarette, she waits with me. I then notice that she is not smoking so I put out my cigarette and head into work with her. Unusual cause she is always in a rush to get back in.

13. As we walk in she mentions wanting to go for a drive on friday night. I live in the countryside 20 miles out from her. Enquires if my mum had come to visit me. I say yes and she asks how long she is staying.

14. A week of forwarding funny emails then on friday she says she is going to be on holiday for a week and offers to help me with my diy.

 

Which leads up to now...

 

I don't really want to invite her into my life just now. My mum is staying with me until the beginning of September after my dad died which makes things akward. Also I'm renovating my kitchen at the moment which involves knocking down walls, electrics and major work and I want my vibes on it, not those of a joint effort.

 

I think there are still quite a few emotions in the air and clearing them should happen on neutral ground. So...got tickets for the Raconteurs in a couple of weeks time. Might see if she wants to go.

 

Then again I've just got off from the rollercoaster ride of telling her how I feel and not hearing back from her. Do I want to ride that rollercoster one more time?

[LE DHUY NHUT]

No you don't want to ride that roller coaster again unless you want to be her buddy or brother which kills the potential for attraction.Either you ask her out on a proper date or you distance yourself from her completely.

[bostonbruins24]

Sorry but I don't think she is interested[we've all been there].I think as the above poster mentioned you should ask her out on a proper date or just forget about her .Her actions suggest to me she wants to be friends and nothing more.That's not what you want is it?

[DenialTwist]

I don't know if this is what I want anymore but these emotions still run quite deeply in me.

 

There is a very strong spiritual connection with this girl and that is what is making this decision very difficult. I've met another girl in the meantime. The eye contact is flirting as flirting should be but when I do catch a glimpse of her eyes there is something missing. That something, that light that I am looking for, is not there. I see that in Nic.

 

I checked her social network page and one of her friends had dropped her a note asking how life was and if she had found a man yet. I found her reply on her friends whiteboard, and she said nothing about having found a man. Do you know what though? I knew that anyway. I've got this feeling. I don't know how to quite explain it in fear of coming off as a delusion schizophrenic, but this is my story...

 

See I crashed my car on 6-6-6 of all dates. I had this weird feeling before. Something out of final destination. Don't ask me how, but I saw the image beforehand. I thought about phoning in sick. This feeling was strong! Anyway, I went against my feelings and I did end up in quite a serious road accident. I'm ok now but it resulted in serious whiplash and so on.

 

I decided to "work" on the visions that I had that day, and by tuning in to them I have been able to predict/see car accidents before they happen. I know it's trippy. Most of them have been like "careful, there is a car coming round that corner and it's going wide". One was "you will perform an emergency braking to a full stop on a dual carriage way" and one even avoided a head on collision.

 

For a while I really struggled to understand this stuff, but at the end of the day I have to realise that regardless of who believes in this or not, be it friends, the medical profession or spiritualists, it is a quality I really do not mind having. Everytime I have listened to these "feelings" they have been right. Weird huh? Especially the one when I avoided a head on collision.

 

Anyway, these same feelings are the ones that tell me that she is really the one.

 

See, it's not just 6-6-6 that was a key date for me, so had 20:02 20-02 2002 and 4-4-4. Each date was accompanied by a major event. Each date brought a deeper meaning to my life. A deeper understanding of emotions, of love lived and love lost. Somehow through them I learned how to tune into another of those qualities...reading auras. And just as I can be very accurate when I see a car accident, I am just as accurate reading auras. Side story...read 2 gorgeous lesbians their auras one night. I was 100% percent right and well, pub-ing with a gorgeous lady on each arm is quite a nice experience.

 

Auras, car accidents I'm telling you, it's about to get weirder...

 

One evening a psychic which I had no intention of going to see, picked me in a crowd of 60 people all begging for 2 minutes of her time, and offered me a private reading

 

She got everything right from the name of my swedish friend who died of cancer, to the precise date my grandmother died, to telling me I play guitar at the top of the stairs and about 2 quite unusual I made when I saw a shooting star. To finally telling me of a petite dark haired girl with blue eyes and seeing us with children and house full of laughter.

 

In that second wish I asked among many qualities (petite, dark hair, blue eyes, cute ass, cup size, smart, funny, caring and so on) that to be sure this was the right girl for me our birthdays would match in both our zodiac astrology but also in the chinese. Seriously, I asked for this.

 

3 days later I met Nic. Petite, dark hair, blue eyes, cute ass, all the qualities I wanted (and some weird ones were included) down to yes...astrologically and numerology compatible birthdates.

 

Maybe I am a delusional schizophrenic. But 7-7-7 had it's meaning and I think that 8-8-8 is showing it's meaning as well.

 

In the love bomb I told her we were twin flames. We've emailed each other not as much as we used to since, just a little from each of us to test the water I guess.

 

Anyway, my first words when I emailed her on 8-8-8 (the more I think of this the more conspiracy theory this story is sounding) I started it off with "I don't know if you believe in this or not...& then the spritual stuff.

 

She answered quickly, wanting to hang out. I think she is curious. Same associated emotions as the love bomb.

 

So....I have written a book here. I better get to the point...I am clearly insane and need professional help, nah kidding...

 

What it comes down to is that the next time we meet up will dictate the kind of relationship. If it is hanging out at hers or mine then that's saying friendship. If it's neutral ground then it could be the start of something.

 

As I said, got 2 tickets for the Racounteurs. Can't wait to see them. I'll see if she is up for going. A gig counts as a date right?

[Imprecision]

I wish you the best of luck.

 

What it comes down to is that the next time we meet up will dictate the kind of relationship. If it is hanging out at hers or mine then that's saying friendship. If it's neutral ground then it could be the start of something.

 

Why does geography determine the type of relationship?

[bostonbruins24]

Very interesting but she sounds indecisive to me.I don't think you should wait around,there are a lot of other girls who could match the physical description you describe.Keep your options open because it sounds like that is exactly what she is doing towards you.

[DenialTwist]

there are a lot of other girls who could match the physical description you describe.

 

True...not that I haven't thought about that

 

Ok...as I am quite stoned at the moment I'm gonna try some maths...

 

I think 1 in 3.5 girls has dark hair. So out of a 10,000 girls that makes it 3500.

Long hair. Let's say 80% of these girls have long hair, leaving 2800 eligible girls. Petite & with a cute ass. To assess this one gotta look at body weight. and as she is now approaching a size 0 (surprsingly a healthy size 0). So lets say 20% of girls are that size making it 560 left or 5.6%. Now the ass is an added bonus, it's not the deciding factor in if I would date a girl or not...but it was one of those things I asked for in my wish.

 

Anyway, personality is the main decider in wanting to take a relationship further...so artistic.

 

Fair to say that 10% of girls activly play a musical instrument...bringing the odds to 0.56%.

 

Has an animal...10% and I am overestimating. Good with kids...hard one to judge. I would say those that are totally good with kids, 10% again.

 

So now that is down to 0.0056%

 

Oh and enjoys a toke...25% of women smoke weed (?) bringing it down to 0.0014%.

 

Astrologically compatible...25% to match accoring to your sign (air, water, earth, fire) bringing the odds to 0.00035%. Matching the chinese zodiac, again 1 in 4. 0.0000875% making that a 1 in 1,142,857.

 

I could add a few more personal qualities that I asked in that wish that would probably make the number grow exponentially.

 

So...the chances of making adding up all the qualities that I really like in a person is 1 in a million.

 

Go figure...

 

Anyway...few more email conversations this week. Her band got a gig at a folk festival in a couple of weeks. They are the first band so it will be a late morning slot. I think it is totally cool. Anyway, she was wanting to know if I would go.

 

I thought it was good conversation to slot in a question about the Raconteurs. Turns out her band is practising that night...in fairness she has been practising on the same night of the week for a while, and this is their last practice session before their festival appearance.

 

Anyway...not too bummed about it. Top band in a small venue...sweet!

 

As for moving on...I don't really know. I have started looking at other girls which is something I haven't done for a while, or better, I have noticed other girls looking at me...

 

How bizarre though that I make 2 wishes on the back of a shooting star, only to have it repeated a couple of years later in great detail by a medium I "fatefully" ended up going to see and then 3 days later that 1 in a million girl somehow comes into my life.

 

So should I move on and severe my emotional ties, or hang on until the 5th of November...just another of those weird dates that somehow brings meaning and spiritual guidance to my life?

 

I never thought my mad ramblings would attract so many readers so maybe I should start a poll. Maybe this is like a greek tragedy to people where the scope is to feel better with yourself knowing that someone else is more messed up than you? Surprisingly no one has told me I am delusional, or maybe they have and I am selective about what I want to hear. I have had a couple of really nice emails from people sharing their emotions and experiences. Thank you so much for the time you took to share that with me.

[bostonbruins24]

I hope it works out for you man,I really do .It's a great story but why do you think she is avoiding getting together right now? Maybe I am percieving it wrong,after all,you are the guy on the scene but she doesn't sound highly interested.She already knows that you like her [the love bomb]so I guess I just can't see why she would hold back if she reciprocated your feelings. I also think the chances of you finding a girl who will meet your exact specifications is extremely remote and you will be single a long time if that's what you are looking for.I would keep the date November 5th in the back of my mind but I would continue to look for other candidates.

[DenialTwist]

Well I thought it would post an update on my "drama".

 

Why would she hold back on her feelings if she knows mine? Seems like a clear cut situation and one that I should be paying attention to. Life however is not always that simple. She has had her trust broken before and I think that is what is stopping her from getting closer. Things are going well for her. A year ago she was broken but now she is enjoying her music and playing in a band. Also, the men in her life have been rotten.

 

Anyway, her gig was on Saturday and I got there about 10 minutes late as I had to drop off a friend at the airport.

 

I grabbed a drink and stood at the back. She saw me immediately and smiled at me from the stage. Her friend came over to talk to me and I felt a bit vulnerable at the thought that they might know about the letter. Then I figured there is nothing to feel vulnerable about. Given the choice, I rather be the person who writes love letters than the stalker personality.

 

I was the first person she came to see as soon as her set finished. Considering I was standing at the back of the venue she had to walk past all of her friends and family to get to me. Still, I was the first person she came to talk to and I quite liked that. After a bit she told me that she was going over to talk to her family, and I decided to go to the bar for a drink and something to eat.

 

When I came back she was walking towards the car park. I shouted her over and asked her where she was going and she told me that she thought I was leaving and came to find me. Mmmm...

 

She asked me if I fancied going for a joint, so we sat in my car and skinned up. We walked around looking for somewhere to smoke, but there were loads of people around so we went back to see the next act.

 

Again, her friend came up to talk to me. As did her brother and cousin. Everyone was really friendly. Did they know about the letter?

 

After that we ditched her friends and went for a walk by the river with the dog and had a toke. As we walked there, I couldn't help but think that her behaviour towards me had changed. She walked closer to me, bumped into me a few times, skipped and smiled and would give me the lead of the dog.

 

We laughed and joked alot. She played with the dog and I couldn't help but thinking that she was playing for me.

 

After a while we decided to head back as she felt she was being antisocial leaving her friends when they had all come to see her.

 

Just after that her friends left and we caught another act. She found a kids hair band and put it on and smiled at me. She looked so unbelievably beautiful that I was speechless.

 

Soon after that she went and sat by her mum (talking of which, during one of our conversations this week she told me that she would like to meet my mum). At this point I decided to leave as I had about 4 hours sleep. It was then that I noticed that one of the random ladies that had smiled to me when I was playing with the dog was sitting by her mum.

 

I thought she was another punter. I had a laugh with her when I was playing with the dog and never thought much of it. Suppose I picked the right stranger to impress with my animal loving skills..ehm...

 

Interesting weekend.

 

I guess there was some flirting going on (the hair band incident). Finding me as soon as her set finished, coming to find me in the car park when she thought I was leaving. Going for a walk just the two of us, the walking close, giving me the dog lead and so on...

[bostonbruins24]

First off,don't worry about anyone else knowing about the letter.If she was put off by the letter I think she likely wouldn't want to spend any time at all with you.Have you guys made plans to see each other again? From what you write it is hard to tell if she has any romantic interest in you at all.Did she touch you at all,when she was with you? The behaviour you describe could just be the behaviour of two good friends getting together.There really shouldn't be any mystery on her part,as she already knows that you like her,it's one thing to want to take things slow but it sounds tooo slow!

[DenialTwist]

I agree that this is slow and we haven't made plans to meet up again either. We live about 20 miles apart which doesn't help.

 

I read this link removed today, seems that telling someone that you fancy them makes you more appealing to them. Happy days!

 

I don't think that her behaviour towards me is that of just friends. Everytime I have been out with her, she always seems to come and find me and we end up spending time just the two of us. It just feels a bit too intimate for just friends. I don't see her behaving the same way towards her other friends, and I can't say I have behaved in the same way with my female friends. Occasionally yes, but not with the same frequency. Whenever we meet up we always seem to wonder off together. Everytime without fail.

 

I see where you are going with the touching part and no, there is no touching going on in the stereotypical flirting behaviour. A while back she told me how she really hated people standing very close to her and it is that that gives her behaviour towards me that little more meaning. When she stands close to me and we are rubbing shoulders against each other, I think that is her way of flirting.

 

This past weekend made me think. Her behaviours towards me seem to have changed quite a bit. Giving me the lead of the dog, skipping next to me, putting a kids hair band in her hair and smiling at me, playing with the dog in a way that seemed she was playing for me, or telling me those little childhood stories that you only seem to tell someone that you are very close to.

 

We started emailing each other first thing on monday morning. In one email she told me that she was going for a smoke and that I was going with her. Her tone was different than in the past. When we got outside she told me that she didn't really want a cigarette, which now makes me think that maybe she just wanted to see me. Instead of standing in the smoking area we decided to walk around the car park. When we got back to work she stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me to finish a story that I started. Usually she would go straight back to work as cigarette breaks are on borrowed time, but she was taking an interest in what I was saying, the kind of interest you take in someone you fancy. Maybe it was friendly, but it seemed to last that little bit longer.

 

Actually the more I think about it, the more I seem to think that in her own way she is flirting with me. I was chatting to some girl at this festival and mentioned that I thought the mandolin was one of the most beautifully sounding instruments (if played well) and she was quick at jumping in and telling me that she liked it as well. Yes, maybe it is a small thing, but it is the small things that seem to carry the most meaning.

 

I guess I should confront her, well maybe confront is too strong a word, but bring up the subject of my letter and of how she feels about it. Yes she knows how I feel but we are both water signs, and both very similar. We tend to wait for confirmation before putting our feelings on the line.

 

I guess I need to find an excuse to spend some time together and tell her how I feel face to face, and only then will I know for sure.

[bostonbruins24]

Mmmm,she still sounds indecisive to me.20 miles isn't that great a distance for two people who want to spend time together.Saying she doesn't like when people stand close to her has no relevance in my opinion,she is referring to the general public,not someone she is attracted to.I would let her do all of the initating for awhile,don't contact her,she already knows you like her but she has not revealed any feelings [overtly] towards you.If things don't change soon I think the relationship is heading towards the friend zone.