Royal Screw Up

[Marus]

I need tho forums opinions and support. Just recently I've done a string of things that may have permanently shut the door on my chance to get back with my ex. The last thing she said to me was "Just leave me alone" and blocked me an a messenger service.

 

The last weekend I pushed and was needy. I cried in her arms and tried to be romantic and entice the feelings that our old relationship had. We were very much in love when we were dating and could not get enough of each other. The breakup occurred due to distance and my own insecurity. Now she has a guy who she's not even particularly interested in. She lost all attraction towards me.

 

We broke up several months back. Possibly in Feb 2008. Since then, I've been her friend and talked to her and we exchanged photos a few times. I thought that all ways going well and I was building it up so that we would have a happy reunion. Instead, she eventually becomes annoyed by me and grudgingly admits to seeing me. This is the really awkward weekend just past.

 

I need to know if I've completely severed any possible tie with her. Any possible chance of getting back together with her. I've had time to separate and think about the relationship and all I want is to be with her again. I want to relight the passion she used to have.

 

Its killing me inside and its even worse that I have no one to talk to about it.

[bramage]

You need to go NC, and stick to it. No guarantee, but it will let her forget about being mad, and allow her to miss you. Any contact will work against you. I am doing it now due to similar situation. Im on day 7, and its tough as hell. I want to text her today and just say Happy 4th, but I wont. There is no good that can come from it. They need to WANT you back, and only time will make that happen (maybe). Let her chase, when she is ready. Until then- disapear

 

If you beg, cry, pleed, you are toast. Get yourself together, and read here. There is a LOT of good info. NC is your friend, and you need to DO IT!

[Marus]

Thanks Bramage.

 

I'll definitely join the NC challenge and work through it. I just don't know if all the things I've done are so horrible that she will really not want to ever try to talk to me again. Do you think it would be an idea to wait the month and write a small postcard/note with a true sincere apology regarding the stupidity?

 

I had thought I had a support network to help me stop from talking to her. But she messaged me and I lost it, started talking and she wasn't responding much. I flip-flopped between "don't talk for some time" and "contact me whenever". The biggest fear is that the "maybe" part of your post will lend itself to a "not at all" more then a "sure".

 

I wish there were a better way to know if it is truly a permanent end to the relationship. She does often over react and calm down later. I'm hoping that is the case and the month (including change in me) will make her agree to seeing me in a months time.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What you did was not so horrible..but it sounds to me like you got relegated to "friends" after she broke up with you and she is testing the waters with another guy. I wouldn't apologize because you wanted to be with her. You didn't insult her so why apologize. You tried to make it up to her about your distance and insecurity. Just leave it alone now and go NC. She broke up with you so if she misses you then let her contact you for something more substantial than a friendship.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Sometimes if you try to be friends with an ex and they sense that you are really trying to nudge them in the directions of romance, it really irritates them. They have the attitude, 'i thought we already resolved that and you know i just want to be friends and nothing more.'

 

So your agendas are different, and they can feel manipulated, like you are trying to ease them in a directon they don't want to go. They can also lose patience with you in terms of wanting you to hurry up and get over them.

 

The best solution for this is to stop contacting her, tell her you need time away to heal and being friends isn't working out because you want more than that. If she really misses you when you're gone, she will call you to start up the relationship again. If she doesn't then there wasn't a chance anyway so dragging it on pretending to be friends wouldn't get you what you want.

[kuhl282000]

I suggest you let it go for now.....needy is never good .....and yes you may have blown it, I know

I did that same thing once ......when it gets complicated and strange its a sign to back off ........some come back and some don't. I have found from my past that the angry ones don't and the grudge holders don't.........the national average for a relationship sadly I report is only 5 years ......I had one that wanted to spend a lifetime and it only lasted 4.5 years so I was close to the average ......I wanted more and we were on different wave lengths .....and it all got weird and I could not figure it out .......so it was time to go ......what once made me happy was now making me sad .........thats when its a sign your un-happy.......time to check your true intentions.

 

Good luck either way

Kuhl

[Marus]

Thanks Kuhl.

 

I do have some hope. The ex had a bad experience with a girl she dated in high school. Just recently the ex was contacted and they arranged a time to go out. The event never transpired but it shows that the ex is willing to forgive even those who caused them extreme pain, not just irritation.

 

The ex doesn't hold grudges very long, but can be prone to irritation and being upset when something is rehashed over and over without moving forward. One of the reasons that the relationship ended.

 

What I need to do now is just forget about her. Get over her completely and become myself again. I am not sure how to do that. She ends up on my mind a lot. Its the morning of Day 2 in the NC Pledge so I can't say much yet.

[kuhl282000]

I've had no contact for about 30 days now and everyday I want to write her but can not seem to mustard up the words. She is stubborn and I doubt she will contact me. She has sent me a few short (angry/nice) emails in the first week. She will say something nice in the beginning, and then at the end trying to get her point accross with a angry jab. I just woke up and had a dream about her and its been since June 5th since the break up so it still lingers in for awhile. She will always be the love of my life its just now I have to accept we will more then likely ever be together.

 

She liked to smoke a lot of pot (been there done all that ) she said it was fun for her. She was always stoned in la la land and I wanted some quality time. I've seen a lot of people die from drugs and I wanted to protect her and save her. Well that did not work or go off very well so I had to let her go. The whole break up thing trying toi make her realize what she was doing backfired big time in my face and I'm not the one using drugs and I turned out to be the no fun bad guy. What can you do, it was time to say good-bye and it hurt me to no end and I'm in a really dark place in my soul right now trying to heal everyday. Its all the time on my hands right now trying to fill that void, the time I spent with her even if she was stoned. We had some great times together, but now its time to let her find another guy and see how drugs work for her in her next relationship. Without the drugs everything was fine. I was the one that could not accept the drug use. I'm on to bigger and better things even if right now I'm not really clear as to what that is. One door closes another one always opens.

 

Good Luck with you ...pray for me bro

 

Kuhl

[Mustang]

Marus, I'm in the same boat. I've made such a mess of things too. You're not alone. I know how hard it is to keep cool when you care so much about someone. Don't feel bad about it. It shows that you care and when the dust settles, they will realise it. Although we might never know about that.

 

All we can do now is walk away. I don't really like to say "go NC" because it sounds like a tactic.

 

It has been impossible for me to cut contact with my ex. Mainly because she's always been happy for me to hang around. Just last night she said, "Don't worry, you're not getting in the way of anything" which makes it even harder for me to walk away knowing that she is happy to talk to me. Unless of course she was being sarcastic in her text message and what she really meant was "You mean nothing to me and you're not going to get in the way of my amazing new guy at all".

 

some come back and some don't. I have found from my past that the angry ones don't and the grudge holders don't.

 

Balls. I think my ex holds a grudge. No matter what she does or says to me that upsets me she ALWAYS says "yeah well, you did this" as justification. I don't think she'll ever forgive me or forget.

[Marus]

Things are going well so far. Hasn't even been a week yet though. I have to wait a bit longer. I've been tempted to check the various bits and bobs out on the net. Tried to rationalize it with a worry that I don't have her number fro when I call in due time.

 

When I am bored, I live in rural new england, she enters my thoughts and stays there. Its when there is no connection, no sounds and I have yet to find something to do. It latches on and prevents me from starting a book or interrupts me reading if the book completely sucks. I unfortunately do not have enough fun stuff to occupy my time with. Most of the things I do throughout my day are considered academic and not terribly fun to do continuously in an effort to learn.