TheDoctor Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 I have been going to my gym for a few years and there is quite an attractive girl that works there. She is the girl that checks people in and while I've had several short lived hi/bye situations with her most of the time she has never shown any real interest. I have tried to approach her to start conversations before, but she has brushed it off and not really given me the opportunity. She never checks me out, never smiles my way, never really tries to do anything to catch my attention. The other day she told my friend ( she didn't know it's my friend) she finds me to be very attractive and definitley the type of guy she would go for if only I had interest. I thought to myself that I would of never guessed in a million years that she had any interest. The ironic thing is I have this funny feeling that if I went after her and was overly aggressive she'd be turned off. In retrospect, I have noticed that young women in general have always been SUPER timid and always try to hide any interest. They will occasionally glance at you but even if you approach them to talk they might still not show any interest despite them finding you to be an attractive person. So ladies, is it just because your shy or is it because you expect us to come after you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerstar Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 both. I'm shy especially when I like a guy and find him attractive! and yes, I expect the guy to make the first move, but that's just me. not every girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Yes, of course. I expect the guy to make the first move. That said, I do flirt when I like a guy but not overly so. If a guy is really interested, I believe he'll ask me out...that has been the case so far in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dream83 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Yeah, I don't know if it's so much that she's shy as much as the fact that she hasn't picked up on your interest. I know that I don't necessarily assume that a guy is interested just because he smile and may chat a little. It depends on other factors. Maybe you should step up the flirtation a little. Don't be overly aggressive, but be more assertive in expressing your interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Ask her out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poloplayer Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 I don't know...women aged 20-25 are the second easiest group (next to high school girls) for showing interest. 25+ becomes a whole new sport. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterina Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Women want men to pursue...they don't want them to think that they're desperate. I used to go after guys but I got tired of guessing about what they thought of me so I just decided to sit back and wait for guys that are interested enough to come up to me instead. That way, I know right off if they're interested and no anxious analyzing has to take place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDoctor Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 Ok so to the women on this thread saying they will show some small signs here and there what do you consider some general signs of interest? Is it just a case of showing the guy you've noticed them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterina Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 I look at the guy...I give him maybe a small smile. I go around him...I'm in his vision...I'll walk more slowly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sprinter79 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Guys suck at picking up signals, sometimes girls need to be a subtle as a brick to get through to us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhearts Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Just ask her out She doesn't maybe want to be made a fool by hitting on you because she doesn't know if you be into her or if your taken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDoctor Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 Guys suck at picking up signals, sometimes girls need to be a subtle as a brick to get through to us That's so true, I don't read into things so it's hard for me to pick up these signals. It's also hard for me to distinguish between checking out and staring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterina Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 If she said that to your friend, she's obviously interested. Don't take yourself so seriously. Just take her out and have fun...its not just her seeing if you're cool, its visa versa to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 I'd say it was because she was at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDoctor Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 My question is more about women in general, not this girl in specific. I already got her # and we have a date set up. My curiosity was stemming from why women hide their signs. Ladies, it's not that easy for all us guys to suck it up and come up with something cool to say. A few signs from time to time would really help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galaxy71 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Guys suck at picking up signals, sometimes girls need to be a subtle as a brick to get through to us And a lot of girls suck at giving signals. There are many girls and women who suck at flirting. I remember some single mother in her forties who admits that she is not all that good at flirting. I can understand that girls don't want to approach guys because they don't have to. Getting blown off or getting flaked on is not fun. However, I wish that some of the girls on the internet would actually consider flirting as a skill that they have to develop. Some of the girls in the forum would rather wait for guys to approach them instead of learning how to flirt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drewciouS281 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 its just part of the game man. she may just be putting up a front cause she doesnt want to throw herself out that easily. You just gotta be patient and DO NOT be over aggressive or pushy. Play hard to get back cause if you all of a sudden lay it down to her that you dig her blah blah she wont have that challenge anymore and your screwed. I usually play it cool till the girl starts to get attached or make the first move. Ill flirt and show small hints of interest but you gotta keep your game face on at all times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDoctor Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 And a lot of girls suck at giving signals. There are many girls and women who suck at flirting. I remember some single mother in her forties who admits that she is not all that good at flirting. I can understand that girls don't want to approach guys because they don't have to. Getting blown off or getting flaked on is not fun. However, I wish that some of the girls on the internet would actually consider flirting as a skill that they have to develop. Some of the girls in the forum would rather wait for guys to approach them instead of learning how to flirt. I agree, I can't tell you how many times I've said to girls that they need to work on their flirting skills and their response is 'Your the guy you should do all that work'. I completely disagree with that mentality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sprinter79 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Relationships are a two way street huh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 My question is more about women in general, not this girl in specific. I already got her # and we have a date set up. My curiosity was stemming from why women hide their signs. Ladies, it's not that easy for all us guys to suck it up and come up with something cool to say. A few signs from time to time would really help well, for me at least.... I give subtle signals. I want a guy who is confident enough and bold enough to do the approaching. It's sort of a way to eliminate the ones that I wouldn't want to deal with because of their lack of being direct. Communication is a big thing for me. If a guy can't even ask me out on a date and be vulnerable for those few moments, I can't expect him to be good about bringing up issues and directly talking with me about them once we are in a relationship. That's just what I do anyway.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EQD Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 it takes alot to break the ice and do an approach when the guy seems uninterested. usually we may think the guy is *gay *taken *or uninterested the rejection and uncertainty factor is heavily there for sure. but if men come to us then we dont have to risk anything. OH and i have found men dont pick up hints very well. So then we are like 'well is he just not picking up on me hitting on him? if i get more blunt will i just piss him off? what if he does know i am hitting on him and isnt reciprocating on purpose??' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shudder Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 I agree, I can't tell you how many times I've said to girls that they need to work on their flirting skills and their response is 'Your the guy you should do all that work'. I completely disagree with that mentality. what the hell.. how on earth are people supposed to know then?? and then these girls complain that no one is ever interested in them. figures Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetstar87 Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 In my experience speaking for all us ladies, we sometimes get nervous around guys we generally like, so sometimes we don't ask anything or try attempting anything, cause we don't want to come on strong, its that old fashion thing, we sort of still expect a guy to make the first move even if we are less nervous then you. Also more then ever, some girls we try to play hard to get, so they can one of two things: 1)avoid being hurt just in case you don't like us and we don't make a fool out of ourselves, and 2)we are too shy to say anything so we avoid all contact in the form of communication, even if you start one with us. She may also be too busy to be flirty with you, like if she is also dealing not only with you at the desk, she may want to but is also trying to not get into trouble with management there so she is trying to play it safe. Try leaving something for her, like your number or something that gives hint to you liking her, but don't wait for her after work unless she says it okay, cause then your giving off the creepy stalker vibe. Anyway, don't come on strong, but do initiate some sort of conversation other then saying hi or bye, ask her something about the gym or where to get the best food close by, that should give hint to maybe more for her. I hope that helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmine Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Guys don't expect girls to approach. We're just saying that you could maybe give us some positive signs when we do something you like. When a girl looks away and avoids making contact with me every time I get near her, I get the impression that she thinks I'm a creep so I back off completely. You think it's hard making eye contact and smiling at a guy? How hard do you think it is to approach a strange girl? Especially in this day and age where if you give a girl a look she might go get some guys to {edit} you or even get security out on your butt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxNPxx Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Guys don't expect girls to approach. We're just saying that you could maybe give us some positive signs when we do something you like. When a girl looks away and avoids making contact with me every time I get near her, I get the impression that she thinks I'm a creep so I back off completely. You think it's hard making eye contact and smiling at a guy? How hard do you think it is to approach a strange girl? Especially in this day and age where if you give a girl a look she might go get some guys to {Edit} you or even get security out on your butt. Somebody finally said it. Clear positive signs are extremely helpful. A smile and a hi won't cut it. Seriously ladies. If you smile at most guys and say hi, most will probably think that your just more of a social type. Unless you make direct eye contact and travel in a straight line accross a room. THAT's being direct and obvious. Keep in mind, that in the world of guys, we don't need to make subtle gestures. As much as women do. Many relationships/friendships that women have are different then mens in the way of communication. You don't see men hang out with their buddies and make subtle gestures if they want something. How many guys do you hear say to another guy, "Wow my throat is a little dry..." and expect a beer. Exactly, it's always, "Do you have anything to drink, yes or no, beer would be awesome." Subtle talk in the world of guys is considered very wimpy. So, because of the lack of subtle verbal skills being used, men don't pick up on it. For women this is a lot different. People expect women to be subtle, and intern they look for those types of patterns when looking for relationships/friendships. This really confuses things for women and men, too subtle and you get nothing. To aggressive and the whole world crashes down on you with women being called {Edit}, and guys, well for guys it's nothing exact but it's equally unfair overall. The solution? Women, be a little more direct without having to shout "I want you!!" Men need to be more direct and watch for more subtle signs. Over analyze everything!! People just need to meet halfway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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