Ladies (20-25), why don't MOST of you show it when your interested?

[tmp0620]

Girls that wait for guys to ask them out are missing out on good guys...

 

If you're an attractive girl and you never initiate anything be prepared to have to sift through bunches and bunches of overconfident jerk-offs while the respectful, good guys leave you alone because they don't want to impose themselves on you.

[tmp0620]

it takes alot to break the ice and do an approach when the guy seems uninterested.

usually we may think the guy is

*gay

*taken

*or uninterested

 

the rejection and uncertainty factor is heavily there for sure. but if men come to us then we dont have to risk anything.

OH and i have found men dont pick up hints very well.

So then we are like 'well is he just not picking up on me hitting on him? if i get more blunt will i just piss him off? what if he does know i am hitting on him and isnt reciprocating on purpose??'

 

 

Jesus... so many girls have asked me if I was gay when they found out I wasn't involved with anyone... pisses me off to no end.

[Carmine]

Jesus... so many girls have asked me if I was gay when they found out I wasn't involved with anyone... pisses me off to no end.

 

Lol, same with me. It's not that I'm offended that someone thought I was gay, it just seems dumb to me to assume that just because I don't have a girlfriend, I'm gay. One really outgoing girl once said to me, "So how's your boyfriend?" I looked at her funny because I thought she was maybe joking. I said, "Uh, my boyfriend?" She said, "yeah, that guy I see you hanging out with. Isn't he your boyfriend?" I gave her a blank stare, shook my head, and said, "I'm not gay..." She was really embarrassed.

[lady00]

I've never had a good result from asking a guy out. Sure, some have said yes, but it was quickly revealed that they only wanted friendship and were not interested in me romantically. One guy even told me that if he were into me, there he would not have been able to stay away. So based on my experiences having been on many dates by this point, if a guy is interested, he will ask the girl out. I mean, come on, even for the shy guys out there...how hard is it to ask a girl to grab a cup of coffee. In my experience, a guy not asking me out is a guy who is not interested in me romantically, or better put, is not interested in finding out if he may be interested in me romantically.

[TheDoctor]

Great responses guys, I completely agree! I live in So. Cal so the dating scene is especially hard here as compared to other parts of the world. But in the end, it seems as though we all experience the same symptoms of subtle-signs by women.

 

Don't get me wrong, I will approach women when I have to. But like all of you said a few signs do not come off as desperate ladies!! Ladies, if you want a guy to feel comfortable about approaching you get yourselves purposly caught when you check him out. Let him feel confident and I promise you 9 out of 10 times the guy will approach you.

 

As other members said, if you sit back and just expect the guy to do everything we usually come off as either too aggressive or too nervous. I know women love confidence and a man who is experienced. But I know many men that are both but they fear approaching a woman at work or school.

[TheDoctor]

I've never had a good result from asking a guy out. Sure, some have said yes, but it was quickly revealed that they only wanted friendship and were not interested in me romantically. One guy even told me that if he were into me, there he would not have been able to stay away. So based on my experiences having been on many dates by this point, if a guy is interested, he will ask the girl out. I mean, come on, even for the shy guys out there...how hard is it to ask a girl to grab a cup of coffee. In my experience, a guy not asking me out is a guy who is not interested in me romantically, or better put, is not interested in finding out if he may be interested in me romantically.

 

I agree, do NOT ask guys out. It comes off to some of us that something is wrong with this picture. A good thing is usually earned with some work. But DO give the guy clear signs, like a checkout or a smile.

 

Even when a guy just comes out and asks a girl out it can be seen as too aggressive at times.

[galaxy71]

I've never had a good result from asking a guy out. Sure, some have said yes, but it was quickly revealed that they only wanted friendship and were not interested in me romantically. One guy even told me that if he were into me, there he would not have been able to stay away. So based on my experiences having been on many dates by this point, if a guy is interested, he will ask the girl out. I mean, come on, even for the shy guys out there...how hard is it to ask a girl to grab a cup of coffee. In my experience, a guy not asking me out is a guy who is not interested in me romantically, or better put, is not interested in finding out if he may be interested in me romantically.

 

I don't see a problem with women asking guys out Several guys in this forum have admitted that they got into a relationship when a woman has come on to them. But that's beside the point.

 

Nobody is asking women to ask guys out. Yet I wish that some women would show clearer interest when they like the guy. I know a few women who have to fend off guys with a stick because guys keep on coming on to them. These women attract this much attention because they are teasing guys and they make guys feel really important. They will go up to guys and smile. They will ask guys questions instead of expecting the guy to carry the entire conversation. These women are good listeners. If she is really into the guy, she will start touching the guy. Thse women are cute, but they are not good looking enough to be models or actresses. Yet these women can pick and choose who they date since they are great flirts.

 

On the other hand, I see plenty of single women who have this serious, cranky look on their face. They never seem to smile. These women refuse to approach guys even if the guy has the stamp of approval of her friends. Sometimes you feel like you are pulling teeth when you try to have a conversation with them. Guys give up when the girl keeps on giving one word answers. It's extremely hard to approach these type of women because she is always standing next to her friends. A lot of guys shudder at approaching groups of women since he not only has to win over the girl he likes, but also has to win over her friends. There have been several occasions where I was not able to get the phone number of a girl who liked me, because her friends had a negative opinion of me.

 

This is why a lot of guys are reluctant to ask girls out. If we get rejected by a girl, many girls will avoid the guy in order not to give him any false ideas. It is extremely painful when a female friend or an acquaintance is ostracizing you. Things become so extremely awkward and uncomfortable that the friendship is lost because the guy made the "error" of asking a girl out who was not interested in this way. I remember this girl from church who invited me to hang out with her friends. We got along really well. However, after she rejected me, she ostracized me from her group of friends. To add to that, a lot of girls have this look of disgust and disappointment if some guy they don't like asks her out.

[Carmine]

Yeah, I've had similar experiences. When one girl rejects you, her entire network of friends tend to shun you. Girls are sometimes immature. They group guys in only two categories - attractive guys and creepers. They can't distinguish someone who they simply aren't attracted to from a creeper. They love to tell their friends about creepy guys, so their friends all get the same false impression of you. It's really unfair in my opinion, since the guy was making a courageous effort to ask a girl out and what he gets in return is being shunned by a whole group of people. That's part of being a confident guy, though - not letting stupid people get to your head.

 

As far as cranky non-smiling girls go, they really annoy me. I found out from a chain of sources that this one girl in a class was really into me and was wondering why I didn't try anything with her. I was shocked because she sure as hell didn't show it. She'd sit there every class with the same pus and blank stare on her face. When I tried to talk to her, she just gave me one word answers or didn't answer at all. Now, how the hell does she expect me to continue when I'm getting those kinds of reactions? It's not worth my effort and time to pursue a girl like that.

[Raistlin]

This is exactly why I am stuck as well.

 

I'm a pretty shy person from the get go. It takes a lot to get me feeling confident, but once I do, people are just drawn to me. Both women and men have come on to me (awkward, as I'm straight), but it's still flattering.

 

However, I've had a lot of women be attracted to me, and I had no idea until way later, or I've had mutual attraction that the woman is afraid/unwilling to pursue for one reason or another.

 

2 perfect examples:

 

First: At my first job, I met this really cute girl (we were both 18). She and I became close friends very quickly. We hung out a lot, and she had a bf at the time, so I never made any moves.

 

She got engaged and slowly drifted away to settle with her new fiancee. No big deal, life happens.

 

About 7 months after that, she calls me and tells me she's not engaged anymore, and really wants me to come over and hang out with her to catch up. During a very brief conversation, she had crossed a few verbal boundaries, showing me she was VERY interested. I had a gf at the time, and she knew it. Eventually, I decided against seeing her because I was very attracted to her.

 

A few months after that, I became single and she had joined the Marine Corps, so she was literally gone.

 

Second: A few months ago, I broke up (again) with my ex. It had been a lot of LC leading to heartache, and I was convinced no one would be attracted to me.

 

Turns out I was wrong. While at a buddies house, one of his ex gf's started coming on to me very strongly. They've been broken up for 5 years, and my buddy has a baby on the way.

 

Anyhow, we flirted a lot, we kissed that night, and she was pushing for more, but I had to leave when a friend did because I didn't have my car that night.

 

Turns out, she's a lesbian. She tells me that she really likes me, I'm cute, I'm sweet, she loves being around me, etc. And the kiss was good. But she's afraid to do anything about it.

 

 

Now, there are other places I could go to meet women, but the ones I'm attracted to show the subtle signs, but brush me off when I approach them. I'm oblivious to certain signs, so it has to be more than a glance or a look to draw me to them, but I'm encountered by one word answers, lack of conversation (I'm the only one carrying it), or what seems like general disinterest, yet that same woman gets angry when I excuse myself and find someone else to talk to?

 

If women would respond positively to the signs they give off, or make the move they want to be made instead of waiting around for it to happen, most men would be happier as dating would be a much easier thing.

[Shudder]

i guess its official.. ladies in that age category tend to do the opposite when they are interested in someone. talk abt messed up lol.

[xxNPxx]

Lol, same with me. It's not that I'm offended that someone thought I was gay, it just seems dumb to me to assume that just because I don't have a girlfriend, I'm gay. One really outgoing girl once said to me, "So how's your boyfriend?" I looked at her funny because I thought she was maybe joking. I said, "Uh, my boyfriend?" She said, "yeah, that guy I see you hanging out with. Isn't he your boyfriend?" I gave her a blank stare, shook my head, and said, "I'm not gay..." She was really embarrassed.

 

Ouch, really, ouch. That's painful just hearing. I would be soo pissed off if a girl told me that

 

Actually I hear a lot of women say that a lot of guys are gay for very little reason other then that they don't see them with women or they have feminine traits. Really sad and embarrassing.

[chocolates]

the reason is because we are bombarded with books like "The Rules" etc. We are taught either directly or indirectly that men like to chase and women need to wait to be called. heck, theres even a book out at the moment called "Don't Call That Man".............

 

Its old fashioned considering how far women have come in the liberation stakes - but unfortunately it is one thing that will never change.

 

Men are the chasers. Women who chase, for the most part , end up scaring men away, because they are too available or too keen. I dont know, it sucks, but thats the way it is.

[Shudder]

the reason is because we are bombarded with books like "The Rules" etc. We are taught either directly or indirectly that men like to chase and women need to wait to be called. heck, theres even a book out at the moment called "Don't Call That Man".............

 

Its old fashioned considering how far women have come in the liberation stakes - but unfortunately it is one thing that will never change.

 

Men are the chasers. Women who chase, for the most part , end up scaring men away, because they are too available or too keen. I dont know, it sucks, but thats the way it is.

 

 

you can always show interest without being so direct. nobody is telling you to make a sign saying 'date me'. if women don't show interest but are, then don't expect guys to know. its the same vice versa.

 

self help books, imo, just complicate things even more than they really need to be.

[chocolates]

you can always show interest without being so direct. nobody is telling you to make a sign saying 'date me'. if women don't show interest but are, then don't expect guys to know. its the same vice versa.

 

self help books, imo, just complicate things even more than they really need to be.

 

 

Its wwaaaaayyyy more than self help books though- its ingrained in girls from an early age that you dont call a man unless he calls you, chasing is unattractive etc. you have to wait to be asked to dance, go out blah blah blah...........wait wait wait...I don't know where this info comes from and I hate to use such a cliche, but its just in "society"

 

And I have had plenty of experiences where a guy has even TOLD me he is interested in me, and then, after being given that green light, I proceed to contact and ask out or whatever, they back off!

[Shudder]

Its wwaaaaayyyy more than self help books though- its ingrained in girls from an early age that you dont call a man unless he calls you, chasing is unattractive etc. you have to wait to be asked to dance, go out blah blah blah...........wait wait wait...I don't know where this info comes from and I hate to use such a cliche, but its just in "society"

 

And I have had plenty of experiences where a guy has even TOLD me he is interested in me, and then, after being given that green light, I proceed to contact and ask out or whatever, they back off!

 

i think you missed the point of this thread. the OP asked why girls don't show they are interested when they are, not to initiate calling or dates etc. i agree though, let the guy call you and stuff, but if you are interested in someone at least smile or something. don't just sit around expecting him to come to you, cause chances are if your body language is not very open, he won't

[Carmine]

i think you missed the point of this thread. the OP asked why girls don't show they are interested when they are, not to initiate calling or dates etc. i agree though, let the guy call you and stuff, but if you are interested in someone at least smile or something. don't just sit around expecting him to come to you, cause chances are if your body language is not very open, he won't

 

Exactly. Make eye contact, smile, give answers that are more than one word...how is a guy supposed to distinguish between a girl who genuinely has no interest in him and one that does but is purposely acting uninterested?

[MikeGGG]

I've had similar experiences with girls in the past (I actually posted a thread regarding this but after reading this thread I think I'm starting to get the picture). I had girls that were not only incredibly subtle to the point that they seemed like they were totally not interested, but they would do things to see how you would react. Sometimes it would be cruel.... I mean I had one girl make out with total stranger in front of me just to see if I would get jealous. The thing is I did get jealous, decided to forget about her and hooked up with someone else immediately and she didn't understand why.

I think what would definitely make things easier is that if a guy likes a girl and the girl knows it she should at least show him that he likes him back... smile or something rather than running away or messing with his head. There's so many women in this world... why chase after the one that doesn't seem to like you.

[princess_summer_blue84]

Women likes it when the guy makes the first move. Also she could be shy or maybe it's b/c she doesn't want to get into trouble at work.? Could be a lot of reasons. Ask her out and see what happens.

[galaxy71]

Women likes it when the guy makes the first move.

 

I don't think it's about making the first move like asking a guy out. Rather, why don't women flirt with guys they like.Some guys in the thread don't understand why some women never show any signs of interest around guys they like. I remember this older woman who used to run this dating advice website. This woman was old-fashioned. She believed that guys should approach women. However, she advised girls to flirt with guys they like. Traditionally, flirting has been the subtle way that girls hit on guys without appearing forward and unfeminine.

 

I feel like that some women don't approach guys and don't flirt with guys either. I thought that women learned from their friends, confident peers, and female family members how to flirt with guys they like. I remember this thread where this guy was talking about his female friend. His female friend had a crush on this guy in her bus. Yet she never approached with him or flirted with him. A lot of guys just feel frustrated that guys do all the work.

[irie33]

what are some things that girls can do to show their interest in a way that would make a guy want to get to know her?

 

how about girls that are average looking, should they still do these things or wait for a guy who is interested in her to talk to her? do guys only want super attractive women to send signals?

[Shudder]

what are some things that girls can do to show their interest in a way that would make a guy want to get to know her?

 

I'm surprised this question is even asked. It just goes to show that a lot of girls don't really know how to get the attention of guys without being too obvious. Sometimes I wonder if we are more backward (in terms of dating) now than we were 100 + years ago...

[irie33]

I'm surprised this question is even asked. It just goes to show that a lot of girls don't really know how to get the attention of guys without being too obvious. Sometimes I wonder if we are more backward (in terms of dating) now than we were 100 + years ago...

 

i don't think we (in general) are backward, just me, personally lol... i'm chalking it up to a lack of experience (that's why i asked)

 

i don't really see people say (well, someone here touched on it a bit) what effective flirting really looks like too often, they usually talk about it generally. since i have no experience in doing this i'd like to see what guys have to say about it..

[ProtestTheHero]

what are some things that girls can do to show their interest in a way that would make a guy want to get to know her?

 

how about girls that are average looking, should they still do these things or wait for a guy who is interested in her to talk to her? do guys only want super attractive women to send signals?

 

Laugh at his jokes, focus your attention on him if you are with a group with a lot of guys. If you are pleasant to be around and he is responding positively (he's talking, looks interested in what you are saying, is smiling, etc.) touch him lightly a few times. The first time you touch him that will register in his mind and from there it's up to him.

 

What's hilarious is that I see some women who are like "Yeah, I totally walked near him a few times at the grocery store, why didn't he take the hint!?!?!?" Some women are just too subtle and then try to pass the blame on to men. I will do ALL the initiating; I don't really care -- but you gotta give me something first.

[MikeGGG]

Just give him some attention... If he shows that he likes you then reciprocate and he will feel more comfortable to make a move. If you expect him to chase after you some guys may do it but some could get mixed signals... "Does she want me to chase after her or am I freaking her out." I would usually play it safe.

[bingedrinking]

You know, if women are really that interested, they should at least give a big signal like touching constantly or something. Not like grabbing your ass or anything but like touching your shoulder and stuff.

 

They don't have to ask the guy out but sitting simply without giving any signal is just ridiculous.

 

Simply smiling will not do the job.