k.will.photo Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Hello, I'm new here and I'm looking for advice that my friends cannot give. I'm sorry if this is really long, but here's my story: Jake (boyfriend) and I started dating a little over a year and a half ago. We've had a really good relationship, the kind you'd figure would end in marriage or something. We were 17 when we started dating. I'm now 19 and he gets there in August. I know we're young, but we did talk about marriage after a while. Both of us agreed to wait until after we were out of college at least, if we even ended up in that kind of relationship. Since I was in 6th grade I have known I would wait to lose my virginity until I was married. Right after our year and a half mark, I lost it to Jake instead. At the time I was basically counting on him and I to get married... big mistake. Two weeks later he started questioning our relatinship. Since then, I have had major trust issues with him. He's done his part to put my mind to rest about them, but it hasn't been enough, and only I could fix my trust issues once and for all. The problem is, I didn't. I just kept blaming him for them. About a month ago I cheated on him. I have never EVER cheated on anyone in my life, and I never planned to. I guess it had something to do with my trust issues with him and the fact that I didn't feel like he really cared, but I came to my senses and told him about it and asked him to forgive me (it was only kissing, nothing major, but of course it still counts). He chose to forgive me and he seemed to forget about it. Since then, we've fought a lot. Anytime we just hang out and don't worry about the relationship/romantic aspect of it, we're fine, but as soon as we start talking about our romantic relationship we start to fight. My trust issues come up and he feels like I'm holding him back and that I've been overbearing. This past Sunday, we actually had a great day. He got what he wanted, I got what I wanted. I wasn't being overbearing and I was actually being really understanding and he catered to my needs/wants of his attention too. That night I was thinking a lot, probably too much. I kept feeling like there could be someone else out there. Someone better for me. But everytime I think about that, I think about how perfect he fits into my life: my family (extended, parents, parents' friends, brother, EVERYONE) adores him, we have the same interests and likes and dislikes, we agree on important stuff pertaining to marriage like how to raise and discipline kids, how the love part of a marriage should go, how sex should be, how money should be handled, his family is awesome, etc. But because of the style of relationship we have, I talked to him about it (we try to be really open with each other and bring up stuff that's bugging us). He basically suggested we break up and just be friends. If we ever got back together, it would just happen, we wouldn't force it. What was I supposed to do, disagree with him? So we broke up. The next day I went with a friend to Daytona Beach (FL) to run some errands with her. I was such a downer and I felt really bad about it. Anyway, he called me in the morning before we left and I told him that I didn't know if this was what I wanted. He said it was what he wanted. I can't force him to be with me if he doesn't want to be. He then texted me in the afternoon and I was feeling really crappy. He's never really dealt with a long term relationship break up, and he didn't know not to talk to me or to say stuff like "how are you doing" (which is of course what he texted me). I used some foul language in telling him I felt [crappy], and how the [heck] did he think I felt. He called me when he got off work and we talked for a while. I'd figured out how I'd screwed up in the relatinship by then and we talked about it. I wanted a second chance but I didnt want to force him into it or anything. He said he needed some time to think it over and I agreed. Yesterday he came to my house and told me he figured I deserved a second chance. But I have to show him that I can fix what I said I could fix and everything too. I know I can do it, but I kind of feel like he doesn't believe in me or something. He's assured me that's not the case. Today I've just been thinking a lot. One of my friends said that she thought Jake and I went very well together but that she wanted me to end up with someone that was passionately in love with me, and if he wasn't, then maybe it was time to let go. I want to give it some time before I decide either way, and even if it does come down to letting him go, I know it will be really hard. After all, I've been with him for over a year and a half. I love the kid, even if we're not meant to be together in a romantic way. He's my best friend on top of my boyfriend, and we both fully expect to keep the best friend relationship even if the romantic one has to be set aside. I also realize if we do let go of the romantic part that it will be a while for us until we can really be as good of friends as we are now, just because both of us will have to heal. I'm just not sure what to do, and if the romantic part of our relationship has fizzled out and I just don't want to see it, or if we really have a chance. Again, sorry the post is so long, and thanks for any advice (my friends aren't so good with it, haha). [ K Link to comment
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