Would you accept this in an IM conversation?

[ulgirl]

I have a feeling I'm overreacting, but let me know if this would bother you too.

 

Sometimes when talking to a certain friend, I'll get into talking about my problems or things I'm worried about, and this seems ok with him. We've known each for a couple years now, and he says we can talk about anything. However, sometimes he'll just leave when I'm talking to him. He'll say something, then say goodnight. If I say anything after that, even asking him to clarify what he meant by what he said, he'll just say something like, "nite nite" and sign out immediately. He didn't say anything about urgently needing to go to bed tonight. It was only 9 PM. This same thing has happened quite a few times, and it leaves me feeling angry and hurt (I usually tell him so the next day, but it obviously makes no difference).

 

It seems very rude to me. What do you think?

[Mythical_Suicide]

That is rather rude maybe he just doesn't know how to respond to your problems it isn't the nicest way to get out of it but maybe take that as a sign that he doesn't really care to hear of your problems?

[Cognitive_Canine]

I agree, I'd get a new person to talk to about your problems.

 

It's rude.

 

It's even more rude that he continues this behaviour after you told him that it hurts you.

[JeckyllNHyde]

i hate ppl who do this. but then i never tell them stuff much anymore. i dont tell ppl stuff who dont seem to care.

[JadedStar]

Do you also let him talk about things he wants to talk about? Maybe he is getting bored.

[livefree]

I've had a few friends who've done this. SO annoying. Some people must not get that etiquette should be used online too. What I hate worse is when someone will just up and leave the computer in the middle of a conversation, AIM running and everything, so I don't even realize I'm talking to myself until it says they're idle 10 minutes later.

 

My guess is that it's habit and he does it to everyone, not just you. If you tried letting him know and it didn't change anything, maybe send him a link to a 'computer etiquette' site. He should get the hint, and maybe realize that it's seen as rude not just by you...otherwise, wait till you're hanging out to start conversations with him

[JadedStar]

It depends on how long the IM convo has been going. If for a long time, one can't expect that person will say 'excuse me' everytime they answer the phone or go to the bathroom or do something. If it is a shorter intense convo, then yea it is nice to say "be right back" or even a simple BRB.

 

I like IM because of the flexibility of not being tied to something. I can get up and down as i please without a stupid phone tied to my ear. But i won't leave somenoe hanging a real long time but if i have to go i will say 'gotta go night" if something pressing has come up.

[livefree]

I've had people not say anything and just not come back...I kinda learned not to wait around long for certain people

[Gratsy]

i hate ppl who do this. but then i never tell them stuff much anymore. i dont tell ppl stuff who dont seem to care.

 

I agree with this. There are people who will care enough out there, trust me. I mean, if you care about other people, they should care about you.

[browneyedgirl36]

My ex did this to me a few times, though his M.O. was to say something really cryptic or confusing, and then say "Goodnight!" with a little kissing smiley face icon, then sign off. After awhile, I got used to it. The last two IM conversations we had, he just sorta disappeared for several minutes, and I wrote, "Well, it appears you've wandered off somewhere. I'll be going now. Goodbye!"

 

Yeah, it's pretty rude. Some people don't think that they have to afford others the same courtesy online that they would on the phone or in person. I'm convinced that advances in technology have made some people into rude jerks.

[Mythical_Suicide]

 

I'm convinced that advances in technology have made some people into rude jerks.

 

 

It just made it easier for people to prove they are rude jerks LOL

[lila...]

i hate ppl who do this. but then i never tell them stuff much anymore. i dont tell ppl stuff who dont seem to care.

 

Same here. No use telling stuff to people who don't seem to care, save it for someone who does.

[Anotherday]

I say get a different friend. I have a GF like this (i'm a girl) and she has hung up on me once. I think she hung up on me another time. All in all, I say move on, which is what I am going to do with my friend.

[bartels]

He doesnt seem to take your conversations as seriously as you do.

[Parsley]

God, the time I spent as a teen trying to tell my parents that just because it's not face to face doesn't mean it's ok to be rude!! They'd tell me it was time for dinner, I'd say ok, there in a mo, and turn to say goodbye to the person I was talking to. INSTANTLY they'd be like "It's time for dinner! Don't start chatting!" I told them it was rude to leave without saying anything, and if they'd rather they had an impolite daughter I could start right away. Hehe.

 

Just don't bother with him anymore. If he starts talking to, I'd ignore it. Feign "Oh, sorry sound was off" or something. I know we're talking about etiquette etc., but this is one of those things you can be rude with. I have a friend who, in every conversation, will belittle me in that kind of "i'm just a friend joshing with you, but I'm actually an idiot and mean everything I say". So I barely ever reply to him if he talks to me these days, on msn or the phone.