ccali78 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Today I am emotionally exhausted. I think it has taken me a while to get here. I am so torn between working on myself and be a better person and trying to get my ex back. I want to find a happy medium. I am going to see him this weekend. We are going to watch a movie at my place. I am going to move the DVD player to the livingroom which he will notice. I want to learn to be his friend and have him in my life. It is easier for me to be happy when I see him on the weekends and than do not see him during the week and know I have something to look forward to. It helps ease my mind knowing that he might still be there so I can work on myself. THe minute I think he is not there I loose it and send a nice text message. I have not said anything hurtful (although I did grovel in the beginning). I am trying to be strong. I am a volunteer for the Junior League of Woman this taking on two big rolls one as the Treasurer and one as the Chair for one of their projects helping the Community. I started a new job after we broke up. (We left me the day before my last day of work, I gave my notice). I just need support to know I can do it. To get my self esteem back. It is one thing to have people to tell you you are beautiful and another to feel it. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Do you ever think that if you completely cut him out your life...you'd be able to move on better? Link to comment
ccali78 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 Well in time I know it would but I am not ready. I know we cannot be friends right now but he was such a big part of my life and we have been through so much that I cannot imagine him not being my friend. He was there for a lot of bad things that happened to me. My sister dying from cancer and being so kind to her and how strong he was for me when she passed. I will always love him for that as I was only 26 when she passed and se has 3 children. He chose me over his family when they decided not to like me anymore. (Not that I would ever make him choose, they did and I would have supported whatever his choose was). That is our big hurdle today. He has not spoken to his parents in 2 years. I think he is just tired of fighting a battle and has given up on everything and I cannot give him up like this. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 I am open to anything. Right now I just need support. I feel pretty pathetic that I cannot just be happy with myself. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 Yeah that is hard. I am not like that this time. With my first break-up I was. Sometimes I want to be alone but it does not help. You end up contacting them. I never contact him when I am with someone else I would be too embarrassed (funny how that works). I think as you go through more heart ache you learn a bit but it is never easy. Link to comment
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