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Hi Everybody,

I'm 26, have a great job which gives me enough money to go about, and I have a lot of friends (male and female). Everything is going just OK.

My appearance is somewhat average, you might say. I just don't have the great looks.

And that's where things go "wrong" I think.

I meet a lot of people, I go out very often, too, the movies, bar's / cafe's, big events, you name it, I'll be there! I try to enjoy life as much as I can!

But everytime I meet a nice girl I just don't know what to do. I have a constant question running trough my mind, Does she think I look allright, or Does she find me in-atractive?? And I think it shows too!

It's just that I have the experience that most girls find me a nice guy to talk too but that's it. And believe me.... I've made a few "moves" on a girl, just by talking to her, nothing more, (I'm a bit reserved in the beginning), but the conversation ends pretty soon. I feel really uncomfortable just talking to a girl. It's just that I've been rejected for my appearance a lot of times. But there are guys who (no offence) look much less than me, but they make the "score" and take it away. Just how do they do that. And perhaps more inprotant: How should I get it together!!

I would really like to have a girlfriend who likes me for me and just don't makes a big fus about appearances. Any Advice???

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Hey MrDraw-

Well there is hope! I've liked plenty of average-looking guys, thats because they tend to be less cocky haha well you seem like a nice guy Ive got a lil advice...when ur talking to a girl u start to like, dont worry so much about what shes thinking of you....shes probably worried sick herself!! Just be confident(not cocky!) and show her that you have a great personality on the inside and whats on the outside is not whats important. Now go out there and go get em!

 

hope this helps

 

and merry christmas!

 

Babybottlepop007

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hello mr. draw,

 

It's just that I have the experience that most girls find me a nice guy to talk too but that's it. And believe me.... I've made a few "moves" on a girl, just by talking to her, nothing more, (I'm a bit reserved in the beginning), but the conversation ends pretty soon. I feel really uncomfortable just talking to a girl. It's just that I've been rejected for my appearance a lot of times. But there are guys who (no offence) look much less than me, but they make the "score" and take it away. Just how do they do that.

 

Your problem is clear to me when i read that.

 

when ur talking to a girl u start to like, dont worry so much about what shes thinking of you....shes probably worried sick herself!!

 

Confidence! You are the dominant person in the conversation! As baby noted, the girls are just as more concerned with their impression as you are- they are as insecure as you when a guy's chatting to them.

 

Just be confident(not *beep*!) and show her that you have a great personality on the inside and whats on the outside is not whats important

 

I think baby's 'beeped' words had something to do with being 'shy' or a 'jerk', and shes right. The other guys are scoring dates (even though their not as hot as you) because they are letting their confidence and personality out. You've got to give the impression that if they get with you, then they will have a whale of a time! How could they resist the thrills and power!

 

Girls are not as influenced by looks as they are by the inside, trust me. If you depend your pulling power based solely on looks then you must be a world famous model or something to have any success. Even celebrities arent that good looking, they just show money, power and leadership (ie being idolised by other guys) through the media that enables them to attract so many girls/fans. Girls want a leader, not a follower. The leader is the confident man who stands out, even if he is a 'bad boy' or a tad bit overweight; the follower is the nice guy whos insecure and not very sure of himself.

 

Let me put it in a clearer picture for the reader. The guy is almost always influenced by a girls looks. Its natural. The more good looking and curvier body they have, the more appealing they will be to many men. Thats why all the female celebrities in the media now-days must be good looking and have a great body (britney, j-lo). Imagine a girl (called say monica) who didnt wear any make up or revealing clothes and went out hoping they would get noticed for their personality. I doubt monica would find much success with so much competition. Right guys?

 

Now girls are almost always influenced by a guys confidence and personality> power, excitement, everything masculine. Its natural. The more confidence and impacting personality you've got, the more appealing you will be to many girls. Thats why male celebrities now days carry some sort of 'badboy', confident image where they are on the pedestal (eg Colin Farrel, B2K, Ja rule). If you continue to act as a shy person, then just as that monica wont really find any success, then neither will you have any girls desiring you! Especially when there are guys out there who do have confidence. Right ladies? lol. Sure you can go on looks, but unless your a really really good looking guy then good luck, you'll need it.

 

And perhaps more inprotant: How should I get it together!!

 

Let your confidence out, act like you aint really bothered what they think! You only live once, go for it and dont let them bother you! Be the man. Have that mind state and you will go far!

 

Good luck

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In addition to confidence. Some other things that may help you attract girls is by being: 1) physically fit - I don't mean you have to be Arnold S.- just try to get into shape if you aren't already. It'll help your confidence and your all around health too. 2) well-dressed - Don't go out and break your bank account for this one - just dress appropriately for the occasion. Study fashion tips online, such as color and clothes matching. Oh, and don't forget the shoes. You can be more sytlish and trendy if you have the money. 3) attentive to grooming - Hair, including facial hair should be well kept or within style for the look you're going for. Don't forget your nails and skin. 4) clean - Take a bath and don't forget to brush your teeth. This should be a given - but you'd be surprised. A sprinkle of cologne - but not too much may add a polished touch.

 

The goal here is to play and win with the hand you're dealt. Make sense?

Hope this helps.

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Mr. Draw this is the problem.

 

You are not seen as confident and easily approachable.

 

At this moment you see the girl as the prize to get. She is the thing that you are trying to obtain, the target of your obsession or your interest.

 

Right now you think that the girl is "an angel or prize or princess or whaterver" and you want to have it.

 

You say or ask yourself "does she like me?" "am I good enough" "I hope I don't mess this up".

 

By placing her in front of you on the totem pole of status and attitude you project an image of weakness and insecurity. She can sense this a mile away. You place her before you, and if she so desired she could make you cross over your own line of self respect. You project insecurity. You must reverse your thinking and by reversing your thinking and outlook on the situation you will automatically acquire confidence.

 

You must start thinking and believing that you are the prize. It is not her. You are there to show her that you are something special, something to be conquered, and something to be chased after. Women like the chase, they like the challenge and the magnetism of self worth (confidence). The chase and the challenge of having something that is hard to get allows a woman to use her natural powers of seduction to conquer you. It sets her free.

 

To succeed with a woman you must project the image that you are the one that she wants to be with, and that you are the prize worth having. You are something to be desired and something to be attained. You are rare, like a diamond.

 

Despite what you might think she wants you to believe this. She wants her future partner whether he will be a partner for just one night or a lifetime to deep down always know that he is someone special, and someone worth having. She wants to feel that she has a man who knows he can have anyone but he "chose her". She wants to believe that she had to work for something and that she had to work to have you. You are the one who has a complete life and you took the time out of your busy schedule to make her a part of it. That makes her feel special and rare. She would never want an insecure spineless man who does not value himself. Remember no one wants something that has no value.

 

At the moment you have no value, and it does not matter how much money, looks, clothes, cars or material possessions you have. Well you have value, and I am sure you value yourself quite highly, but at the moment YOU ARE PROJECTING THAT YOU HAVE NO VALUE TO A WOMAN. You are not secure in yourself with her. You see her as someone better that you. You doubt yourself and your ability and that is anti-seductive and a major turn off. If you do not value yourself why should she? If you do not believe in yourself why should anyone else? She can sense that you are weak, and that you do not believe in yourself and do not set a high pricetag on your complete self.

 

Imagine yourself in a the car dealership. A ferrari dealership. You are the car. That $250,000 car. You have a price tag. if anyone wants to buy you they must pay the price. There is no negotiation for a better deal. This is exclusive. If this or that customer does not or cannot pay the price some one else will. Eventually a worthy buyer will own you. Remember not every person that walks through the door is deserving of a ferrari. This you must project. Learn the power of the word "No".

 

A woman will always test you, especially if she does not know you. She will do everything in her power to catagorize you with all the other guys and throw you aside. A woman likes a man who has boundries. A man who knows what he will and will not tolerate, espeically in a woman. She will test your limits to see what your self worth is, to see how far she can push you, just like a customer who will ask the salesman ifhe can lower the price on that ferrari. The answer of course is "NO". if you give into her, or project that you are weak by doing what she wants you to do or acting the way she expects you to act the game is over.

 

"I am a man and I make no excuses or apologies for being a man, and speaking my mind. I am the prize and I am there to see if she is worthy of me. Nothing personal. If she can't afford me oh well, there is always another one who can. " Be elusive, a little distant.

 

This is the attitude you must adopt. The bar is a dealership, and all the girls are the customers. You are the goods that everyone wants to have. You are that one special rare collectable sport car. You have a pricetag. Project it, and let her sample the goods. Let her sit in the car, and maybe just maybe if she playes her cards right she can drive off in it.

 

Remember though do not be cocky, arrogant or into yourself. Be into her. Do not talk about what you do, how much money you make, or what type of car you drive. It is irrelevent. If she asks, tell her in a way that seems like its not important and change the subject to her. LEt her discover you. Become a mystery, and by becoming a mystery you will become appealing.

 

The other guys that you see get the girls becasue they act like the men a woman wants and do not feel ashamed about it. They project their confidence, their self worth. They come off as easily approachable, easy going, and confident. The project an image that they are the "thing" to be desired and acquired. They do not chase after the woman they let the woman chase after them.

 

 

This is a difficult attitude to acquire at first. It takes time but in the end becomes a sulf fulfilling prophecy. You start to become what you believe and you outer appereance will project this. Start by saying to yourself every day "I am the prize". Self talk works wonders. There is a saying "success takes about 15 years". I don't remember who said it, might have been Ford or Edison. Anyway, you do not need 15 years of work, but you need to put yourself into at least a 6 month plan. Those guys succeed becasue they practice and apply what works. They do the things that they think makes the girls come to them. You must put in some effort. Go to the gym. Start working out, every day. Do not run. Just life some weights. This will build confidence. Everytime you lift say to yourself I am the prize. You say it 500 times you will start to believe it. Your outer image will slowly change. The whole idea of going ot the gym is not to just get you into shape but to get you to accpet and be comfortable with yourself.

 

Do something everyday no matter how small to improve yourself in some way. COmpliment yourself on your success. Also try someting new everyday. Even something small like a new dohnut, or a new way home, or a new dish at lunch. If you meet a woman that day by accident, you will have something to talk about. Tell her about the new food you triend or the new way home you discovered. Tell it like its an adventure, and if its a funny thing poke fun at yourself. Its a small way of projecting that you are not afraid of risk, and you are willing to try new things.

 

Dress impecably, always have nice shoes, and clean teeth. Stand up straight, and sit straight. Its the little things that make the whole difference. its all in the details.

 

Also start to pamper yourself at least once a week. Buy yourself a nice expansive pillow. Treat yourself to some really good icecream out of the blue. Buy yourself a nice expansive shirt. Just one. Tell yourself that you are treating yourself becasue you deserve it. If you want tell the girl at the counter that you decided to give yourself a little treat. You might htink this is cheesy but what it does is over time it increases your own self-worth You start to believe that you are worth something and it starts to show.

 

However a point of warning. There is a very fine line between arrogance and confidence. Do not become arrogant, by pampering yourself too much. Do not grow an ego or get your head swelled, especially after you get the girls. Its a recipe for dissaster. Always stay respectful and humble.

 

And finally if you get rejected always put the blame (inside yourself) on her not on you. you didn't screw anything up. Never blame yourself and shatter your confidence by thinking that "you must be a loser". Just say, "Hmm maybe she is on her period and not feeling well," or "maybe she had a bad day at work so she is not in the mood". Its about how you control the circumstances around you.

 

its funny I'm the opposite. I never go out, I don't know many people, but the few times I do go out women always seem interested.

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hey. here's the thing: confidence helps so much, no matter what you look like! if you can pull of being confident without being a jerk, you'll do great. i go to school with a guy who has really bad acne and isnt amazing looking or anything, but hes always smiling and has plenty of confidence, and is always telling jokes...so many girls fall for him. almost every girl i know has liked him at one time or another. have fun, be confident, and dont be nervous.

merry christmas!

EmptySoul

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Hi MrDraw,

 

I think of myself as an 'average' looking girl, like 99% of us I think.

 

I do not know when and how you are approaching girls when you go out. It makes a difference if you are drunk or not, if a drunk man approaches me I always thing: 'tomorrow he does not even know that he talked to me'. Tipsy is OK, sometimes it kind of cute.

 

If you talk to a girl show genuine interest in her, asking her name, what she does, (ooh, do NOT ask: have been here around more, it is so dull, IMHO), with who she is here (good way of finding out if she is with girls/boys) and go with her answers. If she says she is a ...... (fill in the blanks), ask if she always wanted to become this profession.

 

Please do not worry about your looks. We, women are surely as unsecure as men in looking the way we do! Why else will be in the bathroom hours before? And, there are only 12 female topmodels in the world.

 

Just shake off the insecurity and think 'I am a nice guy', say it in the mirror before going out (do not let your friends know, they will laugh, believe me). That my way of doing it, moments before I go out, I watch myself once again in the mirror, confirming that I am worthwhile. In the beginning this seems odd, but it really helped me to be more open during my conversations and dancing while going out.

 

Happy holiday, and I hope you have a confident 2004!

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madcat your going for gold! That was brilliant! Why are you posting it on a thread? Get it on the board! Everyone has to read that!

 

The second part of that essay was what everyone wanted to know- 'how'! Im printing that off and making it a new years resolution. lol.

 

Mr Draw you've got enough information here to know where to go. Dont go into a club or bar, movies etc and start shattering when no girls approach you. Sit back, smile, and think you are the 'great catch', you dont need or want a girl. You are the best. Believe that and automatically all your insecurities will drop. All of them. You will notice that you are suddenly confident in yourself. That is the short term route. Madcat's post is the way to go for a long term, lasting route in becoming confident around ladies. Make it a new years resolution like i am. Everything else mentioned was basically what i said, and Emptysoul's story about the acme guy is evidence that looks aren't the key. Of course, go out and look good. But remember that that isnt the key to success.

 

good luck, there is some great stuff here

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I'm the same way, I go out, I try to enjoy myself, try to stay in shape. I do all of the things you do and yet somehow get to that bump in the road. And yeah I know; not think it has something to do with looks. Let me tell you one thing; those unattractive guys probably had to do a lot of work to bag some chicks believe me. A lot more than the above average looking guys.

 

That story about not caring about looks and more about personality is a load of dog doo doo.

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