Auriqua

Hi J_Hol I think you started very wrong with the ' I'll give a shot' attitude. No girl like to be 'just a shot'. She wants you want her.. be in love.. dream, eat and think her! I think she is right in her cautious approach: you already disappointed her twice! What you should do is show her your love, let her find out what great guy you are, despite the past experiences. Success!

I have two statements to add to the wonderful replies: 1. Nobody NEEDS a gf/bf: it is an enrichement of your life, not a necessity. 2. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Hi, I hope to cheer you up a bit with my experience: My favorite line is (it is not mine, but I can't remember whose it is): I know people that are 40 that do not even know what they what to be when they are 'grown-up' . That are the most interesting people. In college I did not know what I wanted to become, and to be honest I do not know now. I know that I have a job that I like very much and that there are some great opportunities for me to study while building a career. Please talk to as many people as you can! Talk to your best friend, your mum, dad, sister, brother, eNot Alone Members. Heck, even talk to yourself! Try to remember what you wanted to become when you were just a little kid. Start there. Find someone that does something you might be interested in. Be bold, ask if you can interview them. There must me subjects that you are more interested in. Try to find out if you can study that. Visit as many colleges as you can. Ask if you can combine two or more subjects. If you have any questions, please pm me. Take care, Auriqua

Hi swimchick, Please go to your doctor. Your parents will not have to know or you can tell lie for your own good and pretend to go for something elso. Your doctor is not allowed to tell them what you spoke of during your consult.

Hi Nikki, You have come to a point in your life where you do not see the meaning of things. You first say you already know what you are going to do and a few sentences later, you state that you do not know where your heart really lies. Please do not decide if you are not certain! Please consider everything what vfunkera says also.. I do not want to sound like your mom, but I will: by finishing school may opportunities lies before you, many more than when you will drop out of school. Find something that will make school worthwhile: some school-related activities (sports, theatre, arts). I hope you will find your joy in educating yourself!

Hi Michael, I can understand your reaction. Personally, I always avoided my exes as much as I could. But, you have to realise there are times that you could meet her unexpected. You were very clear to her and that is a good thing. I do not know if she is really doing this to be 'just' friends or to create an opportunity to get back together. As I read your post, you do not want her back. IMHO, there is not much you can do.. This are HER feelings that she tries to project to you. It all seems to me as 'emotional blackmailing'. I think you did the right thing.

Hi Monika, That is a good question you mention. It all depends on the circumstances I think. Sometimes you like to be kissed wildly and rough, other times you wish for slow, long kisses.. I am not a guy, but what I know is that this differs from guy to guy (for this matter, they are really similar to us women.. although some of them will always deny). Standard liked placs are indeed the neck, ears and tummies. If you want to know what will turn a specific guy on, be bold and ask. I had very good experiences with just asking what they would like. If you do not want to ask but just do... then pay attention to his reaction on your action. So if he sighs in a way that says 'please go on, I like this', keep up the good work . If he seems uninterested or not reacting to your moves, try another move / place to kiss. Have fun!

Hi Nion, It is a fact that breasts will slightly differ from another. My right breast is smaller than the left. The only annoying thing is that no bra fits properly (i have always 'space' left at my right bra, only solutions is to buy foreformed bra's). As you are sixteen, it can be that this will grow out in years to come. Please let it be no big issue in your life and be happy!

Hello Clockworkwolf, Now I am going to sound strange.. hold on! I am in a relationship of many years, and happy. I love this guy. We started it with a mutual crush (including no sleep, no eat). After a year, this phase was over (scientific research says that the 'fall in love drug', i believe dopamine, will not longer be made by your brain after a year). Then the phase of love came, which is very satisfying. But, once in a while, i fall in love with some one else. It is no fun. It causes a lot of doubting on my current relationship, and sleepless nights. What helps me the most is the strict distinction between 'to love' and 'to be / fall in love'. So I keep reminding myself that I love my current bf. And that I think a crush can not be the reason for breaking up. The first time this happened to me, I told my bf. And surprise surprise, he did not mind a lot (of course he was a little bit scared to loose me). He showed me that he was patient, that he understood that this thing could happen en was a great support for me. So please remind that the most lasting relationship begin with friendship, but relations that start with infatuation can also be long-term. You just have to keep in mind that at one moment 'to be in love' will change in 'love'. And that is one of the most fantastic things of life!

You asked for some 'women answers': My first kiss was when I was eleven. It is said that the average time between your first kiss and the 'real thing' is three years. I was sixteen when I lost my virginity, no regrets of doing this. Between my first kiss and my sixteenth, I had several other sexual experiences. My first blowjob was at the age of fourteen. I do not regret this sexual experience at all!

Dear smart blond, You are taken an very natural step in your relationship. It is not wrong to think about this things around your age (I lost my virginity on that age). The only wrong oral sex is oral sex that is not enjoyed by the one who is receiving it. So during, check if he likes it. If not, change your doing. Ask him what you have to do / if he likes it. I am sure he will tell you what he likes. Hope you're having fun! Please remember, you both have to like it and do it safe! (birth control & condom)

Thank you Darkness.. After a long period of thinking I realised I have a wonderful boyfriend and that doubting is in my nature (thus nothing to do with seven year's). Thanks for your reply!

Did you ever say 'I love you' when you were together? And gave her as much attention as you now do? Or did you take it for granted? It is not an easy decision to break up with some one, so if you want her back I would do anything in your range to clarify what it is that made her unhappy (maybe you already know, but you do not mention it in your topic) It seems to me that you are running in circles. She is pushing you away, but leaves space for contact. Women are not very good in just 'simply' say: i do not want to see you ever again. If you get a chance of talking to her, say that see has to made her mind up (set a date for that: not in 24 hours or so, but a week or so). Otherwise, it would be unclarity all over for you. If she wants you back, you have to change a bit I think. Hope this helps!

My perfect date would be: Get all dressed up for a fancy restaurant, then eat there, go to a romantic movie, after that to a nice pub to have a chat and -if not tired and date goes well- dancing! But, eating at my date instead of in a fancy restaurant is also a good way to start a date!

Hi MrDraw, I think of myself as an 'average' looking girl, like 99% of us I think. I do not know when and how you are approaching girls when you go out. It makes a difference if you are drunk or not, if a drunk man approaches me I always thing: 'tomorrow he does not even know that he talked to me'. Tipsy is OK, sometimes it kind of cute. If you talk to a girl show genuine interest in her, asking her name, what she does, (ooh, do NOT ask: have been here around more, it is so dull, IMHO), with who she is here (good way of finding out if she is with girls/boys) and go with her answers. If she says she is a ...... (fill in the blanks), ask if she always wanted to become this profession. Please do not worry about your looks. We, women are surely as unsecure as men in looking the way we do! Why else will be in the bathroom hours before? And, there are only 12 female topmodels in the world. Just shake off the insecurity and think 'I am a nice guy', say it in the mirror before going out (do not let your friends know, they will laugh, believe me). That my way of doing it, moments before I go out, I watch myself once again in the mirror, confirming that I am worthwhile. In the beginning this seems odd, but it really helped me to be more open during my conversations and dancing while going out. Happy holiday, and I hope you have a confident 2004!

A few tips (so you do not have to ask everything): Start slowly! Do not rush anything. Most men like it when you bring their foreskin over their dickhead. My experience is that the frequency of this, what they think is best, is very different (so this is definitely worth a question!) How harder the penis gets, how harder you can hold on to it. And remember: most guys are surprised (in a good way) if you just ask what they like! Hope this helps. If you want further advice: pm me!

So, now you experience what 'seriously, deeply in love' means! And, probably you do not want to hear it right now, but it wears of after a period of time. The anxiety feeling gets less. I can only say: if you want your mind set off of her for a while: do something physical. Play soccer, basketball, squash or another sport that you love. Giving attention to your friends is also a good way. And maybe you haven't got them the attention they deserve over the last period. Or watch a movie that you have to concentrate on. I hope this helps to ease your mind a bit.

I have been with my bf for almost seven years now. And yes, there it is, the seven year's itch. Doubting very much, also because lately I met some wonderful men! My bf has been a great support for my over the last years, but since we are living together I get more and more doubts if this is the right choice for me. Who has experience with this 'seven years' syndrom and want to tell how they came out of it.

Although, I never had a feeling of loniless, my mother has it. It is not that is just changable. She had to work very hard on it to loose that feeling. Now, after three years, she can say the feeling of loniness is gone. How she did? Socialised by finding hobbies such as painting, drawning, Tai Chi and so forth. Talking about how she felt and changing her attitude towards it. I can see it hard for you to socialise if you work seventy hours a week! Find someone at work (maybe of another department) that you can take lunch with and combining lunch and socialising. And remember, it is better to have a few very good friends than a lot of acquaintances that you can not talk real life matters with.

Hi, here an advise from the woman point of view. The advise of MrDraw comes close to mine. However, a genuine orgasm is not so simple and takes patience, time and a lot of communication. Keep in mind, many women can fake so real their bf does not even know that their gf never had a orgasm. So, it is a good sign that she is wanting to communicate about this topic openly. Before talking to your gf please make sure that she is comfortable talking about this. I can imagine is rather unusual to talk about sex for someone. You say she does not reach a orgasm by her own. Find out what she tried for that and try a slightly different approach. You should really talk to your girlfriend. Maybe she is getting nervous of you, because you are bragging about your experience and that emphasise her lack of it. Do not only talk to her before and after but also during. Ask her if she likes it. Some women like to be touched at other places than just the known sexual places. If I may recommend you a book on sex: please read Sexual Secrets: the alchemy of ectasy. It translates the most known sexual books like the Kuma Sutra, the Ananga Ranga and the taoism view on love / sex into modern language. The beginning of this book is rather boring, but part 2 should really help! Keep in mind to carefully introduce this to your girlfriend. Not all women are even open-minded about sex and all related stuff around it.

OK, this is what I think of your dilemma: She is obviously confused: should she stay with her bf or should she go and seize the day by kissing you? This is NOT easy for her (believe me, been there, several times). My advise is to talk to her what she wants to do with this feeling she has. Give her an cool down period (not seeing you, and ideally not seeing her bf) with a certain date that she has to have her mind made up. Whatever she decides, goes. Keep strong and do well!