Don't want to be here anymore

[IwishIwasdead]

This is my first post on here. I can honestly say I don't want to be here anymore. Im 18 and my life doesn't seem to get better. My life gets worse daily. I have friends but because of prior things that happened in my life I feel I can't trust anyone. I have so much inside of me but don't trust anyone to talk to. I have no emitions because of being hurt in the past/present. I put up a wall and let no one in. I hate college. My parents might even being taking me out of college and I don't know why. My dad is cheating on my mom and my whole family knows about this. My mom cheated on my dad with my sisters, friends, dad. I can't talk to my parents cause I feel I can't trust them. I hate being home in my house. I get angry and the littlest things and I can't stand it anymore. Why go through all of this? Doesn't seem worth it to me...

 

 

p.s. Sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes. Don't feeling like proof reading right now.

[Ladybug]

Sweetheat,

 

It sounds like you just need someone to really talk with you. Life is worth living, but sometimes you need someone to guide you back to the path. Honey, you are 18 and have an amazing life ahead of you. You can make all of your dreams come true. email me and we will chat about all the possibilities in life, believe me--they are endless and life is totally worth LIVING to the FULLEST (just let someone help you out) I'm not some therapist, just a 25 year old woman with a heart that is breaking for you right now. Let me help... email removed

[sean91607306444]

dont do it,you will miss to many good things to come...by all means get away...not from life...but from your familydont do it....e mail me at email removed been there,ill help you through this.....sean

[mermayd]

There is no reason to consider suicide. There is SOOO much to live for. Even if it isn't in your life right now, the time will come. There are many many hardships in life that we must overcome, don't just give up. Put up the fight. Remind yourself how many people are out there that are so much worse off than you are. The people that have no family. That cannot afford college. That have no friends. No home. No money. Nothing. There are so many people that could just give it all up because they are at such a disadvantage. You are not one of those people. You are blessed in many ways...believe me. I have been in your position, feeling alone and more miserable as eacch day passes. It feels horrific, I know. But things DO get better. Just stare your problems in the face and say, "I will overcome you!" believe in yourself. In a worst-case scenario, you could leave everything behind, move away and start over...a new life...but do not end yourself. I have gone through complete hell that no one can possibly even conceive, more bad things in my short 21 years than many people have in a lifetime, or wish to for that matter. Yet, I have found happiness. You will too. If you need to talk, you are welcome to email me, personal message me, or IM me. I am always around. Try to smile every day, if even just once, if even you don't feel there is anything to smile about. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself. In my worst times, when I hated myself the most and everyone around me, this would be ahrd to do, but I felt a tinge better after I forced myself to smile. I hope this helped, I'm so sorry you are so upset.

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

Woooow... look at all those people. I start to think that you have come to the right place here. There is people that do care. I am one of them myself. I recently installed AOL IM and I have MSN. Need to have a word? Just add me!!

 

Life is a beautiful thing, I am telling you! May be you don't see the light right now, you're still young. I have had a nightmare childhood and teenage years, but I am 30 now and EVER so happy.

 

I hope this helps you... good luck.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[IwishIwasdead]

Had another bad day today. Wasn't surprised.

[je951357]

If I were in yer situation, I would try to transfer colleges to somewhere way far away on the other side of the country, and just start over. Move to a big city and find a roommate. Just start your life over fresh in a place far enough where these people cant be a bad influence on you. Thats what I would do.

[Outlaw2747]

I never really had any thoughts of dying but I have had some days where I wanted to destroy everyone and everything. But what keeps me going is that I try to blow things off or I attack some of these problems head on....a famous man once said "If you are going through hell, keep going." Good advice because everthing has a beginning and an end. You will not suffer forever trust me. Might be a while but have patience. You do not want to use a long-term and eternal decision for a short term problem. Hang in there man, fight, win, become stronger. And that girl who wanted to help you out when you first posted, she seems to be a sweetheart and you need to be with more positive people like her....it works, despite the fact I'm a pessimist...LOL!

[RDW]

I know that you feel as if the world is coming down, and I believe that you are being exposed to something that should have never happened. I'm very sorry for what is happening. But things like this do happen. Your probably thinking why me, and that these problems will never level out, but I am here to tell you that it will get better. I know you are upset and might not take anyone seriously anymore because of distrust, but you are 18 yrs. old and you can handle it. I believe that your a stronger person than you believe you are. Just look you are already in college even thought you might be pulled out, but that is very responsible to my eyes, and your holding up to all the other stuff. You are a strong person I can tell. Try to just let things happen as they are going to, no need to stress, if it happens it happens. You have a lot of life to live and i'm sure your pretty smart because your in college, and also there are many other schools to go to and they can help you with grants if you need them. Right now it's hard, and I know that the family incidence eats you up, if you feel you have to talk to your parents be sure you know what you want to say so you can be clear to them, but I don't know your parents so make this decision carefully cause it could blow up in a big fued. Do you have someone to talk to besides friends and family, how about a teacher or some adult you trust. I think you need some comfort from someone and some assurance that it will be ok. It will be ok.

[NoHeartKris]

IwishIwasdead... I feel your pain. I am 20 years old and my life will never get better. People on here say that you have full bright life ahead of you.. Now, you may or may not. That isn't up to me to judge. All i can tell you is my experience. My life has kept me depressed since I can remember, and because of it, I also have developed an immunity to feelings. I mean, once in a blue-moon I will break down and just cry... but that is VERY rare. Life sucks, and sometimes... nothing makes it better. BUT- suicide is not the answer. Take that from someone who knows from experience. You just have to deal with the depression and hide it deep inside. That's what I do.

[faithbradford]

i just wish i was dead and i feel like no one would care im just had a birthday and i feel like my life is stuck like theres no way out and i just want it to end i want to be with my loved ones who passed and have no more worries be with my daddy well my grandpa but he was my dad bc he and my grandma raised me but i cant take it anymore

[LadyXara]

Hey, IWishIWereDead, I understand your predicament, only it feels like I have felt that way for most of my life. I felt that way at 18. And today at 28 I feel the same, only I'm a decade older and now all those people who said 'but you're only 18 you have your whole life ahead of you' only made me feel worse down the track, cos now I remember that was what people said and now it feels like I don't, that I'm rapidly running out of time to achieve things that might make me feel happier in this life, and the less of them I achieve, the more depressed I feel. Like I am leading a wasted life. ](*,)

 

At my worst, I feel like I have no control over my life and I may as well give up. That I don't truly feel that anybody really cares about me, not enough to put themselves aside for a moment to really help or understand. I have always felt this way. My parents are more than included in that. They are probably the cause of that.

 

There are a lot of times that I simply don't want to be here. When I say that though, this doesn't mean I want to take my life. I don't believe this is the answer. But at the same time, I just don't want to exist, I don't want to feel and in those moments I wouldn't care if something happened to take my conscious mind away. At these times, I sleep alot, because in sleep I know I don't have to think or feel.

 

So, I know this isn't very uplifting, but sometimes just knowing that someone else feels the same but keeps plodding along is enough to feel better. Sometimes the well-intentioned people that tell you to find the little things of meaning in your life, and remind you how there are so many people worse off, only serve to make you feel like they are trivialising your feelings. I know I have a roof over my head, money in the bank, food on the table but somehow feeling like this when all that exists almost makes it worse. It makes me ask myself "Why shouldn't this make me happy?" "How selfish am I that others don't have these things and are happy even?" "What is wrong with me that I still feel like s*** even with those things".

When people say things like that it makes me feel like a bad person, a failure, that I can't manage to cheer myself up this way.

 

I know they don't mean to, but...sometimes I just need to hear someone say, hey, I understand how you feel and it sucks, but there are crappy days and there are flickers in between that somehow give you enough to keep going, in the hope of a better tomorrow. So I'm here to say just that. Hang in there. It may get better. 'May' is better than 'won't', and hope is better than nothingness.

[SemperRogue]

If you went you wouldn't be able to read any more of my postings! It means something that you broadcasted for help, now go run a few miles and let us know something about you.