Celadon Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 Hi everyone, A lot of posts here have to do with someone *wanting* another person to like them. My situation is that I *don't* want someone to like me and I don't know how to handle this! I've got a big group of friends, and there's one guy who I can't even stand being around. That's my problem. I'm sure he likes me, but he's so passive he would never do anything. I just catch him staring at me or trying to hang out where I am. He's totally socially inept -- the few talks I've had with him have been excruciating. Even group conversations are painful 'cause he talks endlessly about nothing and doesn't listen. My problem is that some of us are getting together for a holiday party this weekend, and he's going to be there. (In fact, he only RSVP'd to it immediately *after* I finally did. Maybe I'm paranoid.) I want to have a good time, but obviously I'm bugged big time by this guy. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like I think I'm so together myself --it's just that his "pining" weirds me out. Another girl he once liked, he literally followed around like a puppy dog. Ewww... How can I handle this, not be rude and enjoy the party?? Help! Advice please. Link to comment
slider Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 LOL!! This board amazes me! K8tie Kool, this is a good one. You want advice? Here you go. THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO WITHOUT BEING RUDE, NOT NICE OR WRONG IN SOME MANNER. The rude way: Tell him to get lost and the thought of him makes you puke. This way works the best, but difficult to administer. The not nice way: Tell him that the way he acts toward you makes you uncomfortable and although you are flattered by his attention, you're not interested. The wrong way: Tell him that some other girl thinks he's cute. That's right, pass the buck. The girl will hate you for it if it works though. The nicest way: Tell one of your guy friends in the group about your situation. Get him to help you get your point accross. good luck! Link to comment
Hero_99 Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 Ok, I HAVE to interject on this one..... First of all, this guy may at this time act like a passive wuss who is socially inapt, but he may not always, and some day in the future he might ACTUALLY get some backbone. The problem is that how he will perceive girls when he finally gets this backbone will determine whether he hates them or not, and a mans future successes will often be determined by how girls treated him when he was younger. IF YOU TREAT HIM WITH DISRESPECT NOW; HE COULD TURN INTO AN ABUSIVE JERK WHO MISTREATS WOMEN, SLEEPS WITH THEM FOR ONE NIGHT THEN HURTS THEM OR MARRIES THEM AND TRAPS THEM INTO AN ABUSIVE CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP. If it is your plan to turn this guy into a monster you need to use some tact and avoid what the person above just wrote and TELL HIM STRAIGHT that his behaviour is not attractive, and he needs to get some backbone..... Don't do any of the indirect BS that some girls do like "Talk about other guys" or say you have a boyfriend when you don't. Tell him directly... He needs to learn to be assertive like normal non-abusive people. What comes around turns around and he might snap on another girl and I don't think you would want to be half-way responsible for any one else's actions..... Link to comment
SweetypieEnlightenedOne Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 Being mean to people just because they have a crush on you, or are socially inapt is what makes the manson family ok! You need to be nice to this young man just as you would want someone to be nice to you if you had a crush. Be flattered and not mean to this guy. IF YOU TREAT HIM WITH DISRESPECT NOW; HE COULD TURN INTO AN ABUSIVE JERK WHO MISTREATS WOMEN, SLEEPS WITH THEM FOR ONE NIGHT THEN HURTS THEM OR MARRIES THEM AND TRAPS THEM INTO AN ABUSIVE CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP. I could not agree more, these years in a persons life are crucial they really do make you who you are. I suggest you talk to him a bit, and then if he is shy why not try to make friends with this guy. You never know what he is going through you may find out that he's a nice guy and no one will give this kid a chance because he's not the "cool kid" please, the cool kids i went to school with are all losers and its those inapt men and women who are making money. Think about it. Link to comment
SweetypieEnlightenedOne Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 The rude way: Tell him to get lost and the thought of him makes you puke. This way works the best, but difficult to administer. The wrong way: Tell him that some other girl thinks he's cute. That's right, pass the buck. The girl will hate you for it if it works though. Slider, i usually love your post but I have to cut in here and say, this young man is a human being. Not some piece of trash on the street to be passed around or blown around in the wind. You guys this world has gotten so cold towards people and it bothers me. Link to comment
Boromir Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 What is amazing is that I am sure the author will fall in love with a guy who may not want anything to do her! I mean, come one girl - just go easy on the guy. It doesn't even seem like he's really done anything yet and you are already flipping out!?!?!?! People can't help who they like, and too bad I can't tell him myself how wigged out you are over the perception that he might like you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but maybe if you take a moment and think, wow, it is nice that someone likes me even though I feel differently, as opposed to talking about him like he's got a contagious disease. Whatever you do, just try and be nice. Link to comment
slider Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 SweetypieEnlightenedOne, Slider, i usually love your post but I have to cut in here and say, this young man is a human being. Not some piece of trash on the street to be passed around or blown around in the wind. That's why I gave options, how she handles it is entirely up to her. Pick one, toss the rest. SweetypieEnlightenedOne, don't take my posts TOO seriously and you might actually enjoy yourself here. Link to comment
Celadon Posted December 19, 2003 Author Share Posted December 19, 2003 Well, everyone, Thanks for your ideas, suggestions, warnings, admonishments, and opinions on each other's advice. I'm glad we're a community here and can let it all hang out. Personally, I appreciate being able say what I feel here on this board so that in regular life, I don't come accross that strongly (or rudely). I hear what those of you are saying about treating this guy like a person. I only wish he'd make it easier to do that. But I will TRY. I guess it's just the way the world works. Everyone needs to bend a little, have a little compassion, be more tolerant for their and everyone else's sake. So that it'll all go around. Ciao, KK. Link to comment
Ash Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 I don't see K8tie as flipping out on this guy. She's come here for advice, right? That's quite a mature way of approaching it. All I can say is always attempt to treat relationship issues with respect, whether you do or do not want somebody to be interested in you. Things have an odd way of coming full circle, and the nicer you can be about it, the nicer (hopefully) you can expect somebody to be about it in turn one day in the future, should it ever come to pass. Letting him know what's up in a nice way may seem depressing to him. Letting him know in a nasty way could be seen as depressing and mean. Last thing you want is a pee'd off, depressed guy hanging around. Keep it nice if at all possible, but let him know the deal. I've gone through the let down stage a few times (when I was younger) and I have far more respectful memories of the easy, "I'm sorry but it can't be this way" let downs, rather than the harsh, "You gotta be kidding me, not in a million years" type. Link to comment
SweetypieEnlightenedOne Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 Slider, now wait just one minute, you came at me a bit harsh, I think just the plain fact that I've posted over 350 posts means I enjoy myself quite a bit here on the forum but thanks for asking....Anywho, don't be so sensitive, I think maybe you need to read what I wrote again and then maybe you wont take it so seriously. Maybe then you would enjoy yourself here a bit more, and post another 49 posts. Link to comment
slider Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 SweetypieEnlightenedOne, don't worry about me. I can take it as well as dish it out. I'm far from sensitive to criticism - no offense taken. 350 posts! Impressive! Link to comment
SweetypieEnlightenedOne Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 Is there any more advice out there for this young lady regarding her situation, i'm sure she didnt come here to see people go tit for tat. I hope someone else can help her. I think she needs to get more advice. I hope I helped her some. Link to comment
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