Potential meeting - what do I do?!

[Mustang]

Hey guys. I guess this belongs in the getting back together section. Mainly because this has been my home for the past few months and a lot of people here are aware of my situation.

 

Anyway, a few weeks ago I posted something on here talking about a gig that I am going to next week (Foo Fighters My ex is going with her mum (or "mom" to you American folk) and her auntie. Her auntie is one of those really cool relatives that goes out partying and stuff like that.

 

I've mentioned recently that I really would love to see my ex again. But I am NOT chasing her. I am NOT planning anything. IF anything is to happen it has to happen naturally. I have hope yes but I have accepted the situation for what it is.

 

Her auntie messaged me again on Facebook the other day and ended the message with:

 

"hope you're well my darling not long now to the Foos cant wait, please come and see me when you come home again .. but hopefully will hook up with you next Friday, if only for a hug.

 

Love you loads my darling boy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"

 

I have standing tickets and they have seats so it's not like I'd spend the entire gig with them. It'd be a quick 10-15 minute catch up over a drink or something. I know I can handle that.

 

Would her auntie not have spoken to my ex first about this? Surely she'd not go saying things like that to me knowing my ex isn't wanting to meet me?

 

The thing is, I don't want to agree or make any arrangements unless I know my ex is happy to meet up. If I was to arrange to meet her auntie knowing full well that my ex is going to be there... well that looks like I'm using her auntie to get to her doesn't it? Again that looks like a plan. My ex will feel threatenend by it. I don't want her to be in a position where she feels bulliled into meeting me. Does that make sense?

 

I was thinking, maybe I should send my ex a friendly message on Facebook saying that her auntie mentioned maybe meeting at the gig? Something along the lines of "it'd be nice to see you all for a bit but if you're not comfortable with it then it's cool". I don't know. Again, I don't want to pressure her. I don't want it to seem like I am trying to meet up with her so I can blurt out "I love you and I miss you" or whatever. I wouldn't talk about us at all. I don't want to. My ex has noticed the changes in my life and I would love to catch up with her because we were once best friends too.

 

I want things to happen naturally! The trouble is, there has to be some effort made.

 

Maybe I should just reply to the message from her auntie and not mention anything about the gig and see if I hear anything more from them on the day?

 

It's difficult to know what to do! I would really like to see my ex. That's the perfect situation. Casual, in a public place and only for a few minutes in a place that we're both going to be at anyway.

 

But I don't want to make her angry at suggesting a meet up. She might panic and think that I'm chasing her and either ignore it or be aloof with me. If she ignores me then I will look an idiot and she'll start thinking I'm chasing her again!

 

If she doesn't want to meet up then I will be putting her under pressure. I don't want to do that. If she's uncomfortable then she won't tell me. She will just make up an excuse to be nice.

 

This is a good opportunity to build bridges and I know I can handle it this time around. What on earth do I do?

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Hi Mustang

I wouldnt message your ex. Just wait till you see her at the gig.

 

I'm sure her auntie is close enough to the situation to know the score, and if she's calling you a darling boy and wants to meet up, thats a measure of how the family feel about you. Theres nothing saying your ex will be with her auntie when you go over so just keep shtum and see how the land lies when you actually see her.

 

watch for that fleeting expression when she first catches sight of you for the best measure. I'm pretty sure she will be cool about seeing you because of her last text.

[Mustang]

Thanks!

 

I've been thinking about it and you're right. She knows I am going to the gig and she told me ages ago that she's going too. Contacting my ex will be what she's expecting. By not contacting her I can't make anything worse. I'll just play it by ear.

 

That way, it will show my ex that I am not chasing her and she won't feel under any pressure and will perhaps be more willing to see me if the situation comes up.

 

It is nice that her auntie thinks fondly of me. I guess it shows that my ex hasn't been bad mouthing me at least! I don't really know why her auntie is being so nice to me still knowing that my ex doesn't want to be with me anymore. Maybe she's naive, maybe she knows something I don't or maybe she just wants us back together. I'm trying not to think about it!

 

I'm going to message her auntie back and not mention the gig. That's the best option right?

 

I am not expecting anything more to come of it. As much as I want it to, I expect my ex to feel uneasy about it even if I am not the one to suggest it. I am not going to chase her. I am not going to put pressure on her. I've done it too much in the past and it's very selfish of me really.

 

If I don't see them then I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Either way, I have Dave Grohl and alcohol to entertain me!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

yes message her auntie back, but why arent you mentioning the gig when I thought thats where you were going to see her?

 

Im going to see Dave Grohl too tomorrow night, the zootons and Kaiser chiefs and paul mcCartney..cant wait!

[Mustang]

I sent her auntie a message back yesterday but I didn't mention my ex or the potential meet up next weekend.

 

I replied in an upbeat and positive way and I said that I was excited about the gigs next week and that was all. I didn't mention the potential meet up. I am leaving it. If my ex and/or her auntie wants to see me then I will let them contact me on the day. I am not going to chase my ex or suggest anything.

 

Me and the ex were exchanging a few texts last night. She was playing Twister with her uni friends and I was playing Wii bowling with mine. We were texting and telling each other what we were up to. Nothing major but it was cool to just chat normally for a change. I challenged her uni flat to a game of Wii bowling. Sadly, they don't have internet access in their kitchen so that idea was a no no but it would've been great all the same!

 

Yes, I still miss my ex so much and what not but I am content with the way things are. I just want to see her and see how things pan out in person. I shall leave things as they are and wait and see what happens. I'll be honest though...... it'll be so hard being in a place knowing full well that my ex is in the same building! But as I have said, I am NOT chasing.

 

I do have a feeling that my ex would be quite happy to meet me next week for a quick drink. I would love to see my ex and her family. I shall wait and see what happens....

 

Whatever happens, I am happy enough. I best get some shut eye. It's nearly 9am and I've not been to bed yet. Bloody binge drinking...

[Mustang]

I responded to her auntie's Facebook message. I didn't mention the gig other than saying I was looking forward to it.

 

Her auntie replied today and mentioned that they were all really looking forward to the gig and that she would let me know on Friday about meeting up... and my ex's little sister has spoken to me on Facebook saying that I should look out for my ex and her family!

 

I still feel uncomfortable about this if my ex feels bullied into it. I've not mentioned it once and I am not going to but it feels awkward as me and my ex haven't spoken about it.

 

Just gotta wait and see I guess. Whilst it would be nice to see my ex again, I don't want it to be in circumstances where she's being forced into it without choice.

[emalkoc]

why dont you ask another hot chic to go with you to Foo Fighters? I can count you at least 10 girls around here to go home with you afterwards

 

You have been putting too much value on this girl mate! she needs to come to you...

[Mustang]

why dont you ask another hot chic to go with you to Foo Fighters? I can count you at least 10 girls around here to go home with you afterwards

 

You have been putting too much value on this girl mate! she needs to come to you...

 

I agree! I've avoided the issue as much as I can.

 

I would like to see my ex again but only if she wants to rather than being pushed. At the moment, it feels a bit like we're both being forced into it by her auntie.

 

As for taking a hot girl, I do have a spare ticket actually. That said, I'd rather give the ticket to a genuine fan rather than somebody that I have to buy drinks for.

[Mustang]

Her auntie text me again today!

 

"Hey superstar. Hope you're OK! Hopefully see you on Friday! Love you. xxxxx"

 

I've not spoken to my ex since Saturday. I don't know what to do.

 

I am not chasing my ex at all. My ex doesn't give a {EDIT} about me anymore. That's pretty clear. She only speaks to me every now and then to ease her guilt and it's only when I contact her first.

 

I don't want to say no because it will give my ex an ego boost. I would like to see everyone but I don't want to if my ex doesn't want to. If she feels like she HAS to see me without having a choice then she will feel threatened. I just want all the {EDIT} awkwardness to go away!

 

Should I make up an excuse if her auntie texts me on Friday to arrange a a meeting? I don't want to say something like "well it depends on if she wants to see me" because it will make me look weak.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Hi Mustang \o

 

you keep saying about how your ex feels about this meeting and I'm confused. Its not her who's texting to meet you its her Auntie isnt it?

 

Dont put too much emphasis on your ex re: this meeting as it isnt her whos seeking it. I dont want you to get hurt x

 

Just because theyre all going together, dont assume she will come down from her seat or wherever, for a chat.

 

Her auntie is obviously loving you and I doubt she would want to see you or keep in touch if your ex had been bad mouthing you since your break up, and I doubt your ex's sister would have been ok to chat with you either for the same reason.

 

Your stressing over nothing! Your ex hasnt made ANY arrangements to meet you whatsoever, so just focus on a nice chat and catch up with her auntie who is your friend.

 

If you see your ex its a bonus!

[IMAbadman]

I agree with the lovely legs above. Your hope is based on what the aunt says... not your EX.

 

What actions has your EX demonstrated to foster any type of reconciliation or even hope? None. Don’t read to much into the aunt’s messages. There’s always hope but don’t set yourself up for a heartbreak. Especially at the Foo’s dude!!!

[Mustang]

I agree with the lovely legs above. Your hope is based on what the aunt says... not your EX.

 

What actions has your EX demonstrated to foster any type of reconciliation or even hope? None. Don’t read to much into the aunt’s messages. There’s always hope but don’t set yourself up for a heartbreak. Especially at the Foo’s dude!!!

 

I'm not assuming anything. I don't expect my ex to want to meet me at all. She has given me no reason to believe so.

 

I just don't want to look pathetic in her eyes. I'm happy to meet her and hang out but not if she's going to start assuming that I'm chasing her. And if I don't meet her then she'll assume I'm avoiding her because I still love her blah blah blah. I'd rather not give her ANOTHER confidence boost.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Hi Mustang \o

 

what happened at the Foo's? how did the meeting with the auntie go and did you bump into your ex?

[Mustang]

It didn't happen. It was actually impossible in the end. Standing tickets and seating tickets had no way of meeting up inside the stadium.

 

I had a bit of an argument with her that night. I sent her a text in the early evening asking if she was looking forward to the gig and what not. She didn't respond. After the gig (five hours later), I sent her another text essentially having a go at her for ignoring me. I then insisted on taking out all my frustration and anxiety out on her. Foolish I know but I suppose it was because I was expecting/hoping to see her. That was my one opportunity. I don't know when I'll see her now.

 

Anyway, after me sending the nasty message, my ex responded to my first one! "Hey! I really enjoyed the gig! Did you? It was great! x". I ignored it. Then a few hours later she replied to my aggresive text. I asked her if I ever meant anything to her because she's avoided me like the plague since we split. She said I did mean the world to her and she still thinks of those times but "circumstances changed".

 

We cleared the air on Monday and things are back to being "OK" again.

 

So that's that I guess. I don't really now when I'll get the opportunity to see her. Maybe I'll just bump into her randomly in a bar again one day. That said, we're both going to Glastonbury in a few weeks. But I doubt she'd want to meet me there and I'm a little bit scared to ask.

[Loris]

Glastonbury? I live about 20mins from there but I couldn't even find my tent while there, let alone another drunken soul.

 

Don't go there hoping, go there to enjoy yourself. If you bump into each other - bonus. If not, cest la vie.

[Mustang]

Glastonbury? I live about 20mins from there but I couldn't even find my tent while there, let alone another drunken soul.

 

Don't go there hoping, go there to enjoy yourself. If you bump into each other - bonus. If not, cest la vie.

 

I agree. Glastonbury's massive. The chances of bumping into her when there's 200,000 other people there are slim! I will enjoy myself don't worry! I just hope that I don't get paranoid ( ) and start looking over my shoulder for her all the time.

 

I only found out that she's going last night. She heard that I am interviewing Kings of Leon backstage for my radio show and she sent me a text about it and ended it with how she was looking forward to seeing them at Glastonbury. A few months ago I would've taken this as an opportunity to ask her if she wants to meet up there. No way am I doing that now!

 

I won't lie, it'd be nice to see her obviously but if I was to contact her while we were there to suggest meeting up and she ignored it, it'd ruin my weekend and I don't want to do that by any means!

[Langeveldt]

Glastonbury? I live about 20mins from there but I couldn't even find my tent while there, let alone another drunken soul.

 

Don't go there hoping, go there to enjoy yourself. If you bump into each other - bonus. If not, cest la vie.

 

Haha where? My parents live in Taunton.. (as does my ex!)

[Loris]

Haha where? My parents live in Taunton.. (as does my ex!)

 

Yeah, I'm in Taunton! My cover is blown. I think it's PM's from here on in dude? Not many SA's in Taunton I can tell you!

[lostandlonely77]

can i come with you

 

ha ha joke - seriously - Kings of Leon fantastic!

 

Give Caleb a big mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmwah!!

 

 

Seen them a few months back during their tour! Tremendous band! Love em more than Interpol!!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Hi Mustang \o

 

Sorry to hear the meeting didnt happen. Concerts are a bit like that. The one I went to last weekend was the same, they wouldnt let the different ticket types mix at all for some reason.

 

Its a shame about the texts, but if its helped at all realising that they didnt help (if you get my drift!) at least you can go NC and appreciate its value?

 

Ive been to Glastonbury and laughed when I saw the post about not being able to find your tent let alone another soul and recognised that one!!!

 

Dont pin your hopes on seeing her, like you say, will only spoil your weekend and who knows... Miss Right might be there under your nose and you'll miss her while your looking over her shoulder for your ex!

 

good luck, Hopey x

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Mustang, i do think it is time for you to stop focusing on her. She's made it very clear that you are not a priority to her, and she isn't encouraging you at all, nor making any plans to be with you.

 

What i see happen in cases like this is that you keep thinking about contact (or the possibility of contact) like someone who is trying desperately to find a way to take a souffle out of the oven without it collapsing... anxious, scared that every little contact might jinx it.

 

But the point is it already collapsed a lot time ago, and she just isn't playing the same game you want to anymore.

 

Many exes who are over you want to stay casual friends, so they are thinking friendship. And friendship shouldn't be this hard, nor should you go thru all this examination and mental planning. Deep down, you ARE still living for her, and for the hope that there is some way you'll get back together, in spite of all the indications she isn't interested in that anymore.

 

Look at it this way... if the only place you think you will meet up with her is group activities like concerts where there are legions of other people (and there are no plans to meet), then you are really desperate to hang onto her, but there is no connection there or you would be going with her, not by yourself.

 

So please for your own sake go into no contact with her and stop tracking her moves from afar and hoping you'll meet in crowds. The horrible thing about a breakup is that you really DO become just like anyone in the crowd, and you are not her special person anymore. You are searching for her in the crowd, but she just doesn't care anymore. That is a sign you need to totally drop this and forget about her, as hard and unfair as that feels to you.