Amazing moment of clarity, I dont NEED someone to make me feel good! Please read!

[mca1975]

 

 

Hello all,

 

Since breaking it off with an unreliable guy who I was falling for and concentrating on myself and the reasons why I feel lonely (though surrounded by loved ones), I have had an AMAZING revelation, a moment of clarity, and it feels likes everything is falling into place. I feel so positive!

 

I just wanted to share it with you all in the hope that it will help others who have been through the same.

 

I received a very helpful PM yesterday which gave excellent advice and for the first time in my life, I am realising that I AM a good person and I have talked myself into the fact that I do not need ANYONE to make me feel good about myself. I am finally believing that I am a good, caring person and that I belong! I dont need to rely on others, ie. men, lovers, to make me feel good about myself, which is (ive realised) what I have been doing all my life!

 

I need to learn to enjoy my own company. I live alone but I am surrounded by friends and family who care about me an awful lot and that is so important. I am lucky. Having a man by my side is NOT essential to my happiness.

 

Since breaking it off with "him", I have really believed this and have felt happy and content. I received texts/calls last night asking "if im ok?" and I thought "yes I am!" so I told him that. Typically, he was all over me like a rash and hinting at seeing each other, to which I was despondent. However, I did not have any qualms in talking to him at all and I no longer felt like I NEEDED his contact or approval for ANYTHING. I did not feel under his 'control' any longer. Not that he is controlling, but my life used to get controlled by men and what they thought of me. It felt really, really good. He had to go do something and said he would ring back but then got caught up and didnt call, and I didnt feel upset or bothered in the slightest! It was a great feeling and I feel like the penny has dropped now, all that matters is that I am happy with myself and what I have got around me. I feel content with myself for the first time in a long time and I'm not going to look back!

 

Has anyone else had the same revelation or is anyone else trying to get there??

 

xx

[Pegasus]

Has anyone else had the same revelation or is anyone else trying to get there??

 

Actually I did, somewhere in October 2006 but for me it was shortlived. Hopefully it will last longer for you.

[mr me]

I actually feel like that now but im kinda worried how long it will last. Im hoping i can continue this because its been a great motivator. I kinda realized with what u were talking about that i kinda have thought the same way. Its just weird because im kinda a loner or was idk im still working on it. I just felt like what other people thought of me was really how i thought of myself. Im still kinda confused because so much has changed in the past couple of years of my life that i dont really know what to do. Its like im a family person so its been kinda hard to see that i dont need anyone to be happy but i also know thats the key to find happiness in life is within yourself and the rest will follow. Im just still kinda confused because i know everything wont turn out perfect so its hard for me to know what im so happy about. I guess im just happy that im happy lol.

[mca1975]

well mr me, your post confused me a little, but I think I know what youre saying, lol. You sound confused!

 

I think its all about accepting who you are and loving yourself, faults and all. We are all human, we all have our good points, we all have our bad points, we are all different from our life experiences and this affects our behaviour. I think if we accept that WHOLE package, then we are on our way to inner peace from within! (as long as you havent murdered anyone or committed an awful crime, lol)

 

Im not talking really about not needing ANYONE, of course we need people around us like our family and friends, but for me, I have always relied on what men think of me to validate myself. This relates to my non-existent relationship with my dad and the abuse we went through when he was around. Its in the past and I'm realising that I was just a little girl then seeking the love and attention from him. I dont NEED that now. I am a grown woman and I've grown up to be a good person. I treat people well. I dont need to be validated any longer by anyone else.

 

Its amazing as since I have realised this, I have been asked out twice and the ex has started paying attention, but I think I just wanna be single for a while longer now and just enjoy what ive got around me!

[nutbrownhare]

Well done mca!!!!

 

When you've reached this place it means you're very much better equipped to choose partners who will be good for you, will find it easier to let go of any who aren't and are likely to be attractive to cheerful, stable guys who are looking for an equal partner.

 

But what it means more than anything is that you have a CHOICE which you didn't have before!

 

Well done again, and GOOD LUCK!

[mca1975]

Thank you! I really feel like I've opened up a new world for myself, a new confidence and I am realising that it is not the end of my world to let an unsuitable partner go and move on. Already this past week, I have been asked out on two dates, but have evaluated what I know about these men and declined for whatever reason and decided to concentrate on myself for now.

 

What a good feeling! x

[Batya33]

The trick is getting that sense of security to resonate and be maintained. Anyone can tell you "you're great on your own, love yourself, you don't need someone to complete you" - those are very nice and caring words, meaningless otherwise unless the hearer gets them to resonate. I did have times of empowerment -- what you describe - shortly after ending an unhealthy relationship - for me they didn't last at that level of "I am woman hear me roar ;-)" but I did regain that grounded feeling even after the "drop off."

[MD Geist]

I need to learn to enjoy my own company. I live alone but I am surrounded by friends and family who care about me an awful lot and that is so important. I am lucky. Having a man by my side is NOT essential to my happiness.

 

 

xx

 

I enjoy time by myself and iam surrounded by the right people and its great. I haven't done anything in my past before but I donno it just feels great when iam by myself and even if theirs couples around me I just feel kind of better than everyone else.

 

 

Weither you like it or not Girl I can almost promise you their will be another guy coming into your life sooner or later cause you seem very confident and happy about your situation and its attractive someone will want to know why are you so happy in a positive way. Its only a matter of time.

 

Enjoy your life.

[mca1975]

Thank you MD Geist, I am still feeling the same - really happy and confident! and I even met up with the guy again, it was good to see him. i felt in total control and though I think it was a casual meet up, I wanted to it be casual! I didnt feel used in the slightest, we had a good time. We like each other's company but we are not together. I am quite happy on my own now, with my friends, Im starting to like my own company, I dont NEED a man to make me happy, but if we can meet up and have some fun times together, then so be it, because I feel like its on my terms now and its how I want it, no pressure.

 

Want this great feeling to last and I'm going to make it so!

 

x