savatar Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Ex wife and I have been divorced for about 6 months. separated since last May. She is dating a guy that she has been dating since last July, she decided to ditch me for him, essentially. She will go a month, maybe two, without talking to me, then sometimes call/visit me. Since January, she has visited me twice (stayed overnight) came by twice that she has just visited and left. If I try to call her (she doesn't have a phone, and shes pretty much living with him, so I call her mother. Thats where she calls me from.) She pretty much never calls me back. But she will call me at 4am randomly. Apparently he is very possive and everyone in her family, & her friends hate him. I have given her the option to come back. I said it pretty much "I miss you and I wish you would come back". She said she thought she wanted to and did the normal not contacting thing again. She knows she has the option to come back, so if she is so unhappy why doesn't she? And if shes happy with the other guy why doesn't she leave me alone? Is there any potiental here, or am I wasting my time? I havent heard from her in about 3 weeks. The last phone call she tried to call me 3 times in two days, but I was busy. When I finally answered we talked 5 minutes about absolutely nothing. Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I think she's just curious about you. She probably likes checking to see if you're not over her yet so that she can feed her ego. Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I think she's just curious about you. She probably likes checking to see if you're not over her yet so that she can feed her ego. I agree with this, but would also add that if this new guy is very possessive and/or controlling it may not be as easy as it seems for her to leave him. She may think that leaving him and returning to you is going to mean a lot of trouble for you both as he may be the type that thinks 'if I cant have you nobody can' etc just a thought..could be wrong.. Link to comment
savatar Posted May 25, 2008 Author Share Posted May 25, 2008 I agree with this, but would also add that if this new guy is very possessive and/or controlling it may not be as easy as it seems for her to leave him. She may think that leaving him and returning to you is going to mean a lot of trouble for you both as he may be the type that thinks 'if I cant have you nobody can' etc just a thought..could be wrong.. Last time we discussed us getting back together, last month or a bit before that, she wanted to move if we did so. Perhaps that would be the reason? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 She is really not your problem anymore. If she is miserable with this other guy..even if he is possessive, that was the bed she chose to make when she ended your marriage to be with him. It sounds like she just wants to make sure you are still around. She wants everything on her terms....to call when she feels like it but not feel the need to respond if you call her. I would suggest you go completely no contact with her and next time she calls tell her that she made the choice to leave you and as long as she is with the other guy and is not interested in reconciliation with you that she should stop contacting you because you need to move on with your life. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I agree with the above comments and would also add that she may even see you as a safety net. She knows things aren't going well with this new guy, but doesn't want to leave him, but just in case... she's got some back up in case things work out. Just cut all ties with her, seriously. She sounds like a user. Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Last time we discussed us getting back together, last month or a bit before that, she wanted to move if we did so. Perhaps that would be the reason? yes, could very well be... Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Does your wife have abandonment issues? Its possible that she will stick with this guy because she is more afraid of being alone than she is of being in a bad relationship. If he is physically abusive (have you discussed this with her?) then she may fear for her safety if he leaves. One thought is that you may want to say to her "Look, I still love you, and I'd like to be back together with you, and I'm not putting my life on hold forever. Its May 24 now...you need to make a decision by August 24 (or whatever date works for you) about whether you want to be back with me. If you do, great. If not, well, I have to move on, and I think its best we don't talk anymore." If she You might find some value in link removed. My other question is "what have you done to change you since the divorce?" If you are just the same guy she divorced, why would she come back to you? It would just be more of the same. Have you been working on yourself? Does she know you've been working on yourself? What has she thought about these changes? Those are just my thoughts, and that and $2.50 gets you a Sunday paper. Link to comment
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