confused25 Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 So I met this guy through an online dating site about 1.5 months ago. We've gone on about 7 dates and I thought things were going great. He would call or text me about every 1 or 2 days just to see how I was doing. We were supposed to have dinner two days ago but then he flaked out on me last minute. I was kind of annoyed about that. And I also noticed that he hasn't been calling or texting me as often as he used to. My friends have been asking me whether or not we have talked about becoming *exclusive* . . . we haven't mainly because I am not sure how he feels. I also think that I have too much pride to be the one bringing that up first. I don't know, it's like he's acting hot and cold . . . and I'm not sure if he is losing his interest. Oh, and we've already slept together 3 times, the 1st time was after our 4th date. Link to comment
knightNshiningarmor Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 online meets are dangerous in the fact that people on them start realizing how easily replaceable others are...sad to say but he may have found a new squeeze...just be super careful not to start coming off as needy or desperate or clingy as thats the fastest way to drop a guy...let him initiate the next call and if he doesnt then forget and move on...normally 4th date wouldnt be a big deal but i think online dating should require a little more hold out for the same reason i mentioned above...i did a little online and after sleeping with 2 dif girls on the first meeting i really got into a sic place in how i started seeing women on those sites...so dont be one of those. Link to comment
bar35 Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 Hi Confused. Dating is frustrating. I would call him if I were you and make a choice here. I believe that will empower you. What do you want from him? A relationship? Why hasn't it happened at this point? Do you always wait for him to contact you? Are you sure that it is pride that is holding you back from exploring this with him rather than fear? If he rejects you what does that mean for you? If you get the sense that he is moving away from you and you tell him that this is not a satisfying relationship for you, and you reject him what will that do for you? Link to comment
confused25 Posted May 21, 2008 Author Share Posted May 21, 2008 knightNshiningarmor & bar35: Thanks for the quick responses! You guys are right in that I am scared how things will turn out with our *relationship*. This is the first time I've done the whole online dating thing so I guess I am just being cautious and not get too attached too quickly. He does initiate most of the texting/calling but I do that occasionally as well. I guess I'm just trying to not appear too needy. I really like this guy and I certainly would not mind going exclusive with him, but I am scared to bring it up first because I would hate to be rejected if he is not ready. He told me that he has already told his parents and friends about us, but I also know that he still checks his dating account regularly (but then again, so do I, haha). Do you guys think he is waiting for me to bring it up first? Argh, I hate this guessing game . . . Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 What does on line dating have to do with this? You've gone on 7 dates with the guy and slept with him so what is the relevance to how you met him? I've dated men I met in person, through on line sites, through friends, the whole gamut. It doesn't matter how you met unless you're still at the stage of "checking references" but that would be the case whether you met at a bar or on line. That you slept together with "no strings attached" is also not relevant - I don't think you should expect more just because you had sex since you decided to do that before being exclusive. Nothing wrong with that at all - but it's not realistc or fair to have greater expectations emotionally or commitment-wise just because you had sex. Many people after 7 dates/1-2 months figure out that they don't have as much in common as they thought, or they like someone else better who they are also dating or meet someone they like better (if they are not exclusive). Nothing unusual about it and nothing to do with how you met. Sorry that this is disappointing to you - I would suggest asking him what's up since you have been out a number of times and at this point his fading away would be a bit rude. also, the way that I am a good friend is I don't pry too much into "so, are you exclusive yet??" - I wait for my friend to bring it up especially if it is a sensitive topic. If I were you I'd gently tell my friends "thanks so much for your concern - but since I'm not being abused by this person or similar there's nothing unsafe going on - I'll let you know if I need your input, ok?" If he continues to be unreliable more than once or twice (meaning if it is not an emergency) I would consider ending things - this is the stage where he should be on his best behavior - if this is his "best"..... Link to comment
xtiarax Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 I did this online dating thing and the fact is you cannot trust guys or girls on them, sometimes they meet you and never go back on there again but mostly i have found that they keep going on there and say the same things they have said to you to about 7other people and lose interest as some of the people on there have pictures that are sometimes fake or very rude pictures that guys always like. They rarely stick to one person on those online dating things. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 I did this online dating thing and the fact is you cannot trust guys or girls on them, sometimes they meet you and never go back on there again but mostly i have found that they keep going on there and say the same things they have said to you to about 7other people and lose interest as some of the people on there have pictures that are sometimes fake or very rude pictures that guys always like. They rarely stick to one person on those online dating things. That sounds exactly like meeting people in bars with pickup lines - nothing to do with on line dating. Many of my friends who are lovely, intelligent, successful, quality people of integrity met their lovely, intelligent, successful quality people of integrity spouses and fiancess through on line dating. Out of the 100 or so people I chose to meet in person, most were good people and quality people. I was very good at screening and did not meet most of the people I e-mailed with. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 I totally agree with you. It is not online dating that is the issue. These types of things happen no matter how the two people met. You haven't been dating that long so maybe he is not sure if you are right for him for a long-term relationship. It never ceases to amaze me that verbal communication about feelings is considered taboo, showing weakness and something to be ashamed about...losing pride, yet stripping naked, grunting and groaning and swapping intimate bodily fluids with a person you barely know and with whom you are not exclusive, is not something that is considered a no no which would strip your pride and show weakness and desperation. I see it all the time on this forum where bearing your soul is something to be ashamed about whereas getting naked and having sex with strangers is not. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 yes, i agree with batya and crazy. anyways - i'm not so sure if you would have the 'talk' quite at this stage now because like you said yourself - he seems hot and cold, so i don't know if you'd get a positive answer from him at this point. i'd just back off a bit and let him contact you. who has been the one initiating the last few dates or so. i noticed in one of my previous relationships, he stopped asking me out, it was always me intiating dates and making plans. which he went along with, but he was making none of his own with me in the weeks leading up to our breakup (which he DID initiate!) Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 I did this online dating thing and the fact is you cannot trust guys or girls on them, sometimes they meet you and never go back on there again but mostly i have found that they keep going on there and say the same things they have said to you to about 7other people and lose interest as some of the people on there have pictures that are sometimes fake or very rude pictures that guys always like. They rarely stick to one person on those online dating things. like batya said, that's the case whether you meeting in a bar or online. if anything, some of the best boyfriends i've had were guys i met online. some people do online dating because they are very busy and don't have time to meet others in real life. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 he is losing interest. i can guarantee that. classic behavior of such. why are you so concerned about a guy you've been on 7 dates with? Link to comment
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