foolish Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Ok, so I met this guy 2 months ago and he is very intellectual & great. He has a 4 year old and a crazy ex but I was willing to give him a chance. The first week we started to date he wanted me to meet his child. I wasn't thrilled about this at first because I dont' have kids and I wasn't ready for that yet. Well 3 wks go by and his ex is always calling him wanting to get back with him and using their child against him. I thought this was a little nuts so I decided to back off a little and procrastinate meeting his child and I would pressure him to quit talking to his ex all the time. Well, just last week I decided I wanted to finally take things to the next level and meet his child and apologized for pressuring him to quit talking to his ex every time she called. He decided to break it off with me and said I was drama and controlling just like his ex and that because I didn't want to meet his daughter says a lot about me. I'm dumbfounded, I explained to him that I wasn't ready before and now he won't even give me a second chance. I really liked him and now he's gone. I found out from a friend that he was still texting his ex the week we broke up a bunch of I love you's and wanting to work things out. I am so upset about this. Don't know what to do right now. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 forget him. you are out of the situation now. count your graces. find a drama free guy. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Honestly you are better off without this guy. If you sit back and think about it, do you really want to be with someone who has an unfriendly and demanding ex in the picture? It sounds like he wasn't over his ex and the fact that he wanted you to meet his daughter so soon is lame. He should have waited to introduce his daughter to you once you and he were serious, not right after you met him. It really isn't healthy for the child. Link to comment
shell80 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Definitely him not you.....no offence, but he sounds like a right knob, and you sound lovely....not a good combination. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 yes I agree, its a shame as you could have been good together, but I suspect there would always have been the ex in the background. It sounds like he is not over her yet. Maybe one for the future if things are different then.... For what its worth, I dont think it was wrong of you to procrastinate meeting his child/dad at all if you werent ready Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Definitely forget him. I can understand why you didn't want to meet his child straight away, and to be frank, unless a relationship looks like it's going to become serious and be long-term, it can be de-stabilising for children. Link to comment
foolish Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 Wow, you guys really helped me out here. I think the only reason I'm upset is because its the first guy I've met in 3 years that actually has a good job and is responsible. It was overwhelming for me at first and I liked it. I really had fun with him and my family was soo happy for me. I guess Its disappointing my family that is making me upset the most. My family loved him. Link to comment
jettison Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 With all the beautiful people in this world from which to choose, there is almost always a reason why someone is single. For the vast majority of people out there, it's a subconscious choice. They may still have feelings for an ex, they may possess latent misanthropic tendencies, they may fear emotional connections, they may sabotage any possibility of a relationship that could work, they may not like themselves, and thereforeeee, cannot trust anyone who says or acts like they like them. There are sooooo many reasons. You found his reason. His ex isn't even close to out of the picture, and yet he decides that you must make an emotional commitment to him already by visiting his child. He will have the same problems with each person he dates until he either jettisons the ex, finds a woman who wants to be utterly confounded and controlled, or else seeks some kind of therapy that lends him self reflection. His was a simple puzzle to solve. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Wow, you guys really helped me out here. I think the only reason I'm upset is because its the first guy I've met in 3 years that actually has a good job and is responsible. It was overwhelming for me at first and I liked it. I really had fun with him and my family was soo happy for me. I guess Its disappointing my family that is making me upset the most. My family loved him. but you didn't. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Does your family know the way this guy was trying to force you to meet his kid and his harassing ex in the background? I think they wouldn't think he was so great then. Link to comment
shell80 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 My dear the face that he 'has a good job and is responsible' does not make him a catch....you need to have some confidence in yourself and raise the bar! Link to comment
foolish Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 I can honestly say that where I live, there isn't much find. Either they are an alcoholic or a gambler! haha. Link to comment
jettison Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 I can honestly say that where I live, there isn't much find. Either they are an alcoholic or a gambler! haha. Yes, but are they "responsible" about their alcoholism? Are their gambling skills fetching them a good living? Link to comment
foolish Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 Your kidding with that last message right? Link to comment
jettison Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Your kidding with that last message right? Hence, the wink. Link to comment
Stambler Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 He is not ready for a relationship. The big red flags are 1) His ex is still controlling his life 2) He wants you to meet his child so soon? This says he looking for a replacement for his ex, maybe even someone to use as "revenge"by having you in his child's life. Children should not be introduced until things are SERIOUS. I say a year or so... Link to comment
foolish Posted May 14, 2008 Author Share Posted May 14, 2008 This is why I stay single. I can't stand getting to know someone and being happy, then its over. I think I've just been so screwed over in the past. Link to comment
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