I need ADVICE, My last resort

[ladyeagle10]

I don't know what do anymore. My head is buzzing with questions I can't seem to find and my heart with emotional distress.

I've been so withdrawn from my surroundings that I can't seem to find what makes me happy anymore. I can't talk to anyone because declaring yourself "gay" is a one-way street. My mom was the only one I could even think of coming out to, but she passed away last June of cancer. I'm thinking of talking to my sister but she's sort of like a double-bladed knife when it comes to things like this.

 

For the past 2 years, I've been having second thoughts on my orentation. I've always figured guys didn't like me just because I was me. Always too buddy-buddy with them. But lately I've come to find that it must be because I've never really looked at guys in that manner. So to help settle the confusion, I decided to visit the Gay Club for my first time and see if what I'm feeling really is sincere. Honestly I don't know what i was looking for, the vibe was great, but since I went alone it wasn't much fun.

Then about a month ago I wrote a letter to this chic I've been crushing on for a while. And I posted a thread on here asking to see if I should send it or not, but stupid me, I posted the thread AFTER I had sent the letter...so it was more for my support than anything else. Someone replied saying how immature it would be and to just go up and talk her instead - easier said than done. 1.) She doesn't know me 2.) I'm completely wrong for her/ not her type and 3.) she's like 1.5 hrs away from me. She's perfect and so bitterly unattainable.

Anyway...she got the letter, and loved it. So she posted a bulletin on MySpace asking for me to step up. So I did. I spoke to her and she told me exactly what the guy who replied to my thread said, "The next time you see me come up and talk to me." She told me it was the sweetest gesture anyone has ever done for her but I went about it in the wrong way. Now, I'm 24-yrs-old and she's 22...but I came off like such a childish 3-yr-old! I couldn't find the right words to her questions...ugh...it was a disaster. Soooo basically she thinks I'm a joke. Great. I couldn't have * * * * ED things up any better. My lack of judgement has buried me alive. I'm screwing up at work, I'm screwing up at school, and now I've screwed up the one thing my heart actually wants. God I dunno how long I can manage to keep all this bottle up...so I resorted to posting this thread. I need help on how to turn this * * * * around. I want to talk to her so bad but don't know where to start. I'm afraid it might be too late. [-( Thanks.

[i_win]

I can't really offer you any advice with your girl situation, but I can definitely tell you to calm down and take a deep breath...life doesn't have to be this stressful. Be thankful for what you do have and look at the rest as icing on the cake.

[lukeb]

How you feel about everything isn't the result of the things that happen to you but rather how you interpret those events. Two different people can look at the same events and feel something totally different. You are a very good example of interpreting things that happen to you in a very negative light. This is what is bringing you down, you need to unlearn these negative thoughts and think more positively.

[onyourradar]

Even if you don't end up with this girl, you at least came out with YOU in the end. That's the best part.

 

As for you 'want her and really feel for her'.... when I broke up with my ex, I cried like i never had before.. and thought the pain would never end. But guess what? It does.

 

Contact this girl again, be yourself and tell her how you feel. If she returns it, then great. But if she doesn't and laughs or whatever- then that's her own immaturity coming out and you don't want to be with that anyways.

 

You WILL find someone to love you for who you are someday.

 

Always just BE YOURSELF and things will work themselves out in the end.

 

Best wishes

[soconfused101]

From what she told you, I'm guessing you still have a chance. If she thought you were childlish she probably would have laughed at you behind your back and not said anything to you. Why don't you see where this goes? It can't hurt