I'm Not The Man You Think I Am.

[Dagless]

One night about two months ago, I went to bed and I lay there and cried solidly for an hour. I felt so worthless I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I stayed up till four in the morning, talking to someone on eNA, trying to save my sanity. To this day I'm not sure if I succeeded. I wrote this to express how I felt that night.

 

How do you explain to God,

That I’m not the man you think I am?

I'm not a piece of your masterplan.

 

And if we all die in the end

Then take me tonight

I’ll just lie here

Take me, I won’t fight.

 

These days I only breathe in

To scream it out

I only believe in myself

So I can self-doubt.

 

And if we all leave in the end

Then take me tonight

I’ll just cry here

And will the end with all my might.

 

I don’t even know

What it is I’m here for now

This life is so meaningless, so cruel, so cold

I’m losing a grip of what I used to hold.

 

I’m a ship chained to the dock

I once was the key that fit that lock

I want to drift and slip beneath the waves

In to the darkness, I’m what it craves.

 

So won’t you take me tonight?

Does the world even give a damn?

I’m not the man you think I am.

[Clementine orange]

No matter how much I prove and prod,

I cannot quite believe in God;

But oh, I hope to God that He

Unswervingly believes in me.

~E.Y. Harburg, attributed

[CallingAllAngels]

Wow...great poem Dagless...

 

I was with you every step of the way...could feel that pain.

 

Glad you worked it out...glad there was someone on here for you

 

~Allie

[Dagless]

Yes, I'm fine, thanks to some kind words and a lot of understanding. I was lucky enough to have someone there who didn't let me down that night. She saved my life, I hope she knows what a special, wonderful person she is.

[kluv224]

Nice very nice

[CallingAllAngels]

Glad someone was there on the other side of the computer...really really glad...

[Portage]

Yes, I'm fine, thanks to some kind words and a lot of understanding. I was lucky enough to have someone there who didn't let me down that night. She saved my life, I hope she knows what a special, wonderful person she is.

 

simply beautiful.

[volpe]

yes, i really like your poem... it's very sad...

[Dagless]

When I was writing this I found myself giving it a bit of an upbeat ending but I really wanted it to show the helplessness I felt that night. Everytime I post a poem I'm surprised at how may people have viewed it and left comments. I just want to say thanks to everybody who has ever read any my stuff, even if you didn't like it, thanks for reading.

[tiredofvampires]

(bumpbump!)

 

I'm bumping this one up...not just because I wanted to read it (again) and revisit it, but because I failed to be able to find the right way to express how outstanding it is in every way and the things you said here...

 

The way you channeled everything into each stanza...each stands on its own, a monument.

 

You've travelled so far since this night...and for that, you keep inspiring people here all the time...I think others would see themselves in this now, too, it's one of those timeless "songs." All of your poems I hear in my head like songs, Dags.

 

So here it is, for people to take in, once again...

 

You're the best.

[CallingAllAngels]

^nice bump TOV...very worth it.

[Dagless]

OMG!! This I did not see coming, what a pleasant surprise, thanks ToV.

 

This one was a difficult one to write because it wasn't done at the time, as I felt it but it was done much later so I had to kind of put myself back in to that mood I was in that night. It wasn't a pleasant thing to do but I really wanted to show how helpless I felt that night.

[Mavh25]

Its so sadly beautiful Dagless,

 

You're a great writer.

[tiredofvampires]

This one was a difficult one to write because it wasn't done at the time, as I felt it but it was done much later so I had to kind of put myself back in to that mood I was in that night. It wasn't a pleasant thing to do but I really wanted to show how helpless I felt that night.

 

That's probably the single trickiest thing about writing to get out a very raw emotion, for me, too.....when you are in the thick of it, it's too massive to be able to get your mind around, to articulate, let alone to find poetry and fine words. But then later.....the feeling has to be re-entered, to be relived actually. So you have to have just that right balance of still feeling it, to touch it...and the distance to stand back and now put it together in words that really express it as if you were still there, feeling it at that very moment. And you have totally succeeded in that, here. It's a hard thing to pull off, but you did, and it all comes through. I really sense you lying there at this moment I read it.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Another one. Simply beautiful, yet so sad.